8. Theodore
8
theodore
Ranch chores had never been done so fast. I usually enjoyed doing everything at a slow pace, taking my time with the animals, enjoying the silence, being with nature and enjoying where I was in life.
Since we had found Nova unconscious, I had felt such uneasiness and anxiety that I hadn’t felt in years. It reminded me of when I was with my parents, and I always felt like something was going to happen. Atlas called it my fight-or-flight response and being here in Sterling Ridge had kept it away until now.
After moving the herd, I made my rounds with the heifers, checked on the new calves, milked a few of the older cows and made sure they were all fed. I never realized how much work I had to do when I normally took everything in stride at a peaceful pace.
“They probably won’t be back till after we have to pick up Sol,” Colt said, getting on his horse and following me back home.
I grunted, not knowing what to tell Colt or give too much away. There was something I had been harboring for years that I felt ashamed of, but I didn’t know what to do about it. The last five years of living close to Nova were torture and happiness wrapped in a barbed wire bow.
I really thought I was gay, but when I first saw her, it was like seeing my guys for the first time. I knew she should be mine. It just felt right and every year being around her only cemented my feelings for her, even though we hadn’t had many interactions and nothing romantic had happened between us. Guilt ate away at me that I had feelings for another person that wasn’t my boyfriends.
“Theo!” Colt shouted at me, bringing me back from my thoughts before we went the wrong way.
Colt went faster, bringing his horse right in front of me, making me stop. He studied me, looking at me with a scowl that grew deeper the longer he stared at me.
“Theo, what's going on?”
I clenched my jaw, looking away.
“Can we go home?” I clipped, looking away.
“Hey, talk to me,” he said, guiding his horse so we were side by side looking at each other.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, a little white lie. We all knew how he felt about Nova, and he was not the person to talk to concerning my worry about her.
Colt raised a brow at me as he took a deep breath.
“Ok, but don’t hold it in, you know that never works out,” he said, pulling the reins on his horse so he trotted towards the house.
I took a deep breath trying to ease the torrent of emotions away, but I wouldn’t feel better till I knew Nova was ok. On the way back to the cabin, I stayed back enough so that I could think. Now that Atlas was back, maybe we all needed to have a conversation about her. If my hunch was right, I think Atlas felt the same.
My chest clenched in disappointment that even if Atlas felt the same way, Colt had his very different opinions about her, and I don’t know why he had this hatred towards her. Steering my horse into the stable, I put her in a stall, giving her a few treats before removing her saddle.
Sable came running up to me and before I knew it, a few goats and our donkey had come by along with one of the calves we had to bring over here because the mother had rejected her. I was surrounded by animals, just the way I liked it, giving them all love. It was easier dealing with animals than with people and they always felt like home away from home.
If I hadn’t met Colt and Atlas, I don’t know how I would have met anyone. My siblings were great. My younger brother Jude and I were the closest, but he spent so much of his life defending me and the way I was. When he followed me out here, I pushed him away. He needed to find his own way and live his own life since so much of his life revolved around me.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I answered it without looking to see who it was.
“Is she ok?” I answered.
“Is who ok?” It was like I had conjured my brother, Jude.
“My neighbor fell off her roof,” I said getting up, walking to the house.
“Oh shit, the mom?” he asked, concerned.
“Yeah.” I opened the door to the cabin.
“Is she ok? What about her daughter?”
“I’m waiting to hear from Atlas, her daughter is at summer camp,” I said, walking to our bedroom hearing the shower already on.
“Shit, that's awful. I get out of work in about forty-five minutes, I can get her if she needs help,” he said.
Jude was the most selfless person you will ever meet. He didn’t know how to say no and sometimes I wished he would stop being so nice. Nova was also mine to take care of and I hated thinking about anyone else helping her.
“We got her.” I tried to keep the irrational irritation out of my voice.
Jude hummed his acknowledgement.
“You ok, T?”
I rolled my eyes.
“I got to go, Jude.” I hung up before he could get a word in.
I wasn’t fine; I was drowning in my emotions, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Anxiety threatened to cripple me, and it was making me angry. I hated being asked if I was ok because sometimes, I didn’t even know if I was ok.
Getting undressed quickly, I joined Colt in the shower. His eyes widened as I stepped in. I kept my head down, internalizing everything, doing exactly what Colt warned me about.
We washed in silence, just being close to Colt was easing my anxiety. Once we were done, we dried off and got dressed in silence when our phones chimed at the same time.
Atlas: They wanted to admit her to the hospital, she fought it, but I told her it was either the hospital or staying with us.
I took a deep breath feeling better that she was staying with us.
Atlas: I don’t think we are going to make it to pick up Sol. Can one of you do it?
Me: I will, and I’ll get food for dinner.
Atlas: That sounds good.
I looked up to see Colt glaring at his phone and I realized our mistake. He put his phone down, walking out of the room shirtless, with his shirt in his hand. My uneasiness was back in full force as guilt hit me again. What was it about Nova and her daughter that all I wanted to do was protect them?
There was no sign of Colt as I walked into the living room. I took a quick look outside to see if he was close, but he wasn’t out there. If Colt didn’t want to be found, then we wouldn’t see him until he was ready to be found or seen. I needed to apologize for not asking him if it was ok.
The sound of footsteps made me turn around to see Colt coming out of the spare bedroom. He had blankets and sheets in his arms, heading to the washing machine. His expression was stoic, reminding me of the days when we first met and he was closed off to the world.
“I’m sorry,” I said, following him.
He grunted, dumping the laundry into the washing machine.
“He should have consulted us before he agreed to let her stay here.” I gave him the detergent.
He shrugged.
“Maybe one of us can stay with her instead,” I suggested tapping my fingers.
“Don’t,” he clipped, closing the lid to the washing machine and starting it.
“Tell me how to make this right,” I said, as he passed me.
He continued to walk away. I sighed, hating that we were so similar to each other. We preferred not to speak. Silence was an old friend to us and when we were upset, we tended to recede into ourselves. If I pushed Colt he would lash out in anger or shut us out completely.
“Colt—”
“Let it go, Theodore,” he snapped.
He full-named me and while I wanted to keep apologizing, I was probably going to make it worse.
It was two-thirty and I couldn’t get Sol for another hour. I picked up the house, made a list of groceries with ideas for a few dinners since I didn’t know what they liked. It was only three by the time I was done, and I grabbed my keys to go to the grocery store first.
I jumped into the truck when the passenger door opened too. Colt got in, putting his seat belt on as he looked out the window, clearly telling me not to talk. I opened my mouth to say something, just to say sorry again, when he glared at me.
We shopped for groceries quickly and were in line to pick up Sol by three thirty-four. The sky was darkening as the line moved quickly. A light drizzle started when we reached the front of the line, and a woman came up to the truck.
“Picking up Sol?” she asked, looking between Colt and me.
“Yes, ma’am.” I smiled.
“Sol!” she yelled, as a girl with dark hair ran towards her.
She looked inside the truck for her mom, and I felt guilty we didn’t have her with us. Colt got out of the car immediately.
“How’s mama?” she looked concerned.
“She’s on her way home,” Colt said, before I had a chance to.
“Oh, good,” Sol said, climbing into the car.
Colt put her seatbelt on, making sure she was buckled in correctly.
“Hey, Teddy Bear!” She beamed at me.
“Hey, Sunflower,” I said, putting the truck in drive as Colt climbed into the cabin.
“How was your day?” Colt asked Sol.
She talked animatedly about her day, talked about her project, the race they had and the flag day they would have at the end of camp. I was about to take a right off the fork in the road when Colt said to go to their house.
“They are going to need clothes and their things,” Colt said softly, as Sol kept talking.
I nodded, grateful he had thought about that. The blue tarp came into view just as it started raining.
“Alright, Sol, I’m going to need your help to pack a bag for your mama,” Colt said, turning to look at her. “You guys will be staying with us so Atlas can watch her.”
“Oh no, what is wrong with Mama?” her lip quivered.
“She hit her head pretty badly so she needs someone to keep an eye on her, but you know what that means?” Colt glanced at me worried.
“It means you get to help us take care of the animals,” I said smiling. “You also haven’t gotten to see the baby cows yet.”
Sol’s face lit up.
“And after dinner, you can help us with our chores if it’s not raining too bad,” Colt said relieved.
“Ok!” She unbuckled herself, opening the door as Colt got out and helped her out of the truck.
Colt pulled a key out of his pocket, opening the door for us and they got to work packing a bag. I checked her fridge to see if she had any food that might go bad. I grabbed a bag, putting snacks and things that looked like they were for Sol. There were a few dishes in the sink that I washed, and I quickly tidied up the place a bit so she wouldn’t come home to a dirty kitchen.
I grabbed a few of Sol’s cups with straws and the water bottle I always saw Nova drinking out of at the salon. Colt and Sol came back with a few bags, and we locked up the house, heading to the cabin just as the rain came down harder.
Thunder boomed as we all ran into the house, getting a little wet. Sable ran into the house with us along with Howard, our duckling. They kept Sol entertained as we brought in the groceries and the rest of the bags. Colt started the fire as I put away the groceries and I made burgers and fries just as Atlas was pulling up.
“Mommy!” Sol squealed, making me flinch from the pitch.
Colt went outside to help them, picking Nova up just as the rain came down harder. Atlas walked in first and Colt was right behind him.. Nova’s head rested against his shoulder, looking exhausted.
“Mommy!” Sol yelled again.
Nova and I flinched.
“Hey, sweetie,” Nova said, smiling down at Sol. “Mommy has a really bad headache, can we keep the loud noises down a little?”
Colt put her down in a dining room chair as Sol came up to Nova. She pulled her in for a side hug since one of her arms was in a sling. They spoke in soft voices as the guys took off their shoes and got settled in.
Colt and Atlas came into the kitchen to give the girls a moment.
“I’m sorry, I should have asked if it was ok for her to stay here,” Atlas said, hugging Colt. “She was being stubborn and staying in a hospital is expensive. I just wanted her and Sol to be safe with us.”
Colt pursed his lips as his demeanor changed. He might not like Nova, but Sol had us all wrapped around her small little fingers. I would do anything for them, and it seemed Colt would do anything for Sol.
The night went as smoothly as I could have hoped for. Taking care of Sol was easy until Nova had to help her take a bath and get her ready for bed. As much as I wanted to help, I knew it was wildly inappropriate until I had been tasked with blow-drying Sol’s hair.
Atlas grinned at me as I dried her hair until she told me I was doing it wrong and instructed me how to “do it right”. I tucked the girls into bed after the fifth book Sol wanted to read. Atlas put his foot down after the fifth one because I would have kept reading to her. Nova smiled sleepily as I kissed her forehead. I closed the door to the room, feeling a sense of rightness like they belonged here with us. That is until I turned around and noticed Colt staring at me as I felt a smile form on my face. Guilt hit me again as he turned around and walked away from me. Atlas frowned and followed Colt as he left the house.
How could something so right feel so wrong?