Chapter Twenty-Two
It would have been easier if I had just stayed in bed because walking into my Russian lit class today was just as difficult as I thought it would be. Each step I took felt like I was walking through mud, and every inch of my body was screaming at me to turn around.
As soon as I sat down, despite myself, I immediately looked around for Tobias.He was sitting in the corner, chewing on the end of his pencil as he read some papers. He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked up at me, holding contact for a mere moment before returning his attention to the papers on the desk in front of him.
Seeing him hurt more than I expected. How am I going to finish this semester in this much pain?
Dr. Kiuchi soon walked in and began his lecture, but like the first week, I took no notes. Only this time it was not because I was staring at Tobias, completely entranced by the way his mouth moved when he talked, but rather because I was so lost in my own thoughts and hurt that I couldn’t focus on anything else.
In fact, I was so distracted that I didn’t even notice class was over until Dr. Kiuchi said my name.
“Miss Seger, would you please stay?” Dr. Kiuchi asked as he dismissed the class. “I’d like to speak to you.”
“Yes, sir,” I said with a gulp. Here we go. This was the moment I had been dreading.
Julie frantically looked back at me; her eyes were wide in fear. She mouthed “It wasn’t me,” before quickly exiting the classroom.
If I weren’t so nervous about what I was sure Dr. Kiuchi wanted to say, I probably would have found her reaction comical.
He waited until the classroom was empty except for Tobias and me before pulling out a folder from his bag.
“Mr. Clark informed me that you two are in a relationship,” he began.
“Not anymore,” I stated, refusing to glance over to see how Tobias reacted.
“I see.” He lifted his chin, eyeing us both carefully, as if trying to determine if I was telling the truth. “Well, I think it goes without saying that relationships between students and any staff members are frowned upon.”
“Yes, sir.” I bowed my head in embarrassment.
“Be that as it may, it has now been documented with HR and, as I’m sure he told you, I will be looking over the papers you turned in prior to my return to ensure that they were graded appropriately.”
All I could do was nod.
“I will let you know after I have finished. That is all,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
I left quickly, returning to the isolation of my dorm room. Alex was at a track meet, so I had the room to myself. Which was fine because I could wallow in peace without having her try to cheer me up. I didn’t deserve to be cheered up.
I got on my laptop and checked my email. There was nothing new except for an email from my mom sending me some new study material she found for the LSAT and a link to a practice test. As if I didn’t already have all that information.
I glanced at my phone but, of course, there was nothing from Tobias. Not that I expected anything; I knew there wouldn’t be. After all, I made it very clear that we were over, though I still found myself hoping there would be something.
I was feeling a little stir crazy, so I grabbed a random book from my shelf and decided to go for a walk in hopes that the fresh air would clear my head. It was a beautiful day, and though I couldn’t really appreciate it in my current state of mind, I hoped that the sunshine would help my mood. I walked to the College Station Cafe to grab a coffee before looking for a good reading spot on campus, but instead of stopping anywhere, I just kept walking. Focusing on taking one step at a time, and on breathing in and out, helped keep my mind off of Tobias, so I just kept walking and walking until finally I ended up downtown about a block from the bench.
Our bench.
Perhaps I was a masochist, but I knew exactly where I was going to go.
There was someone sitting there already, and for a moment, my heart skipped. As I got closer, however, I realized it wasn’t him, and the pit in my stomach grew in disappointment. I sat down with my coffee and opened the book I had grabbed without paying attention to the title. It was the copy of Little Women I bought that very first day we spent together.Was there anything that didn’t remind me of him anymore?
The pages were too loose to read, but since I couldn’t very well just run back and get a different book, I figured I’d just be careful as I lost myself in the March sisters’ drama. I opened it up gently and a piece of paper fluttered to the ground like I expected it would. I picked it up, assuming it was a page of the book. Instead, I quickly realized it was not a page from the novel but rather the note from Tobias that he sent with the spumoni ice cream. I lovingly reread the words on the handwritten note.
It felt like it was so long ago even though I knew, in reality, it wasn’t. I guess that was to be expected when so much had changed since then. Our time together had been brief, like the flight of a paper airplane. It was a tiny glimpse into the future I wanted but could never have, and I had no one to blame for that but myself.