Chapter 3 #2
“Where were you? What happened?” I ask him with desperation in my tone when I lean back, pushing a tear that escaped away from my cheek.
“It was a fucking shit show. I felt awful, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in North’s BMW while he and Nash were arguing about who fucked up more while they were chasing after you.”
“They did what?” I ask, shocked, my heart fluttering even more, but my stomach sinks.
I don’t want them to find me.
But knowing they tried?
Yeah, I like that very much.
“Total fucking dickheads. It’s a wonder they didn’t bite each other’s heads off.
Focusing on the wrong fucking thing.” He shakes his head with a sigh.
“They somehow convinced themselves that you couldn’t have gone far since the van is such a mess and started scanning the area, mostly the rural roads.
But none of those dickheads thought about looking at the campsites. Idiots.”
“Wait, they searched the area for me?” I ask, confused.
I‘d believed they might have driven after me at first, but I was sure they would give up if they didn’t find me on the first try.
I’m not worth the effort.
“Yes,” Saylor seethes. “And they left Hunter with Lio at the hospital for that. When they drove a longer distance two days ago, I felt weird again, and then I was back with Hunter in Lio’s room.”
Wait, North left Lio alone to look for me?
He can’t be fucking serious. They just found out what was wrong with Lio and started treating him.
They did scary tests using big needles while I was there, telling me they would do more in the next few days.
Lio took it like the trooper he is, but I saw the fear in his eyes while he clutched my hand.
I had to leave him to get away from them.
And now they leave him too?
Because of me?
The urge to drive straight back to be there for Lio and maybe smack North over the head is strong.
But I can’t.
I made the decision to leave them. That includes Lio.
He’s part of that family. I can’t have him without dealing with the rest. And even if it breaks my heart more, I need to distance myself.
“Why would they do that?” I frown at Saylor.
“Because they’re desperate and scared they lost you,” he explains.
“They did.” I shrug.
He eyes me warily but chooses to ignore the finality in my words.
“Anyway, I tried hard to somehow find my way back to you, but I couldn’t feel or locate you.
Only when I thought about the campsite we drove past, a flicker of you was there, and, well, here I am.
” A heart-stopping grin spreads across his face, his dimples coming out to play.
“I’m so fucking glad you are,” I whisper, leaning in to touch our cheeks and birthmarks together.
He indulges me for a moment before whispering, “How are you, Boo?”
“I’m fine,” I murmur, closing my eyes, my chest finally feeling a little less ripped apart now that he’s here.
It’s like he’s sewing me slowly back together.
He leans back to look at me. “You look like shit. The most beautiful pile of shit I’ve ever seen, but still shit.
” A laugh breaks out of me at his serious face, but he doesn’t laugh with me.
“Did you eat? You look pale.” He scrunches up his nose, and I gulp at his scrutiny.
“You have rings under your eyes, and your cheekbones are even more prominent than usual. Don’t get me wrong, I love them.
They’re pretty as hell, but you don’t look like you’re fine, Boo. ”
“I will be,” I promise, but his watchful gaze doesn’t leave mine, not believing a word.
I don’t know if I believe myself, either.
“They fucking hurt you, and then I left. Not willingly, but once more, I wasn’t there when you needed me.
I’m so fucking sorry, Slo. I hate myself for—” He starts talking himself down, so I lean in and put my lips on his.
It’s like kissing air, but my lips are greeted with the familiar prickling sensation.
Saylor lets out a low hum, his hands coming up to cup my jaw and butterflies taking off in my chest.
I’m so freaking in love with him.
In love with a ghost.
“It’s fine. You’re here now when I need you most,” I whisper, trying to reassure him.
“I would never be anywhere else if I could choose,” he whispers back.
“I know, don’t worry. Me neither. That’s why I’m here, waiting for you.”
He smiles, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “Waiting for me or also waiting a little bit for them?”
Busted.
I lean back and shoot him a glare, making him chuckle. “Come on, Boo, I know they fucked up badly, but I also know how much they meant to you.”
“Meant, past tense. You’re right,” I lie, laying back to lean propped up against the side of the van.
Saylor raises an eyebrow at me but doesn’t comment. He moves and lays on my lower half, his head on my belly.
We stay like that for a few quiet moments, listening to the radio playing a soft tune, and I just breathe, grateful to have him back.
As long as I have him, I can keep myself from drowning.
I reach out to stroke his head, making him moan softly, “Fuck, I love when you do that.”
“Did you love head scratches while you were alive, too, or is this something new?” I ask softly, not stopping my movements.
But Saylor turns his head to look at me, looking thoughtful. “I don’t know. I don’t think anybody ever did that for me after I was maybe five.”
It’s a perfect opening for the question that has burned inside me for a long time, but I’ve never dared ask. “Didn’t you have, like… a girlfriend when you died?”
He’s amazing, kind, funny, and smart. I bet he would have had many girls who wanted him. Even Tally admitted that she once had a crush on him.
Saylor smirks at me. “Worried I didn’t properly break up with her before I started something with you?
I think until death do us part is a thing in relationships too, not only marriages.
” My heart sinks, and I bet he can see it on my face because his smirk vanishes before he moves up and straddles my legs, prompting me to look up at him while his hand comes up to cradle my cheeks.
“I never had a girlfriend before,” he confesses in a soft voice, his gaze holding mine.
“I fooled around a bit. Not as much as Nash, but there just wasn’t anyone special before you.
” I let out a breath, my heart jumping up to where it’s supposed to be, a small smile tugging at my lips, making him grin in response. “Got a Band-Aid?”
I roll my eyes, my smile growing bigger, already knowing something silly is about to spill from his smirking lips.
“I don’t think so, no. Why?”
“’Cause I scraped my knee falling for you,” he whispers, grinning, before leaning in to kiss me again.
Reaching out to place my hands where his shoulders are, I let them glide up and down his upper arms. I would literally die to kiss him properly. But it’s amazing as it is—soft and full of emotions.
He breaks the kiss and returns to his grinning, his eyes shining with affection. “Now, what about you? Did you leave a trail of broken hearts all over the country? Besides my brothers’.”
I let out a sarcastic huff but look down at my hands, wringing them. “I had a thing once with a mechanic who worked at the same shop as I did before everything happened, and I left.”
“So you’re into mechanics? Noted.” Saylor nods with a serious face, and I try to slap his upper arm, making him laugh when my hand passes through him. “Sorry, go ahead.”
“There’s not much to tell. He saw me acting weird and ran before it even could get serious, not that I wanted it to be,” I lie, but my tone is telling, and tears are welling up when I look back up at him.
Fuck.
Saylor furrows his brows and is quiet for a second before he tilts his head and asks, “Do you still have feelings for that guy?”
“Fuck, no.” I huff a watery laugh, and he visibly relaxes. “It’s just… I don’t know…history repeating itself. I allow myself to feel, only to have my heart crushed when they see the real me.”
“Ah… the hurt I just saw was about my dickhead brothers. All right. You got me there for a second, Boo.” Saylor smiles.
“Why is that any better?” I scrunch up my nose, and he lets his thumb glide over the bridge, the tingling making me sneeze.
“Bless you.” Saylor laughs before continuing, “Because I can totally live and work with you being in love with my brothers. Anyone else… let’s just not.”
Would he be fine with me being with all of his brothers?
With Nash?
Even if that was ever an option anyway, and now…
I huff a sarcastic laugh, “As if that would be a choice because if I could, I’d choose not to be.”
I’d choose not to give a single fuck about them.
Saylor’s expression turns thoughtful as he adds, “Speaking of choosing…”
Having no idea where he’s going with this, I ask dumbly, “What?”
“The night you slept with Hunter…” Saylor trails off, watching me carefully. Oh well, it seems like he really does know. “The guys talked. And let me just start by saying I think they’re fucking stupid, and I would have never agreed to that.”
“Agreed to what? What are you even talking about?” I frown at him.
What now?
How can there be more?
“They all want you. Bad. And Hunter shared that you were falling for all of them.”
I roll my eyes.
Of course he did.
North already told me so.
How could I think for one second that Hunter was on my side?
“So they made a deal kind of thing that all of them would try to win you over, and when you chose, the rest would let you guys be happy and step back.”
My breath hitches.
“I’m sorry, what?” I try to let it sink in, but it’s hard. The night Hunter promised me that I could stay. He told me he thought I was good for all of them. I told him I couldn’t choose. But they still would have made me and acted like I was a prize to win.
For fuck’s sake.
I thought them kicking me to the curb was bad. But hearing they never really respected me in the first place is even worse. But maybe it’s the wake-up call I needed.
“I know, like I said, fucking idiots. But I think they didn’t know any better,” Saylor tells me with a pout. “Listen, I didn’t tell you that to stir even more shit and guide you away from them. It’s one hundred percent your decision if you want to forgive them or not.”
I let out a long breath, crossing my arms over my chest.
Fuck forgiveness.
What for? Letting them back in after what they did just to be forced to choose between them, breaking up their already dysfunctional family in the process?
Why do I care about that part?
“I just wanted to make sure you have all the information I have when you make your decision for your happily ever after,” Saylor whispers, leaning in to give me a peck on the lips.
“Isn’t the happy ever after always followed by the till death do us part?” I frown.
I hope he knows that no matter what, without him, there is no happy anything anymore.
“Fuck till death do us part. For us, it’s until forever falls apart.”