35. Elyssa
ELYSSA
C hristmas came and went and, as per usual, I spent it alone in my room. This year though, I didn’t mind. Mia wasn’t here anymore and her absence did not go unnoticed. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night, dreamt about her telling me how much she hated me, that it was all my fault.
I had been allowed to see Mamma twice, and during those times I also snuck in to check on Aunt Matilda. She tried acting strong in front of me, forcing herself to smile, but the truth was that she was destroyed inside. She lost a lot of weight and there were bags underneath her eyes. Those same eyes that used to shine in love and devotion for her children were now devoid of anything positive, filled with heartache and numbness.
By the time it was time to go back to the Academy, I was relieved. Even if it meant seeing the people I had been ghosting for the past three weeks again.
I still hadn’t turned on my phone; for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted to, but every time I pushed the button, anguish ate at me. I didn’t know what I’d find once the screen was lit.
Angry texts? Pity? Or even worse, nothing at all.
So I left it turned off and even now as our car drove us straight to the castle, it was still off in the confines of my bag.
I’d spent the past three weeks missing my old life: my cousin, my friends and, of course, Konstantin.
I hadn’t realized I’d dozed off until a sentence reached my ears. Luca Benetti had decided to ride with us back to campus this morning, to my greatest despair. Between him, Batista, and Viola, there were more people I despised in this car than people I actually liked.
“... my sister .” Lorenzo frowned, looking at Benetti.
“They’ll pay for ever thinking they could make the Cosa Nostra look like fools.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say that they didn’t need anyone for that and did a great job of it on their own but I chose not to, knowing I was outnumbered. Plus I didn’t know who they were talking about, since I’d only caught the last part of their sentence.
When the car stopped in front of the old building, Lorenzo and I were the last ones to come out of the vehicle.
“Hey,” I whispered, bumping my shoulder against his as we walked the path leading up to the castle, “how are you holding on?”
He tried smiling at me but it didn’t reach his eyes. I didn’t know if his smiles ever would again. I couldn’t imagine what losing your twin might feel like. Lorenzo and Mia had been best friends growing up, and even though their relationship changed over time and they weren’t as close as young adults as they had been as kids, they remained deeply connected.
“I’m hanging in there. You?”
“Same.” I looked at the ground as we advanced, students around us staring and whispering among themselves. It made me mad, but at the same time, I was too tired to do anything about it. “What was that in the car about making whoever pay?”
Lorenzo’s gaze shut down a little, his shoulders tensing. I could tell from his demeanor that he didn’t want to tell me about it because he knew I would disapprove.
“Lo’?”
“The guys, they’re planning on making a move on the Korolovs. Retaliation for what they did to us that day in the dining hall.”
“W–what?” I sputtered. “That’s insane, we’ve only just came back and?—”
“That’s the point. They won’t be expecting us. Luca has someone in the kitchen that will spike their food and we’ll attack them in the Church. They won’t know what hit them.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, my mind reeling with all the information he’d fed me in such a short amount of time.
“Us? I didn’t realize you were a part of this.”
“Lyssa, they killed my sister.” He flinched, like admitting it aloud physically hurt.
“They did not and you know it!” I hissed so as to not gather attention on us.
“Even if they didn’t put that nuzzle around her neck, my sister still died heartbroken, Lyssa!” he snarled at me, forcing me to take a step back. For a second there, it was his father I saw. “She died of heartbreak because that fucking Korolov led her on.”
“No, she—” I took a deep breath, needing to calm down. “Look I found something. I think Mia didn’t kill herself, Lo, I think she was a victim of something much darker.”
He frowned. “What?”
“There’s a secret society in school. They make sacrifices; I think Mia was one of them.” Seeing how he looked at me, I continued. “I found this book, it’s in my room right now but it explains pretty much everything. If we help each other, we can uncover what truly happened to her and bring justice to her name. You could talk to our grandfather, he listens to you. We need to restore Mia’s memory, she was not?—”
“Lyssa, you’re talking nonsense right now,” he said, jaw clenched. “My sister killed herself because of heartbreak and drugs. My parents saw her body. You need to accept it.”
I wanted to scream at him that it didn’t mean anything, that just because she had been hanged instead of having her throat slit didn’t mean she hadn’t been murdered. I wanted to remind him that she was raped, that somebody, or several somebodies, used her and discarded her just like the other victims, but I knew he wasn’t ready to hear me out. So I went the safest route instead.
“You think Mia would approve of that? Of you ambushing the Korolovs or whatever? Do you think Luca-fucking-Benetti is doing it for her? He’s doing it for himself! To salvage what’s left of his honor after Konstantin wiped the floor with him.”
“I don’t care why Luca’s doing it. The fact is that he’s Cosa Nostra, just like us. Maybe you should remind yourself of that.”
“What does that mean?” I sputtered, affronted.
“It means that your behavior has me wondering where your loyalty lies these days, cousin .”
With one last glare, he marched angrily towards the castle, leaving me speechless.
The fact that classes started back on the day we arrived was downright cruel. I was severely jet-lagged, bone-tired, and fucking sad. I hadn’t seen any of my friends yet and couldn’t go anywhere without people staring at me in pity.
I also hadn’t seen Konstantin all day, which sucked because I had to warn him about tonight. I didn’t want to do it over text, not after spending three weeks ignoring him, but I was ready to if need be.
I turned the corner to my dorm to get more comfortable before dinner when a body slammed into mine and arms circled my neck. The scent of flowers and vanilla wafted to my nostrils and I recognized Sinem instantly. She hugged me tight and, after a beat, I hugged her back.
“I am so happy to see you,” she whispered against my neck.
“Me too.”
Pulling away from me, she gave me a small reassuring smile before taking a step to the side. Briar was right behind her. She’d got rid of the wheelchair but still had to use crutches and couldn’t put weight on her foot. She stared at me for a few seconds, probably angry at me for ignoring her during break, but ultimately engulfed me in a big hug too, rubbing my back as I started crying in her arms.
“I’m sorry, Elyssa. So, so, so sorry.”
Being back on campus after three weeks of only seeing the confines of my bedroom felt weird. Everything was so much bigger than at home, so much more magnificent too.
I made my way to the dining hall where the girls were waiting for me at our usual table. My mind was reeling with how to tell Konstantin about my cousins’ plans without it being obvious that I warned him, but I came up short. Once my cousins’ plan failed, it would become obvious to them where my loyalty lay, as Lorenzo so eloquently put it.
Still, it was something I was ready to face. I didn’t care anymore, my life was in shambles and the only person I really, deeply cared about was Konstantin. I couldn’t let him get drugged and at the mercy of people like Luca or Batista.
As if my thinking had conjured him, Konstantin appeared in front of me. He was heading to the dining hall too, but coming from another wing of the castle. When he looked up and saw me, he did a double-take before stopping dead in his tracks.
I did too, my hands turning into fists as I yearned to run into his arms.
If there was one thing the last few weeks made me realize, it was that I had fallen hopelessly in love with Konstantin Korolov. It sounded paradoxical, but as much as it hurt me to stay away and not reach out to him, I also felt like it tremendously helped me make sense of what I was feeling for him.
I knew what I felt for him wasn’t just merely attraction. It went way deeper than that.
Taking a tentative step towards him, I opened my mouth to talk but he beat me to it.
“I didn’t know you were back.”
“I—”
“No, you know what? Forget it. I think I received your message clearly.”
“Konstantin, wait!” I all but ran to him, uncaring of who would see us together; I didn’t have anything to lose anymore.
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to pull a disappearing act but?—”
“Now is not the time or place. I’m… hurt and I need to regroup before saying something I regret. We’ll discuss it later.” He tried side-stepping me to reach the double doors but I moved in the same direction, blocking his way once again.
“Fine, but I still need to warn you about something.”
“Warn me?”
“Don’t eat your food tonight. My cousins—them and Benetti had someone spike your food.”
He frowned, so I continued. “Do not eat anything you’re served tonight. They’re planning on drugging you so they can retaliate for what you did last time more easily.”
Icy grey eyes roamed my face, searching for something I couldn’t quite name. I couldn’t tell whether or not he believed me, so I chose to hope he did. Turning around, I entered the dining room and joined my friends at their table. He came in two minutes later and took his usual seat too.
I eyed him nervously from across the room, but he didn’t spare me a glance as he took a spoonful of his meal, dismissing my warning.
It felt like he was making a statement—one that said he didn’t trust me anymore.
I forced myself not to look in his direction for the rest of the meal.