Chapter 41
Bali
The next morning, I was up and raring to start the day after the best night’s sleep I could remember for months. Today was going to be huge and I was excited, nervous and terrified. Jackson would be arriving in a couple of hours and I couldn’t wait.
Jackson. I kept having to pinch myself to check that this wasn’t a dream, that I really had reconnected with him after all this time.
We’d be heading straight to the airport to collect Bronte’s book from Lola.
I was desperate to have it back in my possession, read the Bali pages and see what she had planned to do when she got here.
I wanted Jackson to see the book too, for him to get to know his daughter through it.
Each page was infused with her personality: her words, her thoughts, her dreams. I was already brimming with pride, knowing how much he’d enjoy looking at it.
Jackson and I had brought our food back to the hotel last night and eaten outside at a table by the pool.
There’d been no on else around and only the light of the moon and its pale silver reflection on the water to see by.
We’d talked some more, mostly about Bronte, and I’d managed to log into my iCloud on my phone and show him all the photos I had stored of her.
The temptation to quiz him about his life grew stronger by the minute, but I’d forced myself to hold back, not wanting reality to intrude into such an incredible night.
Jackson had finally left me at one a.m., saying he needed to get back.
Get back to whom, I’d wondered; a girlfriend, a wife?
We’d bid each other goodnight with a kiss on the cheek before he left, and I’d floated off to bed on a cloud, emotional, exhausted and, above all, filled with gratitude that Bronte had led me back to this man.
Now, I made a cup of coffee and opened the patio doors.
Instantly the room was filled with birdsong and the scent of tropical flowers, I savoured the warm air on my face, a sharp contrast to the air-conditioned cool behind me.
It was a beautiful day, this place was a paradise, and I was so, so lucky to be here.
I thought of yesterday and how everything had felt bleak.
Now, less than twenty-four hours later, there were chinks of light appearing in the darkness.
‘A new day is dawning,’ Lisa had said yesterday. ‘The sun will rise again.’
It felt very much as if her prediction was already coming true.
I fetched my phone, and settled down in the shade on my terrace to send Kat a message.
Call me when you wake up x
My phone rang immediately.
‘What’s wrong?’ Kat demanded. She was puffing and panting as if she was out running.
‘Nothing,’ I assured her. ‘Only good stuff.’
‘I’m so pleased,’ she wheezed. ‘You’ve sounded so down since losing Bronte’s book.’
‘Good news on that front. It’s been found and I’m being reunited with it later.’ I gave her an update and she shrieked down the phone with joy.
‘Where are you? You sound out of breath.’
‘I’m walking next door’s German shepherd with our dogs today. I say walk, but it’s more of a sprint.’
‘Isn’t it only five a.m. in the UK?’
‘Yes, and dark and bloody freezing. But I volunteered to help out on Sam’s school trip to the museum with the big dinosaurs. We’re leaving at seven and I haven’t done the packed lunches yet. Or had a shower.’
‘Sounds exhausting.’ I sipped my coffee and noticed a bee zigzagging lazily between hibiscus flowers. ‘You need a mum’s gap-year trip, if only for one week. Seven days of me-time without running around after everyone else.’
‘I like doing it all.’ She sounded tetchy. ‘I’m the hub of the family and I love being the one they rely on.’
She and I had very different lives, but our crushing need to nurture was the same.
‘I know you do, but everyone needs to stop and fill their own cup every so often. You can’t fill from an empty cup,’ I said, quoting Lisa.
‘That’s true, I suppose. Is that why you called? To make me jealous of your sunlounger-and-cocktail day ahead?’
‘Not quite. I’m …’ I paused to savour this moment, knowing how my sister was going to react. ‘Kat, you’ll never guess who I was with last night.’
‘You’re right, I won’t. Tell me. It’s too early and I don’t have the headspace to guess.’
‘Jackson.’
Silence down the line and then, ‘Shit the bed.’
‘I fainted in the hotel lobby and when I came to, I heard his voice. And there he was, larger than life and sexier than ever.’
‘Oh my God, Mags. I bet you nearly fainted again.’
‘Correct. And then I cried because the first thing I had to tell him after all these years was …’ A lump formed in my throat as I recalled how his look of happiness faded to dismay.
‘About Bronte,’ Kat finished for me. ‘His daughter.’
‘Yes,’ I whispered.
‘And how did that go?’
My heart ached at the memory. ‘I felt like I was losing her all over again by seeing it through his eyes. He was amazing; he took it so well. He wanted to know everything about her. He stayed with me for hours and I showed him all my photos. And now her father knows about her. I feel … I feel … I don’t even know how to explain it. ’
‘Oh Mags,’ she soothed. ‘You probably feel a lot of things right now, and that’s okay, you don’t have to say. But I’m glad he knows; it has always niggled me that the man who stole my sister’s heart didn’t know about our lovely girl.’
‘Me too,’ I replied. ‘But it would have been so much better if they’d met.’
We were quiet for a few moments, but it was a companionable silence and I felt comforted by her being on the end of the line.
‘So: Jackson?’ she quizzed, breaking the mood. ‘Still good-looking by the sound of it. Married? Single? Handsome? Tell me everything.’
‘My hormones are in major overdrive,’ I admitted, ‘he is every bit as gorgeous as I remembered. As for the rest, I don’t know.’
‘What?’ she screeched. ‘How did you not ask if he’s single or not?’
‘Because last night needed to be about Bronte. He’s grieving for a child he didn’t even meet, and I needed to give him space to process everything.
’ I sighed. ‘We’ll have more time to talk today after we’ve collected the book.
He had to make a call yesterday to make arrangements to be home late, so I’m guessing there’s someone in his life. He’s too much of a catch to be single.’
‘So are you, but you’re single,’ she pointed out.
‘By choice.’
‘Imagine, though.’ She sighed dreamily. ‘Imagine he’s been waiting for you to come back all these years.’
‘I have been imagining that, believe me.’
‘Look, I’d better go, but let’s talk again later, once you’ve been reunited with Bronte’s book.’
‘Before you go, how’s Mum?’ I asked, unsure if I really wanted to know.
‘Funny you should ask about her. She offered to have Sam to sleep overnight for the first time ever, which he’s looking forward to. She has sold her car though, which is a shame.’
Mum hadn’t told Kat about her latest money issues for some reason. So neither would I.
‘I was very unkind about her mothering skills when she rang me.’
Kat laughed. ‘I’m not sure she even had any when we were kids. But she’s making an effort now at least. Whatever you said to her worked.’
‘I’m glad.’ Even if the end didn’t justify the means.
‘Maybe the two of you should try again,’ my sister suggested. ‘She’s not getting any younger, and if she’s changing her ways then perhaps you could let her in?’
‘Hmm, maybe,’ I said vaguely.
‘Think about it. Now I’ve really got to go and thaw out before getting Sam up.’
‘Bye, sis. Kiss Andy and Sam for me. I love you all.’
‘Go get your man. If he’s single. Oh God, I really want him to be single.’
‘Kat!’ I laughed. ‘Actually, yes, so do I. Bye!’
I was still laughing when the phone rang again, and Tiff’s name flashed up on the screen.
‘Jeez, you’re a toughie to get hold of.’
‘Sorry, a monkey stole my phone, and I’ve been too busy ever since to catch up on my messages.’
‘Ah, that sucks. Still, we’ve all been there.’
I grinned. ‘Coming from most people that would be a joke, but with you, it’s probably true.’
‘Listen, I’ve been watching the drama unfold on Insta with Bronte’s book and your travels and I might be reading this completely wrong, but I get the feeling that you’re never going to be satisfied with returning to the UK at the end of your trip and knocking out your nine-to-five again. Am I right?’
‘Er, yes,’ I replied, taken aback. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want my future to look like now that Bronte’s gone. I need to make some changes. I want things to look forward to and not wake up every morning with a feeling of dread that today will be as bad as the last.’
‘I knew it!’ She sounded triumphant. ‘You need a challenge and I have one for you. Now, I’m a lone wolf and I like to do things my way, but I like you, Maggie. I don’t think you’d annoy me.’
‘Thanks.’ I smirked. ‘What praise.’
‘You’re welcome,’ she replied without a trace of irony.
‘You’re as sweet as candy on the outside, but rustle that candy wrapper and boy, do you get a shock.
So will you join me as a trustee of the One World Project?
I want to expand our reach, in terms of services we offer in the Chitwan valley; but also in the future, I want us to open more centres in other places, maybe even other countries.
And I need someone I can trust to help with that. ’
‘If you’re offering me a position, your timing is impeccable.’
I told her about the call I’d had with Anna yesterday and how even though I still had a job, it wasn’t the one I wanted.
‘What? Get your lawyer onto them,’ she spluttered, indignantly. ‘That’s constructive dismissal. They owe you big time.’
‘I might like the new role,’ I countered. ‘I should at least give it a go.’
‘No you should not! They don’t deserve you. Ditch ’em. Do something that sets your heart racing. Tell you what, I’ll draft you a letter to send them, see if we can’t squeeze some severance pay out of those cowboys.’