Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
“I can’t decide,” Tally mutters from my right, getting more agitated by the second.
I stand in front of two buckets of paint, one a pale blue and the other a soft pastel green. Tally and Tim are by my side, each holding a paintbrush, deep in discussion about which color would suit the nursery best.
It’s Saturday, and they always spend their weekends renovating their house, along with Tim’s parents, who are downstairs, tiling the guest bathroom.
Since I only work at the restaurant in the evenings on weekends, I offered to help both days as a little thank you for being able to park in front of the restaurant and use the electricity.
Plus, spending time together outside of work is fun.
These two are hilarious.
Tally dips her brush into the green paint, examining the shade thoughtfully. “I love this green. It’s so calming, perfect for a baby’s room, but I don’t know if I want to look at it all the time.”
I have to put a hand over my mouth to keep from grinning. We’ve been going back and forth for nearly an hour now, and unless she chooses a color, we won’t be able to start anything today.
Tim is more than exasperated already, but he’s a good sport.
Holding the blue brush, he looks at the color options with a contemplative expression.
“I agree, green is soothing, but I also think blue is the classic choice for nurseries. So, if you think you’d like to look at that better, we can choose that color. ”
“I just don’t know,” Tally whispers again, her eyes filling with tears.
“Hey…” I step in front of her and look her in the eyes, “… it’s okay, girl, we can go and get another color if these don’t fit. Maybe yellow?”
“No, it’s just… it’s hard to do this without Mom. We talked about it, and she was so excited to decorate the nursery.” A sob breaks out of her, and Tim pulls her to his chest, kissing her forehead.
“I know, baby, I’m so sorry,” he mutters into her hair.
I feel the familiar chill down my neck and see Shannon standing before the buckets of paint, looking inside them.
“They’re both pretty colors, Tallulah,” she reassures her with a smile.
“I bet she would think that both colors are pretty and that you could choose what you like best,” I tell Tally, feeling Shannon’s eyes on me.
Tally turns her face on Tim’s chest, looking over at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. “But what if I choose wrong,” she whispers.
“Sometimes wrong helps us find the right,” Shannon answers, now standing beside Tally, her love for her daughter radiating.
I decide to give Tally that nudge from her mom. She needs it, both of them do, and it’s not bad advice at all.
“If you choose wrong, I’ll come over and paint it the right color for you. Maybe little Timmy will help me with it.” I shoot him a grin. “Choosing the wrong thing sometimes helps figure out the right one.”
Tally’s eyes go wide before she slaps her hand over her mouth with a sob. I look helplessly at Tim, who cradles her head to his chest again.
Fuck, what did I do?
“Shan always said something similar like that.” He smiles sadly, kissing Tally’s head.
“She’s right though, baby. Choose a color, and if it sucks, we’re just gonna change it.
It’s okay. Shan would love everything you do.
” He nudges Tally playfully, his eyes dancing with affection when she finally looks up at him.
“Well, we could always compromise. How about a combination of both colors? A blue-green theme, green background, blue stars?”
“Ew, no, we’re not going to make a weird hybrid nursery.” Tally pushes away from him, dips her paintbrush into the pale blue paint, and carefully glides it across the nursery wall. It’s a soft and beautiful contrast to the dark wood of the floor.
“Beautiful,” Shannon echoes my thoughts from behind me.
“That’s the color,” Tim agrees as he stands behind her, pulling her to his chest. “The baby’s gonna love it.”
My heart fills with warmth. Being a part of this special moment in their lives is an honor.
While they laugh and paint the wall, I make my way over to my backpack, which I left at the door, taking out my camera and snapping pictures of the lovebirds.
I thought it would be nice to capture such a special moment.
Tally brings the paintbrush to Tim’s face, effectively giving him a Smurf nose, and she giggles adorably. I can’t stop taking pictures as he leans down and presses his nose against hers, letting it slide up the bridge of her nose, so her face is now a cute, blue mess too.
As I watch them bicker and smile at each other, their love so evident in their faces and eyes, jealousy creeps in.
I’ve had a thing going with a colleague before my life went to hell. It was nothing serious because I could never let anyone get too close. I couldn’t allow anyone to see the real me.
But as soon as he caught a glimpse of it, he ran anyway.
And it would always be the same. I would always be alone, stealing nights in arms I don’t belong in just to keep myself from being completely touch-deprived.
Before the night with Nash, I hadn’t been touched in ages, not even for a simple hug.
I once read an article from a therapist that said a person needs at least four hugs a day for survival.
No wonder I’m barely holding on.
“You can see me, can’t you?” Shannon asks from beside me when I bring the camera back to my eye again, capturing the moment when Tim stands behind Tally, holding her belly while she paints a blue heart on the white wall.
There is fear and hostility in her presence, so I let the camera come down again and just nod, my gaze still fixed on the cheesy cuteness unfolding before me.
“I don’t want your help, and I don’t want her to know that I’m here,” Shannon states, nearly hissing at me.
I quickly glance at her, frowning, hoping she can read the question in my eyes.
Why?
“I see the light, okay? I see it, and I know I have to get there, but I made a promise. And if you knew me, you would know that I keep my promises.”
I bite my lip. That’s another thing that keeps spirits from finding peace.
Promises.
Never make a promise lightly.
Tally and Tim are laughing loudly about something, so I whisper, “I’m sure she would let you out of the promise. You don’t have to stay behind.”
“It’ll be over soon anyway. I promised I would be at her side for the birth. And I will be. After that, I will go into the damn light, okay? Just don’t tell her I’m here. I don’t want her to get upset. It could be bad for the baby.”
I nod, understanding her at least a bit. The birth isn’t too far away, so Shannon should be fine. If not, I could still help her afterward if I’m still around.
Didn’t I want to stop doing this?
I do, but as if I could not help the mother of the girl who is like the nicest and kindest person ever.