15. Bethany
Chapter fifteen
Bethany
Watching them squirm is priceless. Seeing them not their usual selves, however, gives me twin feelings of regret and hope. I work with Hunter all night, cleaning and obeying his directions without hesitation. I’ve worked in bars before, so I know what I’m doing, and he can mostly leave me alone.
Except he can’t take his eyes off me. Wherever I go, I can feel him watching. The heavy weight of my alpha’s silent regard makes me hyper-aware of everything I’m doing. At times, the bar falls away, and it’s only him and me.
Ryn brought out her assistant, who is a stylist, and together, the girls went to town. Gone are the sweet and sexy pink dresses. Everything I own now is geared towards attracting these very mysterious, pub owning alphas. I now match their aesthetic, and to be honest, this is definitely clothes I feel more myself in.
As the night draws to a close, I can feel them circling. I finish up, smile at Eric, and turn to Hunter.
“I’ll be back tomorrow night, and you can work out what shifts you want to give me.”
Hunter opens his mouth, but I turn and walk away before he can speak. I’m smiling and patting myself on the back when he grabs my arm and swings me back around. I catch myself on his chest and look up.
“How are you getting home? Where are you staying?” Hunter asks urgently.
It’s like he’s saying something else under the questions, but I’m not sure what it is.
I lick my lips and focus my gaze on the v that his shirt frames. I want to lick that spot. Still, I’m uncertain, my body waiting for rejection, for those hurtful words to hit into me. Please don’t hurt me, Hunter.
“I have a hotel-”
“Which one?” Hunter asks, not letting me finish.
“Do you care?” I ask flatly and pull myself free of his hold. That morning ruined everything, and it’s replaying in my head. He doesn’t deserve to know where I am.
“Of course, I care. You’re an employee now.”
I scoff and turn away from him, only to find Crow looking down at me with so much vulnerability on his face that it steals my ability to think.
“Goodnight, Alpha Crow,” I breathe when I rip free of his spell. I force myself to step around him and keep walking until I’m outside. The street transforms when the bars and clubs shut. It goes from a hive of activity to this thick, dangerous vibe of menace. A few drunk people stumble their way home, but all the lights are off now. The neon glamor is gone.
Someone grabs my arm, and I attack without thinking, slamming the heel of my hand into the guy’s stomach. He expels air in a rush and doubles over, but that’s where he meets the wrath that is my knee.
It takes me a moment to calm down. A moment to comprehend what I’ve done. I realise it’s Hunter doubled over in front of me. Everytime I blink, I try to erase the mirage, but still, the illusion doesn’t change. I’m torn between a groan and a giggle as I reach out to put a hand on his shoulder, but before I connect, he drops to his knees.
How to win your scent match in two moves or less. Nice work, Bethany.
“Hunter, are you all right?” I crouch down beside him and help him up.
“I was…” He stands up and holds his face. “Coming to make sure you are safe.”
I nod. Sure, that makes sense. Uh-huh. Why? My cynical voice is a bit of a bitch, but I guess I get like that when I get my heart crushed.
Saint and Crow come outside and rush to Hunter’s belated aid. I step back, wincing at their barked questions.
“Who did this?” Saint finally says clearly.
“I did it?”
Crow gives me a dazzling, lopsided smile. “You got some moves you were hiding from us?” he asks in a tease that goes straight to the parts of me that still love these alphas.
I blush a shade I think they would have to invent just for me.
“I’m sorry.”
Saint looks at me, and then shakes his head. “He should know better than to grab a woman at this time of night. It’s on him.”
“Totally on me,” Hunter agrees.
I don’t think I broke his nose because I notice he is bleeding. I stare at the dark liquid as it drips off his chin and falls to the concrete. My stomach tightens, and I sway.
“Hey, Bethany, hey, what’s wrong?” Crow sounds so far away.
I can’t take my eyes off Hunter and the blood that is running in a thin rivulet down his face.
“So much blood,” I whisper. The corners of my world go dark, and my knees collapse.
“Shit. Crow, get her out of here.”
“Where?”
“Home. Take her back to our place. We can deal with it all later. I’m going to fix this idiot.”
I’m lifted into Crow’s arms, and I turn in his embrace, inhaling that licorice that I love so much.
“This is a terrible idea,” I whimper.
Crow chuckles and sets me in the backseat. He’s really gentle when he reaches across and does up my seatbelt.
I think of the blood and fall into oblivion.
I wake up in the bed in the room they gave me, but unlike last time, I don’t want to come out. I mean, this was the plan. Get me back here in the house, in front of them, by any means necessary, but my heart doesn’t want to take anymore abuse.
I sit on the bed and put my head in my hands as I try to figure out what to do.
It’s easier to sit in this room and imagine them on the other side of the door than get up and face them. Now that I’m here, my confidence has left me.
Why did they bring me here? We had a number of plans, but me fainting over the sight of blood wasn’t on the list. Plan for everything, but the unexpected will happen. Ryn, Aunt Auggie, and I planned for everything–except me passing out from the sight of Hunter’s blood. Totally not on the list.
I pace, wringing my fingers. Remembering that hope and the feelings that were growing inside me. I’ve put them in a glass box and been ignoring them for the last few days, but now that I’m here, I’m raw. I’m exposed.
A knock at the door has me turning in time to see Saint peer in. He spots me, and we just stand there, staring at each other. His shirt is unbuttoned down to his sternum, and I can’t help but want to touch.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“It’s not your fault.” He comes into the room and approaches me but slowly, as if he’s unsure if I will run or not. “Have you always been weird about blood?”
I shrug. “There was an incident on the farm with a chicken, and yeah, ever since then.”
Saint smiles slightly, but it disappears as he searches my face. “You came back.”
“You gave me a job. Besides.” I chuckle, turn away from him, and hope he can’t hear the anxiety in my voice. “Where else would I go?”
“Home, Bethany. When things get scary and painful, you go home.”
He’s right but wrong, too.
“What if I don’t have one anymore? What if I’m lost, and I don’t know the way?” My words aren’t a lie. My family's home doesn’t feel like home. Not since the day I met these alphas.
I force myself to turn back to face him, but it’s a mistake. Saint makes me weak. I want to throw myself into his arms and to hell with everything. Consequences be damned.
Saint’s eyes darken, and he takes another step towards me, putting us within a foot of each other. It’s the smallest distance, but it feels like miles.
“Then I guess you stay where it feels right until you remember where you are.” Saint exhales and leans in.
My body erupts in goosebumps. He’s so damn close, and the gap is closing.
“Saint,” I whisper his name, putting all the longing I feel into it.
He buries his face in my hair and ever so gently pulls me into his embrace.
“What do you need?” Saint whispers. “I’ll give you anything.”
You, I need you. “This job, time to find a new life. Three weeks,” I say, settling on the number Ryn and I came up with. They have three weeks to prove themselves to me. That’s all I’m prepared to give.
“Okay, Bethany. You have the job, but only if you stay here with us until you’re back on your feet. You don’t need to put a timer on it.”
“Yes, I do. Three weeks is all I can commit to.”
His big hands stroke my back. “Hunter wants to know if you’ve eaten.”
“Not yet.”
“And Crow would really like to see you to make sure that you didn’t get hurt.”
I sniffle, and he lets go, stepping back. “And you? What do you want, Saint?”
“I want to know how you are. Have you been okay? Has this last month been terrible? Did you get hurt? Did…” he chokes on the words, “did I get you hurt?”
“I will be okay,” I promise. “And, yes, it’s been terrible.” I decide to risk it. “I missed you, and I know I shouldn’t. Because I know we’re strangers, and you don’t want an omega, but I missed you.”
Saint swallows hard, his hands clench into fists. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back, but his whole body looks pained.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Saint whispers. “You weren’t supposed to get hurt here.”
“I know that. I know you didn’t intend to hurt me. And you did tell me clearly what you could give me. I just misunderstood the situation. I thought you would be as happy to find me as I was to find you.”
Ryn and I talked at length about how to approach this situation. We got through my anger and hurt, and we looked at it from their side. I need to not turn this situation into a fight. I need to understand them because I’m playing to win.
“We are so happy to meet you, Bethany, so very happy. But…”
I smile up at him sadly. “Yeah. But.”
There’s a tense silence that fills with the bitter pain I can now see in his eyes.
“So, uh, take me to Crow, then.” It’s a lifeline I’m throwing him, but there’s a moment he hesitates where I think maybe he will ignore it.
He turns and goes to the door, ushering me out. I follow him down the maze of hallways until we get to a room I haven’t seen yet.
Saint nods at the door.
With trepidation, I knock on the wood. I gasp as it wrenches open in front of me.
“Bethany!” Crow says and glances past me to Saint.
“I’ll leave you to it. Hunter’s waiting to feed her.”
I hear him retreat, but Crow has my wrist and is towing me into the room. I barely get to glance around and take in the navy walls with stars painted on them.
“What is this place?”
“Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in, so Saint and Hunter made this room and painted it so I would feel like there were no walls.”
He tugs me to the centre of the room where there are a few blankets and pillows, and to my utter consternation; I smell myself on them.
These were in the nest. He stole them. I don’t know why I love that so much. I guess I thought they would have burned all my nesting materials. It’s a relief to know that even in their stubbornness, they are still trying to keep me in some small way.
I sit down beside him and glance at his face. “Why are the walls closing in on you, Crow?”
“I want to be the person you need, that you want, but I don’t know how.”
His words shock me. What? But…
“So, this is about me? Am I making you ill?” I ask, and the thought that I’m making him unwell hits me like a gut punch.
“No! Never! This is me. I’ve always been like this.” Crow closes his eyes. “You know we were in an orphanage together. That’s where we met. My father died. He wasn’t a terribly good man, but when he died, I was just left. No one knew he had passed, and it took a while before they came. I tried to survive as best I could, but I was a tiny kid, really runty.”
I sit still, listening to the words but hearing what he’s not saying.
“Everyone who said they would love us never did. We went to foster homes and heard the same promises over and over. I met long lost family who would take me for a few months, then drop me back because I was too hard.”
“Crow-”
“I’m not telling you so you feel sorry for me. I’ve moved on, and I’m doing fine.”
I nod so he knows I know.
“But I don’t know how to give someone like you what you need.”
“Someone like me?”
“Beautiful, talented, strong, with a huge heart. I would break you into a million pieces.”
“That is not true.”
“How do you know? You might stay here and say that you love me, and then leave.”
“Or you could bond me and make it forever, and we could be happy,” I hit back, frustrated with this game.
He flinches. “What happens if we bond you, and you are miserable, and you hate us? No, that won’t work at all.”
“Take chances. Risks.”
Crow shakes his head, his jaw tensing.
I shrug. “You’ve already decided. I’m not going to try to change your mind.”
“You aren’t?”
“No, Oli,” I say, using his first name for the first time. The reaction is instant. His eyes soften, and he leans towards me like a starving man. “I’m not going to try to make you bond me. I just need a job and somewhere to stay while I work out my plans for the future.”
If anything, my answer seems to distress him even more. He twitches, so I do what I know will make him feel better because, though I hate what they did, and I want to smack them all upside their heads, I’m not prepared to let them go. Not yet. I slide across to Crow and hold my hands out.
“Can I please have a hug?”
He melts into my embrace, burying his face in my neck while I stroke his back.
“It’s all going to be okay, Oli. You’ll see. Everything is going to be fine. We have time to work it all out. Let’s just start at the beginning.”
“What’s the beginning?”
“How about friends?”
“Please,” Crow whispers. “I would love to be your friend, Bethany.”
I smile. Step one. Complete.