Chapter Fifteen
Cade
A nd I regret it. I regret it with every fiber of my being. I had a nice plan of grabbing my sack of rolls that Ms. Lunds sets aside for me every day and spending my free period in the woods, but Bobby pulled my card, and here I am, stuck on the side of Wakeman while he eats my rolls.
“It’s just French,” he says between bites. “When am I ever going to need French, right? And a D is passing.”
“Tu n’en auras pas besoin quand je te tuerai pour avoir mangé tous mes petits pains,” I grumble.
His eyes bug out of his head. “Holy shit, dude. That was really good. What did you say?”
“Nothing,” I sigh and throw my head back against the stone building.
I’m behind on everything. I don’t like missing classes. That draws attention to myself, and has the potential to drop my GPA and let Arnold Calhoun get Valedictorian. Not to mention the crate isn’t going to fill itself. I haven’t skipped a night since… Well, since I started. Nothing has ever seemed more important. But now I have Sky Lyons dominating every single neural pathway in my skull, and my world feels off kilter.
It took me the better part of lunch to even decide to go get food. I didn’t think I would have the restraint to stay away from her if I saw her, further causing me to deviate from my routine. But I couldn’t let her get under my skin. So I kept my head down and tapped on some of my discipline reserves. God knows that these last few years have been nothing but a test of restraint, and yet this girl comes out of nowhere, sinks her teeth into me, and suddenly I can’t rely on myself. It took everything I had not to pull my hood down and look for her in the food hall.
As if a gift from the gods, the bells overhead start to toll. Their sounds always remind me of a funeral—an omen to come—and a much needed peace falls over me. I kick my feet out to cross my ankles and enjoy their chime. I need to wait until Bobby leaves, anyway. I can’t start my trek to the shack just yet, otherwise he’ll ask me where I’m going and if he can come.
“Thanks for having lunch with me,” Bobby says.
I flick my eyes to him and groan, my peace vanishing. “You know, shit like that is the reason you don’t have friends.”
It’s a cruel truth, and it might suck to hear, but it’s real, and the reality is that he doesn’t suffer from the same affliction as me. He has a chance. He can make it out of this fishbowl unscathed.
He frowns, but doesn’t say anything. And that’s just as bad.
“You’re just going to let me talk to you like that? Why don’t you tell me to go fuck myself?”
He shakes his head. “Why would I do that? You’re my only friend.”
Jesus fucking christ. My bleeding heart flinches in my chest, and I have to close my eyes to block it out. “Bobby, we aren’t friends.”
“But we’re eating lunch together and—”
“Stop. Just stop.” I cut him off. I can’t be this kid’s friend. I’m not going to be around after graduation. He’ll still have two years after I’m gone, and while I’m resigned to bear the stains on my soul from graduation, I don’t want him to live in the shadow of consequences that my actions will soon create.
“Listen to me and get it through your dense fucking head.” I stand up, suddenly unable to be soothed by the bells, and filling with anger. “We aren’t friends. We can never be friends ,” I quickly start seething. “I don’t want any. And even if I did, you would be the last person I’d pick. So, get your shit together, stop being such a fucking pussy, and find someone else to annoy because I’m not it.” I take a breath. and then add a critical piece of advice, feeling generous despite my agitation. “And make sure whoever you find isn’t a senior.”
I don’t explain why, and he doesn’t ask. He doesn’t even wince at my words, and instead looks down at the half-eaten roll in his hands, picking off crumbs that litter his pants. What the fuck is wrong with this kid?
“Did you hear me?!”
“Yes,” he mumbles, and the lack of response in his tone makes me want to throw my fist at the wall.
I grind my teeth as he gets up, and I watch him collect his books. He’s taking his sweet time, and I know that while he heard me, he didn’t actually hear me. Everyone else keeps a wide berth from me without me even having to say anything, but Bobby is like a puppy that can’t be trained. I should just slam him against the wall, show him what he’s trying to befriend. Maybe if I broke his jaw like I did Caleb’s, he would learn to stop following me around.
I’m contemplating it as he grabs our trash. He picks up the empty paper bag, a soda can, and even someone else’s discarded water bottle lid. What in fuck’s name? I can’t stop the strangled growl that comes up from my chest in warning.
“Sustainability starts with sanitation,” he says in response, shrugging as if I’m not about to kill him.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I snap.
“It’s from a documentary I watched. Littering is bad for the planet.”
Holy. Shit. I just told him to basically go fuck himself, and yet he’s lamenting about the environment? I squeeze my eyes shut and try to find my patience before I get charged with murder prematurely. You would think that after all these years, I would have the patience of a monk, but every ounce I possess goes towards one thing, and I barely have any left to prevent myself from cracking right now.
I’m thrumming, absolutely vibrating, with rage as I open my eyes and see him tucking the trash into the paper bag. If he doesn’t leave, I’m going to lose it.
He straightens and avoids my gaze, which is smart on his part, and finally starts to lope away. I take a much needed breath, releasing the knife I didn’t realize I was clutching in my pocket, and relax a bit.
Fuck, that was close.
But then he suddenly stops and turns back. “So, same spot tomorrow?”