Chapter 20
Australia
The next morning after breakfast, Harry collected me from my guest house in Leura with a promise to show me some of his favourite spots in the Blue Mountains.
‘Sorry about the state of this vehicle,’ he said, brushing crumbs off the passenger seat before he’d allow me in. ‘My Uncle Pete has a lot of good qualities, but hoovering his car is not one of them. Cleaning anything at all doesn’t feature highly on the list, if I’m honest.’
It was an elderly estate car with bumper stickers on the rear and dents on every door panel.
Someone had drawn Clean me in the thick layer of dust covering the bonnet.
Harry was meticulous, often resorting to tidying Bronte’s room when the mess got too much for him.
His uncle sounded like the complete opposite and I was intrigued to meet him.
‘Harry, the last time I accepted a lift off anyone it was in an ox and cart, which was dusty, bumpy and not in the least bit fragrant.’ I laughed at the surprise on his face. ‘Believe me, this is luxury, and please thank your uncle for letting you have his car to chauffeur me today.’
We headed away from Leura, passing the little restaurant where I’d spent a serene couple of hours last night over a watermelon juice mocktail watching the sunset over the mountains from a white bandstand in the garden.
After leaving the coffee shop yesterday, Harry and I had had a walk around Leura until it was time for me to check into the guest house, where he’d left me to my own devices.
I’d pondered asking if he wanted to join me for dinner but had decided against it. The couple of hours we’d spent together had been enough to break the ice, and this morning things felt more relaxed between us.
The drive to our first stop only took ten minutes, even with Harry slowing down so that I could see some of the wonderful street art painted on the houses in Katoomba.
From the research I’d done on the train, I knew that I’d be in for a visual treat on our walk today.
We were steering clear of the main tourist routes and were seeking out some secret spots recommended by Uncle Pete.
There were motor homes, minibuses and plenty of cars filling the car park and lining the road, but Harry passed them by and found a parking spot under a shady tree.
We set off with backpacks and sun hats following a path into dense woodland.
‘This trip,’ Harry asked once we were on our way. ‘You’re going to visit all the places included in her travel journal?’
‘Yep. That’s the plan. Each time I turn a page it’s like having a whole new conversation with her.’
‘I’d love that,’ he said softly.
‘It’s brought me a lot of unexpected joy already.
’ I allowed a beat of silence to follow, acknowledging how lucky I was to have her itinerary to discover.
‘I put off looking at it for months. And now I know why. I think I was meant to do this trip. I’m intrigued to see what Bronte has in store for me. ’
He turned to look at me, a flicker of something crossing his face. I couldn’t make out if it was impressed or alarmed.
‘Exciting,’ he said.
‘It has been, so far. I think she’d be glad all her research hasn’t gone to waste.’
Soon we were walking uphill on a twisting path towards Echo Point in Katoomba.
I was staying close to Harry and warily watching for spiders.
The sun was beating down in a sky barely marked with fluffy clouds, but the dappled shade of the eucalyptus trees provided enough cover to keep me from overheating.
The air was fragrant with the aroma of tea tree.
Somewhere beside us, a kookaburra laughed incessantly, making Harry and me laugh too.
He stopped beside a gap in the trees and indicated for me to take in the view. ‘Waterfall.’
Harry wasn’t big on detail. I didn’t mind. I’d been taking pictures of signposts and You are here maps; so I could go back and check what I’d seen later if necessary. I was happy just to spend time in this beautiful place, with him.
I knew we were looking out at Jamison Valley. And far beneath us was indeed a waterfall. Even from this distance we could hear the water crashing down into the river below.
‘Wow.’ I gazed with awe out across the landscape and up at the huge sky. ‘Makes me feel very small.’
‘Me too.’ Harry waited while I took some photos and then we continued on. ‘I come out here sometimes to remind myself how small my problems are in the grand scheme of things.’
I almost prompted him to explain, but decided against it at the last moment. He could tell me in his own time. We carried on for a few minutes in silence until we came to a lookout point, a flat platform enclosed with railings.
‘This is my favourite view.’ Harry walked up to the railings, took two bottles of water from his rucksack and handed one to me.
I recognised the rock formation on the opposite side of the valley. It was one of the most iconic landmarks of the Blue Mountains: three sandstone peaks in a row.
‘The Three Sisters!’ I exclaimed. ‘This is beautiful, Harry. Thank you for bringing me here.’
For a few minutes, we stood together, sipping our water, lost in our thoughts, the lush bluey-green of the eucalyptus forest providing a stark contrast against the orange and brown mountains. The sky was so clear that we could see for miles and miles.
‘I’m sorry,’ he blurted out, turning to me. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t come round and see you after …’
He left the end of the sentence hanging. ‘I couldn’t face being in your house. Not without her. I feel very guilty about that.’
I was close to tears and so was he. I wanted to hug him, but knew that if I did, we’d both end up crying again. So instead I bumped against his shoulder. ‘Nothing to apologise for. It was a horrendous time and an impossible situation for both of us.’
‘I know but she is, I mean, she was the centre of your world. I knew how much you’d be suffering. I should have done more.’
‘I’m not your responsibility, Harry,’ I assured him. ‘But thank you. She was the centre of my world and when she was taken from me, I felt hollow.’
‘Me too,’ he murmured.
‘I’m sure,’ I said, softly.
Above us, two aeroplanes passed by one after the other, their white vapour trails at first intersecting and then fading in a cornflower-blue sky.
I’d allowed Harry’s presence to fade from my life, encouraging it even.
Was that the right thing, the natural way of things, or would there always be a thread of common ground to connect us?
‘When your parents said that you didn’t want visitors in the hospital, I was partly relieved.
I couldn’t face you either. And I still feel guilty about that.
I should have made an effort to check up on you, to give you an opportunity to talk about her.
Young people shouldn’t have to experience the death of someone they’re close to like you did. ’
‘No, they shouldn’t. But then neither should parents. Can I ask you something?’
I met his eye and nodded. ‘Sure.’
‘How did you cope, you know, afterwards, once the funeral was over?’
‘I don’t think I did, Harry.’ I suppressed a shudder, not wanting to revisit those dark days and weeks. ‘Instead of finding something else to fill the void in my heart, I simply put on thicker armour to protect myself, not really letting grief in.’
‘I was the opposite. I felt as if my skin was paper thin for the first couple of months. I got sick of people telling me to stay strong.’ He tensed his jaw, his dark features clouding over.
‘Why? Why should I be strong? If you can’t collapse under your feelings when something like that happens to you, when can you? ’
‘I agree with you, although it took me a while to come around to thinking that way. I suppose it’s only now, by leaving my home and my job, that I can see what I was doing. At the time I thought I was coping, but I was doing the exact opposite.’
‘I loved her,’ he said, gazing into the distance. ‘I’d never been in love before. I know we were still young, but it felt like we had a future together.’
‘She loved you too,’ I told him, resting my arm around his shoulders. ‘And it doesn’t matter how old you are, love isn’t interested in numbers.’
He gave me a crooked smile. ‘I like that idea.’
We were joined at our viewing point by another couple of tourists and moved over to allow them access to the best angle for their photos.
As soon as they’d gone, we resumed our position by the railings.
I got out my phone and took some pictures of the view, and then a selfie of Harry and me which I’d send to Kat later.
We set off again, heading further along the track.
The terrain was on a slight incline but nothing I couldn’t manage in my trainers.
‘So how are you doing now?’ I asked him. ‘We’re seven months on from the accident.’
‘Changed.’ He gave me a sad smile. ‘It’s made me question everything.
Sometimes I feel like what’s the point in trying, working hard, being the best that you can be?
Because that’s what she did. Every day. She was always so driven.
’ He looked at me. ‘You did that for her, you fired her belief in herself.’
‘That was my job,’ I said, quietly proud. ‘It’s every parent’s job.’
‘Other times I think about that night non-stop. It plays in my head like a movie I can’t turn off.
’ He shuddered and for a moment I worried that he was going to talk about Bronte’s last seconds of life, something I had no desire to hear.
I knew that once I knew the details, I could never unknow them.
‘Nothing could be worse than what I witnessed that night, and I think to myself, if I can survive that, I can survive anything.’ He came to a stop and pressed a hand to his forehead.
‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, Maggie, I shouldn’t have said that. ’