Chapter 7
SEVEN
“Eat,” Tally commands as she sets a sandwich in front of where my head is laying sideways on the table in her café.
It’s late afternoon, and I’ve been hanging out here for most of the day after not sleeping a wink last night. I couldn’t stop replaying how they barged their way back into my life, demanding I forgive them. The fact that Saylor’s still not back didn’t help my overthinking at all.
I groan and lean back into the chair, my head falling back on my shoulders. “I can’t.”
“Why? You look like you’ve already lost some weight, and it’s not like there was much of you in the first place,” Tally accuses, eyeing me from head to toe.
“I feel constantly sick, okay? I ate some crackers, so I’m not going to starve,” I mumble, rubbing my stomach.
“Are you pregnant?” Tally asks with wide eyes, hope shining in them.
I point a finger at her. “Stop that shit right there. I’m not pregnant. My stomach is tied to my emotions. It’s always been like that. I can’t eat when I’m sad or upset.”
“Sorry, girl. They’re all such dickheads.” Tally sighs when she sits down in the other chair at the table, stroking her belly. “But you can’t let them have so much power over you. Right now, you’re letting them dictate your life choices. And that’s just something they didn’t earn themselves.”
I frown at her. “What are you even talking about? Just because I don’t eat that sandwich doesn’t mean they have a say in anything.”
“Oh, they don’t? So why are you already planning your escape?” She cocks an eyebrow at me, challenge in her eyes.
“I’m not running away,” I protest, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Of course, you’re not. You love living in that shitty van just as much as you love aimlessly driving around without a destination, and you cherish your solitude. Don’t you? Who needs a home or friends? Screw the family you found yourself.” Her tone is bitter.
“That’s not fair, and you know it,” I mumble, looking down at the table’s surface.
“Boo-hoo. Life isn’t fair, and you need a reality check.
Where would you even go? You drove through the whole damn country to find a place where you belong.
And you did. You found a home with people who love you and who care.
And you want to give all of this up because of some stupid boys? You weren’t even in a relationship.”
Ouch.
I look at her, hurt, and she deflates a little.
“I’m sorry. I get mean when I care. I know they meant a lot to you and you to them.
It’s obvious. But you also mean a lot to me, Tim, and Mac.
And right now, it feels like we don’t mean enough to you to choose us and stay, that you’re giving the ones who fucked up more power over you than the ones who are here for you. ”
I am doing that, aren’t I?
“You’re right,” I whisper, blinking slowly. “I give them too much power.”
Tally smiles. “And you shouldn’t do that. Let’s backtrack a little. If the Jones boys didn’t exist, if you just came here, got to know your friends, me, would you stay?”
I take a moment to think about it. If I got here, looked for a job, and got to know Tally and Tim and the van gave out, would I have put so much effort and thought into getting back on the road?
Probably not.
I was so done living on the road and being alone that when I got here I was aching for a change.
I like Lubec. It’s beautiful, and it feels homey.
I always wanted to live in a town rather than a city.
Tim, Tally, and Mac are the first friends I’ve ever had, and they mean a lot to me.
I would have put my efforts into finding an apartment rather than fixing the van.
I would have tried to make it possible without them seeing my weirdness.
I would have stayed, as long as they had let me.
But the Jones boys do exist.
And it’s their town.
“It’s not that easy—” I start, only for her to cut me off.
“It fucking is that easy. Yes, they will bug you. I guarantee you that. They will show up, apologize, and try everything they can to get you back because you, girl, are special, and they know what they lost. Maybe you’ll forgive them and find your happy ever after with three hot-as-fuck brothers.
A terrible option, I might add.” Her tone is sarcastic, and I shoot her a glare.
“Option two, you will not forgive them. They will stop bugging you after a few weeks, maybe months, and soon, it will be like they never existed. You can live a happy little life with us.”
“You make it sound like a no-brainer.” I sigh, and the knot in my stomach lessens slightly.
“Because it is. You’re welcome here. You’re wanted. Why would you go anywhere else if you love it here? They don’t decide who you are and where you’re going. You decide your future, nobody else. And let them grovel, as they should.”
“I’m not going to let them suffer for the fun of it,” I huff out, thinking about North and Nash’s stricken faces yesterday as they apologized. At first, I enjoyed that they looked sad, but I don’t want them to hurt.
At least not for long.
I’m a decent human most of the time.
“Why the hell not? They deserve it. Girl, you’re so damn in love with them, you would rather leave everything behind than face those feelings.” There’s a knowing flicker in her eyes.
“They would make me choose, Tally. I can’t. I won’t choose one of them. So even if I am in love, nothing will ever come from this, even if I could forgive them, which I can’t. Fuck, it’s just all so damn messed up.” I let my head fall into my hands while I release a long breath.
Tally reaches out to pat my hand. “Sorry, let’s put a pin in this conversation. The important part is, you’re going to stay, right?”
I deflate. “And then what? The winters here are brutal. Even if I’m able to fix the van before it snows again, it’s not made to be lived in at such low temperatures.”
“We’re going to find you a nice little room or apartment.” Tally shrugs, prompting me to scrunch up my nose. “For the fact that you’re living in a rusty van, you’re a pampered princess.” She laughs. “We’ll find you a room first, then you can work, and after a while, you can buy a damn house.”
I chuckle. “Not complaining, but it will be many years before I can afford a house with only my waitressing pay.” Tally gave me my paycheck yesterday, and while it’s fair pay for what I’m doing, it’s not enough for anything. “Fuck, working for Satan would help a lot with this.”
Tally cringes. “Yeah, well, William is back, so that wouldn’t be an option anyway.
” That at least explains why nobody came begging me to fix some more boats.
Tally scrunches up her nose in thought. “Open a shop. People from a two-hour radius would come to you to fix their cars. I bet that would be lucrative.”
“Open a shop with what money?” I ask, but my mood is getting lighter by the second.
Talking about money problems is better than talking about Jones’ problems.
“You can start it in the restaurant parking lot. You have your own tools, right? Maybe not the big jobs, but small ones? Changing the tires out for winter will be good money in a month or so.” I can practically see the wheels turning in her head, searching for solutions and options, and I love her for it.
“You could do some paid readings too.” I’m about to open my mouth, but she holds up a hand.
“I know, I know, okay? You don’t want to take money for your gift.
I get it, but tough times require tough measures. ”
I would never take money for what was gifted to me. I understand where she’s coming from, though.
But she doesn’t know the whole story.
“Tally, I don’t do readings anymore. Not for money, and not for free.”
Just thinking about doing them makes sweat form on my neck and my pulse quicken.
She sits up straight in her chair, furrowing her brows. “But you did one for the guys and Jessie, for me and my mom.”
I glance over at the register where Shannon is standing, leaning against the wall, watching us, listening intently.
“I did that because I love you, and you needed it. And I did it because Lio needed it,” I whisper, biting my lip.
As much as the guys needed it, but I don’t have to admit that I faced my fears for them after how they treated me. That’s just pathetic.
“So what? Other people need it too. Do you think wanting to talk to a deceased loved one is just for fun and giggles?” Tally frowns at me, and the air shifts.
Is she kidding me?
I’ve done readings since I was a little girl. I know the struggles people have when they decide to find a medium. “What? No, of course not, I—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“You think not everybody deserves you helping them?” she accuses, and I lean back, shocked.
What landmine did I just trip on?
“Tally, I—” I try to keep my voice down, but my blood turns to ice at her tone.
So, this is where this friendship ends?
Not because of me having a gift but because of me not wanting to use that gift?
Never would have seen that coming.
“There are people who miss their loved ones, who are suffering, and you won’t help them because you’re ashamed of what you can do?”
Why is she so harsh?
I gave her what she needed. I faced my fears for her. And I’ll do it again.
For her.
But everything I went through, everything that happened…
She has no idea.
Maybe that’s the problem.
“I don’t want to help them because helping them got me locked away in an institution for three months.
Helping them threw me into a black hole of darkness with no sound, no light, no warmth.
” I want to share with her what made me this way to make her understand, but in doing so, I stoke my anger at the situation, and my tone grows harsh.
“Helping them brought me trauma and pain, and helping them made me suffer while my nan died alone. I helped others, and it kept me from helping her! Using my gift ruined my life, Tally!” My voice rises with every word, and I yell the last part at her, making Shannon rush over to our table, pointing a finger in my face.