Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
The bitter cold still clings to my bones as I shiver violently, standing by Nash’s hospital bed.
North, his lips still an ominous shade of blue, has a rescue blanket wrapped around his shoulders from a paramedic but is stubbornly refusing to be treated, although we both know he absolutely should get checked out.
His eyes are red from all the saltwater, and his voice is hoarse.
Nash is still unconscious, looking fragile on the white hospital sheets, his skin pale and lips just as blue as North’s. My heart aches with worry.
I risked everything, but was it enough?
I glance at North. Our eyes meet briefly, and he reaches out his hand to take mine. We’ve been through hell together today. My gaze flicks to Saylor standing on Nash’s other side, looking down at him sadly.
“I know you always wanted to be like me, but imitation isn’t good form, bro,” he tries to joke, but I can sense his worry.
You need to wake up, Nash.
The door bursts open, and Hunter rushes into the room, his eyes wild with straight-up panic. I called him when we were in the ambulance, and after he cussed me out, he took Lio to Helen and Rupert’s and rushed over here. He had to retrieve his truck from the harbor first, though.
Shit.
His eyes dart from Nash to North to me, searching for reassurance.
“Fuck. You guys okay?” Hunter asks, his voice cracking with emotion. He takes a few hurried steps forward and, without a word, pulls North and me into a desperate, fierce embrace. His warmth envelops me, a stark contrast to the frigid chill that still clings to my body.
Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes as I bury my face in Hunter’s shoulder. The room is silent except for our ragged breaths and the hum of machines monitoring Nash’s condition when the door opens again, and a doctor steps in with a soft “Good evening” to Hunter.
We already know her from when we came in with Nash. She’s the doctor who has been insisting that North should get in a bed too.
North steps back from Hunter, blinking rapidly. I want to step back, too, but Hunter doesn’t let me. He just turns me so my back is to his chest, his strong arms still wrapped protectively around me. I lean back against him, thankful for the support and the warmth.
“We’re not entirely satisfied with Nash’s current condition,” the doctor begins, her voice laced with concern.
“His pulse is weak, and we’ll need to monitor it closely.
He was lucky to have made it, but we can’t determine the extent of the damage until he wakes up.
” I take a deep breath, trying to focus on the slow, rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor by Nash’s side.
My fingers clutch Hunter’s arm, seeking reassurance.
A sudden chill runs down my neck, and panic surges through me. My heart races as I watch Nash’s chest, relieved to see his steady breathing. But when I look back up, my eyes meet Saylor’s, and the world shatters around me.
He’s no longer translucent.
I can’t see through him anymore.
His baby face is gone. He looks like the Saylor laying in a hospital bed a few doors down, the Saylor who...
Oh my God.
“No!” I whimper, my voice trembling, tears filling my eyes once more.
I pull myself free from Hunter’s grip, my heart pounding with the terrible realization.
Without a word, I rip open the door, rush out of the room, and run down the hallway toward Saylor’s.
Dread chokes me as I approach the door, and I hesitate for just a second before pushing it open.
Inside, I find what I feared the most—Saylor’s lifeless body, not breathing.
The heart monitor by his bedside is flatlining, beeping one steady beep.
“Help!” I cry out before I run up to his bed and start compressions. My arms are screaming at me, having already given all my strength to Nash while I kept him alive on the way back to the harbor. Saylor appears on the other side of his bed, looking down at himself with a sad expression.
“Get right back in your body!” I yell at him, and he brings his sad eyes to mine.
“I don’t think that’s how this works, Boo.” He smiles sadly at me just as North, Hunter, and the doctor rush into the room with two nurses in tow.
“Help, please! He just flatlined,” I plead to the doctor, not stopping my compressions even though I feel them growing weaker, making me panic even more.
My body can’t give out on me now.
“Unfortunately, he has an advance directive for no resuscitation,” the doctor informs me.
My frantic eyes go from Saylor to North and Hunter, “What the fuck is she talking about? Help him!”
“It was seven years, Sloan,” North tells me softly, stepping up to my side. “We decided it was cruel to keep him alive when he could go.”
My eyes go wide, and I’m panting while I yell, “That was before you knew he was still here! Before you knew there was hope. Now you know. Undo it!”
Hunter puts his phone to his ear, and North places a hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off.
I don’t need reassurance, I need fucking help.
“Fucking do something!” I yell at him.
“Our parents are the ones who would need to do that.” North glances at Hunter, who’s still holding the phone to his ear.
Even in my panicked state, I understand that there is nothing I can do about this, but I can keep pushing, keep pressing his chest, and try to get him back to me.
They won’t help him, but I won’t stop until he’s back.
“Boo,” Saylor whispers from the other side of the bed. My eyes come up to his as tears stream down my face. “It’s okay. You can let me go. I told you I’m not going to go anywhere. Nothing will change. You can keep me.”
“No,” I reply defiantly, returning to what I’m doing.
Hunter is speaking, but I can’t make out what he’s saying while concentrating on not faltering.
I will do this forever if I must.
“Maybe my purpose was to help you today, to make sure Hunter didn’t lose any more of his family after he gave up so much for me. Maybe that’s what was left for me to do. Maybe my time here is just up.” Saylor tries to calm me down, but all he does is agitate me more.
“No! No! You want a fucking purpose? I’ll give you one! Live for me, be my purpose, and let me be yours,” I scream at him, the tears blurring my vision, but I still see his expression crumble at my words.
“Slo, you know I would if I could.” Saylor’s voice trembles, tears glistening in his eyes now too. “I told you I want nothing more than to be with you.”
“You want to have a life with me? Kiss me? Hold me? Then fucking live for me!” I yell, my voice breaking with raw emotion.
North puts his hands on my shoulders to pull me away from Saylor, whispering a soft, “Blue.”
Everyone in this room has to think I’m crazy, but for once, I don’t give a flying fuck.
“Don’t.” I push him off, my gaze locked on Saylor. “You can’t leave.”
A tear escapes Saylor as he tells me, “I can’t stay.”
“Love me! Love me like I love you!” I demand, stopping my pressure on his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
“I love you,” Saylor whispers with sad, desperate eyes. “More than anything. For as long as I exist, you will be loved.”
“I don’t want you to exist. I want you to live! Live for me!” I shout, folding my hands and raising them high over him before I slam them down with all the force I can muster, punching him in the chest with all my might.
Shock is written all over Saylor’s face a second before he vanishes. I look just as shocked at the empty air where he was just standing when the heart monitor picks up again on its own.
One beat, long silence, another beat.
Hunter screams something about them having permission and needing to move now before I’m pushed backward. Saylor’s pulse falters again, there’s a faint chill on my neck, and his spirit flickers back to where he was standing moments ago.
No, no, please.
“No!” I cry out, desperation in my voice.
Someone wheels a defibrillator into the room, North pulls me back into his chest, out of the way, and I feel him trembling badly too.
Hunter steps to my side, grabbing my hand while they revive Saylor three more times.
I grip Hunter’s hand harder as I watch Saylor’s lifeless body being rocked by the shocks.
I can’t watch. I just can’t.
I turn to bury my face in North’s chest, his arm coming up to rub my back, the cold of his hand seeping through my still-wet clothes.
There is a gasp from behind me, followed by much steadier beeping from the heart monitor, and I turn again, just in time to hear the doctor announce, “We have him back.”
Relief washes through me, making my knees weak, and North has to slide his arms under mine to keep me upright.
He’s alive, back in his body.
I can keep him.
A sob breaks out of me, followed by a laugh. I feel hysterical. Crazy. For the first time in my life.
“Say,” Hunter whispers beside me.
Will he finally wake up?
And if he does, will he recognize me?
Will his consciousness know all the things I went through with his soul?
The beeping on the heart monitor picks up, and Saylor starts to twitch, his eyes dancing behind his lids.
Come on, Casper, wake up for me.
His eyelids flutter, making North and Hunter suck in breaths, but mine is caught in my throat.
Saylor opens his eyes for the first time in seven years, and his ocean blues zero in on mine, making me feel like my heart just gave out too.
He opens his mouth and whispers in a hushed, barely audible voice, “Boo.”