Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
My heart is racing as it has been for the last few hours as I stand in front of the door opposite mine upstairs in our house. The nerves that have plagued me all evening refuse to go away, even after my surprise went down better than expected, and I poured my heart out on stage.
I almost shat myself.
Being the one on the stage, letting people hear my words, was something I had dreamed about but never had the guts to do, and now, I did it in front of her.
For her.
She’s making me push myself, and I love her for it.
Sloan was quiet during the walk over here, lost in her thoughts. It would have made me even more nervous if she hadn’t held my hand in a vice grip, not letting go for a second, even when I opened the door for us.
“Ready?” I ask, and she looks at me with a critical gaze.
Don’t make me even more anxious, pretty girl.
“Ready for what? What’s in there?” she asks, her curiosity evident.
I step behind her, pulling her gently into my chest. My lips brush against her ear as I whisper, “You think I would bring you here to show you something you don’t like?”
She relaxes into my embrace and leans back slightly, admitting, “No, you wouldn’t.”
“That’s right,” I murmur, my hand covering her eyes gently. “Close those pretty hazel eyes for me.” I open the door with my other hand, and she giggles softly.
The room beyond the door is a guest room, sparsely furnished with just a desk and a bed.
But I had placed a wooden plank on the bed and added another table, and all the surfaces are now covered with flowerpots.
The room is filled with the mixed fragrance of different herbs that hits us the moment I open the door.
Sloan takes a deep breath and smells it too.
I remove my hand from her eyes and whisper, “Open.”
Stepping up beside her, I watch intently as her eyes flutter open. When she realizes what she’s looking at, she gasps in astonishment. “These are…” She starts, and I chuckle.
“Herbs,” I confirm.
“There are so many,” she whispers in awe, her eyes darting around the room.
“Fifty-five,” I tell her, listing some off. “Basil, dill, cilantro, parsley, chives… I think I even have some catnip in there.”
She turns to me with wide eyes. “But that…”
“Took ages, yes.” I chuckle. “I got some seeds and babied them in here because it’s too cold outside right now, and they wouldn’t have grown otherwise.”
“When did you…” She begins, her voice filled with wonder.
God, I’m so freaking happy she seems to like it.
I shrug, a smile on my lips. “When you told me your home needed herbs.”
“But that was weeks ago,” she points out.
Weeks ago, on one of the best days of my life.
“You have no idea how important you already were to me then,” I confess.
She looks at me with furrowed brows. “But you told me—”
I told you to be friends with fucking benefits. Yes, I remember.
“I know what I told you. The truth is, I didn’t expect to get this attached to you. I just… I never wanted that.” I reach out to pull her into my side, needing her close.
“Wanted what?” She still looks confused but melts into me.
A perfect fit.
“A girlfriend.” I chuckle, although my heart is hurting at the thought. Her eyes go wide, and I can’t even blame her for being surprised to hear that from my mouth.
“And you want that now?” she asks, disbelief in her tone.
“I want you, nobody else. And if you want to be my girlfriend, there’s nothing I would rather be than your boyfriend.”
Or at least one of them.
She is about to protest, so I try to explain, “Sometimes the universe fucks us, but not in a good way,” I mutter, stroking her cheek.
“I saw how in love North was with Jess, what it did to him, to them, when the guys had the accident, and then how it broke him losing her. I just… I know what losing people you love can do to you, and the more you let in, the more you make yourself vulnerable.”
I don’t think I have ever opened up to anybody like I do with her. No one knows why I keep my distance from anybody who isn’t already in my circle. But she’s in it now too, a part of me. There’s no turning back anymore.
“Grief is the price we pay for love,” she whispers, her eyes filled with sadness. “And living life alone by choice is just sad.”
“Says you.” I chuckle, kissing her temple.
“It’s not by choice for me,” she whispers, reaching out to touch the nearest herb—pineapple weed.
I pluck off a flower head and hold it out to her to smell, which she does, closing her eyes. I watch her expression, trying to guess if she realizes that it smells exactly like pineapple.
“It’s sweet,” she whispers.
“Pineapple weed,” I tell her when she opens her eyes again. Then I put the flower head in my mouth and chew, the flavor exploding on my tongue. I lean in to lick up her throat, making her gasp before I whisper in her ear, “Mixed with coconut, it’s like a Pina Colada.”
I capture her mouth in a kiss, letting her taste the flavor too.
She hesitates for just a second before her arms come up around my neck, and I reach down to grab her thighs, pulling her up to my chest. Turning to leave the room, I leave the door open while I try to open the door to my room with my elbow, not wanting to break the kiss.
When I finally manage to walk us inside and kick the door closed, I lay her on my bed and follow suit, not stopping tasting her.
She’s fucking everything.
Her hands wander up and down my back, while one of mine is on her waist, the other cupping her cheek.
I stop kissing her for just a moment, leaning back because I need to see her. I need to see that she’s enjoying this just as much as I am and that her heart is beating out of her chest like mine is.
Sloan smiles up at me, so much emotion in her eyes, and I smile back, leaning in to kiss her nose before my lips are on hers again.
She lets her hand glide under my sweater, wandering to my abs, her nails gently scratching down to the waistband of my jeans, making me groan and my forehead fall to hers.
“I want this too, so damn badly, but I need to know that we’re okay first,” I whisper. “I can’t fuck you when you’re still mad at me, Sloan.”
She freezes and takes her hand out from under my shirt, making my stomach drop.
Fuck.
I will fight for her no matter what and have patience. I can wait. But when all of this isn’t good enough for her to give me another chance…
Fuck, I gave it my all.
“Even if I’ve forgiven you, even if I want everything with you, want you, I can’t choose you. I’m sorry, I can’t.” Her voice is hoarse. “I want them too. I can’t choose just one of you.” Her eyes brim with tears as she searches mine.
That’s the only problem?
Fuck, we should have talked with her about it.
“You don’t have to choose. You can have all of us,” I whisper, leaning in to kiss her again, finally ready to let go and drown in her.
Drown in sweet coconut and soft skin.
But she stops me, pushing me away gently, asking hesitantly, “What?”
It’s hard to think when she just told me that she wants me, too, when my cock is already straining so hard in my jeans, wanting to submerge itself in her just as much as the rest of me, but I try for her sake, getting out words that make sense.
“The guys and I talked about it. And we know you can’t choose. We want you to be with all of us. We all want to try. We think, no, we’re sure we can do this. We want to make you happy. We want to have you safe. We want to have your back. We all want you just as much as you want us.”
She searches my eyes as if she doesn’t believe a single word coming from my mouth. “You make it sound so easy.” She furrows her brows. “But it’s not.”
Oh, I know.
“We all will need to work on some stuff, that’s right. But let that be our problem, okay, pretty girl?” She still doesn’t look convinced, so I peck her lips and follow with, “Let that be my problem. I’m gonna make sure this works and that they stay in line.”
I have always let them decide what we were doing or how we were doing it, but I will not sit back when it comes to her.
Hope is in her gaze, and she reaches up to push strands of my hair out of my eyes.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I would do everything for you. And I love them too. We’re a family. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to work out. I promise.”
I lean in to kiss her again, but she protests once more, “But—”
“Think about it. Think about whether you want all of us like that. Think about if you can be with us like that. Think as long as you need, but not right now.” I let my hand slide behind her head and pull on her hairband, releasing her blonde strands, the coconut scent intensifying when it falls free.
Fuck.
“Right now, all I want you to think about is me, okay? Think about me.”
He said I can have them. All of them.
I’m so done, done resisting.
No resistance, no willpower left.
All I can do is drown.
Might as well see how much farther I can sink.
My head spins just as much as my stomach flutters. The sensation mixes with desire when Nash leans down to put his forehead against mine. His breath, which still smells like pineapple, rushes over my lips and breathes away the last of my restraint.
When his lips meet mine again, they’re slow, soft, and sweet, and all I taste is pineapple. He cradles my head, thumbs stroking my jawline, and my heart gives in.
It feels so good, so good to be held like this. I can practically feel Nash’s feelings for me pouring out of his lips into mine.
When he breaks the kiss to whisper another “I love you” against my lips, I can’t help but whisper an “I love you” of my own against his.
He sucks in a breath when the words hit him before he kisses me some more, and I can feel his rapid heartbeat as his chest presses to mine.
Now, there’s nothing else left on my mind except feeling him all over me and inside me. He squeezes my breast, his thumb flicking my nipple over the fabric of my sweater.
I need him.