Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
My body is not cut out for the amount of walking we’ve done over the last several days. Before Alinea, the most I’d ever had to walk in a day was into the woods foraging for ingredients or the market. Neither of which are terribly onerous journeys.
Racing all over Alinea on the other hand?
That’s wearing me out. And that’s not even taking into consideration our race from danger and multiple injuries.
The journey to Grimhallow and then back to Bastian’s home from the Twilight Veil alone already strained my body.
We’re only half a day into our multi-day journey to Dawnspire and my energy is already flagging.
The only saving grace this time around is the horse we’re using, but even that’s wearing on me.
Having never ridden for long distances in the past, the constant tension of keeping myself upright and centered on the saddle of the beast shifting below me with every step is killing me.
Not to mention we only have the one horse, so I’m having to share with Bastian.
That is the other reason for the constant strain to remain stiffly upright.
It’s taking everything in me to not relax back into him.
In fact, he’s even tried to coax me into doing so several times already.
But I’ve shot him down every time he’s suggested it, that he stopped asking around an hour ago.
I know I could lean back into him. The support would be a godsend. But I’m feeling a bit… awkward around him after this morning.
We woke up completely entangled. Our legs wrapped up in each other’s, my arm banded across his stomach, his arms encircling me entirely, holding me in place.
When I blinked my eyes open with the dawn light, he was already awake and staring down with a smile that terrified me.
His gaze was almost reverent, as if he’d never seen something so incredible in his life.
I’m a little ashamed with how quickly I hopped out of the bed and sprinted into the bathroom to ready myself for our departure.
Neither of us have mentioned the position in which we found ourselves this morning, but when we exited the cottage to his single horse already saddled and ready to go, I almost lost my mind.
I asked about a second horse. Impossible to obtain another this short notice without raising some questions we’d rather not answer.
I tried to back track and ask if we even needed a horse. The journey will be at least twice as long if we walked.
Bastian had a good answer to every argument I tried to make until I eventually caved and let him lift me up into the saddle before he swung his leg up and over behind me.
“We should make it to Shadow Lake by sundown and then we can make camp,” he says, finally breaking the silence between the two of us.
“Okay,” I nod.
“I want to do something once we’ve finished setting up camp.”
I stiffen. “What’s that?”
“You need to learn some basic self-defense,” he states matter-of-factly. “You don’t currently have access to your magic which puts you at a major disadvantage in any confrontation. You need to make sure you can hold your own against an assailant. Magic or no magic.”
I let myself relax a bit at his words. Nothing about self-defense training sounds like it would be an enjoyable experience but at the same time, I can’t disagree with him.
I put up a good front when we met, but I didn’t actually know how to properly wield a blade or hold my own in a fight with anyone, especially a male of his size.
“That’s… actually not a bad idea,” I admit.
“I do tend to have those every once in a while,” he deadpans.
I snort out a laugh. “It’s wonderful to see that you do have a sense of humor. You’re not just an uptight grump.”
He grumbles in response which only makes me burst out with a real laugh. One arm releases the reins to wrap around my waist and squeeze tight, as if he’s trying to keep me braced amid my body shaking with laughter.
We fall back into silence that carries on into the remaining daylight hours. Sometime before sunset, I start to feel the tension weigh on me and I begin to slump back into Bastian who finally brings back the debate over getting me to relax into the saddle. I still refuse, straightening up further.
When we finally stop to make camp for the evening, I need Bastian’s support to dismount the steed and every muscle in my body screams as a result of holding myself so stiff.
Every step sends a pulsing ache through my limbs.
But the worst of it is in my legs that aren’t used to being spread in such a way.
I feel like I’m waddling more than actually walking and I’m sure it’s quite a laughable sight.
I’m once again stuck on setting up our bedrolls and digging out a small trench to serve as our fire pit, leaving Bastian to collect the firewood and use his magic to build it up. He also comes back with the body of a rabbit hanging limp from one hand. I let out a soft cry at the sight.
“Are you okay?” Bastian asks, confusion clear in his expression.
I try to wave him off. “Yes, yes I’m alright.”
He tilts his head, trying to get a read on me. “Does this bother you?” he asks, lifting the rabbit.
Embarrassed, I stare down at my hands where I twirl a small branch around my fingers. “A little,” I admit softly.
He’s silent for a moment. “I can’t say I fully understand. You eat meat, do you not?”
I let out a soft sigh. “Yes, I eat meat but that doesn’t mean I necessarily want to see the source of where it came from.”
He nods as if this makes sense to him. “Ahh, I see.” And I guess I’m glad he understands because I still don’t fully understand it myself.
I have no issues looking at the meat once it’s been cleaned for cooking, but bring me the dead animal to prepare?
Absolutely not. I get this weird mixture of being grossed out and the sympathy of loving animals.
“Can you go water Puck? You can take him down to the river and let him drink,” his voice interrupts my thoughts of the rabbit.
“Oh, sure, yeah I can do that,” I say quickly before turning and grabbing his reins. I rub my hand down his snout gently and he leans into the touch.
“Careful,” Bastian calls across the campsite to me. “He’s a bit of an asshole.”
“Aw, how sweet. Like father, like son,” I say as I continue to stroke the velvety fur of his nose.
I hear a grumble of disagreement come from Bastian but choose to ignore it.
“You’re not a little shit, are you? You’re such a good boy.
Yes, you are,” I coo, and he huffs air happily into my hand.
“Are you thirsty, buddy? Wanna go for a little walk for a drink?” I swear to the gods this horse nods his head.
“Okay, let’s go then,” I say as I tug gently on his reins and lead Puck down to the riverbank.
By the time Puck has been suitably watered and we return to the camp, Bastian has already cleaned the rabbit and began cooking it.
I’m starting to realize the request to take care of the horse was his way of letting me have some space and avoiding seeing him prepare the meat for cooking.
It seems he does understand my weird aversion.
And my heart melts a little at the fact that he’s done that for me.
That he made sure to take that care with me.
Fuck. He’s really not helping my attraction towards him.
The fact that he was an asshole made it easier to admire his appearance but still keep him far, far away from any emotional space.
But with him no longer behaving like an asshole?
I fear my heart is in danger. Very, very big danger.
I plop myself down on a log that Bastian must have pulled over while I watered the horse. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Puck is nothing but a gentle giant.” I flash a bright teasing smile in his direction as he rotates the rabbit meat over the fire.
He gives me a look that screams his annoyance. “That fucker nearly took off my hand multiple times. He is in no way a gentle giant. More like a giant asshole.”
The giant asshole in question lets out a snort of disagreement from where he grazes nearby. I burst out laughing. “He very much disagrees with your assessment,” I gasp out between laughs.
Bastian rolls his eyes but returns his focus to the task at hand instead of replying. I twist around to make eye contact with Puck and give him a wink and I swear he nods excitedly back at me. “Gods, I love that horse.”
“I’m sure he’s glad someone does,” Bastian grumbles out as he passes me a skewered piece of charred meat.
We both make quick work of devouring our meal and once we’ve polished it off, Bastian rises to his feet and gestures for me to follow him as he walks several feet from the fire to a spot that’s free of trees and obstacles.
“Self-defense,” Bastian announces as I join him. “It’s incredibly important for you, especially since you don’t currently have access to your magic. You never know when you’ll need to defend yourself against an attack so it will be useful for you to have some basic skills,” he explains.
I nod along. “Wouldn’t it also be good to try working on unbinding my magic?”
A muscle in his jaw twitches as it clenches at my words. “We’ll work on that too. But since that’s not as straightforward, I would prefer we focus on some combat basics first.”
“Okay, let’s do this thing,” I say confidently, squaring my shoulders back.
He waves his hand out. “Get into position. I want to see what you do know.”
Absolutely nothing, would be what I know.
I spread my feet out and hold my hands in fists in front of my face because that seems like the right thing to do. Right?
His eyes trace over my form as he shakes his head.
Okay, so not right…
“Which is your dominant hand?” he asks.
“How does one know what that is?” I ask sheepishly.