9. Bethany
Chapter nine
Bethany
I don’t have bonds. That was the only disappointing part of waking up today. My body feels gloriously sore and different, but not in any way I can describe. I just feel transformed. I bounce into the kitchen and wrap my arms around Saint.
He doesn’t touch me or hug me back but instead gestures to the table where there’s food spread out. I’m a bit disappointed, but I don’t say anything.
“We need to head into work for the day. We’ll be gone all night. You can stay here and decide what you want to do.” Even his voice is colder than normal.
I stare at his back with a silly smile on my face and shake my head as I try to figure out what he means. I kiss him on the shoulder before bouncing to the food.
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, there’s no need. You can stay here.” Saint’s icy tones rip through the happiness.
I pause, confused. “You’d leave me here alone?”
“The house is perfectly safe. You’ll be fine.”
I struggle to find the words to ask the question that might help me understand what’s going on right now.
“But don’t you want to stay with me? We could go back to bed?” I ask coyly, dancing over to him and walking my fingers up his chest. How he touched me in my heat floods my mind, leaving me gazing up at him and thinking how wonderful he is.
“Sorry, Bethany. We’ve got to get to work, but your bedroom is made up for you if you want to sleep.”
I tilt my head to the side and try to make eye contact, but he moves away from me and takes his time buttering a slice of toast.
“The nest-”
“Will be dismantled. You don’t need to worry about it.”
I flinch, hard. “But-”
“Help yourself to anything and recover. You can pick up your shift at Dynasty’s later this week. Then you can get back on your feet and make some decisions about your future.” Saint bites his toast and waves as he walks out.
“That was weird and hurtful,” I murmur to myself. The seed of unease has been planted and is just growing stronger inside me.
I eat slowly and alone. But by the time I’m finished, I’m frantic. My food is sitting like a rock inside me, and I’m not sure it will stay there. I get chills flashing across my skin, leaving me feeling weak.
No! I’m wrong. There is no way this is happening. I clench my fist and stare at it. I’ve missed something. Maybe I upset them or…or it’s just a bad morning. If I can talk to them, we can sort this all out. I know we can, because…they wouldn’t have done that, gone through my heat with me. No, there’s no way. They feel the same way about me; they have to. We’re scent matches.
I get to my feet and have to grip the table when my legs wobble. I need to find them and see if I can figure out what’s going on. Clear this up, I can barely think, and inside me, there is a ball of panic that is growing.
I find Hunter in the bedroom, pulling on his jacket.
“Hi!” I say with a blush. The things we did run through my mind.
He barely looks at me.
A shivery feeling seizes my stomach, but I push it aside. They are just getting ready for work. It’s nothing.
“Hunter, please?” My voice comes out tiny.
He ignores me. Maybe he didn’t hear me, but I think, judging by the way he’s moving, that he did. I bite my lip hard enough that I taste blood, but it still takes a minute before my eyes clear enough to see.
A fiery ball of shame presses me down, and I can’t, I won’t beg him again. I just stand there staring at him as he gets ready, the knife of betrayal cutting deep. Doesn’t he know how much I love him? Why is he doing this?
Still, when Crow comes in and his expression doesn’t even change, I know that I’m not imagining things. I move towards him, but he doesn’t reach out. No fingers press against my shoulder, no hugs, no kisses.
I swallow a whine and twist my fingers hard so I don’t reach for him.
No one has touched me. Spoken in nice tones. No one is looking at me. It’s like I’m not even here. I don’t exist.
It’s ripping me apart.
I follow them to the front door and stand there, willing them to look at me. Willing them to speak, to apologise, to say something, anything. They get ready to leave without so much as a goodbye, and my horror turns to white hot rage.
“At least have the damn balls to tell me it was a mistake!” I shout, shocking them.
They do one of those three way, silent conversations. And what was once cute is now very, very offensive.
I snarl at them.
Saint is the one who advances towards me, but I back up, sensing the pain that’s going to come and trying to save myself. One last futile attempt at self-preservation. He takes the lead in this conversation while Crow and Hunter remain impassive.
“It wasn’t a mistake. We told you we would help you with your heat. We made you comfortable and safe, and we got you through it. Hunter explained beforehand that we needed to get you used to our touch, so you would feel safe, so no one got injured. It went perfectly. And now it’s done.”
My eyes widen as his words slash at me, bitterly burning the memories of my heat to acrid dust. They can’t be serious. This is a joke. It has to be because they wouldn’t go through a heat, they wouldn’t do that to me, there’s no way.
I think I might die from the pain his words are inflicting. I think I don’t know if I can survive this.
A cry escapes from me, but I muffle it with a hand over my mouth.
“But now, it’s over.” The words echo around the room when he says them a second time like he needs to drive the nail in deeper. This asshole!
“We’re scent matches,” I protest, a hoarse whisper of sound that ends on a sob.
“That doesn’t mean anything. We,” he indicates Crow and Hunter, “made a pact not to let anyone else in and no more bonds. You will find another pack.”
“WE ONLY GET ONE SCENT MATCH! IT’S A ONCE IN A LIFETIME!” I roar at him. My throat aches from the force of how loud I scream, but it doesn’t even make them flinch.
How can they be doing this? How can they hurt me and not feel anything? What is wrong with them?
They are stone.
Cold-hearted stone. Unfeeling. Selfish. Horrible, awful alphas.
“I’m really sorry. You seem like a really nice omega, and we hope you do really well, but we just can’t accept you. Go and find someone else and live a wonderful life.”
I stare at him, but there is no emotion on his face. There’s nothing there. No anger, no sorrow, no grief or regret, nothing.
“Would it feel good to see me with another alpha? To know that he had me whenever he wanted? Doesn’t that bother you at all?” I say the words to get a reaction.
I fail.
“You cowards,” I hiss, furious. “Gutless cowards.”
Hunter flinches, but Crow and Saint ignore me and move towards the door.
“We’ll be back after the bar closes. Help yourself to anything you need,” Saint says again in those cuttingly polite tones.
My eyes well with tears, and I rapidly blink them away just so I can see their retreating forms. In seconds, they’re gone. Just like that.
An hour ago, I had a pack and hope.
Now…now I have nothing but bitter memories and this broken, useless thing inside my chest that belongs to them.
My legs give out, and I collapse on the floor, scraping my knees. My chest feels like someone has cracked it open. Tears gather and sobs rip me apart. I don’t know how to be without them. I don’t know how to live with this pain. How could they?
My keens fill the house’s silence. A dirge of agony and grief, and all the while, their bitter words repeat in my head, round and round.
How could they do it? How dare they do it? I can’t stay. Obviously, I need to go. I’ll die if I stay here.
I claw my way up and look around. My head feels heavy and too slow to make connections. But slowly, anger burns away the grief and ignites my mind into creating a plan to get out.
I have no money.
Sell the clothes.
I sit there on the ground thinking about it. Can I do that? It was a gift, right? I turn away and go to the room, packing all the clothes in as little bags as I can. They all have tags still, luckily. Even with my super packing, I can’t take all of them. So I pick the three biggest bags.
My next move is to hunt down a bus or taxi. I don’t find a phone, but what I do find are the keys to a car. My give a fuck is broken, so after a moment’s deliberation, I snatch the keys up and stalk out of the house, unlocking it until a car beeps.
I pop the boot and return to the house for the three bags. I pull out some good clothes, jeans, jumpers, and underwear, and put them in a backpack. My next step is to the kitchen, where I raid their cupboards. I’d feel bad for stealing, but I feel like they’ve stolen my future and happiness.
So, we’re even, right?
Why should I care about them?
“Why should I give a fuck? I should burn this house to the ground and let them rot.”
A thought occurs to me and leaves me shattered. They’ve probably done this before.
The last thing I do is write a note and leave it on the kitchen counter.
Thanks for making sure I know what I’m going to miss forever. You’re assholes and you don’t deserve me.
Then I stalk out of the house, slamming the door shut, and I leave. My body still aches, but the happiness I woke up with is long gone. Now, I feel more broken than I ever have.
They didn’t want to return the clothes. I think they called Crow, and he authorised it, but I’m pretending that I can’t see it. Because if he just let them give me money, it means he doesn’t care enough to stop me.
And that means they meant what they said. Which in turn leads to the realisation that they aren’t coming after me.
I’m handed the money in cash, which is another no-no. But I’m guessing Crow thought of that, too. The asshole.
Just thinking about him makes me ache and hurt worse, though.
What’s so wrong with me that people keep leaving me? Keep abandoning me?
I make it back to the car with no real idea how I got here.
Where do I go?
I have no idea, but I start the car. Should I go home? Maybe I can find Raider or Kelly.
I sit in the car and rest my head on the steering wheel. Why won’t this ache go away? Why does it hurt this much?
The irony is that I gave up everything for love, and now I’m here, with the love that I searched so desperately for refusing to have me.
Is my life some cosmic joke? I hope whoever is up there is getting a good giggle.
Am I destined to be this unlucky for the rest of my life? Perhaps I should just find a hole and lay there until my last breath leaves my body.
I keep seeing them in my mind, all the nice things they did, and then how they acted this morning. It doesn’t measure up. Two conflicting personalities, two conflicting realities.
The sobs take over again, and I can’t believe how much I’m crying. My eyes are burning, but I can’t seem to stop. I heard so many women talk about guys who did this. They were one way until they got what they wanted and then just changed, but these three were my happily ever after. They are my pack.
They aren’t meant to do this.
I start the car and wipe away the tears I wasn’t even aware I was leaking. I’m an omega on her own now. My designation will appear stronger, making it easier for people to determine what I am. I’m vulnerable. I’m going to need to make a decision about what to do.
I need them.
A whine escapes me as I put the car into drive, and I have to fight the urge to drive back to their house.
I need them.
But it would seem they don’t want me.
How tragic.