Chapter Fifteen
What was getting to Judah as he boarded his flight to Mexico wasn’t that he couldn’t get images from the past week out of his head; that was his norm now. Fiending for one more taste of Arielle Becker was basically his natural state.
No, what was driving him absolutely out of his mind was the stupid way he’d managed to insert her into all these other visions.
Sitting next to him at the airport, sharing a bag of chili-lime chips and resting her head on his shoulder as they waited.
Squeezing his hand as the plane took off while listening to him say Tefillat HaDerekh to pray for their safe travels.
Bounding ahead of him into the hotel room and jumping onto the bed, throwing her limbs out like a starfish.
And yeah, the best vision was always the one where they got back to the room at the end of the night, drunk on the Seder’s four cups of wine and then some, giggling and shushing each other as they stripped out of their clothes and climbed into bed.
But even in that mental image, she just curled up on his chest and went to sleep, both of them exhausted by the inevitable lateness of the hour.
He’d thought about pretending to be asleep when she’d returned from brushing her teeth with his spare toothbrush the night before.
It’d been too perfect—too confusing—a night, and he hadn’t known how to end it without begging her to stay, even though he was the one flying in the morning.
He was still shocked she’d asked him to play for her, but he’d been careful not to choose anything romantic, even though his head had been swimming with options.
The last thing he wanted on their last night of the agreed-upon one week of debauchery was to leave on a note of having screwed things up.
But she’d come back to bed wearing his ancient Beastie Boys shirt and nothing else, and he’d decided he didn’t want to shortchange himself out of a minute of time with her.
He’d opened up the blanket, welcomed her chilly legs against his warm ones, and spooned her until he felt her breath even out and he himself could nod off.
It had unquestionably been the most romantic night of his entire life.
It was just really, really unfortunate that it was with a woman he shouldn’t have been romancing, and who wasn’t remotely interested in being romanced by him.
It doesn’t matter, he told himself as he slid in his earbuds and flipped through his music collection.
Yes, it was an amazing week. Yes, you will probably be reliving it every night until you die.
But it’s just physical. Arielle Becker is not your future.
There are going to be a ton of single women on this program, and all you have to do is find one who helps you forget her name.
His phone vibrated with a text, and he looked down to see a message from Lev.
Even I’ve never seen this one. Your fans are going for some serious deep cuts.
Curious, Judah opened the link and was stunned to find a video of himself in which he couldn’t have been more than twelve years old, belting out the high-pitched solo of “Shomer Yisrael.” Against his better judgment, he scanned the comments.
@JGo212: Prepube JK crushing it!
@kdancer007: OMG he is so cute I can’t
@Lumina2000: I am simply living for this
@BettyMax: Why can I not stop watching children sing in a language I don’t even understand???
They kept going and going, some commenting on the underrated harmonies, others noting the humiliatingly snazzy outfits, and way, way too many focused on him and his talent and the ridiculously swoopy hair he’d finally cut for his bar mitzvah.
He stupidly wondered whether Ari was seeing any of it, then groaned and closed his eyes, willing all thoughts of her to disappear.
Trying to work up some excitement for the trip, he opened the email from Lev with the information about the upcoming week.
His schedule wasn’t bad, and the program’s promises of luxury were endless—miles of beach, a well-appointed spa, entertainment every night (only occasionally provided by him), and a stunning hotel room that would put his Upper East Side studio to shame.
All good things, exciting things, things bursting with luck and privilege and possibility.
But when they finally called the flight to board, all he could think about was the girl who wasn’t coming with him.
The flight and shuttle to the hotel were smooth (traffic aside), and the resort was every bit as gorgeous as promised, dotted with palm trees and smelling of salt air and freshly cut grass.
It was an entirely different universe from the poststorm New York City he’d left behind, with its scents of exhaust and petrichor.
Judah inhaled deeply, smoothed an invisible wrinkle in his polo shirt, and headed inside.
The lobby wasn’t the chaos of screaming children he had imagined, but he went straight for the front desk anyway, feeling a few pairs of eyes tracking him as he passed.
It wasn’t his first Pesach program as hired entertainment, but he was a lot more recognizable this time around, and the Orthodox Jewish world was already small enough.
He checked in, went through the whole indignity of “Yes, it’s just me,” and “Right, only one key,” and headed to his room, barely appreciating the oceanfront view as he put his suitcase on the luggage holder, kicked off his shoes, and set his phone down next to his bed.
The idea of a nap was tempting, but not as tempting as showering the plane ride off of him.
Of course, the thought of taking a shower immediately brought his mind to getting some other much-needed relief, and he hesitated. How long could he go on jerking off in every damn shower to a woman he wouldn’t be touching again? At what point did it simply become self-inflicted torture?
He was still trying to decide when his phone rang from the nightstand.
For a good time, call …
He and Ari had exchanged a few texts, but they’d never once spoken on the phone.
That twinge in his heart resurfaced as he imagined her calling to say she missed him, but he quickly dismissed the thought.
More likely she was calling about the underwear she’d left behind, which he’d only stumbled upon on his way out the door that morning.
Either way, if he didn’t answer now, he was going to miss her call. And so he answered. “Hey.”
“Hi.” An awkward silence descended before she spoke again. “I—you mentioned dreading being lonely. I figured I’d make you unlonely for a minute.”
Heart thump.
Crap.
“I was just going to take a shower,” he said stupidly, his tongue feeling too big for his mouth, his heart feeling too big for his chest again.
Then he realized it sounded like a come-on, and then he wondered if she was calling for phone sex.
For some reason, the thought made him a little sad, even while his dick clearly liked the idea very much.
“Oh. Well. Don’t let me keep you.”
“No! I mean, that wasn’t me trying to kick you off the phone.” He dropped onto the bed. “I wasn’t … I am—I…” He took a deep breath and tried to arrange his scrambled thoughts. “Thank you,” he said finally. “That was really nice of you to call.” Too nice. “It does help.”
“Well, I do know someone else you can call if you get lonely. Like, maybe a certain brother who’s alone with his mom, stepfather, and grandmother for yuntif and would love to connect with his big brother, I bet.”
Judah’s heart stuttered for a whole different reason, thinking of his family sitting around the table without him, Akiva singing Mah Nishtana, his grandmother teasing him about making sure he found a good hiding spot for the afikomen if he wanted a present. “Yeah,” he said thickly. “I’ll call.”
“Good. And let yourself have a good time, Judah. It’s only as lonely as you let it be. As much as I hate to admit it, I no longer believe you have the most loathsome personality on the planet.”
He laughed. “Highest praise from Arielle Becker.”
“You know it. Have a good yuntif, Judah. Chag kasher v’sameach.”
“Chag kasher v’sameach, Ari.”
He stared at his phone for a full minute after they hung up, wishing she’d call back, or he’d think of a good reason to dial her number. But they’d said what they had to say. It was a sweet and unexpected extension of their goodbye, but still a goodbye. They’d had a deal, and that deal had expired.
It was time to venture out on his own.
For a moment, he considered leaving his phone behind, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do so.
Instead, he silenced it, slipped it into his pocket, and headed down to the lobby, hoping some fresh air would clear his head.
He was just making his way to the large outdoor seating area overlooking one of the pools when he heard a vaguely familiar voice calling his name.
“Judah Klein!”
Judah looked up to see a familiar figure walking his way, and after a couple of blinks he realized it was Benny Winkler, an old friend from high school.
Judah had no idea where he was living now or how many kids he had, but there were none trailing behind him as he came over for a bro hug—just a few other guys Judah didn’t know and a woman who looked a few years younger and was presumably one of their wives.
He plastered a smile on his face and returned the back pat. “Benny! Long time. How’s it going?”
“Not nearly as good as it’s been going for you, from what I hear.”
For an inexplicable second, Judah thought Benny was referring to the last week, and he nearly broke out in a cold sweat as he wondered how word of his exploits with Ari could’ve possibly spread this far.
And then he remembered what the rest of his life looked like, and he exhaled sharply.
“Baruch Hashem,” he managed. “Things have been busy. Good.”
“My nieces are going apeshit that you’re here.” He gestured to the guy next to him. “You remember my brother, Aaron.”