CHAPTER 61 – CASPIAN
I look at Antonio, half-asleep with his dark curls spilled across my pillow, and wonder if I’m even allowed to be this happy.
We should eat. We will eat. Soon.
I just need a few more minutes to admire my boyfriend and let the relief of him being safely back in my bed settle.
“If I open my eyes,” he murmurs, “do I find you staring at me like a creep?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good.”
He opens his eyes, a shy, radiant blush coloring his cheeks.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” I kiss his temple, breathing in his scent. “You good? Do you feel sore?”
“A little,” he admits, looking incredibly smug. “It’s an occupational hazard for this sex wizard lifestyle I’ve got going on.”
“It’s a lifestyle now?”
“I’ll let you know when I do a merch drop,” he says with a smile, brushing my cheek. His touch is light as a feather.
“You look like you’re having big, romantic thoughts.”
“They’re the only kind of thoughts I’m able to have when it comes to you,” I say.
“A good answer.”
“I was actually thinking about my own lifestyle.”
He narrows his eyes.
“What is it? It can’t be better than mine.”
“It’s the lifestyle of being an idiot in love with his perfect boyfriend.”
“Oh. It’s a nice balance for my sex-wizardry.”
We finally get ourselves downstairs and heat up some lasagna.
I make a joke about being Antonio’s waiter for the evening.
He says he needs to check something upstairs.
When he comes back, he’s wearing one of my Hilfiger polos.
It reaches his thighs, making him look weirdly hot and entirely mine.
“ You trying to be me?” I ask dryly.
He blinks exaggeratedly slowly.
“Hi there, gorgeous. I’m single.”
He collapses into helpless, wheezing laughter.
“Hilarious,” I say, pouring us water.
Antonio steps closer, his eyes wide and mischievous.
“Please accept this one-thousand-dollar tip as a small token of my devotion.”
He nearly trips over his own feet in glee.
“Sex made me even funnier,” he marvels, sitting down to eat.
“I can see that.”
Then the laughter fades.
“Are you going to talk with Penelope?” he asks.
The dread tightens in my chest when I think about confronting my sister.
“First thing tomorrow.”
“That means a lot,” he says. “To all of us. So—thank you.”
“There’s nothing to thank me for. I don’t want Sophia to get her hopes up. I’ve never had much sway with Penelope. But I’ll try.”
He nods, accepting that, and we drift to lighter things.
That night, Antonio falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow.
I listen to his breathing until it’s so slow and steady that it pulls me under too.
Sometime in the night, I wake up to his voice.
“Caspian?”
“Yeah,” I mumble.
“I'm so sorry I didn’t reply to your texts,” he whispers. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know that was awful.”
“It’s okay, baby,” I murmur, pulling him closer. “Go back to sleep.”
A pause.
“Promise me you’ll always reply to my texts. Always, Caspian.”
“I promise,” I say without hesitation. “I would never leave you hanging.”
I fall back asleep. Then—
“Caspian?”
“Yes.”
“That felt passive-aggressive.”
I blink into the dark, more awake now.
“What did?”
“The way you said it—that you would never leave me hanging. The tone gave me a feeling of vulnerability.”
“I didn’t mean to give you a feeling of vulnerability. Let’s sleep now.”
A slightly longer pause. I can almost hear his brain whirring.
“Are you sure you weren’t subconsciously highlighting my moral failure?”
I groan into the pillow.
“I wasn’t. I promise.”
“You sound mad.”
“Antonio. It’s three in the morning. I didn’t sleep last night. I’m seeing my sister in the morning. My subconscious is closed for business.”
“But are you mad? You didn’t reply.”
“I’m not mad. But I might be soon.”
“Oh.” He considers this. Then, in a voice so small it makes my heart ache, “I love you.”
He climbs halfway on top of me, sighing like he’s finally home.
“Can I sleep here?”
I wrap my arms around him.
“I love you too. And yes, you can.”
Then, thankfully, he sleeps.