Chapter Forty-Three
Sky
R uby pushes me through the gathering and towards the commotion. My mind is hazy, and I couldn’t care less about some scuffle, but I can’t bring myself to do more than get shoved along. My history with alcohol is basically nonexistent, and I’m liking the way it curbs the knot in my stomach. Father, who? I smirk to myself as we break through the throng of people.
When I look up, I blink, not sure what I’m seeing.
“Oh, my god,” Ruby gasps beside me.
It takes me a second longer to make sense of the scene, and as it does, dread swoops in and squeezes away any peace I had found. Standing over a limp and battered body is Cade. He’s clutching a burning branch at his side, smoke curling around him as if he’s the actual grim reaper. The breeze makes it worse when it sends a caustic odor towards me. In an instant, I am dead . cold . sober .
Cade wouldn’t… He can’t. But the orange light of the flames shows me just how soaked the guy on the ground is, and there’s something sinister about the way Cade is staring down at him.
“Ruby.” I grasp her, panic making me lock up.
“Stop him!” She shoves me.
I stumble, stricken, into the empty space before the onlookers. Why has no one done anything yet? In despair, I gape back at what is practically the entire senior class. Some have taken off their masks to get a better look, others have a hand over their mouth, there’s even some squeezing their eyes shut. But no one is doing anything.
“Do something!” Ruby hisses at me, pulling my gaze to hers.
In a stupor, I read the frantic fear in her eyes and, slowly; it dawns on me.
Everyone is scared .
Oh, god.
I try to breathe, looking back at Cade who is standing unnaturally still, and realize that on a good day, Cade resembles a demon not to be fucked with, but tonight, with the stupid cloak I made him wear, he looks terrifying. No one is going to try and stop him, not with all the flammables.
It has to be me.
With a gulp, I shove down my own fear and tread shakily towards what could quickly become a funeral pyre. But I have to be careful. I don’t want to startle him, not with the chasms that have opened in his eyes. He’s transfixed, half his face eclipsed by the cloak, but I can make out a glimpse, and it’s not good.
Cade is gone.
He’s physically here, as gorgeous as ever, maybe even more so with the way the amber flames cast shadows on his sharp features, but his soul isn’t. He’s lost somewhere, somewhere dark, and… What if I can’t find him?
He was at least still present when he threatened Ruby. Maybe I should have taken what she said about him being institutionalized a bit more seriously. Does he have medication he’s supposed to take? Is this normal for him? How am I supposed to talk him off this ledge? What have I gotten myself into with him?
I chew my lip as I inch closer, wondering if I should just pull the branch from his fist. But then I run the risk of setting a rogue ember loose. One tiny spark, and whoever is on the ground will go up in flames. No, I have to be gentle.
“Cade?” I try once I’m a foot away.
He doesn’t blink, doesn’t even flinch, and I don’t think he can hear me. Cautiously, I step closer, the odor of lighter fluid growing more potent and making my nose burn. One wrong move and that smell will quickly turn into burnt flesh.
A sweat breaks out under my costume as I try his name again, but he still doesn’t move, and the branch is quickly burning its way up to his grasp. He won’t be able to hold it much longer. If he even drops it where he’s standing, the puddle will catch and spread right to whoever is unconscious.
I’m just about to try his name again when the person on the ground groans. It’s a wet sound that makes my stomach clench, but it finally makes Cade blink.
“Good. I want you to be awake for this,” Cade speaks.
Chills run down my arms at the sound of his voice. The words are guttural, coming from deep within his chest, as if his vocal chords are shredded.
I try to gain some composure that I don’t have in the slightest.
“For what, Cade?” I snap with faux irritation, surprised by how realistic it sounds when I’m literally shaking.
He whips his head to me, black eyes piercing through me, causing me to hold my breath. I don’t even know this version of him. He feels like a stranger, and it roots me into place. If this is the side of him that keeps everyone at bay, then I finally understand. I wouldn’t want to even look wrong in his direction. But then, slowly, the faintest bit of light seeps back into his eyes, and I breathe a bit of relief. His face blooms, softens even, as he takes me in, and this version of Cade feels much safer. Still dangerous, but the familiar kind.
Then it wilts into pain, like a puppy caught and punished for doing something wrong. His full lips turn down, eyes filling with unshed tears. It tugs on every ventricle in my heart, turning me cold and forcing me forward, ready to tell him I’m not mad at him just to stop the torture that is his pain.
“Don’t!” he suddenly shouts, putting a hand out.
Stunned by the quick shift, I freeze and follow his gaze to the dirt, where the lighter fluid pools just before the tips of my shoes.
“Don’t come any closer.” He steps back, taking the flaming branch with him, and revealing his bloody knuckles.
My eyes drift to the moaning guy, putting two and two together, and I wince. I quickly look away from the gruesome beating, not sure how he’s alive, but thankful that he is. What could he possibly have done to warrant such an attack?
“ Why? ” I ask Cade sadly, not sure any reason would suffice.
Confusion hits his brows before he looks at the lump on the ground. His jaw ticks once, twice, three times, as the light drains from his eyes. And I realize I’ve made a terrible mistake.
“He knows why .” Cade grounds out.
And then he lifts the branch.
I don’t think as I lunge forward, shoes splashing into the puddle, and put myself in front of the guy. I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for the flames to catch on my synthetic costume, to spread through my hair, and for the smoke to clog my lungs. It feels like hours and seconds at the same time as I wait for my fate.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Cade finally seethes.
But I don’t open my eyes, not until I hear the branch swish through the air and hit dirt. Peeking, I see that it’s landed several feet away, towards the bonfire.
I sag as Cade stomps away. That was stupid of me, and I grasp my chest to calm my beating heart. Ruby rushes forward. I don’t get a second to catch my breath as she starts ranting; something about Cade needing a straitjacket, but I’m too busy watching the sway of his cloak as he disappears into the forest.
I shrug her off and run after him, surprised by the tears springing to my eyes. I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline crash or the worry that Cade might actually be too much for me, but I can’t let him go either way. I feel like a moth, destined to burn in his fire. It’s terrifying, but it’s woefully too late, because my wings are already burning.
I dip under a low-hanging bough, catching just a glimpse of black fabric round a tree, and head towards it. I can’t find my voice to call his name, and the deeper into the woods I go, the more the temperature drops. My tears cling like icicles to my cheeks as goosebumps prickle my skin, but it’s a reprieve from the heat of the bonfire.
Finally, he stops, and I come up on him just as he throws his fist into the trunk of a tree. I jump at the crackle of bark, but immediately rush forward to stop him from doing it again. I grab his wrist and practically hang from it, getting jerked as he pulls back.
“Stop!” I cry. “You’re hurting yourself.”
His knuckles are so mangled, one more hit and there won’t be any skin left to heal.
“Good.” He wrenches free and arcs back.
I shove him as hard as I can, not expecting to do much, and surprised when he lets me. He stumbles back, chest pumping, and fists his hair.
“I should have killed him,” he screams, almost as if he’s pleading to me. “I should have. I should have fucking killed him .” His voice echoes through the trees as he starts wrestling with the cloak. He pulls it over his head, taking his shirt with it.
“Why wait?” He looks up, tossing the fabric aside. “Why should I wait? What am I waiting for?”
I open my mouth, but words fail me as he advances. I’m not sure what he’s talking about, and he’s honest to gods scaring me. The moonlight is reflecting coldly off his bare skin, cutting shadows on the dips and plains of his chest. His hair is disheveled, hiding his eyes, and leaving me to guess how unstable he might really be.
“Do I like the torture?” He grabs me by the shoulders. “I must. I must, because I’ve let myself have you .” His fingers burn into my skin as hot tears drip down my cheeks. “You are the peak of torment,” he continues. “A fucking punishment I can’t resist. You’re going to unravel everything I’ve worked towards.”
“A punishment?” I scoff and shove at him, desperate to hide some of the tears in the wake of his venomous words. “What about the guy you were going to light on fire ? Was that a punishment? For what, Cade? What did he do to deserve that?”
There’s nothing. Not a thing that could excuse that, and yet I want him to try so badly. I want him to make it make sense. I want there to be a good reason so I can put to bed the worries that have claimed me with a death grip. The ones that tell me I’ve deluded myself into thinking he’s not insane.
His grip loosens as the wind picks up, sending a scatter of leaves between us, and tossing his hair back. His eyes, those breathtaking black pits, glaze and well with unshed tears. His pain is contagious, shredding my anger like razor blades, slicing me till I hurt just as deeply.
But I need a reason. I need something. Anything.
“Why, Cade?”
“I can’t…” his voice cracks as his forehead falls to mine.
“No.” I shake my head and try to pull away. I can’t do this. I can’t keep saving people from his wrath without a reason.
But he clutches my face and holds me closer. So close that his tears fall on my cheeks.
“I can’t, Sky. I can’t say it. Please don’t make me say it.”