CHAPTER 5
Katy
C raning her neck to better see the molding around the top of the auditorium, Katy tried not to gawk like the country bumpkin that she was. She’d never seen such attention to detail in architecture before; everything in Flussendorf was simple stone, except for a few wooden buildings. None of them had fancy features.
And the chandelier! She marveled at the sheer size of it. It couldn’t even be said to flicker; there were too many candles for that. But it was smaller than the stage below it, with tall, dark red curtains drawn across it.
“I hope you don’t mind sitting in a box,” Angelika said apologetically. “Normally, we try to sit in the orchestra section, which has a much better view and better acoustics. But opening night is always more crowded.”
“Mind?” Katy said, surprised. She grinned. “This is amazing! I don’t know how to thank you for bringing me here.” She stroked the blue taffeta on her lap. “Or for letting me borrow such a beautiful dress. Are you sure it’s all right for me to wear this?”
Angelika waved away her gratitude. “It’s an old dress. Besides,” she grinned mischievously, “you can’t come to the theater in peasant clothes. It just isn’t done! After all, you never know when the prince will be in attendance.”
Katy rolled her eyes. “The prince? Please, Angelika. If the prince were here, it wouldn’t matter what I was wearing. Or have you forgotten who my father is?”
Shrugging, Angelika replied, “He’s not going to be interested in me, either. Or most of the other girls here. But that doesn’t mean we want him to see us in anything less than our best!”
“Because it matters what the prince thinks of someone he’s never going to see again.” Katy grinned at her friend before resuming her inspection of their surroundings.
“I suppose not. But he gives the most outrageous compliments!” Angelika giggled, covering her mouth with her fan.
Running a hand over the smooth banister next to her, Katy admired the way the light from the chandelier reflected off it. “You’ve actually met him, then?”
“Once, about a year ago. He said my ‘eyes glittered like starlight against the midnight sky of my gown’,” she quoted rapturously.
Katy glanced over at her friend, grinning at her upturned eyes and fluttering eyelashes. With her hands clasped in front of her heart, Angelika was the picture of a girl mooning over her first crush. “That’s really what he said?” she said incredulously. “And you remember it word for word a year later?”
Angelika’s eyelids dropped closed as she sighed. “I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.”
“Then why are you sitting here instead of wandering the auditorium looking for him so he can compliment you again?”
Angelika simply sighed once more. “I’ve been looking. I haven’t seen him yet.”
Not long after, the show began. And when it did, Katy forgot about everything else: her amusement over her friend’s infatuation, the fineness of her borrowed dress, the beauty of the theater’s architecture. All she knew was the action on stage; she could never have dreamed of the sets, the costumes, the music of the orchestra, or the beautiful voices of the singers.
A young woman with braided blonde hair danced across the stage, singing of her love of the hills and the trees. Townspeople sang and danced around her. The villain lurked in the background, singing long, low notes in a minor key that added an element of unease to the village dance.
Then a young man entered. He wore a straw hat that made it difficult to see his face from her position in the box, but something about him seemed…familiar, somehow.
Pushing it to the back of her mind, she concentrated on enjoying the show. Until he began to sing.
“If I spoke to you, Would you remember me? Would you know my twinkling eye? If I said ‘Hello,’ Would you acknowledge me…”
Her heart skipped a beat as a memory scraped its way to the surface of her mind. It was fuzzy, the images and sounds distorted. But the vague picture of a boy with light brown skin and dark brown hair as he sang passionately and gestured with his arms seemed to resonate with the young man in front of her.
“It can’t be,” she whispered. One hand crept up to press against her chest as if she could physically restrain the wild hope causing her heart to beat faster. “It’s impossible.”
Promise … remember me , the baritone in her head pled.
“Remember.” Her lips formed the word soundlessly as her left hand drifted to the bracelet on her right wrist.
… won’t forget me?
The actor’s smooth baritone washed over her, its note of longing calling to the similar ache in her chest. As he sang to the woman he couldn’t find, his voice breaking in all the right places, and the little she could see of his face expressing his earnest desire to be reunited with her, Katy reached her hand up to cover her mouth as she blinked back tears.
Even if … can’t remember …
“Katy?” Angelika leaned over, her brow creased. “Are you all right?”
Nodding, Katy fought the emotions that overwhelmed her. The song was beautiful; she never wanted it to end.
She needed it to be over. Now.
Frowning, Angelika turned back to the stage, but Katy could see her shooting worried looks out of the corner of her eye.
When the song finished and the dialogue resumed, Katy nudged her friend’s arm. “Who is that playing Lars?”
“It was supposed to be Georg, but I heard something about an accident,” Angelika replied in a low voice. “I’m not sure who the understudy is. Why?”
She couldn’t voice it. It was impossible.
“Do—do you think it could—I mean, are there ever—” She twisted her hands in her lap, barely stopping herself from twisting the beautiful dress instead. “Do the nobility ever join the cast?” she asked in a rush.
The pitying look the other girl gave her spoke volumes. “No, Katy. I’ve only known commoners to be on the stage.”
Nodding, Katy tried to smile. It was tremulous at best and likely closer to a grimace. “Of course. I was only curious.”
She turned her face back to the stage and attempted to pick up what she had missed, but her mind struggled to focus. She had known it was impossible before she had asked.
And yet…
His voice. His gestures.
She knew them.
Shaking her head, she crossed her arms over her chest and gripped her biceps to keep from fiddling with the river stones on her wrist. Even if, by some miracle, she found him again, nothing would change. He’d stopped coming to Flussendorf. He hadn’t told her how to contact him. He’d never even said goodbye.
Whether because of his parents or his own wishes, he clearly had no interest in a relationship with her. And who could blame him? The very idea of a nobleman and a poor miller’s daughter was preposterous.
As the story progressed, so did Katy’s mood. And by the end, when the cast sang a cheerful, light-hearted piece while Lars and Astrid danced together, her heart soared along with it.
She would never achieve anything if she gave up in the face of “impossible.”
The members of the cast bowed while the crowd cheered. Individual members stepped forward to accept accolades. Any minute now, the curtains would close a final time. If she had to guess, the audience members would then all rise from their seats and make it impossible to maneuver.
“Katy?” Angelika said, startled, as Katy shot up out of her seat.
“I’ll be back,” she assured her friend. “I want to see if I can find someone.”
Angelika twisted in her seat. “The understudy is a regular actor, Katy. You need to give this up! And you can’t leave—”
Ignoring Angelika’s protests, Katy darted out the back and hurried down the passage to the stairs.
~
The lower levels of the theater lacked the ornate touches of the main level and auditorium. Katy wandered down the narrow hallway, her fancy slippers – also borrowed from Angelika – making barely a sound on the wooden floor.
The candles at intervals along the wall cast strange, flickering shadows, but Katy wasn’t bothered. According to the usher she talked to, she would find the dressing rooms somewhere down this hall. And in one of the dressing rooms, she hoped to find a young man with the most wonderful voice she’d ever heard.
A rustling noise in one of the deeper shadows caught her attention. She stepped forward, peering into the darkness. “Hello? Is someone there?”
She thought she saw something move, too high up to be a cat. Taking another step nearer, she reached out a hand. “Hello?”
Suddenly, a door swung open behind her, the hinges groaning loudly in the silent hall. She spun around, hand over her heart, to see a tall figure backlit by the candelabra in the room behind him. He tilted his head, watching her for a moment.
“Are you lost?”
“What?” she gasped, still trying to convince her heart to return to its normal speed. “Um…no, I—I was just looking for—”
She could feel her cheeks heating. What was she doing down here?
“Why don’t you step in here for a moment?” He stepped back and gestured behind him with the wet cloth in his hand. “I like to see a person’s face when I talk to them.”
Enter a room with a strange man in a dark, seemingly deserted basement…
“Actually, I should go back upstairs.” She took a hesitant step backward. “My friend will be wondering where I ran off to.”
“I don’t bite.” His face was still mostly in shadow, but she could hear the grin in his voice. “Do you know the way back?”
Resting a hand on her hip, she gave him an unimpressed look that was lost to the dim light. “I’m not a fool. I can follow a straight hallway to the stairs.”
He turned his face away, lips mashed together. As the light from the room lit the expression, she caught a twinkle in his eye. Or maybe that was simply the light reflecting off it.
“You’re Lars!” she gasped. The angle of his jaw, combined with the voice… It was different when he wasn’t delivering lines. That must be why she hadn’t recognized it from the start.
His head jerked back toward her. “What? No, I’m—”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I—”
“No, sorry.” He waved a hand in front of his face and chuckled. “You threw me for a minute, that’s all. Yes, I played Lars tonight.”
Without conscious thought, her feet carried her toward him. Staring up at him, she said rapturously, “You’re the reason I came down here.”
“Oh?” His voice cracked a little.
Clasping her hands in front of her chest, she took another step forward. “When I heard you sing, I knew I had to meet you. To see if—” She choked on the desperate hope flooding her. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t be him.
But oh, how she wanted it to be.
“Lars” flashed her a winning smile, his teeth reflecting the candlelight. “We actors do aim to please. I’m glad you enjoyed the show.”
“Yes, it was wonderful,” Katy said, tossing off the assurance without paying it much heed. She raised her eyes to his warm brown ones. “But that’s not why I had to see you.”
He simply raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side, waiting. Katy twisted her hands nervously. Her memories were so fuzzy, and she had no name. She struggled to remember more details of his face, but pressure began to build in her temples with the effort. Unless he acknowledged her, how would she know if it was really him ?
On the other hand, if it wasn’t him , she would never see him again, so it didn’t matter how big of a fool she appeared. She might as well just say it. “This might sound silly, but—” She bit her lip. “You wouldn’t happen to be a noble in real life, would you?”
She cringed internally, waiting for his scoff. For a moment, he stared back at her, smile still in place. Then he tipped back his head and laughed.
“A noble?” It was such a pleasant laugh. Not demeaning, just amused. “If I were a noble, do you think I would be spending my evenings in the bowels of the theater?”
Even as her heart sank at this verification of what she already knew, she crept closer. Stepping into the doorway, she searched his face, half lit, half in shadows. “If it’s what you love. What you want matters.” The words echoed in her head, evoking the sense that she’d said them before.
He blinked at her, confusion in his eyes. Such beautiful eyes, she thought irrelevantly.
“Pardon me if I sound forward…do I…know you?”
If only he did.
“No,” she replied, shaking her head slowly. Finally dropping her eyes, she told him, “I came down here hoping that maybe—” She stopped, letting the last of her hope drain out. “But no, I do not believe we’ve ever met.”
It was time to give up on fruitless dreams.
“I should probably go.” She tried to muster a joking smile, but it fell flat. “Before Angelika forms a search party.”
“Let me grab my cloak and boots, and I’ll join you,” he offered, already striding back into the dressing room. Katy stared after him, her mouth slightly open. This complete stranger wanted to—
Then her mind caught up with the rest of his sentence. “Your…” She glanced down at his feet. His stocking feet .
She’d been talking to a handsome young man who wasn’t fully dressed.
Cheeks beginning to heat, she whipped her face away. “Don’t hurry on my account,” she called out, wishing she didn’t sound as flustered as she looked. Behind her, she could hear his light chuckles. “I told you, I can find my way back.” But she didn’t walk away.
The scuffling sound of boots sliding across a wooden floor was followed by the steady thump of shod feet. Trusting it was safe, she turned around and saw him reaching for a long, black cloak laid over the back of a chair.
“It’s no trouble,” he assured her easily with a quick glance over his shoulder. “After all, an actor cannot spend his entire life in the theater. I should be going, myself.” Pausing, he grabbed something off the seat of the chair before turning back to her, but there was nothing in his hands. He swung his cloak around his shoulders, concealing his black trousers and white shirt.
Katy watched him warily, trying to decide if he was as friendly and trustworthy as he seemed. He was an actor, after all.
A voice in her head that sounded like Angelika argued for taking off on her own, but he was already walking back toward her, his brown eyes sparkling when the candlelight caught them. His mouth was still stretched in a smile, but it seemed more natural than the one he had given her earlier.
“Shall we, milady?” he said brightly, offering her his arm.
Pursing her lips, she stared at it. She’d already been rash coming down here; was it really wise to follow that up with letting him walk her back? Although, it wasn’t as if he could kidnap her more easily while escorting her than while following her down a dark hallway. If he was a scoundrel, she was already in trouble.
The arm didn’t move, so she let her eyes sweep up to his face. “I’m not sure I should accept an escort from a nameless man,” she challenged lightly, one side of her mouth pulling up in a small smirk.
For a moment, he simply stared back at her, his smile a little wrinkled. Then his expression smoothed out, and he bowed over his right arm, sweeping his left out to the side in a grand gesture. “My apologies, madam. Gunther, at your service.”
Gunther. It didn’t ring any bells, not that she expected it to. He definitely belonged on the stage, though, Katy thought wryly as she gave him a shallow curtsy in response. “Katrin.”
Introductions over, he held out his arm again. It was probably a bad idea, but…she reached out and carefully placed her hand in his elbow, taking care to leave as much room between them as possible. She could feel the heat of his skin through the thin material of his sleeve. The texture was much finer than she usually had the opportunity to touch. The shirt Fritz had worn when she walked with him hadn’t had long enough sleeves to reach his elbow, but she knew that if it had, the fabric would have been rough beneath her hand.
Gunther might not be a noble, but he wasn’t a pauper.
She examined the rest of his clothing in the patches of stronger light as they walked down the hallway, taking care to appear as if she was looking at the walls rather than her companion; he didn’t need more encouragement. The slight sheen of his cloak, the perfect fit of his trousers, and the way the candlelight reflected off of his polished boots confirmed her original impression of wealth.
As they walked, a slight scuffle that didn’t seem to match the rustle of her skirts or the light thud of his footfalls caught her attention. Turning toward the sound, Katy peered into the deep shadow, but she couldn’t see anything. She gave herself an internal shake. Maybe it was time to be out of the basement; she was starting to hear things.
“Do you live in the city, Katrin?” Gunther asked suddenly, disrupting the silence.
Shaking her head, she focused on a wall sconce instead of him and replied, “My friend and I live in a village near the border.”
“A village?” he repeated, looking at her in surprise.
“Is that a problem?” she asked. Twisting to look up at him, she raised an eyebrow in challenge. Charm and good looks did not give him permission to be a snob, but if he was one, she wasn’t going to let him walk all over her.
He broke into a grin, a common state for him, it seemed. “No. I once spent many happy days in a small village.” Placing his free hand over his heart, he sighed dramatically. “To return to that time in my life would be nothing short of bliss.”
She tried to hold it back, but a giggle escaped her. He wasn’t a snob; he was just ridiculous. “Are you sure you don’t spend your life in the theater? I feel like you might carry it with you,” she smiled, her laughter filtering through into her speech. Curious despite herself, she asked, “Which village? And if you loved it so much, why haven’t you been back?”
The smile on his face drooped, and he looked away as his eyebrows pulled together. “I…can’t remember the name,” he faltered, sounding unsure of himself for the first time. “But I haven’t been back since my sister died.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, feeling a surge of sympathy at the sorrow that she could hear in his voice. “You must miss her greatly.”
He nodded solemnly. “I do.”
The silence settled around them again as Katy pondered this new information. It seemed odd to be unable to recall the name of a place he claimed to love. But she didn’t have room to talk, she reminded herself. It was no stranger than mooning over a young man she’d known for years…but whose name was forever lost to the ether of her memories.
Why couldn’t she remember?
Lost in her thoughts, she was startled when Gunther spoke again. “Would your friend be able to spare you this evening?” he asked in a rush.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Possibly. Why?”
Pulling her to a stop, he gently grasped her hands. Katy felt her eyes growing wide, shocked by such a familiar gesture from a stranger. He looked intently into her face, eyes searching for she didn’t know what.
“Come walk with me.”
“E-excuse me?” Katy spluttered, her eyes now bulging out of her head. Her mouth dropped open slightly. He hadn’t—surely, this handsome, charming, like-her-old-friend-but-not stranger of an actor hadn’t asked her—
To walk with him.
“Unless…” He dropped his eyes, his face falling. “Unless there’s someone back in your village.”
Whether or not there was, Katy would have found it difficult to refuse him. She couldn’t deny that her heart still tugged at her, even though she knew Gunther wasn’t her old friend. And his downcast expression, bearing not a hint of the theatrical, increased her desire to say yes.
“Gunther, I—” She squeezed his hands, trying to communicate the things she couldn’t find the words to say. “I’m flattered, but you don’t know anything about me. I don’t know anything about you.”
“I know you’re from a small village near the border,” he said softly, bringing his earnest brown eyes back to her face. “I know you love the theater almost as much as I do.”
“That might be a bit—”
He reached up and brushed one of her curls away from her face, effectively cutting her off when her breath hitched at the tender gesture. He was a stranger; what was he thinking? Although she wasn’t thinking anything when his fingers skimmed her temple. “I know you’re full of fire, but you’re easily flustered. And you’re kind.”
Katy felt her cheeks heating again as she tried to lean away without looking like she was trying to escape. “I’m not—what—how could you possibly—”
“You braved the depths of the theater to thank an actor, defied his assumption that you were scared, and showed concern for him.” One corner of his lips tugged up. “Then blushed because he was barefoot.”
Desperate to change the subject, she latched onto the first thing he’d said. “It wasn’t to thank you,” she said, looking away.
“Then why?” he pressed.
She met his eyes briefly, hoping he couldn’t see the devastation there. “You reminded me of someone. It was a long shot.”
“Who?”
“Someone…someone I knew a long time ago.” Sighing, she pulled her hand free and started walking toward the stairs again, fingering her bracelet.
She needed to remember who he was. Or rather, who he wasn’t.
Gunther created an echo in her memory, but he wasn’t… him .
Striding firmly ahead, Katy fought to push the memories aside. It was over. He was never coming back. And she would not let the tears burning in the corners of her eyes show in front of Gunther, because no matter how much her heart whispered that he was an old friend, her head knew better.
Even if he was an old friend, it wouldn’t matter. His clothes clearly spoke to his economic status, if not his social one. No man of his position wanted the daughter of a drunken village miller. The hazy friend in her memories hadn’t. And neither would Gunther.
She needed to find Angelika and go home.
“Katrin, I’m sorry I’m not him,” he said from behind her. “And I’m guessing you don’t make it to Himmelsburg very often.”
“No,” she whispered. Not that it would matter if she did.
His long legs quickly overtook her. Cutting ahead, he forced her to stop as he turned to face her, blocking the way.
“So it’s only this once.” She cocked her head at him, wondering where he was going with this. “One evening where you can pretend that I’m the fool who walked away, and then you can turn the tables and leave me in your dust.”
He was determined, she would give him that. At least while he thought she might be someone worth his while. “And who would I be?” she asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at him. It couldn’t hurt to play along. “Or am I the only one pretending? Surely there’s someone you’d like to dream up.”
People always told her that she carried her heart in her eyes. At that moment, she felt as if she could see Gunther’s pouring out through his as he gazed at her. “The girl who made the village wonderful,” he breathed.
Her mouth dropped open, shocked at this admission. “There was a girl?” And he hadn’t gone back?
“That’s who you are, aren’t you?” he said lightly, the intensity disappearing in a mischievous grin. The speed at which he changed gave her emotional whiplash. “I imagine if I were to visit your village, I would find that all of the young ladies paled in comparison to your glowing smile.”
He was always acting, wasn’t he? She smiled at him, but she could feel that it was strained. “If that were true, I wouldn’t be free to walk with you, would I? ”
“So does that mean you will?” His face was teasing as he caught one of her hands and brought it to his lips. “If nothing else, to thank a poor, lonely actor for enchanting you with his song?”
Once again, even knowing she was seeing only one of many layers, she felt laughter bubble up in her chest. “I don’t think you’re a ‘poor’ anything,” she replied with a pointed look at his clothing. Interestingly, the twinkle in his eye grew brighter at this observation. “And I’m not sure if I can trust an actor I just met. You might pretend to be sweet and gentlemanly, then drag me into an alley and murder me.”
“Wha—me?” he exclaimed, gesturing to himself with his free hand and assuming a shocked and offended – but clearly put-on – expression. “You think I would do such a thing?”
“Exactly.” She patted the hand that still held hers and laughed. It felt good to laugh freely with him. “But I think I’ll risk it.”
She knew half of what he said – or at least how he said it – was artificial. He might be a scoundrel. Yet even with all the layers she’d seen, she didn’t think so.
Maybe she was only seeing what she wanted to see. Tracing the outline of someone else around him and indulging in wishful thinking. Maybe she couldn’t help the lure of pretending for a single evening that she had him one more time. And not as a mere friend, but as a would-be suitor.
It was all a pretty fantasy, and she knew it. But she had little enough fantasy in her life of threshing, shearing, and spinning; couldn’t a girl lay aside her practicality every now and then?
“Shall we, then?” Gunther grinned, offering her his expensively-clad arm.
And if he turned out to be a scoundrel, surely she could manage to beat him off if she had to. Or at least scream loudly enough to bring someone to her rescue.
Taking his arm, she let herself settle closer than she had before. “I should probably tell Angelika first,” Katy sighed. “She’ll worry if I disappear. Oh, and I should get my cloak,” she added absently. It was late autumn; she’d freeze without it. Gunther might be willing to share his, but she wasn’t feeling that rash.
“Of course,” he replied. “I’ll wait for you at the top of the stairs.”
Katy furrowed her brow, wondering if he was hiding nefarious intentions after all. “Why don’t you come with me? I’m sure she’d love to meet you.”
“With this face?” Gunther laughed. “If I step foot out of the cast area, I’ll be mobbed by adoring fans, and we’ll never get out of here.”
“Good point,” she said as they began to climb the stairs. His true motivation or not, it was a valid point.
To say that Angelika was not pleased with her disappearing act would be putting it mildly. She was even less thrilled when Katy announced her intention to run off again and wander the capital with a man she’d just met. Fortunately, Angelika couldn’t do a thing about it except scowl at Katy and cast dire predictions.
Naturally, Katy ignored these with the practice of long friendship. Not that she always ignored Angelika, but sometimes, Katy had no interest in being held back by her friend’s cautious nature.
Tonight was one of those times. Gunther was a stranger, but he made her laugh. He had amazing brown eyes, and he radiated good nature and friendliness. Where was the harm in enjoying his company a little longer?
And when it was time to return home, she could leave him in her dust.