Chapter Ten #2
Judah groaned and rubbed his eyes, trying to will away the image of Arielle on her knees, the sound of her moan as she rubbed up against his thigh, the sweet taste of her mouth, as if Akiva could somehow see into his brain.
It wouldn’t be the most surprising thing, considering every minute of their encounter last night was most likely seared into his gray matter permanently.
“You did. Ho. Ly. Shit.”
“I am not telling you a single other thing,” Judah said firmly. “I feel shitty for telling you this already.”
“And he curses! Bro, thank you. This is literally the best birthday I have ever had.”
Judah huffed as he slumped back in his seat. “I see why you two are friends.”
His brother grinned and took another bite. “For what it’s worth, she’s a very cool girl. She and the others who were at lunch at my apartment on Shabbos are the only other straight people who know about me.” His expression grew serious. “So, are you two, like, dating?”
“Absolutely not,” Judah insisted, surprising them both with the fierceness in his voice. He took a deep breath and started again. “We were just having some fun. She and I are on the same page, I assure you.”
“The same naked page.”
Judah rolled his eyes. “There have been no naked pages.” Just her mouth wrapped around him, tongue doing unspeakable things.
His greedy hands filled with her perfect ass.
To actually see her in all her glory would probably make his brain explode.
Not that he hadn’t pictured it, but at least for now, he could tell himself his mental image was an exaggeration.
But he had a feeling that if anything, he was underselling, and that if he ever did see her naked, she would ruin all other women for him for good.
Which meant that could not happen. Because there would, please God, be another woman at some point. And he could not be imagining sliding Arielle Becker’s black lace panties down her legs—
A burst of laughter from his brother jolted him out of his reverie. “Wow. You absolutely disappeared for a minute there. She’s that good, huh?”
“Better,” Judah muttered as he got up from the table, too tired to lie, and tossed his trash in the can on the corner.
Akiva’s laughter followed him all the way down the street as he jogged after him. “I’m sorry, I’m just—”
“Stunned and delighted that your brother’s a ‘horndog’—yeah, I got that.”
“Okay, seriously though. I’m glad you told me. I guess this explains why you’re suddenly willing to come to my Shabbos meals and parties.”
He wasn’t entirely wrong, but Judah started to protest anyway, then stopped. “I really am a lousy brother, aren’t I?”
“We’re just living different lives,” Akiva said generously, shrugging. “But yeah, I hope this means we’ll be closer now. You definitely could not have picked a more convenient girl.”
The idea of “picking” Ari made him want to laugh, as if she were a casual choice and not a force of nature that crashed into one’s life with all the subtlety of a tornado. “You’re welcome. But to be clear, that was a one-time thing.”
“I thought it happened twice.”
“All right, technically, it was kind of a three-time thing”—he ignored Akiva’s shit-eating grin—“but that’s it. No more plans to see her until Liana’s wedding in August, and I don’t think we’ll end up in any bar bathrooms together again.”
“Okay, but”—they’d reached their destination of Akiva’s building, and he gestured upward—“she happens to live in my building, right here. You could go see her … right now.”
“Come on, Kivi, no.” But God, did he want to.
“Have you considered … yes?” Akiva waggled his eyebrows. “Seriously, you should at least talk to her. And what are you even doing with the rest of your day?”
“I have a lot of plans to ignore an ungodly number of emails and phone calls, thank you very much.”
“That’s pathetic. You’re coming upstairs.”
“She’s probably not even home,” Judah muttered, more to himself than to his brother.
“Only one way to find out!” Akiva quickly found 4F on the building directory and slammed down the buzzer. Sure enough, a few seconds later, the throaty voice Judah’d been hearing in his dreams said, “Yeah?”
“Hey, Ar—forgot my keys.”
Next thing Judah knew, they were being buzzed in, and he was following his brother into an elevator and letting him press both 4 and 5. He barely had time to think about what to say to Arielle when Akiva shoved him out the open door onto the fourth floor and hollered, “Good luck!” after him.
It was absolutely ridiculous that he was ringing Arielle Becker’s doorbell, as stupid an idea as he—or at least Akiva—had ever had. But his traitorous heart pounded with anticipation at seeing her, and okay, it wasn’t the only organ interested.
Part of him hoped Liana would be home so he could just pretend to be there for Akiva’s key, then leave.
Part of him hoped Liana had moved out early, magically leaving Arielle with her own place and an inexplicable tendency to answer her door in nothing but the lace underwear his fingers had skimmed the night before.
“One sec!” Arielle’s voice called through the door, and only upon hearing it did it occur to him that she might not actually want to see him as badly as he wanted to see her.
It wasn’t as if they were dating; he hadn’t so much as texted her since the party to tell her he’d been thinking about her.
And then there was the somewhat humiliating fact that while she’d given him the night of his life at the bar, he hadn’t left her nearly as satisfied.
“Judah! What are you doing here?”
He’d been so deep inside his own head, he hadn’t even realized she’d answered the door.
He sucked in a sharp breath. Arielle Becker had been beautiful in a bridesmaid dress and hot as hell in her party clothes, but in a thin tank top and tiny sweat shorts, she was utterly life-ruining.
Pipe down, he ordered the stirring in his jeans, irritated at how quickly and reliably he responded to her.
Then he realized she was waiting for an answer. “Oh, uh, Akiva asked if I could grab his extra key.” He listened for a second and heard no other sounds. “Is Liana home?”
“Nope, just me,” she responded, her full lips curving at the corners. “Still here for Akiva’s key?”
“Nope.” He wiped his palms on his jeans. “Can I come in?”
She laughed and let him inside. The apartment was nice—cute, feminine.
The sequined throw pillows looked more like Liana’s contributions, but he suspected Arielle was responsible for the shelf of assembled Lego sets.
He followed her through the dining space to the living room and watched her curl up on the couch, but he didn’t sit.
“It was Akiva who buzzed up, though, so … does he know where you are?”
Judah shoved his hands into his pockets. “He does, yeah.”
“You can sit, you know. I promise not to bite. Unless you ask nicely.”
So help me God. “I’m good,” he said, flexing his toes in his shoes to subtly work off some nervous energy. “But yeah, I, um, I did tell Akiva that we … I mean, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, but he told me the other thing—his big thing, which he said you already know—”
“The rainbow-colored thing?”
He didn’t expect the laugh that rolled out of him. “The rainbow-colored thing,” he confirmed. “He told me, and we’d been talking about you because he saw us talking at the party, and I’d lied, but…”
“He told you a big secret, so you wanted to tell him one. I get it,” she said with a soft smile that immediately relaxed his shoulders. “I’m not the one who cares if people know we hooked up, Judah. You’re the one keeping me your dirty little secret.”
“I’m not—” he protested instinctively, but yes, he was.
Of course he was. He couldn’t even imagine what people knowing about their …
dalliances would do to his reputation, both personally and professionally.
He’d certainly never be set up again; Mrs. Ruziak would blacklist him.
Still, just the words “we hooked up” coming from her mouth sent a thrill through him.
“You are. It’s fine. We said we wouldn’t talk about it, so we don’t have to talk about it. But what’d you say? When he came out to you, I mean.”
“I thanked him for telling me and told him I hope I’ll get to sing at his wedding someday. Why?”
That soft smile was back, and for some reason, it was doing funny things to his bones. “He had no idea how you’d take it. I had no idea how you’d take it. I’m glad it was good.”
Ouch. “You think because I’m a little frummer, I’m a homophobe? That I’d turn my back on my own brother?”
“You act like you’d be the first person to do that,” she said sharply, all trace of her smile gone. “It’s not like you’ve always been super close. And you do take great pride in your reputation as a Nice Jewish Boy.”
Her pointedness did not go unnoticed, and he couldn’t exactly argue it, all things considered.
Besides, she had a point—this wasn’t about him and how open-minded he thought himself to be.
For the rest of his life, every single time Akiva came out to someone, it would always come with the baggage of what it meant to be gay and in the Orthodox community.
Hell, their old shul probably wouldn’t call him up to the Torah anymore if they knew.
If Judah thought people knowing he’d hooked up with someone would be hard, he knew it was a drop in the bucket compared to what Akiva was facing.
“I wouldn’t put my reputation before my brother,” he said finally, and he meant it.
But they both knew he’d put it before her in a heartbeat.
“I don’t know what to do with all this,” he admitted.
“You’re both so comfortable in who you are, and I’m older than both of you and still don’t know what the hell I want.
” Well, that wasn’t entirely true—he knew one thing he definitely wanted—but it didn’t exactly go with everything else he wanted, and he didn’t know how to reconcile that.