Chapter 41 Happy Birthday, Simon!
Happy Birthday, Simon!
When we finally wake, it’s close to noon. I’m groggy and light-headed but waking up next to PJ’s warm body feels like heaven. I pick up my phone, which has been on silent since last night, and find I have several unread messages. Ugh! I don’t feel like dealing with anything today.
“I’m canceling my birthday. Let’s go back to sleep instead.” I cover my head with a pillow.
PJ pulls the pillow off my head and throws it across the room. He gives me little kisses everywhere and blows a raspberry on my stomach. It tickles, and we playfully wrestle. Sammy and Millie meow incessantly for their long-overdue breakfast.
“All right, I get it, you’re hungry.” I reach for my T-shirt. “I better get up and feed them. They’re used to eating much earlier than this. I can’t believe they let us sleep this late.”
“Nope, you stay put. I’ll do it. It’s your birthday. You stay in bed and check your social media and voicemail birthday wishes. I’ll feed the cats and put together a special birthday breakfast-in-bed for you.”
“Ooh, I like how you think. I could get used to being pampered. Thank you.”
PJ slips on his flannel pants and tosses my pillow to me. The cats follow him to the kitchen, loudly meowing all the way. I pick up my phone again. I have a ton of missed calls, two voicemail messages, fourteen text messages, and countless Happy Birthday posts. I check my voicemails first.
Happy birthday, Little Bug. I know you hate that name.
But you will always be Little Bug to me…
and your mom too. Wherever she may be. I’m having a nice time visiting with Mom and Dad, but even though it’s only been one night, I’m ready to come back home to you.
Before I go any further, I want to let you know how much your card meant to me.
I read it repeatedly on the flight to Portland.
I cried the whole way. You are my son, even if it’s not by blood.
All right, enough rambling from an old woman.
Have a happy birthday today. I will try to call you again later, but I’m sure you are busy with PJ and your friends.
I accidentally took your birthday card with me in my purse, so I will give it to you, and your gift, when I get home Monday evening. Happy birthday, Simon. I love you.
Well, that was sweet. I save the voicemail to listen to again later and move on to the next one.
Hi, son. Happy birthday! Bet you thought I would forget again.
Nope, that’s your old father. I’ve turned over a new leaf.
I’ve tried you a few times this morning, but I’m sure you must have plans already.
I mailed you a card, but I would also like to take you and PJ out to celebrate.
Please let me know when would be a good time, okay?
I won’t leave a long message, just wanted to say, happy birthday and… um…I love you.
Wow, I don’t think I have ever heard Dad say those words to me before.
I lean back on my pillow. I have so many people who love and care about me: Dad, Carole and now PJ.
So, what’s wrong with me that I feel so scared all the time?
Where does this panic and anxiety come from?
I shudder and push the thoughts from my mind and move on to check my text messages.
Mags: Happy Birthday BFF. I’m sure the last thing you want is to hear from me right now, as you and Pajama Boy have probably been up all night DOING IT!! In fact, you are probably doing it right now! Am I right?
Are you still doing it?
Hello?
Yeah, don’t bother answering my texts, it’s fine. I’m getting used to it.
BTW Toni is getting on my nerves and I’m thinking about breaking up with her, but I don’t know, the girl knows how to French kiss.
Oh, the problems of being a young hot lesbian like me. The burden I carry. Anyway, you wouldn’t understand.
Happy Birthday, see you tonight. xxx
ooo
Neel: Happy Birthday. Mom is making you samosas. See you later.
Paul: HAOYB
You’re probably wondering what that means
It means happy anniversary of your birth.
It’s not your birthday, it’s the anniversary of your birth.
Can’t wait for some more teenage drama later!
If that went over your head too, I was being sarcastic again. Shocker!
Latica: Happy Birthday Simon. Hope your day is special. See you at the restaurant later.
Hector: Happy seventeen years from me and Jamal.
Come by Starbucks later for a treat on the house.
Let me know if you need more condoms.
My eyes tear up. It’s true. I have so much love in my life.
People who care and look out for me. Family, friends, and a boyfriend.
What’s wrong with me? I start to tremble again.
My breath becomes shallow. That old familiar feeling in my stomach starts.
Okay, Simon. You know what to do. It’s not an alien; it’s not a parasite.
Do the breathing exercises PJ’s father taught you. It’s just anxiety.
I stop the breathing exercises after a few minutes and pull out the little brown bag from PJ’s house.
I breathe into it. Almost immediately, I start to feel better.
Wow, who would have thought something as simple as a crumpled brown bag could be my saving grace?
I’m going to carry this with me everywhere from now on.
Then I won’t have to worry anymore. If I start to have an episode, I can simply take out my little bag and I will be okay.
“Happy birthday!” PJ carries a tray into the bedroom. He opens the blinds and sunlight shines in, illuminating his furry arms and bare, fuzzy tummy.
“Wow! Don’t move. You look sexy standing there. You’re like my very own bare-chested, sexy waiter.”
He laughs and puts the tray in front of me on the bed. There is a glass of orange juice, some slightly burned toast sloppily spread with butter, a card, and a small, wrapped gift.
“Sorry, I don’t know how to cook. But it’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Right. It’s perfect. PJ, come sit down. I want to talk to you for a sec.”
“Okay, is something wrong? You sound serious.”
“Well, don’t freak out, but I had to use the paper bag again. I had a brief little…episode while you were in the kitchen.”
“What? Oh, no! Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m okay, and I feel fine now. It’s just…
I don’t feel like a big celebration today.
I know we have a reservation for all of us at Olive Garden for dinner, but I was kind of hoping, maybe it could just be the two of us today.
I don’t have the energy to put on a happy face and celebrate with everyone.
Do you know what I mean? Tomorrow, it’s back to school, and Carole will be flying back home, and I will need to pick her up at the airport.
I don’t know how, or if, I should even mention all this nonsense to her.
Can we have a quiet day instead, with just the two of us? Is that okay?”
“Absolutely! I’ll send out a group text to everyone telling them you aren’t feeling well. Maybe food poisoning? I’ll think of something and reschedule for next weekend. Sound good?”
I nod in reply and lie back down. PJ picks up his phone and starts typing. I pull the covers all around me and start trembling again. Am I cold or is this panic? I just don’t know anymore.
The rest of the day is quiet. Just what I need.
PJ and I lounge in jammies watching TV and playing video games.
We take a shower together, and that leads to some serious fooling around and a second shower to clean up.
We go to Tara Thai for dinner to get coconut punches and Pad Thai and stop by Barnes I need to run.
I pace the apartment frantically. PJ chases after me with the little brown bag.
He gets me to sit down in the living room, and we let the bag do its magic.
It takes a little longer to work this time, but it does eventually help.
PJ brings me a cup of chamomile tea from the kitchen.
He places it on the coffee table in front of me.
I feel exhausted and defeated. I pick up the tea and look at him.
He looks back at me nervously. What is he thinking?
Does he wonder what else he can do to help me feel better?
Is he worried this craziness will never go away and I will always be like this?
Will I ever get better? I take a slow sip of the tea.
“I need help.”