Chapter 7
7
H adrell escorts me into a small dining area, but the dull ringing in my ears makes it hard for me to focus as he tells them my name and pronouns, and his crew mates give their greetings and introductions.
I nod numbly as Bret’u, the shikzeth I hit, apologizes for sedating me. I shrug halfheartedly when Rema suggests if I get bored I can help her take stock of provisions and chat about the latest gossip on Spire. I can’t even muster more than a slight gasp when the nexxit mechanic, Tari, proudly introduces Dill, a repurposed pleasure droid with long mechanical tentacles instead of arms. I’m grateful when the vuloi pilot, Val, seems too distracted and unhappy to do more than give me a cursory greeting.
Why should I care about these people? I’m sure they’re perfectly fine, and under other circumstances I’d appreciate the chance to learn about them, but I don’t want to be here and I can’t find it in me to give a shit whether or not they like me. I guess that’s what happens when I’m told that nothing I can say or do will get me out of this situation. That I should sit still, shut up, and bear the discomfort.
I got a lot of practice with that as a kid, and I find myself sinking back into that disconnected space I’d sought refuge in when all the tests and procedures became overwhelming. I’ve spent years in therapy learning ways to reconnect with my body and my surroundings, but apparently half a cycle of being kidnapped by alien pirates is all it takes to untether me again.
“Paul.” The voice saying my name sounds like it’s coming from far away. Muffled by the ocean of stars between where my body is and my consciousness floats. “Paul?” The voice asks, more concerned this time.
“I think we broke him,” I distantly hear someone, maybe the pervy nexxit with a sex bot, say.
“Don’t you have any compassion? The poor human is clearly upset. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that your go-to reaction when someone is distressed is to criticize them,” a much deeper voice says.
“Is Tari the reason you were so upset, Val?”
“I didn’t say anything about being upset!”
A hand hooks around my arm and guides me out of the room as the group devolves into a cacophony of bickering. I follow mindlessly as I’m guided into the lift and back up to the chambers I’d spent the night cycle in.
Oh. Guess they’re locking me in here already. Putting me out of sight so they don’t have to think about me. Numb tears slide down my cheeks as the room transforms into my childhood bedroom. The one I spent countless hours in, recovering after my treatments, while my parents hosted dinner parties a few rooms down the corridor. Though that cabin didn’t have a window, so I suppose this is a slight improvement over that.
“Paul.” Gentle, warm hands cup my cheeks. Thumbs stroke through my beard in a soft, soothing motion, drawing me back to my body. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I blink and Hadrell’s face comes into focus as the blanket of my dissociation slips away. I’m struck by how beautiful their alien features are. High cheekbones, a proud brow decorated with the most elegant pattern of glowing markings I’ve ever seen on a seladin, and a strong, sloping nose that draws my eyes to their full, deep gray lips.
“Huh?” I ask, now in a different kind of daze.
“You went somewhere else,” they state, one hand still cupping my cheek. “I was worried.”
How odd that this near stranger who isn’t even human could see in a few minutes what my own parents never noticed. Why would he be worried? Aren’t I easier to manage when I’m not putting up a fight?
“It’s okay. You can leave me in here,” I say, grasping for that detached space again like a lifeline. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to make it happen again when he’s touching me.
Hadrell frowns. “Stop that, silly human,” they murmur.
“Why do you care?” They’re being kind, and I know it’s a rude question, but I can’t help it. My charming veneer has been stripped off almost entirely over the past cycle.
They take a moment to consider my question, their clawed thumb stroking idly along my jaw. “This is my fault. Even if I hadn’t felt a connection with you at the reception, even if you’d been a quick fuck I’d never intended to see again, I wouldn’t want you this way. I’d rather you scream at me. I deserve it. I can handle that. But seeing you float away before my eyes is…troubling.”
“If I can’t fight to get myself back home, and you don’t want me staying silent, what do you want? Because I’m sorry, but I can’t smile and pretend I’m happy to be here.”
Hadrell gives me a considering once over and lets go of my face. I sway a little where I’m sitting at the loss of his touch. “Why not?” he asks.
“Because that’s not how my brain works! I can’t force myself to like something that terrifies me,” I scoff.
“No, no, I understand that. What I meant was, why can’t you be happy here? Why is it either fighting or going catatonic? Couldn’t it…” he pauses and gives me a soft smile. “Couldn’t it potentially be fun?”
“No!” I immediately snap, scowling at the daft alien. “What part about any of this is fun?”
Hadrell gives me a cheeky grin, a warm peal of laughter falling from their lips. “We’re on the other side of the galaxy, far away from any of your responsibilities. Far away from any expectations for who you’re supposed to be or how you’re meant to behave. The Paul I spoke with last night told me how lonely and small he thought his life was. How every cycle was the same, and he was tired of begging for scraps of affection and attention from his friends.”
My face heats at the reminder of my drunken confessions. “Yes, but…”
“But what, Paul?” He crosses his long, slender arms across his chest and cocks his head. “Here you are. Out of your boring, comfortable rut. Surrounded by potential new friends, with plenty of new experiences available to you if you’re willing to try them.”
“Hah, like you’d let me do anything but stay trapped here on the ship. I’m a liability. I’ll end up getting hurt or worse. You said it yourself!”
I expect the seladin across from me to argue but he lets out a low sigh. “You’re right. I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be much simpler to lock you up in a room until we can get rid of you.”
I must show displeasure at his choice of words because he raises his hands up in surrender. “Not that I want to get rid of you! Under other circumstances, I’d be delighted to have my attractive new human acquaintance as a guest for a while.”
I don’t know if I believe them, but I’m too distracted by them calling me attractive to argue.
“Anyway, I’d planned on keeping you confined to common areas of the ship, at least. I’m not proud of those thoughts, but I’m a bit stressed by the situation we’ve found ourselves in. Still, our first solution is often not the best or most honorable one. Now that I’ve seen how harmful that will be to you, I’ve decided to change course.”
I scan their face for any sign of deception, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for. I only have my limited experience interacting with Fina’s seladin partner, who struggles with anxiety so he might not be the best baseline for seladin body language. Hadrell’s posture right now is relaxed and there’s what might be a hint of embarrassment or apology in how their natural eye flares a touch brighter.
“So, let me get this right. You’re saying I should make this into a… what? A vacation? A cultural learning opportunity?”
“An adventure ,” Hadrell says, spreading their arms out wide.
I snort dismissively, despite the small flutter of excitement in my belly. A flutter that could easily be confused for nerves, if it wasn’t accompanied by a voice in my head telling me I should listen to him.
“Don’t be absurd,” I reply halfheartedly.
“Why not? I think you need a bit more absurdity in your life.”
He’s right , the voice argues. Where the hell is that voice even coming from?
“What kind of adventure? In case it wasn’t clear, I don’t put myself into dangerous situations often. Or ever. I’m not exactly well-versed in self-defense, and apparently people are waiting around every corner to snatch up my dumb human ass.”
“I said I’m going to help you have fun, not throw you out on your own. We’ll do things together,” they say, gesturing between us.
My pulse speeds up at the thought and all the very inappropriate things we could do together right here in their quarters. Things that are obviously not what they’re talking about. Or are they?
Dammit, now my cock is getting hard again.
Hadrell raises a glowing brow at my reaction. “Or if you’re sick of me, I’m sure someone from the crew will be happy to spend time together.”
“N-no. You’re fine.”
“Thanks,” they say, their lips quirking in amusement. “I need you to promise me two things, though, for this to work. Can you do that for me?”
“Depends on what those things are. If you want me to warm your bed in exchange for getting off the ship to do things, I…uh, I…”
The heated flare in Hadrell’s eye and the matching swell of arousal inside me at the idea of what I’d meant as a joke make me stumble over my words. “That’s not, uh, sorry.” I cough awkwardly to fully cement my total lack of composure.
“You are quite warm,” they say with a chuckle. “But if I understand your broader meaning, no. That sort of thing isn’t a bargaining chip. I only fuck partners who are enthusiastically interested.”
“I didn’t actually think that you’d want—that you’d even need to do that.” I sputter, worried they’ve taken offense. “It was a joke,” I add, feebly.
“You find the thought of us tangled together in my bed finding pleasure together amusing?” Hadrell asks, lowering his voice to a soft purr.
“I…no, but I…”
Hadrell watches me expectantly, and I’m sure they’re fucking with me, but it still doesn’t stop me from getting flustered.
I clear my throat and cross my arms over my chest. “What are the two things?”
Hadrell chuckles at me changing the subject back to their initial question. “First, I need you to make an oath that you won’t try to run away again. I don’t care if someone in a Consortium uniform with official paperwork with your station ID on it comes right up to you and tells you they’ve been sent to rescue you. Nothing out here can be trusted but me and my crew.
“Alright,” I say with a resigned sigh.
Hadrell looks less than convinced by my acquiescence. “Second, you’re getting self-defense and sidearm training, and you’ll need to demonstrate a level of basic proficiency with both before you can leave the ship.”
That’s not what I was expecting. I thought it’d be that I’d need to be given some kind of tracking chip that would be backup for rule one. “What is your definition of proficiency? I’ve never used a blaster before, and your medic can attest that my combat skills are non-existent.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to be a master marksman or fight off a crowd of angry nexxit. Shouldn’t take more than a few cycles for a smart, solid human like you to pick up. Think of it as a failsafe if you, oh, let’s say, wander off on your own while I’m distracted because you think you see a way to get back to Spire.”
“I already said I wouldn’t do that.”
Hadrell shrugs. “You did. Doesn’t mean I trust you. No offense. My trust is only earned through repeated demonstrations of reliability.”
“Well, I don’t trust you, either,” I reply petulantly.
“Smart,” he says with a wry grin. “If you want, we can do a more formal pact. Do humans seal deals in blood?”
“What? No. Why? Do seladin?”
“No. We seal them with a kiss,” he says nonchalantly.
I roll my eyes, though I don’t hate the prospect as much as I should. “Now I definitely don’t trust you. Seladin don’t kiss.”
“Oh? Who told you that? Because I’d be happy to provide a demonstration that will prove you wrong.” Hadrell scoots an inch closer to me, and my eyes drop to their mouth.
“I know they can kiss, but it’s not a typical seladin behavior,” I clarify.
Their lips downturn into a soft pout. “You’re no fun,” they murmur.
For an instant, I consider proving him wrong by closing the distance between us and kissing him. The shocked look on his face would be worth it, but my nerve fails me and I rub the back of my neck, looking away.
“Well, then, what do humans do for deals?” Hadrell sighs, leaning back.
“We sign contracts. Or shake hands, though that’s outdated because?—”
Before I can finish speaking, Hadrell forms a fist and shakes their hand up and down in short strokes. “Like this? ”
“No!” I reach out and grab their hand before my dick gets harder at the sight of them jerking off a phantom dick. They laugh, low and breathy, but stop the movement, and I guide them to grab my hand and give it a curt shake. “There. That’s a handshake.”
“And this prevents you from breaking your promise?”
Maybe I should lie and claim there’s some kind of unbreakable bond of honor now that we’ve touched, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Instead, I shrug. “Not really, but it’s the best I can offer.”
“I appreciate the honesty. Now, would you like some time alone to rest? Or are you hungry? I can bring you up some food if eating around the crew is too overwhelming right now.”
I blink at him, a bit confused. “Uh, aren’t you forgetting something?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t give you your comm back,” they say, grimacing slightly.
“No, I get that. But you’re acting like I’m staying here.” They look at me blankly. “In your quarters,” I add, sweeping my eyes across the space.
“Where else are you going to stay, bed warmer?” They shoot me a wink and stand up, brushing off the front of their pants.
Before I can protest, Hadrell continues. “In all seriousness, we don’t have extra bunks available. Am I wrong to assume you’d feel more comfortable rooming with me than another member of my crew?”
“No. I guess not.”
“You sure? The other option is to sleep down in the med bay, but Bret’u likes to work odd hours, so it won’t be very private.”
I shudder at the thought. I’ve spent enough nights in med bays to last a lifetime. “If those are my only two options, I’ll stay here. I can sleep on the floor. ”
Hadrell’s brow scrunches together. “What are you talking about? You’re not sleeping on the floor.”
“I can’t share the bed with you,” I say, flushing.
“What do you think happened last night cycle? Stop being ridiculous. There’s plenty of room for both of us.” To my mortification, Hadrell sprawls on his side on the bed and pats the mattress. “Come find out for yourself.”
“Uh, that’s okay.” My voice comes out in a breathy squeak as I shift my hands in front of my groin to hide my erection. “Let’s go get some food.”
The prospect of going back to the mess hall with the rest of the crew that saw me have a mental breakdown is more than a little mortifying, but I don’t think I can handle getting into bed next to the far-too handsome seladin right now.