Chapter 7
seven
Rosie
“Thank you for letting me borrow your car,” I say to Violet as Finn strides from the cabin.
His urgency can only mean that his phone call is about me, but I’m in no rush to know more.
Reading the headlines this morning was a reminder I don’t need about how difficult it is to live in the spotlight and how desperately I need a break. “I’m sorry my exit was so dramatic.”
“It’s fine,” Violet says kindly. “I wasn’t worried about the car. I was worried about you.”
My relationship with Violet has always been more professional than personal, but I’ve also never been alone with her because Lauren came to all my fittings. Now that it’s only the two of us somewhere other than her studio, the dynamic between us vibes more toward friendly.
I consider for a moment that I’m so starved of genuine human attachment that I’ve read this all wrong, but when Violet offers me an encouraging smile, the tightness in my chest eases.
“I hope things weren’t too difficult when Lauren came back and found me missing,” I say. “I didn’t mean to put you in the middle.”
“You didn’t,” Violet assures me. “She returned and asked me where you were. I handed her the ring along with your message, then told her honestly that you left through the rear exit and I had no idea why. She didn’t waste time with more questions.
Your bodyguard did a quick check of the parking lot, but Lauren was on her phone and out the door again almost instantly. ”
I nod with understanding. “She would have called Chip as soon as she realized I was missing. Those two deserve each other.”
Violet’s face softens and she rests her hand on mine. “I don’t know what’s happening, Rosalie, but I’m sorry that it was bad enough for you to have to run like that.”
“I didn’t cheat on him,” I blurt out.
Violet’s voice falls to a soothing whisper. “I believe you.”
I set my other hand on Violet’s and grip it tightly. “Can I trust you, Violet?”
Her brows draw in and I explain in a rush.
“I know that sounds horrible and I don’t mean it to be.
I’m not accusing you of anything, but I’ve been betrayed by the most important person in my life and I’m not sure I trust my own judgment.
” I glance at Violet’s hand between mine.
“When it comes to human connection, I’m a little bruised. ”
Violet squeezes my fingers. “I understand. I wasn’t great at friendships until I met Chord’s sisters, but I’m trying to be better. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but if it would make you more comfortable, I can share a little about me first.”
“Yes,” I say. “I’d love to know more about you, Violet. You can trust me.”
She smiles and gives my hand a final squeeze before she draws hers back so she can tuck them between her knees.
“My mom left when I was two years old, and to this day I don’t know where she is.
” The way Violet says it, like it’s just a fact of life, mirrors the way I feel about my own abandonment and sparks an instant sense of kinship.
“My dad has depression and I worry about him every day. Last year, when word got out that I was dating Chord, people on social media called me a gold-digging opportunist with no talent. And when I decided to build a career on my own and design for a fashion house in Milan, it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was alone and heartbroken in a foreign country. I thought I’d lost it all. ”
“But you hadn’t,” I guess.
Violet’s smile reaches warm brown eyes lit up with memories.
“No. I had friends who saw through my brave face and a man who loved me enough to fly halfway around the world just to bring me back. And I did have talent—talent that allowed me to make my dreams come true on my own terms.” She squirms a little before she adds, “Just as soon as I could admit to myself that those terms had evolved along with the rest of me.”
“I think I know what you mean,” I reply.
“I’ve been in this business since I was eighteen years old and the things that were important then aren’t so important anymore.
I met Chip when I was twenty-one, and I’ve always relied on him for everything.
He told me what I wanted and made all the plans for how to get it.
It’s come to the point where I can’t tell the difference between his desires and my own. It’s like I lost myself.”
“How did you meet Chip?” Violet asks.
I roll my eyes at how cliché it sounds. “He introduced himself at an industry party. My record label had dropped me the year before, and I was trying to reestablish myself as a viable artist, but in reality, I was alone and adrift. Chip was smart and suave and sexy, older than me, and an important name. I thought he knew it all, so when he offered to be my manager, it seemed like all my problems were solved.” I fidget with the hem of my shirt.
“Our relationship didn’t turn romantic for another six months, and when it did, I felt lucky.
I lost count of the women who threw themselves at him, and there he was, choosing me. ”
“I can imagine that would be intoxicating, especially in your line of work.”
“That’s a good way to describe it,” I agree.
“I had no family and no real friends, and I was almost drugged by his attention. I never had to beg him to take an interest in my life. Chip was my life. He managed everything. From my career to my money to my body to my wardrobe to my security team to my publicist. My personal assistant.” I shake my head and wrap my arms around my middle to stop a shiver.
“I interpreted his behavior as acts of love. It took me too long to realize it was about control.”
I close my eyes to dispel the shame and open them again, determined to finally say out loud the things I’ve been too scared to even think.
“There are two sides to Chip. He’s charming and charismatic and generous, but he’s also intolerant and short-tempered, impatient and unforgiving, and he hates being challenged.
I learned quickly to go along with whatever he wanted.
It was easier than enduring days of the silent treatment or apologizing for things I did wrong.
He wanted what was best for me, right? He was smarter than me, wasn’t he?
He loved me, so of course I should trust him.
If I had any sense, I’d let him do the thinking and save my energy for what I did best. Songwriting.
Singing. Performing.” I shrug and try to pretend the shame doesn’t hollow me out.
“Eventually I stopped questioning him, even in my own head. I didn’t want to fight that battle with my heart anymore. ”
“When did you start to see things differently?” Violet asks gently.
I scrub my face and laugh quietly. I have to or else I’ll fall apart.
“About a year ago. Chip booked an entire world tour for my latest album, and it sold out in arenas everywhere. I’d been working for years to get to that moment.
It was supposed to be the highlight of my career…
and Chip wasn’t going to be there. I know that sounds spoiled.
He had a career and a life, and he couldn’t be on the road with me every night and for every show, but he had no plans to be there at all.
We were going to be separated for six months and he didn’t care.
He handed me a schedule and told me that everyone on the tour—everyone—would be his eyes and ears while I was gone, and for the first time, I didn’t hear that as love.
I heard it as control. As a threat. The message was clear: if I stepped out of line, Chip would find out about it.
Never in my life have I felt more like a commodity, or less like a human, or so lonely and insignificant. ”
“I’m sorry, Rosalie. That sounds incredibly difficult.”
“It was, but it also fired me up.” I feel the warmth of that old courage, and I fight to hold on to it.
“I thought screw him. I’m a grown woman.
I can take charge of my life. Everything he built was all because of me.
My voice. My music. My name. I decided he needed me more than I needed him, and that’s when I hired Finn as my bodyguard.
Chip was fuming when he found out, and I don’t know where I found the will to defy him.
Maybe it was because he was on the other side of the country instead of in the same room.
I told him I wanted an ex-military man on my team and unless he could find someone more qualified, the person I hired wasn’t going anywhere. ”
“Good for you.” Violet shakes her head with wonder. “That must have taken a lot of courage.”
“Or naivety,” I say, still disappointed by how short-lived my rebellion turned out to be. “I realized while I was away that I didn’t love Chip anymore, if I ever really had. I’d just made the decision to leave him altogether, break all ties personally and professionally, but then…”
Violet drops her head to the side. “But then… what?”
“There was an… incident.” I stumble over the word, and when the memory passes, I carry on like it didn’t almost drag me under.
“Chip flew out to meet me in Louisiana and decided Finn was to blame for everything. He fired him on the spot, and after what happened, I was too fragile to stop him. All my energy went into my shows, and life offstage passed by in a fog.” I recall that time with sadness, regret, and not a small amount of rage.
“I didn’t see it at the time, but when I look back now, I think Chip liked me that way.
Weak and dependent. He grew strong on my weakness. ”
Violet shakes her head sadly. “You didn’t deserve that type of treatment.”
I shrug to say I’m not sure that’s true. If I were a more confident woman, Chip would never have gained that kind of power in the first place.