Chapter 13 North
North
The hardwood was unforgiving beneath me, digging into my spine and hips, but I refused to move from my spread-eagle sprawl across my living room floor.
The pain was the only reminder that I was still alive.
I’d lost track of how long had passed since Joel left.
Hours? Days? Weeks? Hell, it could’ve been years, and it still wouldn’t matter. Nothing did without him.
There was this constant ache in my chest where our mating bond was meant to be. I couldn’t see past it. Basic tasks, like eating and showering, seemed so inconsequential now. And work? Forget it. I couldn’t bring myself to tattoo images of love and hope on people when my own mate didn’t want me.
Want me to chase him again? my jaguar offered in some strange attempt to make me feel better.
No, but thanks for the offer.
Maybe he just needed some time to think everything through.
I did dump a lot of big, life-changing information on him.
He might still change his mind about us.
He could come back… I told him. My beast and I were both skeptical of that plan, but we had to hold on to hope. The alternative was crushing.
I was vaguely aware of the apartment door opening, but I didn’t turn to look at whoever it was.
It wasn’t Joel, I knew that much. Instead, my focus was on the rose I held, its red petals wilting, much like my heart.
I’d bought it for Joel what felt like a lifetime ago, but he’d left before I could give it to him. Now I would never get the chance.
“Okay, that’s enough sulking. Get up.” Mace towered over me, disapproval coming off him in waves.
Lowering the rose onto my chest, I stared up at him, unseeing.
“You don’t get it, Mace. You don’t even have a mate to lose, so you can’t possibly understand what this feels like.
I’m dying.” Perhaps literally. I’d never heard of someone actually dying of a rejected bond, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible.
Mace frowned harder. “We’re staging an intervention.”
I blinked up at him. My jaguar was just as confused. What’s an intervention?
Someone else moved to stand beside him, and it took me a second to focus on the newcomer. His hair was purple now, but when I realized it was Kedi, Joel’s roommate, my heart started to beat a little faster. I forced myself into a seated position. “How is he? How’s Joel?”
Kedi tried to look angry, but it was clear he was more sad than anything. “How do you think he’s doing? He’s even worse off than you.”
“He is?” I asked, crushing the rose so hard to my chest that I felt its thorns stab into my palm.
“You need to go talk to him,” Mace snapped, clearly the bad cop in this scenario. “Your clients are pissed you’ve disappeared, and I can only handle so much. Go get your mate back so we can go back to life as normal.”
I shook my head up at them. “He left. I told him everything, and he just… left. He doesn’t want me.”
Mace opened his mouth, probably to berate me some more, but Kedi set a hand on his shoulder to shut him up.
He looked down at me with pleading eyes.
“He called in sick to all his jobs. He’s not eating or sleeping.
I can hear him through the wall singing along with all these heartbreak ballads. And he is not a good singer.”
Mace elbowed him in the ribs. “Not the point,” he hissed.
Kedi, though, just rolled his eyes. “I love Chord Overstreet as much as the next guy, but he is butchering ‘Hold On,’ and it is a fucking tragedy.”
Go to him! my jaguar growled at me in command. He needs us! But I was already one step ahead of him. I staggered to my feet, my entire body aching after so long spent lying on the floor, and I hobbled toward the door.
“North, wait!” Mace shouted, grabbing my arm on the way by.
“What?” I snarled, canines sharp. It wasn’t a good time to get in my way. Besides, wasn’t this what he’d wanted? For me to go to him?
He let go, holding his hands out in defense. “I’m just suggesting you consider showering first?”
Kedi nodded, wincing. “Yes, I second that.”
I lifted an arm and took a sniff of my armpit, and my jaguar hissed in revulsion. I nodded quickly, heading for the bathroom. “Yeah, okay. I can spare five minutes.”
I managed to get ready in four minutes, which included running through the shower and changing into some clean clothes. I’d already done a shit job of making him stay; I didn’t want to give him any more excuses to kick me out of his apartment.
Kedi let me in, so at least I didn’t have to break the door down, which was exactly what I would’ve done the second I caught a trace of his scent from down the hallway. His fresh scent had turned sour with stress and pain, and I hated that it was all my fault.
As soon as Kedi turned the key in the lock, I shoved past him into the apartment.
My heart was racing, and knowing I was so close to my mate had me desperate.
“Joel?” I called, a split second before I barged into his room.
I should’ve knocked, but manners weren’t really in my wheelhouse at this exact moment.
Logic told me I should be calm and patient, but logic was a human construct, and right now, I was more beast than man, my teeth pricking at my lower lip, my claws out.
Joel’s head appeared from a nest of blankets. “North?” he asked, his voice scratchy. His beautiful eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying.
I nearly dropped to my knees right there, seeing him so broken, but I somehow managed to stagger across the room. He burst into tears and opened his arms, and I fell straight into them, the bed’s springs protesting the added weight.
Crushing him to my chest, blanket nest and all, the relief I felt was instantaneous, but guilt swelled right behind it. I couldn’t truly allow myself to feel relief until I’d fixed everything, and I didn’t know how to do that.
“Shh, sweetheart, please don’t cry.” I tried to run my hands through his hair, but his curls were thoroughly tangled.
His whole body shook with his wracking sobs. “I-I can’t seem to s-stop,” he blubbered into my chest, soaking my shirt. “Why does it h-hurt so much?”
I brushed a kiss on his forehead, leaning back to look down at him. “It hurts for me too,” I told him. “It’s the mate bond trying to bring us together.”
He frowned, then set his palms on my chest to push me back a little, but I was just grateful he wasn’t kicking me out of his bed. I kept one hand resting on top of his blanketed hip. “I don’t get it. How can fate just swoop in and tell us we have to be together? Do I even have free will?”
“Of course you do, but… honestly? Why would we choose anything else?” He sputtered out a scoff, but I pressed on to explain.
“Fate has handed you the one person guaranteed to make you happiest in the whole wide world. I will take care of your every need, just as I know you would for me. And our physical chemistry is fire… Am I wrong?” Chagrined, he shook his head.
“You can reject me if you want. It’s your choice, I won’t stop you, but first tell me why.
Is it my beast? Are you scared that I’ll hurt you? Because we would never.”
“No, that’s not it,” he rushed to say, and my beast blew out a relieved sigh. “Honestly? I just feel like such an idiot. Maybe fate got it wrong. You deserve a smarter mate than me.” He rolled his eyes, then groaned and dragged the blanket up over his face.
“What? Why would you say that?” He didn’t answer, so I grabbed the corner of the blanket and yanked it back, making his hair stick up, but at least I could see him now.
There would never be a time when I didn’t want to see his beautiful face, even when his skin was blotchy and his roommate hadn’t made him shower like he did me.
He huffed and kicked his feet against the mattress a couple times in frustration. “Because! This whole time, there was all this weird stuff going on, but I didn’t see it. Hell, I chose not to see it. I ignored it all. Who does that?”
“Someone who is kind and accepting and trusting.” I scooted closer, and when he didn’t complain, I claimed another inch of space.
He snorted. “I think you mean gullible and na?ve,” he said.
“Nope, I said what I meant. Fate doesn’t make mistakes, Joel.
You are everything I never knew to ask for in a mate.
Funny, independent…” His lips twitched with the hint of a smile, so I nuzzled closer still until his fingers were tangled in my shirt, dragging me the rest of the way, and I cursed the blanket adding such a thick layer between us.
“Flirty, sexy, patient, so brave you’re not even scared of a jaguar… ”
His giggle was music to my ears. “I think your jaguar is the exception.”
“Do you want to meet him?” I offered, though I knew it would mean letting go of him, temporarily at least.
His eyes lit up. “Can I? He won’t mind?”
“Mind?” I laughed. “He’s been sneaking out to see you every chance he gets.” He tilted his head, confused by that, but I figured it would be easier to show him. I rolled off the bed, the fledgling bond tensing in my chest.
When I started peeling my shirt up, Joel sat straight up, suddenly a whole lot more alert. “Um, you’re getting naked.”
I paused. “Well, yeah. I don’t want to tear through my clothes when I shift.”
“Oh. Right. Because you’re magic, not your clothes.
” I continued undressing, tossing my shirt aside.
Joel cleared his throat, eyes skittering away nervously, then coming straight back to eat up every inch of exposed skin.
When I unlaced my belt buckle, his cheeks flamed red-hot.
“Should I, like, give you some privacy or something?”
“Nope,” I said, staring him right in the eye, daring him not to look away.
His gulp was loud, but then he squared his jaw and tilted his chin up.
Challenge accepted. And he didn’t waver until I dropped my pants and underwear to pool around my ankles, and he let out a little needy whimper.
We both ignored the giant erection I was sporting.
There would be time for that later. But now…
My beast practically threw himself forward to claim the shift, and as bone and sinew popped and snapped, fur sprouting from rippling muscles, Joel’s eyes only seemed to get larger. “Woooow,” he whispered in a reverent hush, squirming to get out from his blanket prison.
Joel dropped onto the floor on all fours with a thud, which made him seem even smaller compared to my jaguar. He lifted one hand, hovering in the air between us. “May I?” he asked, waiting for permission.
Granting it, my jaguar leaned into his hand, in complete bliss.
The sensation of Joel’s fingers through our fur sent shivers all through me, until I wasn’t sure if the purr was mine or my beast’s.
He seemed an expert at finding each and every sweet spot—behind our ears, under the chin, the base of our tail.
He danced his fingers across the nearly invisible rosettes among the black.
“It was you, wasn’t it,” he said, his voice shivery with excitement. “That night outside my apartment, it was you chasing me… hunting me…” There was a tone of excitement in his words, not fear.
In reply, my jaguar butted his head onto Joel’s shoulder, nearly toppling him. Still purring, he dragged our sandpaper tongue up his neck and cheek, all the way up to his hairline. Laughing, Joel squealed, “Stop it!” but he clung to us all the same.
This might not have been the last we would see of Joel’s doubts, but I knew by the way the unclaimed bond sang between us that our souls were connected by more than just ink.