Chapter 25 Iris
iris
“Damn, it’s been too long since I’ve been here,” I said, driving down a dirt road that led us to my old home. “I’m sorry if it’s a mess, I don’t know if anyone’s lived here in years, but Brooks said we could stay here. If it’s a mess, we can stay at a hotel.”
The farm looked as it always did; it was like nothing had changed and I had just come home from being out and about. I parked in my usual spot by my bedroom window that I had snuck out of when I was a teenager.
“It’s cute,” Beau said, looking around the house before he opened his door.
“I know it’s not fancy like Denver, but I—”
“It’s perfect,” Beau said, walking up to me. “I love seeing where you grew up and the farm you’ve talked about.”
Beau pulled me in for a hug as we looked at my childhood home.
“Did you grow up in the city or the suburbs?” I asked Beau, realizing he never talked about his childhood.
“I’m a city boy through and through,” he said. “I have never been out in the country until meeting you, and I’m not gonna lie, it's kind of growing on me.”
“Is all your family from the city?” I asked.
“Most of them, yes,” he said, sounding a little sad. “After my mom died when I was younger, my father didn’t really keep in touch with her side of the family, and they didn’t try to keep in touch with me.”
“Beau, I'm so sorry,” I said, rubbing his back. “Is your dad still in Denver?”
“I honestly don’t know where he is,” he said softly. “After I graduated high school, he wasn’t all that interested in staying in touch.”
The melancholy in his voice broke me and as much as I wanted to keep digging into his past, I had heard enough from a sad Beau.
“Well, we will make a country boy out of you soon,” I said, holding him tighter, hoping the change in subject was better. “It feels good and bad to be here. Thank you for coming with me. I think coming here alone would have been too much.”
“Too much?” he asked, kissing my forehead.
I closed my eyes, letting his presence soothe me.
“I’m ready to say goodbye,” I said, my chest growing tight.
“I’ve realized that I’m holding onto this farm for my parents and not me.
I started this ‘save the farm’ journey thinking that I was doing the right thing, keeping my family’s legacy alive.
It felt good at first to say that I was doing everything in my power to keep our farm with us.
When I left, I gained some perspective and new relationships with my brothers.
I realized this farm holds no good memories for any of us. ”
Beau held me tighter, sharing his silent strength that I was slowly falling in love with. My heart raced as I thought about loving Nash and Beau and our future.
“So, why would I hold on to something that was nothing but bad memories?” I pulled away from Beau to look at him.
“This farm is not our family’s legacy, it’s me and my brothers and what we do with our lives.
Hopefully, we leave little rugrats on this earth with all the knowledge we garnered and give them everything we never had, like better parents.
This is why I wanted to drive down here, so that I could say goodbye. ”
“Damn, Iris,” Beau said, cupping my face. “You’re so fucking amazing.”
He kissed me softly.
“I’m not, but thank you,” I said, kissing him back.
“Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to walk away, so yeah, you are amazing,” he said, kissing me again.
Butterflies erupted in my chest as we kissed. This man supported me in a way no one else had ever done before. When Beau said he would come with me, I thought it might be a mistake letting him come, but I was totally wrong.
“Come on, cowgirl. I expect a full tour so we can say goodbye to all your favorite spots!” he said, spanking me. “Wait, shit! Should we have brought some liquor or beer?”
“Let’s see if the house is even worth staying here and then we can think about drinks, dinner and a tour,” I chuckled.
“There better be air conditioning because how the hell is it this hot and it’s only May?” Beau pulled his shirt away from his body a few times, airing himself out.
“Oh baby, this is nothing,” I said, walking up the porch. “August in Texas is the worst. Imagine triple digits being out on a horse all day and not even the evenings get cool.”
“That sounds awful,” Beau grimaced.
I laughed. “Come on, city boy. Let's get you cool before you pass out on me.”
“Yes, or else you’ll have to perform mouth to mouth on me,” he smirked.
“Well, shit. We are staying out here,” I chuckled, finding the hidden key and opening the door.
“Holy shit, Iris,” Beau said, as we walked into the house that still looked the same as it did when I left two years ago.
Everything was pristine, like someone had been living here.
“Damn, I feel like I’m walking into an old movie,” Beau said, as I closed the door. “This is exactly what I imagined the inside looking like and I know that sounds awful, but you have electricity, right?”
“Oh my god, Beau.” I hit his shoulder. “Yes, we lived in this century. The house is old, but we had everything we needed to live comfortably.”
“I feel like I’m on the set of ‘Little House on the Prairie’," he said, looking around with a look of wonder.
“Shut up, it's not that bad,” I said, turning on the lights. “I guess someone has been here.”
Guilt hit me for not visiting sooner. I never packed up my parents' home because I always knew I would be back or at least I thought I would be.
“Maybe someone from the farm?” Beau walked around the kitchen, opening the fridge. “There’s food and beer.”
“Maybe Nash’s dad is buttering me up,” I said, but it sounded stupid coming out of my mouth. “Well, let’s see if there is anything we can use and if not, we can go get something. I'd hate to see these beers go to waste.”
“That would be a sin,” Beau chuckled, walking over to the big window that looked out to the pastures. “Damn, Iris, this is a beautiful place.”
“I know,” I said, coming up behind me and wrapping my arms around him. “I always thought it would be mine, it still feels like it is, but it doesn’t feel like home. My heart is no longer here, no matter how badly I want it to be.”
“Sometimes our home isn’t a place,” Beau said, laying his hand on my own. “I think our home is wherever we feel safe, secure, loved and happy.”
“I didn’t realize I hadn’t been happy here in a long time,” I said, kissing his shoulder.
“Then I think you’re making the right decision,” he said, turning around.
“You need to make decisions for yourself and no one else, just like your brother did. Luke played football, Theo had his ranch and Jude did what he thought was best for him and his brother. Look at them now. It’s about time you think about you and what you want in life. ”
I wanted to tell him it was him and Nash that I wanted. Once I signed everything, I wanted us to figure this out, but I wanted to tell them together. If everything went according to plan, we would meet up with Nash in Wyoming and hopefully start something new together.
“Holy hell, what the fuck is it with the Yarbrough gene?” Beau asked, as we stood on the porch watching Brooks and Mr. Yarbrough.
“I don’t know, but none of them lack in the good looks department, personality is another issue,” I sighed.
“Jesus, I can’t imagine being in a room with all of them.” Beau cleared his throat.
“Oh, honey, there are four brothers,” I chuckled.
“Oh, lord,” he muttered.
“Good afternoon, Iris,” Mr. Yarbrough said, walking up the stairs.
“Good afternoon,” I said, holding out my hand, not expecting the hug he pulled me into.
“How are you doing, darling?” His smooth country accent was soft and warm, very unlike him, which made me a bit nervous.
“I’m doing well. How about yourself, sir?”
“Doing good. I hear Aurora ranch is doing well these days. Has the calf season been good?” He released me, sounding genuinely interested, which felt odd.
“Theo has done so much with the ranch in the last few years, I’m so proud of him,” I beamed with pride.
“Hello, Iris,” Brooks said, his deep tenor didn’t extract a blush as it once had.
I guess being around his brother had helped me become immune to their charms.
“Hi, Brooks,” I said, as he enveloped me in a hug.
“You look good,” he said, leaning back, giving me a look over.
“Uh, thanks,” I mumbled.
“This is my friend, Beau,” I said, turning towards Beau as my stupid blush took over.
“Hello, Beau.” Brooks and his father shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, eyeing Brooks wearily.
“I have some snacks and tea inside,” I said, herding the men into the house.
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Brooks said, taking off his hat as he walked into the house.
“Well, y’all stocked the fridge, so it was the least we could do,” I said, walking to the fridge to pull out the jug of sweet tea and egg sandwiches I had made.
Brooks looked at his father, confused. “Must have been a worker.”
“They still ask about you on occasion, wondering how you’re doing with Nash,” Mr. Yarbrough said. “Things are good, aren't they?”
Mr. Yarbrough looked at Beau like he might be hinting at something, and I wondered if he knew. I placed the tea and the egg sandwiches on the table, heading back for some glasses.
“Things are ok, definitely an adjustment,” I said, worried that I would say something contradictory to what Nash had said.
Shit, maybe I should have told him I was coming. I didn’t want to bother him with this, and I had hoped I could take care of this alone. He didn’t need to be here with his shitty father. After everything Mr. Yarbrough had done to Nash, I didn’t want Nash anywhere near him.
“Well, with Nash, adjustments are a constant thing,” Mr. Yarbrough said. “He never seems to learn, and I’d hoped marriage would make him settle down instead of chasing that stupid dream of his.”
“He’s a great bronc rider,” I said, pouring tea, attempting to stay civil. “I think he has a real chance at—”
Beau grabbed a sandwich, hitting a glass. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry!”