Chapter 12 #4
That perks me right up. “Really?”
“Yes, really. Might as well start trying now. I can’t promise I’ll be a good teacher, but it’s worth a shot,” he says as he pops a piece of dried meat into his mouth.
“Okay,” I say, tearing into my food at a much faster pace that draws a chuckle out of Bastian.
Once we’ve both finished eating, we sit cross-legged on our bedrolls, facing each other. The sounds of the forest carry on around us. The occasional owl hoot, rustling as something hunts along the brush.
I’m practically vibrating with the excitement of trying out my magic. Magic that I only learned I have less than twenty-four hours prior.
“Okay, first thing’s first is to clear your mind,” he begins.
I tilt my head. “Do you have to clear your mind every time you wield? Whenever I’ve seen you do it, it looks like it comes second nature.”
“For me, it does. For someone first starting to get the hang of things, it’s helpful to clear your mind of anything that could pull your focus away from what you’re trying to do.
” He gives me a pointed look. “Once you get more comfortable with the feeling of summoning your abilities, it becomes easier to draw on it without a second thought.”
“Oh, right. Okay, that makes sense.” I blow out a deep breath and close my eyes, placing my hands on my knees. “Clear my mind.”
Clear my mind. Clear my mind. How am I supposed to even clear my mind?
“You look like you’re praying to the gods,” he snorts.
I crack one eye open. “Don’t shit on my methods.”
“I would never,” he says with a hand over his heart in dramatic fashion. “Once you’ve cleared your mind, turn your focus inside you. Find that ebb and flow of magic through your veins.”
I do as he instructs and turn my attention internally. I feel around for that ‘ebb and flow’ but I can’t find anything. It just feels… hollow. Empty.
What if I really don’t have any magic? What if I can’t do this?
“I can’t find it,” I whisper, as if I’ll startle the elusive magic if I speak any louder.
“Keep looking,” he coaxes. “It’s okay to not find it on the first try.”
I nod with determination and continue to search.
“Once you find it, you need to tap into it. Pull from it. Think of your intention, what you wish to do with it, and project that out,” he instructs.
With every minute that passes without being able to identify the source of my powers, the more anxious I get. And as my anxiety grows, the more frustrated I become and my mood sours.
“I can’t do it,” I announce, promptly giving up.
“You can,” Bastian presses.
“We’ve been sitting here for however the hells long it’s been and nothing has happened. I clearly can’t do this!” I rise from the ground and make to stomp… somewhere. Anywhere. Away.
“Liv,” he calls as I head towards the tree line.
“No, I’m serious. I can’t do this.” I stop my escape when I reach the edge of our camp and turn back towards the fire and begin to pace back and forth, since I can’t exactly go gallivanting through the forest to expel this energy.
“Maybe I don’t even have any magic. Maybe I’ve been glamoured for so long that it completely sucked the magic from my body like some sort of vampire.
Wouldn’t that be an incredibly hilarious bit of irony. ” I let out a laugh that’s half sob.
“Liv.” His voice is distant amid my mental spiral.
“My aunt keeps me glamoured to blend in with the humans and it steals my magic, making me no more than a funny looking human.” The tears are streaming down my face in full force at this point and I don’t even care.
I don’t care if he sees me crying for what must be the hundredth time in so many days. I don’t care if it makes me look weak.
I. Just. Don’t. Care.
I make to turn for another lap of my pacing but I bounce off the hard wall of a muscular chest. Bastian’s hands whip out to grip my upper arms, keeping me upright.
“Olivia,” his voice comes out stern, but soft. “Look at me.”
“Gods, you’re so bossy,” I say with a sniffle as I bring my red-rimmed eyes to him.
“There she is,” he says with a small smile.
“You can do this. It will probably take time to help you find it. There’s nothing wrong with you for not being able to do it on the first try.
You forget, we’ve been raised around magic and spent years training.
I’ve worked for years to get to where I am.
You’ve only just been thrust into this world.
I don’t expect you to get it this quickly.
” His face is entirely serious as he tries to soothe me—and let’s be honest, it’s working.
“Also, glamours don’t work like that. It didn’t suck the magic out of you.
Although that would be an interesting development if it did.
” He smirks which brings a watery smile to my face.
He lifts a hand to my cheek, swiping the tears from it with his thumb.
“There’s no need to cry, staellara. We’ll figure it out together.
” I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off with a finger over my lips.
They tingle and heat at the contact. “How about getting some sleep. We can try this another time.”
When I offer up a shallow nod, he removes his hand, and the loss of his warmth chills me.