Chapter 35 #2
I kiss her again, softly at first, but then rougher. I nip her bottom lip, running my teeth over her lower one before kissing my way down again, pulling her jeans and panties off her legs, leaving her bare in front of me on my bed.
The vision I dreamed about for weeks.
“Look at you, looking so good spread across my sheets,” I praise, kneeling in front of her and grabbing the back of her thighs.
I kiss her left knee, then let my nose slide up the inside of her thigh to her cunt.
She still smells like the Caribbean, but the closer I move to her core, the more it mixes with the pure scent of her arousal.
Now it only needs to mix with our sweat, and I will be in fucking heaven.
I kiss her pelvis, and she reaches out to grip my hair, her fingers gliding through the strands. I gently pull her forearm away so she has to let go.
“Behave, baby,” I warn, “Only good girls get eaten.”
She grips the covers left and right from her, her eyes on me. “Please.”
“You plead so beautifully,” I whisper against her before I finally let my tongue glide up her slit, making her gasp.
Fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever stop tasting her on my tongue after this.
My tongue flicks over her clit, and I look up to see her face, but her eyes are closed, pleasure written all over while she’s panting, arching her back.
I want to prolong this, so I languidly run my tongue over her lips, her entrance, before it finds her clit again.
So fucking wet for me.
I dip my tongue inside her one more time to procure a better taste before I slide a finger inside her while I suck her clit. “Fuck,” she exclaims, her hands gripping the covers even harder.
She moans when I suck on her again and slide in another finger, eliciting a gasp. I smile to myself while I resume licking, sucking, and using my fingers to bring her to the edge.
“North.” My name leaves her lips like a plea, and I feel she’s close. I suck on her clit again, and it throws her over the edge, her hips bucking into my face, her whole body tense and trembling while she’s squeezing my fingers like a vice with her perfect cunt.
When she comes down from her high, I wipe my face on the back of my hand before I stand and shed all my clothes. She’s still panting, looking exhausted, but her eyes are hot on me when I step up to the bed again, stroking my rock-hard cock.
I grab a condom from the nightstand drawer, tear the foil packet open, and roll on the latex. I need to fuck her perfect cunt raw, but I’m not going to be the asshole who asks for that the first time she allows me to fuck her.
Maybe the condom will at least keep me from coming after two seconds when I finally slide home.
Moving back on the bed and on top of her, she feels so good underneath me, spreading her legs wider to let me settle between them. My hips rock against her, and her eyes close as she lets out a soft sound of approval.
“Do you want this?” I ask, my tone breathy. I can barely hold back, but I need her to consent to everything I want to do with her.
I’m never going to do anything that she doesn’t want again. No matter what.
Sliding my hand between us, I adjust myself until my cock is flush with her clit, moving my hips so she can feel it.
“Yes, I want you, North,” she whispers after a whimper breaks free.
The way she says my name sends a shiver through me, and all I can think about is sinking myself balls deep into her beautiful, tight cunt, letting her grip me the way she just did my fingers.
“I need you, please,” she begs again and that’s all she has to do.
Beg for me, baby, and I’ll get you the fucking moon.
This girl has fucking control over me.
Teasing her with the tip of my cock, I slide it over her clit and through her wetness. I would love to tease her some more and bring her to the edge again and again, but I need her more right now.
I slide inside slowly, not wanting to hurt her, and groan when she whispers, “Fuck.”
Her hands come up to my shoulders, nails digging into my skin, the sharp pinch driving me crazy.
“Scratch me, baby, like you promised,” I whisper in her ear when I pull out slowly and push back in, letting her have a couple of inches at first and then a few more.
She moans, and her fingernails scrape down my back, making me shudder.
I fuck her slowly and carefully, pressing her thighs apart.
“So damn beautiful. Look how good you take me, being such a good girl for me. You feel so fucking good.”
“More, please. I need more,” Sloan whispers in my ear when I lean in to kiss her neck, and I give her more, my next stroke filling her with all of me.
She closes her eyes, gasping, while I have to breathe deeply.
She’s so fucking tight and warm, so wet.
The thought of being buried like this and bare has my cock throbbing.
I suck a little hickey on her chest, and she squirms under the sensation. “Mine,” I growl against her skin, and her nails dig into my back once more, marking me right back.
I know she’s not just mine, but fuck it, when she’s in my bed with my cock buried in her cunt, she fucking is.
I kiss her again as I move my hips, thrusting harder, loving how wet she is, the sounds of us echoing through my room. She’s gasping under me, whimpering. Our breaths are heavier, and when I slam into her, burying myself so deep I don’t know where I end and she begins, her breath catches.
At first, I think I might have hurt her, but when she arches her back, pressing her tits against me, I grab her leg and pull it up to my hip, changing the position so I can drive in even deeper, hitting her G-spot with the new angle.
“North, fuck.” She squeezes her eyes shut, her head falling back into the pillow. Her cunt clenches around my cock, almost making me lose it.
Sweat runs down my neck while my pulse races at my throat.
I need to come, come in this tight, perfect cunt.
Sliding my hand between us, I circle her clit, and it doesn’t take much more for her to turn into a mess of curses underneath me, her body shivering while she clenches my cock hard, triggering my own orgasm.
My balls draw up, and I see black from how hard I come, leaning forward to place our foreheads together while we both pant heavily. When I catch my breath, I kiss her cheek and temple, trying to still my heartbeat.
We stay like that for several minutes, her starting to stroke my back while I’m still kissing her everywhere I can reach before I slip out of her and stand to get rid of the condom in my en suite bathroom.
“Of course, you have an en suite.” She laughs when I return to collapse beside her, pulling her into my side and kissing the top of her head.
“Oldest brother perks,” I utter softly against her hair.
There it is. Our mixed scents are mingling.
Mine.
The green in her eyes stands out next to my gray covers when I lean back to search her face, stroking her cheek. Her blonde hair is a tangled mess, proof of how good I just fucked her. She looks perfect and might be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever fucking seen.
Jessie was beautiful, of course, but there is something about Sloan, something I can’t explain. It’s just more.
Fuck, is it okay to think that way?
Sloan’s gentle touch lingers on my arm, her eyes searching mine with a depth of understanding that startles me. “North,” she begins softly. “Where did your mind go right now?”
Her words, so full of empathy, unravel the tightly wound threads of my restraint. I feel the walls around my heart tremble.
I want to talk about it with her, tell her everything.
But is this the right time or place? While she’s still naked in my arms?
“I’m sorry,” I apologize for letting my thoughts turn to my dead wife while I just fucked the girl who holds my heart, my voice barely a whisper.
I’m the fucking worst.
“Don’t be sorry. Tell me what just crossed your mind.” She reaches out to cup my cheek, and I close my eyes and lean into her touch.
I hesitate, but then I bare myself to her, “Is it fair to be this happy, this in love with you?” I turn my head to kiss the palm of her hand, holding the back of it. “I’m thinking that you’re the love of my life, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen—”
“But it makes you think about Jessica.” Sloan nods, but there is no hurt or sadness in her eyes. “Grief is a funny thing. It comes in waves, triggered by the most random things. It’s okay to miss her.”
I shake my head. “That’s not it. I don’t miss her. Fuck, that sounds even worse. Of course, I miss her as the mother of my child and my friend, but not as my wife. I know she’s in a better place now. There was so much wrong with us long before it happened. It’s just… fuck… I don’t know.”
Why did I even start with this?
“Tell me about her,” Sloan whispers, stroking my chest.
I take a deep breath. “Jessie. She was sunshine incarnate. Never had a bad day. Sometimes, it drove me mad.” I huff a bitter laugh.
“Anything could happen, and she would still see the good in it. Something I wasn’t able to do, but that’s the thing I miss most about her.
The thing I craved when Lio started to get sick.
I longed to have her there, to tell me all the positive things still waiting for him, for us.
” Sloan doesn’t halt her comforting touch, and I look up at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance on it.
“I guess she was already fighting a fight I didn’t know about then, but after what happened while we were out in the storm, after we lost Saylor…
I left her alone with all of it. I sometimes even wished for her to just leave me alone in my misery so I didn’t have to feel bad for letting her down.
I could barely keep myself above water.”
Keep myself living.
“I had a phase where I wanted to fix stuff, and I thought I could break out of my misery for her. Lio is the result of that, but it didn’t last long.”
Her being pregnant should have been the catalyst to push me out of my hole completely, but it was the opposite. It threw me back down.
How could I be a good father when I couldn’t keep myself together long enough to be a good husband?
“I left her alone in all of this,” I whisper, squeezing Sloan to me, feeling cold all of a sudden.
“I already told you. It wasn’t your fault,” she whispers, kissing my chest.
“Maybe. But I didn’t do much to prevent it either.”
And I still hate myself for that. Always will.
“I read a lot about depression after she took her life. And there were signs… a lot of them. But for me, it was a shock, something I never saw coming. My wife, the mother of my child, was gone in an instant, leaving me in a world turned upside down, alone with a baby. Digging my hole ten times deeper.”
Tears blur my vision, the pain of the memory sharp as ever.
Sloan’s warm and understanding presence is the only thing keeping me anchored.
“I should have done more,” I confess, the words heavy with sorrow.
“I should have seen the signs, should have been there. Should have kicked my ass to be there for her. She wanted me home that night. I told her I would be there for dinner. I came home two hours late and found her in the bathtub. The water was red from her blood, and her wrists slit open. I pulled her head out of the water, which was already cold. Her lips were blue, and she was so pale.”
Nothing was left of the vibrant girl I fell in love with years ago.
I have to bite my cheek to keep from crying.
I can’t cry in front of Sloan. But it’s almost as if karma is at play for my past teasing of Sloan about always crying because treacherous tears slip down my cheek.
“It’s a weight I’ve carried for so long, a weight that’s made me afraid. Afraid to let anyone in. Until you.”
Sloan’s eyes are filled with tears, too, as I finally face her again. “It wasn’t your fault. You can’t carry the blame for her choices.”
Her understanding, so genuine and heartfelt, chips away at the fortress of guilt I’ve built around myself. “It’s been hard to see a future when the past keeps pulling me back.”
She reaches up, tenderly stroking my cheek. “But you’re here now, with me. You’re moving forward. You’re where you belong as much as I am.”
And then it slips out, the fear that has lingered in the back of my mind since I fucked up and realized I was so fucking wrong. The fear that creeps up every time I see her running. “I’m scared, Blue. Scared of losing you too.”
“But you have me,” she assures, her voice a soothing balm. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I pull her even closer to me, kissing her temple.
I need this to be the truth so badly.
She’s my lifeline, the one who pulled me out of my dark hole, and I don’t know what would happen if I were pushed back into it a third time.
I don’t think I would survive it.
But that’s not true, is it? Because she’s not the only thing keeping me in the light.
Being there for Lio overshines everything.
I would fight for him because I would never let him face life alone again.
I promised it to him and myself.
Let’s just hope Sloan doesn’t make me test that vow.
As we hold each other, I realize this is what healing feels like. It’s slow, it’s painful, but it’s also hopeful.