Chapter 12
TWELVE
The locker room is abuzz with chatter and the sounds of wet clothes being peeled off.
We’ve all just returned from the boats after a long, exhausting day getting in cages, and Mother Nature decided to rain all over us.
It’s not as bone-chillingly cold as it was a few weeks ago, but the rain has a way of seeping into your bones, making it feel colder than it really is.
I’m fumbling with my locker, trying to open it with cold, clumsy fingers. Thoughts of Sloan fill my mind as I search for the extra hoodie I brought.
She must be freezing in that damn van.
I hate that she’s back in there.
Back to being alone.
Just as alone as I am. I still couldn’t bring myself to wash the pillowcase Sloan laid on when she slept in my bed. The faint smell of Pina Colada lingers, and I ache to drown in it.
But it’s just a faint wisp now, a distant memory.
And I have to do everything I can to ensure she doesn’t become just a memory too.
I’m a total asshole. I should have never listened to North. I should have never let him decide for me. I know I was a coward. I chose his recognition over her.
Stupid, so damn stupid.
The moment I realized she wasn’t lying, what I had already suspected, to be honest, there were enough instances where I caught her smiling or talking to air. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’m in love with her.
Not just catching feelings, not just liking her as a friend. Love. I fucking love her. It’s something I’ve never felt for anyone before. It gutted me and changed my DNA, only for her to walk out on me.
Correction. For us to push her out.
We did this, and I didn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
I would do everything differently now if I could. I would stand up against North. I would rush down the steps and help her up. I would walk away with her and let her explain.
Would have, could have.
Those thoughts don’t help me in getting her back. But ‘back’ is the wrong word, isn’t it?
I never really had her.
Because, and this brings us full circle, I’m a fucking asshole. I kept Sloan at arm’s length, afraid of what she meant to me so quickly. For someone I barely knew, I cared way more than I should have. I realized it the very first night.
I’m not sure what it is, but, dammit, that girl is making me lose my mind.
I crave her.
Because she’s the only one who’s ever understood me.
And now I have to try my hardest to understand her and understand what she needs from me to let me back in.
Grabbing my hoodie, I put a neatly folded piece of paper in its pocket. It’s a poem I wrote on the boat. A moment of inspiration struck as we got back to the harbor in the rain.
“Hey, douche,” I call out to Tim when he’s getting ready to head out. “You going to the restaurant now?”
Tim nods, zipping up his jacket. “Yeah, I’m starving. And you know I don’t want Tally to be on her feet for too long.”
“Yeah, I get that. I think I would tie her to a chair.” I chuckle, closing the locker.
“It’s as if you don’t even know my wife.” Tim sighs but starts to grin.
“True. Let’s go.” I urge, starting to walk to the exit, but Tim’s hand falls on my shoulder.
I need to see my girl too.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’ll come with you.” I shrug him off and make my way to the doors.
Tim doesn’t say anything. He only lets out a long, exasperated breath, already knowing he won’t be able to make me stay away.
I immediately spot Sloan when we arrive at the restaurant. She’s leaning against the counter near the kitchen, engrossed in a conversation with Mac since they only just opened. She’s rubbing her upper arms like she is trying to generate some warmth.
I knew she was cold. Dammit.
I take a deep breath and gather my courage, only for Tim to step up, holding me back again. “One wrong move, man.”
I nod, walking over to her, and when she glances up, her glare could freeze lava. She’s still mad, no doubt about it. I clear my throat nervously. “I… uh… brought you something,” I stammer, feeling a bit self-conscious.
How does she always do that?
Sloan arches an eyebrow, clearly not expecting this. “What?” she asks, her tone laced with irritation.
I hold the hoodie out to her. “I thought you might be cold,” I say softly, my eyes locked onto hers.
She looks at the hoodie, then back at me, her anger not diminishing. “I don’t need your charity, Nash,” she snaps, refusing to take it.
I raise an eyebrow, unfazed by her stubbornness. “Charity? Nah, pretty girl,” I tease with a mischievous grin. “Just looking out for you.”
Sloan’s glare intensifies, and her cheeks flush slightly. “Don’t call me that,” she snaps. “Why are you even here? Last time I checked, you were banned from the restaurant.”
As if that would keep me from you.
I don’t give up. Leaning in closer, I lower my voice as I continue, “You know, it’s not charity if it’s from someone who cares about you,” I whisper, my gaze unwavering.
Sloan hesitates, her eyes narrowing at me, and I can see a glint of something in her eyes.
Disbelief?
Hope?
Maybe both. I can’t quite place it, but it’s not matching the fuck-off vibe she is trying to radiate. We’re standing, locked in a silent battle of wills.
Tim notices the tension and chimes in from behind the counter where he’s standing with Tally, “Sloan, just take the damn hoodie. It’s freezing, and the dickhead won’t stop bothering you until you do.”
Sloan shoots Tim a look of annoyance but eventually snatches the hoodie from my hold. “Fine,” she relents as she puts it aside, trying to maintain her defiant stance. “But I’m not wearing it.”
I grin, victorious. “You’ll change your mind when you realize how cozy it is, Siren,” I promise, my persistence finally paying off as I take a step back, giving her some space.
She rolls her eyes at me and turns to walk away, her tone dripping with annoyance. “I’m gonna mop the toilet floor.”
I watch her beautiful ass sway as she goes, my thoughts momentarily stuck in the gutter, only to be pulled back when Tally cackles. “Wow, how the mighty have fallen. That girl would rather mop piss from the floor than talk to you, Nash.”
I join Tally, standing beside her and leaning my hip against the counter.
“Oh, Tally. Sweet, na?ve Tally,” I singsong, a mischievous glint in my eye.
“My girl is punishing me, and that’s fine.
I deserve it. I’ll take every lashing and bad word that falls from her plush lips because soon enough, it will be my name they’re moaning again.
” Tally slaps the back of my head, and it’s impressive, considering she’s so much smaller than me.
“Ouch, woman,” I grumble, rubbing the spot she slapped.
“Don’t talk about her like that. It sounds like you’re only out to fuck her again,” Tally scolds while gently stroking her belly.
“What? No, of course not. I’m done playing. I’m for real. I want her. Losing her was the thing that opened my eyes,” I tell Tally, trying to convey how serious I am about this.
“Hallelujah,” Tim utters, but Tally jabs her elbow into his side, making him push out an “ugh” and scrunch up his face.
“Not hallelujah. He can talk about being reformed all he wants. Did you hear what he just said? He wants her back so she can moan his name. Wow. I can really feel the love and how it’s not just about sex.”
I furrow my brows, crossing my arms over my chest. “What are you saying?”
Mac’s deep voice comes from the kitchen as he sets down his knives and walks over to us. “She’s saying that all your flirting and innuendos will do shit for getting Mouse to believe you want her for good, baby Jones.”
I don’t like that nickname, but I let it slide since I want to hear what he’s saying. “I’m flirty, that’s my fucking personality. I would never stop flirting with her, even when we’re in a retirement home.”
“True, and you shouldn’t. It’s cute,” Tally admits.
“What’s the fucking problem then?” I ask, still not getting their point.
“The problem is that you never told her she’s more to you than… premium pussy,” Tim shares, emphasizing the last words.
“Wait, he said that?” Tally asks Tim, furious on Sloan’s behalf and already reaching out to slap me again, but I step back.
She points her finger at me instead. “You! Calling her shit like that, talking about getting a second ride, fucking her when she’s drunk only to disappear from her bed and ask her to be friends with benefits.
And you think bringing her a hoodie and telling her she’s pretty will make her think you’re serious after all of this on top of you guys kicking her to the curb? ”
Fuck, it sounds terrible when she says it like that.
“I wasn’t the one kicking her out,” I defend myself, albeit weakly.
“Yeah, but you weren’t the one to pick her up from the ground either. That was me.” Tim glares at me.
I’ve felt guilty for the last few days. Right now, I feel ashamed.
Ashamed of everything I did to her, how I acted around her like a horny dog, how I used her for my comfort but didn’t give her the same courtesy.
“Fuck,” I deflate, my eyes cast downward, feeling lost about what to do now.
“It finally sunk in.” Mac chuckles, reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder with such force that it’s literally slapping me, making me groan.
That’s going to bruise.
“You’re not a bad one, baby Jones, but not good enough for her either.”
“I can change,” I defend myself, knowing I’ve already changed so much for her.
But I guess that doesn’t count as long as she can’t see it, does it?
Tally looks at me with sad eyes, her lips forming a small pout. “Well, we’re all cheering for you when it happens, but until then, you’re still banned. Get out, lover boy.”