CHAPTER 15 TYCHO #3
Maybe it’s time to leave new ones behind, too. Jax changed in so many ways while I was gone, but so did I.
Jax inhales to speak, but I reach up and rest my fingers against his mouth. “Whatever happened— Jax, you don’t need to—”
He takes hold of my wrist and pulls my hand down. “Stop.” Despite the shadows, his gaze locks on mine. For a moment, he holds his breath, but then he says, “Sephran thought his feelings were returned. They weren’t.”
That catches my heart, setting it back into place, though it’s not as secure as it was before. “Not at all?”
“No. Well . . .” Jax hesitates, then shrugs a little. “No. Just—”
He is killing me. I just said he didn’t have to tell me, but now I’m going to evaporate if he doesn’t keep talking.
“What?” I say desperately.
“Maybe I was curious,” he admits. “Because you were gone so long without word. I began to wonder if you were ever coming back. I began to wonder if I was meant to be lonely forever, which felt . . . deeply unfair.”
I clench my jaw and look away. All of that was Grey’s doing. It was deeply unfair to both of us.
Anger flickers through my chest. So much for letting go of old wounds.
Jax reaches up and catches my chin, dragging my gaze back. “What I’m saying is that I wasn’t . . . I wasn’t curious about Sephran.” He swallows, and his eyes are somehow full of sorrow and hope at the same time. “I was curious about what it would be like to stop missing you.”
That’s so profoundly sad that I reach up and take hold of his hand, then pull it to my heart. “Forgive me,” I whisper.
“Tycho.” He shakes his head slightly. “It wasn’t your fault.”
I let out a breath, then pull his hand to my mouth to kiss his knuckles. “It wasn’t yours either.”
His lips part, his eyes sparkling in the fading lantern light.
This hasn’t solved everything, but the tension between us seems to have drifted away on the night air.
Something broke between us, but in a good way.
Or maybe . . . maybe something broke within us.
Something that needed to break. We’re not a soldier and a civilian.
We’re not even a noble and a commoner. Instead of facing each other as King’s Courier and blacksmith, I feel like we’re truly on equal footing for the first time.
Then he brushes a thumb across the back of my hand, and a low pulse flares through my body. “How much longer do you have to keep watch?” he murmurs.
Malin speaks from behind us. “Until about right now.”
Jax and I snap apart, and I swear. “Silver hell, Mal.”
I expect him to laugh under his breath, or maybe offer some good-natured ribbing in return, but he doesn’t. He just offers a displeased grunt. “I’ll take over,” he says gruffly. “Any problems?”
“Ah . . . no,” I say.
He jerks his head toward the inn and drops onto the step as if Jax and I weren’t just sharing a moment. “Get some sleep,” he says tersely, his eyes on the darkness.
I wonder if he’s annoyed at the way he found me.
Grey would’ve lost his mind if he’d come to relieve me from watch and discovered me whispering with Jax.
I open my mouth to apologize, but before I can, Malin glances over.
“Sorry,” he says, his voice suddenly contrite.
“It’s been a long day.” He hesitates. “Spar in the morning?”
That’s a habit we started on our first ride to Syhl Shallow. I nod. “Sure.”
He nods, then glances at Jax. “You too. Get some sleep.” He hesitates, then flicks his eyebrows at me. “Real sleep.”
I smack him on the back of the head as we move away. Appropriately chastised, we leave a foot of space between us.
But the instant we reach the inn, Jax grabs hold of my armor and drags me into the shadowed depths of the vestibule.
My shoulders hit the wall, and before I can react, he presses his mouth to mine and slips a hand along my waist, finding the gap in my armor.
A gasp bursts from my lips, and I suddenly want to throw every coin I have at the innkeeper to find a private room for a few hours.
But then he lets go, well before I’m ready. I try to pull him back, but he puts a finger against my mouth and shakes his head. “We should get some sleep,” he whispers.
I nod, still dazed. “You’re right.”
As he starts to pull away, I catch his tunic anyway, pulling him close. This time it’s my hand finding his waist, my fingers tangling in his hair. He flushes in the shadows. “Tycho.”
“No. Listen.” I tug him closer, then lean in, speaking right to his skin. “You don’t have to be left behind, Jax. You don’t have to be alone. Never again.”
He looks into my eyes, then gives my hand a squeeze. “You too.”
My breath catches. But then he gives me one last, quick kiss, and he lets go of my hand. “Good night. I’ll room with Sephran so you don’t kill each other.”
That gives my heart a tug, but not like it would have yesterday.
But as I climb the stairs a minute later, I consider Malin’s terse aggravation. Jax and I might have resolved things between us, but my friend is still fighting a battle with a man he once considered his best friend.
I stop at the top of the stairs, hesitating with my hand on the banister. Jax and I aren’t the only ones struggling with loneliness on this journey.
So I turn back around and head outside to keep watch with my friend.