25. Chapter 24
Chapter 24
Katherine
H as there ever been such a beautiful man in a suit before?
No, the answer is no, there hasn’t been.
I don’t think there ever will be. This will go down in history as the day the most beautiful man in the world wore the best suit in the world.
I’m looking down, watching my step but it’s just to distract myself from looking at him more. The way he looked at me made my insides melt and I feel like I’m trying to scoop them back in to no avail.
As we approach his truck, the hand he has in mine lets go, moving to the small of my back and the touch almost burns through my dress. He looks at me like he’s worried I’m going to pass out. I just about manage a smile as he unlocks the door and opens it for me as I shuffle out of the way avoiding his hand so I don’t catch fire.
I slide in and watch as he closes the door for me.
The urge to run while he’s not in the truck is huge, massive, but my legs couldn’t move if I tried. I know that much, they are jelly at this point.
In the midst of all this I also forget about the stone neatly tucked into my purse, burning its own hole in my heart. I have five seconds to check it and I don’t hesitate to take a look at it.
The thing is I want to live in this world where he calls me beautiful and opens car doors for me. Where I can look at him in that suit and we smile at each other and I can pretend. But I can’t. I can want something so much but deep down I know myself.
I pop open my bag and there it is, sitting in between a lipstick and my phone.
Not glowing.
Disappointment sits heavy in my stomach. It’s not until then, looking at it dull and misty, that I know how much I really wanted it. How much I had wanted him to be it and for us to finally put every little bit of bullshit behind us.
A feeling I hadn’t expected creeps up my throat.
Anger.
I’m mad at the universe for doing this to me, for putting him in front of me and still keeping him three steps away from me. Mad at myself for being stupid and developing feelings for someone I knew deep down wasn’t going to be my soulmate. Just mad, not really at anyone and also everyone all at once.
Frustration tears threaten to spill over my lids, I fight them off just as he gets in the truck, controlling my emotions has never been something I’ve been great at but I guess no time like the present. I have five seconds to pat down every emotion raging in me, sadness, anger, disappointment, before he speaks.
“You ready?”
No, I don’t think I am.
The drive goes by quickly. Quietly—but quickly. Neither one of us quite knowing how to break the silence, I have no idea what he’s thinking but my brain won’t stop yelling at me. It’s too loud for me to even think of a conversation.
I can’t piece a word together to even understand what it’s screaming about, what things I should be stressing or sad most about.
I take a breath and look out my window. You’d think when you’ve been living near the beach for a few months that a new beach wouldn’t take your breath away but you’d be wrong.
We drive in the opposite direction to Sydney along the coastline and the sun high in the sky streams through the window and warms my face. I take a deep breath taking in the salty air clearing my head a little.
Even with what I now know in the forefront of my brain, I can’t help but catch glimpses of him as we drive. He’s concentrating on the road and I hope he can’t see me looking at him but I’m not being subtle, it’s hard to be in a truck where you’re sitting so close to the driver.
He throw his jacket on the seat between us before we set off and his shirt clings to every muscle on his arms and shoulders. Some of his tattoos are so dark, I can see outlines though the thin white material. It’s like I’ve never seen him without a shirt on which is ridiculous, topless if basically his uniform. But something about him in a shirt is even better, somehow him with clothes on for a change is even more attractive to me.
“It’s not that far out of town.” Hearing him finally speak makes me jump. It’s been twenty minutes since we got in the truck and it’s the first thing either of us has said, the distance to the wedding hadn’t been the most pressing matter on my mind.
“I don’t mind too much, I like long drives when the view is this nice.” I’m still looking at him when I say it but he knows I mean the beach, right? Do I mean the beach?
The twinkle in his eyes catches the sunlight when he looks over at me. “Yeah it is, isn’t it?” I feel the heat creep up my cheeks at his words, ones I try not to take to heart too much. But I smile at him. I smile like a real smile, I think it’s the first one I’ve actually given him. The first one I really mean, he catches a look at me and smiles too as he looks back at the road. It’s the first time I catch the faintness of a dimple on his cheek as the sun hits his face.
I speak again. “So, any chance you want to give me a run down of the day?”
He takes his eyes off the open road for the whole of two seconds to give me a confused look.
“Okay, so like, who do we not make small talk with? Who do we like?”
“ We ?” I can tell he’s smiling even if I can’t see his face completely. It makes my heart too warm for my liking as I remember the not-glowing stone in my bag.
I dampen down the feeling long enough to continue. “Yes, I’m your moral support, am I not? I need to know who I might need to fight.” I try to put on some kind of mean face, it makes us both laugh and the sound is so foreign for the both of us. I think about it for a minute. “I’m on your side today.”
If I’ve read this all wrong and he actually really hates me and is just using me to get through today then I’ve just made this all weird and I can’t be doing a whole day with him if it’s going to be weird and awkward. Especially when I’ve had a revelation about my feelings for him, for them to be crushed in the space of about five minutes.
It feels like forever before he speaks again.
“My nan.” He pauses and I see him check his mirrors before taking an exit to a smaller road. “She’s great, I still see her, talk to her on the phone, get a birthday card every year, and all that jazz. My uncle is a sexist piece of shit, so if he’s there, I’ll steer you away from him, or I’ll let you deck him.” He stops and I don't press. This doesn’ t seem like the day to be prodding for information about people he’s not comfortable telling me about.
“Well I guess for once you’ll be pleased that I’m a ray of sunshine.” He scoffs, and I ignore him. “You always say how annoying it is I’m so good at being nice to people, but today I’ll use it for the greater good.” He thinks I’m joking but for some reason my stomach is only in a small knot, I feel pretty calm all things considered. Which doesn’t really make much sense.
“Are you saying you’ll do all the talking?” He cocks a brow at me but doesn’t turn.
“If you want me to.”
His hand slides from the gear stick to my knee, sending goosebumps all up my leg. I restrain myself from wanting to squeeze my thighs together at the feeling of his thumb drawing little circles. “Katherine, my very own knight in shining armour, we’ll finally put you running your mouth to good use.”
Dear lord.
He says it so quietly like someone might hear him. Before I can say anything, he’s stopping the truck and pulling up in front of a cute looking inn.
The building is rustic, all white wooden panels and a porch that looks like it wraps around most of the house, like something out of a hallmark movie. Before I can blink, his hand moves off of my knee and he’s opening his door. I watch him as he rounds the hood and opens my door, giving me his hand to help me out.
As we walk towards the front door, I feel him tense up and his strides slow down until he stops completely, only looking forward.
There’s a chalkboard on an easel with white and orange flowers around it that says ‘Welcome to the Wedding of Christina and Lee’ in fancy handwriting.
I squeeze his hand that is still in mine and bring his attention back to me. “It’ll be okay, I’m here.” I could say so much more than that like I want to be here with you or I’ll stay with you like this for as long as you need but I’m not sure I would be able to. “If all else fails, it’s an open bar, isn’t it? That’ll help me at least,” I tell him with a smile, one I hope is reassuring.
He finally gives me a small smile and squeezes my hand back.
It seems that they’ve rented out the whole place for the wedding and I can’t help but look in every room we pass as we make our way to the back garden. James doesn’t stop to talk to a single person as we do, like he wouldn’t be able to breathe until we’re back outside and he can see the sea again. He’s like a bullet train until an old lady stops him just on the back porch.
She’s an elegant woman, maybe in her late seventies. Her beautiful grey curly hair is pinned back from her face with flower clips. Her face is warm and soft just like my nan’s and when he drops my hand and wraps her in a hug, I assume she is his. He’s so much taller than her he has to duck down so much to hold her, her head on his shoulder turns to me and her smile eases a small bit of my nerves in my stomach.
“James, don't be rude, introduce me to this beautiful girl you’ve brought with you,” she tells him, pulling out of his grip but linking her arm in his. The sight makes something in her glow, seeing him smile at her like he means it. It’s a strange feeling.
“This is Katherine, we’re…” He looks at me and his unsure tone seems to make me happy and I know that’s not good, I don’t want him to be confused about what we are.
“Friends,” I say, jumping in. “I’m Ella’s niece. I’ve been visiting for a couple of months.” I put my hand out to her. “It’s nice to meet you.”
She looks it over for a second before pulling away from her grandson and pulls me in for a hug. “It’s so nice to meet you, dear.”
“You, too,” I tell her when she pulls away from me. James just watches us, when I catch his eyes over her shoulder he smiles at me, it’s a smile I’ve never seen before and my heart skips. It’s warm and easy, the kind of smile you get when you’re daydreaming about something.
“You’re right James, she is pretty.” She smiles in that eye twinkling way, mischief radiates off her.
“Nan!”
“Well, I best take a seat, I’ll see you in a bit.” She pats James on arm, smiles at me again, and then she’s gone and we’re by ourselves again.
“Sh-she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, old age.” I see what he’s doing, and I’ll play along just to make him feel better for today.
“I wouldn’t let her hear you say that.”
My eyes dart around the room for a second and I can’t help but feel like everyone is staring at us—at me.
“They aren’t looking at you, although they should be,” James says, bending down to be closer to my ear. “Relax, Sunshine, I can practically hear your mind running away from here,” he tells me standing up, putting his hand out for me again. I hesitate taking it for the whole of two seconds before I decide today is not the day to make him feel pushed away.
“I’m pretty sure I’m meant to be telling you to relax.” My voice comes out shakier than I would have liked as we finally step out into the garden.