Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
She’s so freaking beautiful.
The way she moves, how she seems to smile to herself while exploring the beach. Everything she does fascinates me.
I sit on a weathered driftwood log, not too far away from her, hidden in the shade of an ancient pine tree that casts a mosaic of dappled sunlight on the cobblestones. My eyes are fixed on her, the girl who’s become the light in my lonely life.
Or is it death?
Existence?
She stands there, surrounded by the beauty of the beach, and it’s like the universe itself conspired to frame her in perfection.
God, I sound worse than one of Nash’s cheesy poems.
Sloan wears faded jeans, their cuffs brushing against the wet sand, and a mint-green hoodie that seems to match the color of the seafoam. A maroon beanie perches atop her head, contrasting with her flowing, sun-kissed blonde hair. Each strand shimmers like gold under the warm afternoon sun.
She’s watching a group of seals lounging on some big rocks peeking out of the water a few feet from the beach, and her infectious giggles ripple through the air as one of them comically rolls into the water. Her joy is contagious, and I forget everything else in the world for a moment.
Just not the fact that she’s alive and I’m not.
Sloan brings an old analog camera that hangs around her neck on a strap to her eye, capturing the playful seals in all their whimsy. I wished I had my camera now too, but I wouldn’t waste my time photographing the seals when she’s there.
I don’t know her, not really, but there’s an undeniable magnetism that pulls me toward her.
Literally.
She told me herself that ghosts don’t haunt people they don’t have a connection to, which makes some sense since I only ever pop in next to one of my brothers.
But what exactly does the fact that I’m here right now say about her?
“Stop staring,” Sloan yells over her shoulder, not even looking my way.
I have no idea how she even noticed I was here, but we are the only two people on the beach.
“Staring? Who is staring? I’m not staring,” I mutter while I get up and walk over to her, standing beside her and looking at the ocean.
Tension grows between us, so I try to lighten the mood.
“Are you Google? Because you’re everything I was searching for. ”
She huffs a dry laugh. “I would punch you right now if I could. Be glad I can’t.”
“I can go and get you the spatula if it helps?” I look at her profile, watching how the side of her lip turns up slightly before she turns to look at me, and those beautiful eyes fix on mine.
“I put myself in a horrible situation just to get this for you,” she states, tone cold, before she pulls my necklace out of the back pocket of her jeans.
“Just for you to bail on me, literally discharging me to your brother the minute you could?” Now, there is an edge of hurt in her voice, and my stomach drops.
That’s what made her upset?
“That’s not how this was,” I try to reassure her, turning to face her fully.
I want to reach out, to stroke her arm or pull her in a hug, but that wouldn’t work anyway, so I don’t.
“Then what was it? I went through hell for this,” she hisses out, letting the necklace dangle before my eyes.
“I know, and I’m more than sorry for that. You can be mad at me for this. It would be more than deserved. But I didn’t just bail on you and drop you onto my brother.”
She laughs bitterly. “Sure felt like it.”
“Slo,” I breathe out, leaning in closer so our foreheads would nearly touch if they could, my gaze flicking between her eyes. Her mouth opens on a slight gasp, and my whole body tingles.
Just another weird fucking feeling to have for a girl I’ve known for all of three days.
“I can’t control this. Do you think I would ever leave if I could?
” I laugh and stand straight. “I would haunt your fine ass nonstop.” She shoots me a glare, just about to open her mouth when I continue, “And don’t come at me with, ‘That’s not how this works’ if you can’t tell me how I can change it because damn, would I like to. ”
She tilts her head, the cute line on her nose flattening again. “So you say you can’t decide where you are?”
I shrug, even though that fact bothers me as well. “Sometimes I can. And sometimes I’m here, next second I’m not. I feel a pull before I’m just gone. I lose a lot of time in between sometimes. I think the longest was a week where I just… wasn’t.
“That was fucking scary, to be honest. I was just hanging around with Hunter, listening to him on the phone, talking about Lio’s fifth birthday party that would be happening in a week before I felt the pull.
Next thing I knew, I was back, watching Hunter trying to wrangle Lio and five other small kids with party hats. ”
She scrunches up her cute nose again. “That sounds horrible.”
“It is,” I agree, watching how she turns her gaze back to the ocean. The seals are crying along with the seagulls, and the wind picks up. A seagull lands next to a seal, and she takes another picture.
“You said you were a photographer,” she states, biting on her bottom lip before looking at me.
“You remember that?” I ask, a grin spreading over my face.
I said it in passing while she was afraid of me, and still, she remembered.
My chest fills with warmth. She rolls her eyes at me before she lets the camera dangle around her neck again, walking a few steps away from me.
I hurry after her. “I was. Mostly landscape and night sky.”
“That’s the thing with the tripod where you sit around for hours, right?” she teases, and I love that there is some sass back in her tone.
“There’s a little more to it, but basically, yes.” I chuckle, looking out at the sun as it slowly sinks lower in the sky.
“What did you like about it?” she asks when she crouches down to inspect some shells between a couple of stones.
Does she want to get to know me better?
The thought makes me all giddy inside.
“The quiet mostly, being alone in nature. Living in a house with three brothers and working on the boats with a crew during the day left little time for peace and quiet. I liked having some hours just for myself now and then…” I explain, trailing off when I feel a pang in my chest. “It’s just been me, myself, and I for way too long now, though. I can’t stand the silence anymore.”
She stands, looking at me with knowing, sad eyes. “I get that.”
It feels like she does.
She opens her palm to look at the necklace she’s still holding.
Letting out a long breath, she starts, “So we have it. It’s no longer hidden.
What do you want me to do with it?” Her gaze comes up to me.
“Do you want me to put it on your grave? Or should I give it to your family? I would send it anonymously. I’m not going to let you speak with them through me. I’m sorry, but I draw the line there.”
I can practically see her pulse pick up when I look at her delicate throat.
I don’t want her to go through anything more because of me.
Seeing her down in that small space this morning, panicking, trembling, and nearly pulling her hair out, I was scared like never before.
Nearly out of my mind with worry for her, I told her to scream, to do something. But she froze.
Even though I could have kissed Hunt for getting her out of there, I was so freaking jealous that he could do that, and everything I did was for nothing besides getting her into that situation in the first place.
“Keep it.” I shrug, really not bothered with what happens with it now.
“What?” Her eyes go wide in disbelief. “I’m not. What would have been the sense in all of this if I just kept it now?”
“I just didn’t want that guy to have it or for it to be lost in his damn boat,” I tell her, meaning every word. “I would love for you to have it, though.”
You can have all of me.
“I’m not gonna wear it,” she mutters, looking back down at her palm where it’s still laying before she turns it, revealing my name and birthday on the back.
“Saylor Jones, December first,” she whispers, stroking her thumb over the engraving.
“When is your birthday?” I ask, my curiosity piqued.
I want to get to know all of her.
“February first,” she shares, and I burst out laughing.
Oh, my God, this is just hilarious.
“Why is that funny?” She furrows her brow at me, her tone agitated again.
“It’s not. Well, it wouldn’t be if it wasn’t North’s birthday too,” I cackle and can practically watch the fact sink in.
“Ugh, you’re kidding me, right?” she asks, exasperated, letting her head fall back.
“Nope, you share your birthday with Thundercunt.” I grin from ear to ear.
“Oh, just perfect,” she mutters, letting the necklace slip back into her jeans pocket. “Okay…” she lets out a breath, “… I’ll keep it. Thank you. That means we’ve dealt with your unfinished business. Do you see the light?”
I take her in. The setting sun at her back illuminates her blonde hair like a halo around her.
I don’t think she’s talking about herself, though.
“Nope, no light.”
“So it’s not the necklace that is keeping you here,” she muses, taking a few more steps.
“Doesn’t seem like it.” I shrug, falling into step beside her. “How are you feeling, Slo?” I ask her, my tone gentle. “After… everything this morning?”
“Well, I was pretty shaken, so I decided to take it easy today, but after that little breather here, I think I’m okay,” she tells me, but her gaze stays on her feet.
“Glad to hear.”