Chapter 4
Chapter Four
BANNER
I grab the food from the delivery guy before heading into the kitchen.
I hear the faint sound of music coming from Katy’s room and sigh.
So much for cheering her up. Hell, I couldn’t even remember to buy the ingredients to cook for her.
Now she feels like I’m siding with my parents over the whole college thing.
Honestly, it’s not that, but how do I tell my kid sister that I don’t want her to enlist because I’m fucking terrified of losing her too?
That I’m no better than our parents because I can’t see past my own issues, even though I’m dimming her light every time I rub the shine off her dreams.
I plate up the food and grab a couple of bottles of water before taking them over to the table. I jog out to the den and find Katy curled up on the sofa, staring out the window, though I’m not sure she’s seeing anything at all.
“Food’s here.”
She turns and looks up at me before getting to her feet. Instead of stepping back to get out of her way, I pull her into my arms. After a second, she relaxes and wraps her arms around me too.
“I’m sorry, Katy cat. I’m a dick.”
“I know.”
I chuckle before I kiss the top of her head. “Forgive me?”
She looks up at me and rolls her eyes the way only a little sister can before she nods. “I can’t stay mad at you for long with those puppy dog eyes of yours. But please, let’s not test that theory,” she adds before I open my mouth and insert my foot once more. “So, what did you order?”
“Chinese. I wanted to try that new place that just opened up.”
“Ooh, perfect.” She nudges me aside and heads to the dining table, where she plonks herself down, knowing which plate is hers by the contents.
“You always remember my favorites.” She grins at me before spearing a piece of orange chicken with her fork and popping it in her mouth.
“It’s not hard,” I tease as I take my seat opposite her. “You always order the same things.”
“If it’s not broke, don’t try to fix it.
” She points her fork at me. I nod, conceding her point, before I dig in.
We’re relatively quiet while we eat, but it’s not an awkward silence.
We both like our food too much to waste it with small talk.
I finish before she does and stand when I hear the doorbell.
“Be right back.” I wipe my mouth before heading to the door, opening it with a grin as I take the bag from Kellen.
“You gonna invite me in as I brought you dessert? You know how much your sister likes me.” Kellen rubs his hands with a grin.
“No.” I close the door in his face and head back to the table just as Katy is stacking the plates.
“Who was that?”
“Kellen. I got him to pick something up for me as I didn’t get a chance to earlier.”
She frowns, then eyes the bags, doing a happy dance when I pull out the peach cobbler from the diner and a tub of vanilla ice cream. She grabs bowls, spoons, and a knife as I carry the dirty dishes out before following me back to the table.
“Kellen could have stayed for a bit. I’m sure we could have given him a small slice.” She mutters the last part, making me grin. Katy doesn’t like to share food any more than I do, though mine stems from being in the army and fuckers always picking off my plate before I was done.
She groans when she takes a mouthful and leans back in her chair.
“Do I need to give you and the cobbler a minute alone?”
“No, but you could have given me the cobbler and Kellen a minute alone.” She winks as I scowl at her.
“And that is exactly why I didn’t invite him in.”
“You’re an idiot. I’m seventeen, Banner.”
“I’m aware.”
“Then who cares if I have a crush on one of your friends? Dear God, have you seen your friends? The only way I wouldn’t have a crush is if I batted for the other team.
But Kellen wouldn’t go near me with a ten-foot pole, and you know that.
He only says shit to wind you up, and you’re an idiot because you let him. ”
“It’s really fucking annoying when your kid sister is more mature than you are,” I grumble under my breath, but not quiet enough because she laughs.
“So, what got you in such a tizzy earlier?”
“I wasn’t in a tizzy. Men don’t have tizzies.”
“I’m sorry, what got you in such a man-huff earlier?”
I huff before I realize I’ve just proven her point. She grins with the spoon in her mouth.
“I thought I saw someone, and it threw me off, that’s all.”
She frowns, knowing there’s more to it than that. Something moves across her face, but I can’t pick up what it is before she looks away and continues to eat. “You wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head. “No, it was nothing, just my imagination running away with me.”
“Okay.” She doesn’t say anything else while she finishes eating, but the atmosphere doesn’t feel as light as it did before.
“You wanna talk about before?”
Her head whips up, her eyes wide with worry.
“About Mom and Dad…” I add when she seems stumped. She visibly relaxes before shaking her head.
“There’s no point. We’ve reached a stalemate, one I’m not sure either of us will back down on. I’m not asking you to take my side, Banner. I’m just asking you not to take theirs.”
I sigh and lean back. “You want me to stay neutral in all this.”
“Exactly. You can be my Switzerland. It’s hard enough when they throw Alec into the mix because it’s impossible to fight with ghosts.
But when they bring you in…” She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair.
“They have this uncanny ability to make me feel like a failure. Worse, they make me feel like they would trade me with Alec in a heartbeat,” she whispers.
I’m out of my chair and crouched down next to hers a heartbeat later. “Nobody wants that. I certainly don’t. I fucking love you. Yeah, I miss my brother, but I’d never trade you for him. Myself, maybe, but never you.”
She reaches over and hugs me tightly. “I would never trade you either. I love you, you big idiot.”
I grin and kiss her temple before getting to my feet. “Alright, let me clean this shit up, then we can watch a movie. You heading back to Mom and Dad’s tonight, or do you wanna crash here?”
“Can I stay? I need a break from them. It’s… a lot.”
“I get it. And you don’t even have to ask. I gave you a room here. Use it whenever you want.”
“Thanks, Banner.”
“Don’t mention it. Go stick some PJs on or raid my sweats drawer if you want, then pick a movie. I’ll make popcorn while I’m washing up.”
“Sounds good.”
I flip off the TV and reach down to scoop Katy into my arms. She fell asleep fifteen minutes into the movie, but she looked so peaceful, I didn’t have the heart to wake her.
I carry her up to her room and nudge the door open with my foot before carrying her over to the bed.
I lay her down and tug the comforter over her before I take a step back and glance around.
There isn’t much here that makes it Katy’s room, even though I told her to do what she wants with it.
She has a couple of books on the desk, one about a dragon or something, and one a book about the army.
I pick it up and leaf through the pages, feeling a pang in my chest before I put it back.
Draped over the mirror is a butterfly pendant.
I rub my thumb over it before swallowing, remembering who bought it for her.
It was the Christmas after Katy turned eleven.
Katy was coming out of the toy stage and moving into a more teenage era, one that my parents pretended wasn’t happening.
They bought her some toys, dolls, and a party dress or two.
I remember seeing her smile in gratitude, but I could see she was disappointed until she opened Sorrow’s gift—a G.I.
Jo. Katy looked genuinely happy, and I wondered why she liked that doll better than the Barbies before remembering the G.I.
Jo had been on her wish list. My parents sighed, figuring it was because she loved me, and it made her feel closer to me when I was overseas.
But now I wonder if she knew, even back then, that she wanted to follow in my footsteps instead of theirs.
The second gift from Sorrow was the pendant.
She winked at Katy, who had the necklace in one hand and the G.I. Jo in the other.
“Girls can be both strong and delicate, brave and vulnerable.” She told Katy there was nothing she couldn’t be, even though Alec and I tended to baby her.
I move away from the pendant and the memories attached to it.
I might hate Sorrow for what she did to Alec, but it wasn’t always hate I felt toward her.
I’m not talking about when I started to see her more as a woman than a girl.
She was family before she destroyed it. Katy was the only one who didn’t outright hate her after what happened, and that’s because the girl just can’t hate anyone.
I think she was too young to understand the connotations.
In her head, it was a freak accident. She didn’t know Sorrow was drunk that night and had no business driving out in that storm.
I shake my head to clear away the dark thoughts, take in the beige walls and plain furniture, and make a mental note to take Katy shopping so we can add some color to the place so it matches her personality. As I turn, I see the photo on the bedside table.
I pick it up and smile when I see it’s one of me and Katy.
She’s on my back, both of us making a goofy face for the camera.
I remember when it was taken, a couple of months before I was deployed.
We’d all gathered for a Fourth of July BBQ, and Sorrow had snapped a bunch of photos of us all.
The only reason I remember is that we made a big deal about her not being in any of them.
In the end, my dad set a timer and crammed us all in together to take a group photo.
I pull out my wallet, slip my fingers into the note section, and pull out the worn photo, unfolding it so I can see all of our laughing faces.
My eyes zero in on Sorrow, my arm wrapped around her shoulder as she gazed up at me with stars in her eyes.
I wasn’t oblivious to the crush she had on me.
It’s why I left. It would have been so much harder to stay away, knowing she wanted me too.
I think some misguided part of me thought I’d go see the world, and when I came back, she’d be of age and waiting for me with open arms. Instead, she ended up in Alec’s arms.
I place the photo back, unable to look at it any longer.
I’d tried to throw it away a million times, but something always stopped me.
Hell, I’ve taken a pair of scissors to it, ready to cut her out.
She’s at the edge of the photo and it would be an easy fix.
And yet, she’s still there, wrapped in my arms, staring at me.
I’m clearly a masochist, keeping a moment that shows how happy we were before she broke us. Maybe I need it to hurt so I never forget that pain can come from everywhere, not just monsters or villains, but pretty girls with innocent eyes and heartbreak written all over them.
I turn to leave so I don’t disturb Katy. The memories of what we once had suddenly feel suffocating. I close the door, shutting them out, not once wondering why Katy has a photo of me beside her bed but not a trace of Alec.