10. Nova
10
nova
My head throbbed when I arrived at their cabin. Crying as I speed-walked, a horrible idea, and driving was an even worse idea. Colt was right about driving, but fuck him for everything else.
The plan was to pack up all of our shit and head back home, drive to get Sol, forget this ever happened, and create a lot of distance from them. I felt a little guilty about pushing Theo and Atlas away when they had been nothing but nice to me, but being around them meant being around Colt. I rubbed my head as I made a list of shit to do, and the thought of driving made me queasy. Exhaustion hit me like a freight train. I just needed to close my eyes for a moment and then I could do what I needed to do.
Just a few minutes…
The sound of a door closing woke me up, exhaustion pulled me back to sleep and not even the door opening to the room pulled me from sleep.
“Momma?”
I opened my eyes to see my beautiful daughter looking concerned.
“Are you ok, momma?”
“Yeah, baby girl, mommy’s just tired,” I said, my eyelids getting heavier, but I fought it, I didn’t want her to worry.
“You want a snack?” I asked, pushing myself up fighting through the extreme exhaustion I felt.
“Mommy, we are about to have dinner,” she said, standing in front of me.
Fuck, I passed out for much longer than I had expected. That's when I noticed there wasn't much light coming from behind the curtain.
“Ok, then, let’s eat,” I said, my chest contracting when I realized I would have to have dinner with Colt.
Looks like we would be leaving tomorrow.
“Maybe you should eat here?” Sol suggested, and it almost made me cry.
Sol always thought she had to take care of me, and I hated that. I was the parent; she should be a kid with no worries. I tried so hard not to let her see my stress, but this little girl was so damn empathetic.
A knock at the door made me flinch and I prayed it was Colt.
“Rough day?” Atlas walked into the room.
I nodded, not looking at him. A little bit of guilt hit me that I was going to run away, but I needed to think of Sol and me.
He came over to the bed looking handsome in his slacks and button-down. It was his first week at the doctor's office.
“How was work?” I couldn’t help myself.
He smiled. “It was good, a lot slower-paced than I was used to in Denver. but coming home at a decent hour is great.”
“Will you be my doctor?” Sol asked.
“Maybe later, Dr. Gordon isn’t retiring just yet, so I’m just helping relieve his workload,” he said, smiling at Sol.
“That's cool, I can’t wait, can I make a suggestion?” she asked sweetly.
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yes?”
“No more shots, those suck,” she said seriously.
“I’ll take it into consideration, but I have to say you being healthy outweighs the cons.” Atlas grabbed her hand.
“She looks great, Nova,” Atlas said, holding onto Sol who giggled at him.
“Thanks, I'm worried that she’s not walking yet,” I said.
“She will walk when she is ready,” he said, tickling her. “Huh, tell your mom you will walk when you're ready.”
“They say she should be walking already,” I said, feeling like I was worried about everything.
Atlas stood her up, holding her hands up as she took a tentative step and then another. “If she wasn’t walking with assistance, I would be worried. Everyone thinks they know better. Has Doctor Gordon said anything?”
I shook my head “But he keeps mentioning her not walking yet.”
“Unless he says something, I wouldn’t be worried. She’s only fourteen months,” Atlas said, still walking around with Sol. “You’re doing great, Nova.”
“Yeah right, well I’m hungry,” Sol said, pulling me from a memory.
I watched her leave the room as I glanced at Atlas remembering how sweet he was whenever I was worried about Sol’s health.
“Kids always know better, right?” He smiled as he studied me.
I panicked, wondering if Colt had told him I had driven today.
“Want to let me know how you are feeling while I make sure you are ok?” he asked, pulling out a flashlight from his pocket.
I nodded.
“Any headaches?”
I shook my head.
“Have you been drinking water?”
I looked away realizing I hadn’t really had anything to drink or eat today.
“Any stabbing pain?” He turned my face to look at him.
I shook my head again as he flashed the light in my eyes trying to keep still even though my eyes didn’t like the brightness.
“Are you just tired?”
“Yeah, like I need to catch up on rest, but that's all I have been doing,” I said. keeping the bitterness out of my voice. “I’m tired of being tired.”
“A concussion you suffered is tiresome to handle,” he said. “Follow my pen.”
I did as he asked.
“You are looking better. I know it’s hard to stay here when you feel like you have so much to do, but if you try and do too much before you’re ready, you’re only going to make the healing process last so much longer,” he said, standing up. “You also need to eat and drink a lot of water. Please don’t rush your healing process. Do it for Sol.”
I clenched my jaw, even though it hurt my head. Damn everyone using my daughter against me.
“I’ll bring you food and something to drink,” he said before leaving.
I almost said forget about it, but the moment I smelled the roast, my mouth watered.
“Theo’s roast is the best and it's even better when he remembers to let it slow cook for eight hours,” Atlas said, as he walked in with a tray of food and my big jug of water I usually took to work.
“It smells wonderful.” I sat up fluffing up the pillows behind me.
My shoulder twinged when I moved too much. I could handle the concussion, but this damn shoulder was limiting my movement, and I was getting tired of it.
Atlas set the tray over my lap, and handed me my water bottle. Once the cool water hit my tongue, I realized how thirsty I was. I don’t think I had any liquids other than some coffee today.
As I ate, Atlas told me about his day and how crazy the residents of Sterling Ridge were. He talked about two patients without saying their names and the wild shenanigans our elderly population was getting into. His face lit up as he talked about seeing patients and Dr. Gordon letting him take the reins. They also had a woman who came in saying she was having contractions, but as soon as they sent her to the hospital, they stopped.
“I think you were born to help people,” I said, admiring him even more.
“It was either become a doctor or go into law enforcement, but as I did more research, I decided becoming a doctor would be the right path to take. Even though it was hard being away from Theo and Colt, I’ve always wondered if it would have been easier to be a cop.” Atlas shrugged when he looked up at me with so much emotion in his eyes, it took my breath away. “But now that we’ve endured it and we've come out the other end of being long distance, I’m so glad I didn’t quit. I love being a doctor and I always thought about going into research, but that would require me to stay away longer, and I think it was time I was back with them.”
Jealousy tore through me at their love. You would have to be blind not to see it, but they loved each other like they were the air they breathed and it seemed like it was a fantasy. Yes, I was a bitter woman who thought I had been in love only to find out that love will always be conditional. Maybe one day I would experience even a quarter of the love they had. It goes to show you, love doesn’t see color, age, gender or how many people are in a relationship.
“I can’t picture you in law enforcement.” I tried to imagine him in a police uniform.
“My brother was taken from us when I was four,” he sighed. “They never found him and even though he was legally pronounced dead, I can’t help but wonder if he is alive and if I could find him.”
“I’m so sorry, Atlas,” I said, feeling awful for him.
He shrugged. “Life hasn’t been so easy.”
“What kind of research piqued your interest?” I asked to steer the conversation to something that didn’t bring up sad memories.
“Cancer runs in the family and it's how I lost my mother and sister,” he said solemnly. “I was four when my mother got diagnosed with cancer. That was the year my brother was kidnapped; my mother was devastated, and she died shortly after that. Two years later Cali was diagnosed with leukemia and because we were in the system, there weren’t a lot of people to take care of us together, so we got separated and she died a year later.”
“Oh my god, Atlas, I’m so sorry,” I said, grabbing his hand.
“Thank you.” He squeezed my hand. “Research wasn’t my dream, but I did a residency in a research department, and I actually loved it. I became a doctor to help people. I think I could still do that if I was in research, but there aren't big research opportunities out here, so they are hard to come by.”
“Maybe one day,” I said, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. “You’re fucking amazing and look at how far you have come.”
“Come on, eat and maybe if you finish everything, I’ll give you some ice cream,” he smirked, and I was grateful that he had changed the subject.
“Already using parenting tactics on me,” I teased. “Anything to get you to eat. It’s important.”
Ok,” I said, finishing off the last few bites.
“Mama! Can we play UNO?” Sol ran into the room with a deck in her hands.
“Sure, I think I can manage that.” I pulled her close, kissing the crown of her head.
Theodore stood at the door with a small smile. When we locked eyes, a small blush painted his cheeks.
“Come on, Teddy Bear and Atlas said they would play too.” Sol climbed on the bed taking out the cards.
Asking about Colt was on the tip of my tongue, but he didn’t need my attention or deserve it. On our third game, Colt stood at the doorway watching Theodore, Atlas and Sol play. He laughed when Sol called Atlas a cheater and demanded a reshuffle.
I saw him from the corner of my eyes, demanding that my head stay focused on the game, but I wasn’t strong enough to not look at him, especially when I felt his gaze. Usually, I felt his animosity; right now, it felt different, and curiosity got the best of me.
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I glanced over at him. His green gaze took mine hostage. His expression was… remorseful? Nope. I’m not doing this. He deserved to eat shit and go fuck himself.
I spent the rest of the night ignoring him and just as I was about to fall asleep, our door opened and while I couldn’t see him, I knew it was Colt. He stayed at the door and began to walk into the room before turning around and leaving. I didn’t need this bullshit.
My headache came back in full force the following day and it took another day before I could get out of bed. I spent three more days with them before I was finally able to get away. Guilt at them having to take care of Sol was getting to me and seeing Colt made me mad, which made my headaches worse.
I packed up the last of our things, looked around the room to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Seeing a rogue sock by the window, I saw Sol with Theodore. They sat down with animals all around them as he gave her food to give them. My heart ached as even more guilt hit me. Sol loved it here and I was taking her away. As much as I hoped to give Sol another parent, these men weren’t ours. One day we would find somewhere we belonged.
“Can I help you?”
That deep velvet voice ignited my anger. I had hoped that Colt would just fuck off.
“No,” I said, grabbing the first bag.
“Nova.” The way he said my name made shivers go down my spine.
“I don’t need your help,” I clipped, forcing myself not to look at him.
“Just listen, please,” he pleaded.
I looked up at him, shocked to hear something other than his usually cocky, full-of-himself attitude and broodiness. My brain short-circuited. This asshole was shirtless which was not fair. How was any woman supposed to stay mad when his body was so chiseled, hard and full of tattoos that I could imagine licking? To top it off, he had a backwards cap on that made him look perfect and a slight glint made me look down at his chest, and his nipples were pierced.
Arousal hit me hard and fast. I needed to get laid.
“I’m sorry,” he said, remorse laced his tone and his demeanor made me believe he was being honest.
“No,” I said, snapping out of his spell, walking out of the room, feeling a little lightheaded.
Atlas walked through the door with a smile on his face, only for it to fall when he noticed the bag I was carrying in my hand.
“I thought we agreed a week?” He put his bag on the floor.
“We did and it’s been eight days,” I said, preparing myself to argue.
“Damn, it feels like you girls just got here.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Why not leave tomorrow, stay till Sunday and start?—”
“Atlas,” I said, feeling emotional. “We have to go home and tomorrow gives us a chance to get back into the groove of our schedule.”
He nodded, looking like I had shit in his cheerios.
“Ok, but I’ll only let you leave if you please call us if you need anything,” he pleaded.
I rolled my eyes. “I will, but we need to go home.”
“I know, I’ll just be even more worried,” he said, smiling but it held no warmth.
“It’s not your job to take care of us.” I looked down. “I appreciate everything you've done for us and allowing us to stay here. You took care of Sol when I couldn’t, and I will forever be in your debt.”
My lip threatened to tremble before I bit it. Atlas stared at me like he wanted to say something. He glanced over my shoulder as he spoke to Colt with just one look. I hated that they could do that and it made me feel weird as they did it.
“You don’t have to thank us, that's what—” he shrugged. “That's what neighbors do.”
Not where I come from, I almost said.
“Thank you,” I said, walking to him to give him a hug.
He wrapped his arms around me, careful with my shoulder. He wasn’t as tall as Colt or Theodore or even as big as they were. He also smelled so good as I squeezed him tightly.
“Come on, let's get your stuff in the truck.” He grabbed the bag from my hand.
I opened the door, getting nervous about saying goodbye to Theodore and telling Sol we had to go. We had discussed it this morning, but I knew it would be hard for her. Just as I suspected, her eyes welled with tears that felt like a stab through the heart. She was holding a piglet in her hands, I was feeling so guilty, that had she asked, I would probably have said yes to her bringing it home with us.
“Momma, I like it here,” she cried, holding the little pig to her face.
“I know, baby girl, but this isn’t our home,” I said, kneeling down. “Our home is just across that clearing, we can come visit.”
“Yeah, Sunflower, you’ll never be too far for a visit.” Theodore knelt next to me.
“But I really like it here momma,” Sol cried, gutting me.
Theodore gave me a small smile, looking so calm.
“I know baby, but Theodore, Atlas, and Colt need their own space,” I said, pulling her in for a hug.
“I don’t understand,” she murmured against my shoulder.
“You belong at home with your momma,” Theodore said, looking at Sol with an expression that I couldn’t decipher.
The pig snorted, pushing its nose into my chin.
“Can we bring?—”
“Hey kiddo.” Colt knelt next us. “I have the perfect idea. How about you leave her here and now you have an excuse for you to come whenever you want. We can name her before you leave.”
He patted the pig that was squished between Sol and me. He glanced at me, and I really didn’t like this side of Colt. Mad, broody, silent Colt, I could deal with, but him being sweet to me and my daughter made me nauseous.
“Really?!” Sol pushed me away, launching herself to Colt.
He chuckled as he caught Sol. I turned away to stop the overwhelming need to cry; I didn’t want to ease my anger towards him. He was out of line, he had treated me like shit, and I needed to remember that.
“Of course, Sol.” Atlas sat on the ground in his slacks. “You can come visit her anytime as long as you ask your momma.”
“It gives you a reason to see the other animals too,” Theodore added, glancing at me with a blush on his cheeks.
Sol started talking animatedly about what to name her when began to study the three men in front of me. What the fuck was going on? They owed her nothing but had always been so sweet to her. They would make amazing dads if they ever wanted any kids. It made me wonder if I would ever find men like this who would want us.