CHAPTER 55 – CASPIAN
The presence of Antonio’s toothbrush in my bathroom makes my knees weak.
I’m so besotted I don’t even care about Noah delivering the ring-sized truth bomb.
I’d marry Antonio without a second’s hesitation—now, tomorrow, in five years.
I want to build him a house with a library and decorate it with maps.
He is my person.
It’s a simple truth, like the need for oxygen or the way the sun rises.
I don’t want to freak him out, though. I don’t want to put any pressure on him.
Am I his person too? Right now—yes. In five years? I have no way of knowing for sure. It’s terrifying.
I look at him. He’s testing pillows, determined to find the perfect density. He’s in his boxers, and his body—okay, brain. Not now.
“This one,” he says, looking very pleased with his efforts. I put the other pillows back in the closet.
We get into bed and, in perfect sync, he rests his head on my chest while I start slowly stroking his hair.
“I hated that article about your home.”
It takes me a moment to catch up. Last summer, my mother arranged a feature for the local paper. I inherited this house—and quite a lot of money—from my grandmother when I was in high school. At eighteen, as soon as I got all the documents sorted, I moved here.
“How come?”
He lifts his head, frowning.
“The reporter was obsessed with you! The feature should’ve been in a different magazine. Like, I don’t know— Stalker Standard.”
I snort. “He wrote a perfectly normal piece.”
“He did not. He behaved like he wanted to be this mattress. Just so he could sleep under you.”
“That is very far-fetched.”
“Is it, though? Anyway, I hated it.” He blushes, his gaze dropping. “Because of the poor penmanship,” he adds in a smaller voice.
“Really?” I tease, letting my fingers trail down his spine.
He huffs. “I wanted to light a match and burn your bed!”
“That’s a strong reaction to the quality of his writing,” I say, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Should I hide everything even remotely flammable?”
“I hated the idea of someone sharing this bed with you,” he mumbles.
My heart skips.
“That feature was a year ago,” I murmur . “Were you jealous of me then?”
“No,” he tries, but the lie crumbles instantly. He takes a deep breath. “I pitied whoever you lured here with your stupid hair and your stupidly impressive biceps.”
“Fair enough.”
Antonio looks at me expectantly.
I know the line he’s waiting for. I want him to ask for it.
“This is the part where you say no other soul has been in your bed,” he prompts.
I decide he can take a bit more teasing tonight. “Sadly, I can’t say that. I’d be lying.”
Instantly, he stiffens, looking wounded.
“Noah has slept here,” I tell him.
He lets out a hiss and kisses me furiously.
I pull back to check on him. “I told you I haven’t brought anyone here.”
“Because you haven’t wanted to.”
“Because I haven’t wanted to,” I confirm.
We lose ourselves in kissing until Antonio pulls away, lips swollen and a slightly dazed look on his face.
“You have to stop spoiling me,” he says.
“I’ve hardly been spoiling you.”
“You spoil me all the time,” he argues, already melting back into my side. “I don’t need that.”
He sounds like he absolutely does, but I let him hold onto his sense of selflessness.
“How do I spoil you all the time?” I ask, brushing his lips with mine.
“You went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and bought all their pillows so I could choose my favorite.”
“I bought three, not all of them.”
“I take it back then,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Clearly you don’t spoil me at all.”
I laugh. “I want you to sleep well.”
“I appreciate that,” he says, climbing on top of me. “But it wasn’t necessary.”
“In that case, I won’t tell you about the extra blankets I bought because I didn’t know which material you like.”
He blows a curl off his forehead.
“You spoil me with everything. You give me so much pleasure.” He blushes and frowns at the same time.
God, I’m smitten.
“You make me feel so safe,” he continues. I open my mouth, but he shakes his head.
“You spoil me by letting me howl in the middle of the street that I’m a Labubu and comforting me afterwards.”
“I’m always going to comfort you.”
“Yeah, but sometimes I’m not exactly fair. You could’ve walked away.”
He looks terrified at the prospect.
“Is that what you would’ve preferred?”
He shakes his head again.
“No. I don’t want you to ever walk away.” He lets out the most adorable sigh. “I know I’m impossible.”
“Impossibly perfect. Never impossible.”
I stare at him solemnly.
“I promise I won’t ever walk away from you.”
He nods, but he’s not finished.
He lets me see him—all vulnerable and open before he hides his face in the crook of my neck.
“You spoil me by wanting to be with me.”
I lift his chin. I need him to see the truth in my eyes.
“You spoil me by existing,” I say quietly. “So there’s that.”
His lips part.
“Spoiling you is my love language,” I continue. “So if you let me, I want to keep spoiling you.”
“I’m glad,” he whispers. “Because I really want you to. Even though I said you shouldn’t.”
“I know, baby.”
His gaze drops to my chest.
“I think my love language is being unreasonable.”
I can’t help but smile.
“I think so too.”
He wets his lips.
The shift in him is sudden and very apparent.
“You said I could continue? Later?”
My cock twitches.
I try to steady my pulse.
What Antonio needs right now isn’t sexual, at least I don’t think it is.
I think it’s a ritual, a way for him to feel safe.
To ground himself.
“How do you want me?” I ask softly.
“I—I don’t know. I liked being on my knees,” he whispers, his face crimson.
“It’s all good, baby. It’s okay to need this.”
“Is it? And not like—weird?”
“Does it feel weird?”
“No.” He shivers with anticipation.
“It feels like I’m…” He hides his face in my neck again and mumbles against my skin. “Exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Does it feel weird to you?”
“Not at all. I love that I can give you that.”
I just need to find a way not to get so aroused by it.
We try the bed first, but he wants the floor.
He slips one of the new pillows under his knees. I had no idea when I visited Bed, Bath & Beyond that one of the pillows would be used for this.
Antonio removes my boxers and looks at my cock almost reverently.
When his lips close around the head, his whole body relaxes.
I sit on the edge of the bed and watch his eyelashes flutter.
He looks serene. At peace.
My body hasn’t gotten the memo of what this is about, and my cock throbs painfully, releasing little bursts of precum into Antonio’s mouth.
He doesn’t seem to mind, quite the opposite. Humming quietly, he laps the drops.
He doesn’t suck me as much as… suckle. And occasionally he just lets me rest on his tongue.
After about fifteen minutes, he blinks slowly. He looks half-asleep.
Gently, I pull him to my lap.
“You with me?”
“Mhm.”
He shifts, his hips bringing accidental friction on my cock. I feel I could combust.
“Ready for bed?”
He nods. I guide him back onto the bed and pull the blanket over us. He curls into me instantly, hooking one leg over mine. Within minutes, his breathing evens out. I stay awake a little longer, enjoying the quiet that is different from every other quiet I have ever had.
This quiet feels like home.