Chapter 10
TEN
My heart races as I rush into the dimly lit restaurant and hastily pull my hair into a high ponytail.
Saylor tries to keep up, reassuring me, “Slow down, Boo, there are no customers. You’re fine.”
Tally is waiting for me, her expression concerned.
I start apologizing before I even reach her, my guilt weighing me down.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, my voice tinged with regret.
“I overslept. I didn’t sleep a wink last night again, and it seems I napped too hard just now.
Please, just come knocking on the van next time. ”
“Sloan,” Tally starts, her tone reproachful, trying to hush me.
I raise an eyebrow, puzzled by her urgency. “What?”
Tally points discreetly to a table in the corner, and dread washes over me as I see North sitting there, a glass of water in front of him. Saylor curses under his breath.
“What is he doing here? Did you lift the ban?” I ask Tally in a hushed whisper.
“Of course, I didn’t,” she whispers as if hurt I would think that of her. “I told him to leave twice. But he wouldn’t budge. Told me he needs to talk to you first. Now, I would send Mac after him to kick him out, but he’s still Tim’s boss.” She looks apologetic.
I sigh, realizing I’ve no choice but to deal with this. “No, I get it, girl. It’s fine. Thank you. I’m gonna make him leave.”
“Are you sure?” Tally asks, furrowing her brows. “We could just ignore him.”
I shake my head. “No, it would be worse having him sit here for hours than to tell him to leave.”
Tally nods understandingly. “Okay, I’m over here if you need me.”
“And I’m right beside you,” Saylor reassures me, his fingers gliding down my forearm, soothing my nerves.
“Thanks,” I say gratefully, making my way over to the table where North is sitting. I cross my arms over my chest, anger bubbling beneath the surface. I’m ready to confront him, and my body trembles slightly from the tension.
“North,” I address him, my voice firm but my heart pounding.
Fuck, was this a good idea?
“Blue,” he answers, his voice weary, and I notice the red-rimmed eyes that betray his inner turmoil.
I deflate a little. He looks broken.
Just as much as I am.
“What do you want, North?” I ask tersely, trying to hold back my emotions.
They always betray me and make me cry.
I will not cry in front of North Jones ever again.
Saylor chimes in, pointing out North’s disheveled appearance. “Damn, bro, you look like shit. Even worse than this morning. It almost makes me pity you.”
Fuck pity.
He didn’t have any pity for me when he treated me like dirt.
“I need to talk to you,” North states, his voice holding an edge.
I raise an eyebrow at him, my tone laced with skepticism. “Why?”
North takes a deep breath, his voice shaky, and I can’t help but wonder what the fuck is going on with him.
This isn’t the North I’ve gotten to know.
“You saved my son. I was an absolute asshole to you for weeks before, and then I got even worse. I treated you like garbage.”
“Thank you for the reminder,” I press out through clenched teeth.
Can this be over already?
But North keeps speaking, his remorse stark to the demanding prick I’ve come to know.
“I treated you horribly like nobody should be treated, and instead of cursing me and leaving, not giving a shit about all of us, you fought for my son. You fought for Lio. You had the balls to stand up for him while I was too blind to see that you were right. You gave everything to help him, to save him, to give me and my family peace. You silenced the demons I had wrestled with for the last five years. There’s nothing I can do to tell you how much I have to thank you for this. ”
“Why even bother then?” I mutter under my breath, frustration mounting.
“Well, that sounds like a step in the right direction,” comes from Saylor at the same time.
North pulls out a check from his suit jacket and hands it to me. Confusion washes over me as I look at him and then at the check. It’s for one hundred thousand dollars.
Saylor leans over to see it and snorts in disdain. “Never mind.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, North?” I exclaim, unable to contain my anger. “We already had this conversation. I’m not a gold digger, and I don’t want your damn money. And if this is a test again, I’m going to shove that check right up your ass.”
“Test?” Saylor asks, confused, but I ignore him.
He doesn’t need to know everything. To know how deep of a hole I dug myself by letting North touch me, letting him make me come in his office, pressed against that glass wall, his breath in my neck.
“Good girls deserve a reward, don’t you think?”
Fuck.
I shake my head, trying to get his whispered words out of my thoughts.
Not the time, Sloan.
Never again.
North appears hurt, with confusion in his eyes as he tries to understand my reaction. “You’re not getting it—”
I interrupt him, my anger flaring even brighter. “No, you’re not getting it. I don’t give a fuck about your money.”
Saylor shakes his head, clearly unimpressed with North’s actions. “Idiot.”
“You may not give a fuck about it…” North pleads, “… but you need it to fix your van or rent an apartment. You need money. I have money. You need help, and since you helped us, I want to help you.”
“You want to give me one hundred thousand dollars for helping your son?” I ask in disbelief, my voice laced with frustration.
Does he really think money is the way to thank me for that?
“Is it not enough? Fuck, you’re right… wait.” He pulls out his checkbook and a pen. “Tell me how much you need. You want to punish me? Take all I have. Hell, I’ll give it to you,” he urges, writing down a number on the check with way too many zeros.
I reach out and snatch his pen, setting it down on the table. “I don’t want any money from you.”
North, despite my resistance, still doesn’t back down. “Okay, then here…” he reaches into his pants pocket and produces his car keys, “… take the car. You like it better than you like me, after all.”
His words trigger a flood of memories, and my heart aches with a dangerous mix of hurt and longing. “I don’t want your damn car either,” I spit out, a lump in my throat making it hard to swallow.
I’d love to drive a car like that, but not like this.
“Pulling out the big guns. The wrong ones, but the big ones still.” Saylor shrugs, not helping at all.
“What do you want then, Blue?” North pleads, his voice filled with desperation.
“Name it, and I’ll give it to you. You want your job back?
You have it! Want to have the guestroom in my house?
It’s yours! The whole damn house? Take it!
You can have everything I own because it means nothing if you look at me like that. ”
“Like what?” I ask, my voice cold, my body trembling with pent-up emotions.
“Like I broke you,” North whispers softly, his face displaying a mix of regret and sorrow.
Saylor snorts, unimpressed with North’s dramatics. “Self-centered much?”
I scoff, my bitterness taking over. “Don’t overestimate yourself, North. I was broken long before I even met you. Now leave.”
A few hours later, after saying goodbye to Mac, Tally, and Tim, who came to pick up his wife, Saylor and I make our way to the van. I wave at them as they drive off, feeling a deep sense of relief.
All I want to do now is change out of these jeans and bury my face in my pillow. I’m not physically tired, but emotionally, I’m exhausted. It seems like this has become my permanent state now.
“We should do something fun,” Saylor suggests. “You only ever sleep and work. That’s not good for you, and it’s boring as hell. I bet you’re not tired anyway after you napped all day.”
I consider his words. “Sure, I’m down. What do you want to do? A little poker round?”
Saylor’s eyes light up. “Get ready to lose.”
I snicker as we round the van, only to stop in my tracks when I find North sitting on the cold asphalt, leaning against the side door, eyes closed.
I contemplate just getting in through the driver’s door, leaving him sitting there.
He’s obviously drunk, with an empty whiskey bottle laying on the ground beside him, his legs stretched out before him, and his suit as disheveled as the man wearing it.
“Holy Jesus,” Saylor breathes out as he spots North too.
I look up to the sky, taking a deep breath. “What have I done to deserve this?”
“Blue!” North slurs as he turns his head to look at me.
So much for the sneaking-in idea.
He tries to stand but stumbles and falls back on his ass, his back slamming against the side of the van. I cringe at the thought of him denting the door.
If he damages my van, I swear I’ll use his head to dent it back out.
Saylor is chuckling as I roll my eyes and step in front of North, reaching out my arm to help him stand. “Come on, you can’t stay here.”
He takes my hand, but instead of standing, he pulls me down, and I end up on his lap, straddling him.
“Hey,” he whispers, our faces inches apart, and my heart starts to race uncontrollably. I’m momentarily hypnotized by his ocean blue eyes that have the same white specks in them as Nash’s until I hear Saylor mutter, “Focus, Boo.”
I scramble off North’s lap and sit beside him, leaning against the van and releasing a long breath.
My feelings are all over the fucking place.
“What are you doing here, North?” I ask, turning my head to look at him.
“I wanted to go home, but I couldn’t leave before I was sure you made it home safe too,” he slurs, his words slow, nothing like the sophisticated North I know.
“Well, I’m here. You can go now,” I tell him, but I know he won’t be able to.
“As if he would find the way like that,” Saylor comments, crossing his arms over his chest. “He would just sit down somewhere else and sleep it off.”
I scrunch up my nose.
I don’t like him much right now, but I would never leave him stranded in the cold.
I’m not like him.