Chapter Thirty-Eight
Sky
T he grass is sopping wet, slippery under my shoes as Cade tugs me along. Grey skies pelt rain onto our clasped hands, and my hood—Cade’s hood—barely keeps my hair dry. He has his own hood pulled low, and all I can glimpse as we try to outrun the rain is the back of his frame. The thunder rumbles as I toy with the idea that I’m being led to the dining hall by the grim reaper himself.
It wouldn’t be too far off from the truth.
I had no idea what today would entail, but not for a second did I think Cade would be transferred into all my classes. He flashed a paper in front of each teacher and then diligently found a spot next to me. In the classes where there weren’t any empty seats, he leaned against the back wall, hood up, knee bent with his foot bracing himself.
I felt like I had a bodyguard, one dripping with the promise of death for anyone who got too close. He had a sinister glare that tracked the movements of our classmates. It was like he was looking for someone, but I couldn’t figure out who, maybe just any threat. Not that I tried that hard to figure it out. It was impossible to pay attention to anything but his presence behind me, wishing I was on his lap again. I was distracted with thoughts of him slipping under my skirt, pressing into me while people could catch us.
It would be the best secret fuck you to my father, to teeter on the edge of being depraved. My whole life I’ve been the congressman’s daughter. The puritan on the cheer team. The good girl because he said so. It would feel so good to have one over on him. It would feel so good to have Cade inside of me.
But as much as I wanted it, my mind is trained to think of the repercussions. And I didn’t think we could get away with it. Not with the attention we were garnering.
Everyone’s eyes were on us. A spotlight on the girl with her big, bad sociopath wolf. I can’t imagine Cade never being with a girl. He’s too… good at what we did in the shack. But it’s as if we were an anomaly. Green-eyed stares from the girls, disbelief from the guys, scandalous whispers from all. We stuck out like a new planet in the sky.
I’m not sure I want to know what lunch is going to be like, but I guess I’m going to find out.
Cade pulls open the doors and ushers me inside. I shake off water droplets that threaten to permeate the fabric, adjusting to the sudden chatter. I really should ask my mom to have a better jacket shipped to me. I imagine it snows here, and as much as I love wearing Cade’s hoodie, there’s no way it’s going to stand up against snow.
I sigh, realizing I better charge my phone and face the music.
I look up to find Cade’s jaw clamped, and following his gaze, I see that it’s a full house today. The long tables are packed with rows of students. I guess the rain has pushed everyone inside. My heart does a little sag for him. I’ve never actually seen him in the dining hall, let alone around this many people.
“We don’t have to stay,” I say.
He seems to hesitate before looking down at me and grabbing my hand.
“Are you hungry?”
I’m starving, but I’m not about to tell him that. I don’t want him to be uncomfortable because of me. I don’t know where we would spend the hour, but I would rather die of emaciation with Cade by my side than without him and be gluttonous.
“Come on.” He pulls me towards the line before I can tell him I’m not hungry.
“We don’t—”
“You suck at lying,” he cuts me off.
I pull my brows together. “I didn’t even say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.” He cuts his chin towards me. “I can tell you’re hungry.”
I purse my lips. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s lying, but he didn’t even give me a chance to form one before accusing me of doing so.
“That’s not fair,” I say as he grabs my hips and pushes me in front of him.
He presses me against the buffet and wraps his body behind mine. My skin traitorously heats as I blink dumbly down at the options for the day.
“If life was fair,” he leans down to whisper. “Then I wouldn’t be allowed to touch you like this.”
Suddenly his hand is on my thigh, sliding up my skirt. I suck in my lips, and glance around, expecting someone to sneer with disgust, but all I find are distracted classmates and teachers.
He reaches higher, skimming his fingers around the hem of panties, and my knees go a little weak. He quickly wraps his free arm around my waist, steadying me.
“Cade…” I warn him weakly.
“Vivons avant de mourir,” he growls.
I all but melt at his French that I—Wait, he can speak French? I twist in his arms to marvel up at him, letting his hand fall away. Those wicked eyes, the lip ring, his antisocial behavior… I never would have expected this from someone so—
“Before we die?” I furrow my brows, finally realizing what he said.
He frowns. “You know French?”
“A little. Enough to understand. ‘Let us live before we die.’, right?”
He bites his lip with a slow nod, examining my face. I suddenly feel like a witness to something I shouldn’t have seen—or heard, like he wasn’t expecting me to be able to decipher his words.
He runs his knuckles down my arms, piercing me with his gaze.
“Do you not agree with the sentiment?” he finally speaks, bringing my wrists up to clasp them against his chest.
His stare is too intense for the dining hall, something darkening in his eyes. I make a strangled noise in my throat that is supposed to be a laugh, but it’s a pathetic attempt at nonchalance.
“I…” I try, unsure why he’s turned so serious.
“Wouldn’t you want to experience everything before you cease?” he asks, gripping my wrists tighter. “If you only had a few months left? Tell me what you would want to do. Tell me and we’ll do it all.”
The desperation in his tone makes my chest constrict in panic. I don’t know what’s happening. It suddenly feels like I don’t have any time left, and there’s so much I want to do. I want to be free of my father. I want to find out who I really am. I want to graduate, and leave this country, and be happy. I think I want kids someday, maybe a dog, even though I’ve never had a pet before. My head spins in despair, and I have to suck in a breath, a breath that is ragged and draws attention from the girl who just got in line beside us.
Irritation prickles my skin. I can’t lose it here. I can’t fall apart in front of everyone. I shove at Cade and break his hold.
“Sky.” He tries to pull me back.
“ No. ” I hiss, embarrassment getting the better of me. “Don’t. You’re being—” I stop myself from calling him crazy.
“Unstable?” he prompts too loudly. “Psychotic? Say it. I don’t care. Just answer the question.”
“No.” I shake my head, shrinking under the stares he’s drawing.
“Why? If you were—”
“Because I don’t plan on dying! ” I screech with a stomp of my foot.
That gets the attention of the whole first table behind him, and I smooth my skirt. I fidget with my loose strands of hair, aware that I’m being judged.
When I look back at Cade, dread hulls out the humiliation, leaving me cold. His eyes have gone hollow and pained, raking over me as if I might vanish, as if there’s something I don’t know about my own mortality.