30. Chapter 30
Chapter thirty
Aras
A ras had never seen someone less fine than Dane in his entire life. Like, idiomatically, he was fine , though Aras would never use that turn of phrase. He was sitting cross-legged in a T-shirt and underwear, eating the last bit of a fennel, orange, and walnut salad, bathed in the too-vibrant colors of the anime they were watching in the dim hotel room.
But he seemed overly fixed on the show. Every other night, they’d paused, backtracked, talked, joked, flirted while watching. No matter what Aras tried, Dane was just staring. Like he wanted to scrub the pixels away with the force of his gaze. Or like there was something else he really didn’t want to focus on.
When they hit the credits, Aras finally reached over and tapped Dane’s phone, pausing the show. Then he turned on the light. “Okay, I’ve tried being patient with you, but this is driving me insane. What’s wrong?”
Dane put his salad down. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t bullshit me.” Aras fought down his normal biting anger. This was Dane. He didn’t deserve that, and Aras didn’t want to turn that on him. His normal instinct when he was anxious would bite him in the ass if he wasn’t careful. “Is there something wrong with us? With me? Because you’re just sitting there acting like you’d rather do anything other than acknowledge my existence. It’s starting to…” He breathed deeply. “It’s not starting anything. I’m worried, and if there’s something I did, then I’d really rather know so I can try to make it better.”
Dane stared, instead of at the TV or at Aras, down at his salad. Aras was ready to rip the damn thing away and make him focus where he needed to, but he took a breath again. Then another. His anxiety scraped and gnawed at his will, his stomach, his chest, everything it could reach, but giving in to its irrational demands wouldn’t do anyone any good.
Finally, Dane looked his way, jaw tight. “Kyle talked to me today after we wrapped for the day. He…thinks I’d be a good fit for a new project. More money. More opportunities.”
Aras was ready to push, find out what the actual problem was—your boss telling you that you were doing a good job was hardly reason to get weird—but it clicked into place before he could open his mouth. “A new job that isn’t here. With me.”
Dane hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. That’s the rub.”
“Is it a good job?” Aras wasn’t about to dwell on this. That wasn’t something anyone needed in the situation. “Is it the kind of thing you want to pursue?”
Dane’s brow furrowed so deeply they were almost touching. “Is that the important thing right now?”
“Of course it is.” Yes, Aras was trying to keep things on the level and not make things unnecessarily intense, but this wasn’t that. This was pure practicality. “If it’s not a job you want, then there’s no problem. So is it?”
“Is it an electrician thing to be so straightforward and clear-headed about things?”
“No. It’s a me thing.”
Aras would wait as long as it took, and it did take a bit longer than was entirely comfortable before Dane finally looked him in the eye and slowly nodded. “I do want it. I got into this industry to be important. And I know that being a lighting grip is important—”
“You don’t need to explain to me. I didn’t exactly feel vital to the world when I was just an apprentice, soldering and wiring outlets and light switches until my eyes crossed.”
“Right.” Some of the tension left Dane’s body, but certainly not all. “It’s not a huge move. Not like someone is offering me lighting director or greenlighting a script any other huge step. But if I’m recommended for the job, and then they take that and I do well, then I have another little toe in the door.”
“Five toes adds up to a foot, and it’s a lot easier to force the door open when you’ve got a whole foot wedged in there.” Aras’s stomach twirled and writhed in place, but every time the panic tried to settle around him, he would look at Dane. Dane was suffering more, and Dane needed his support in this, not him panicking about losing whatever relationship they had brewing. “If it’s something you want, you should do it.”
“And leave you?” The words shot forward as though Dane had been doing everything possible to hold them back, and it took a simple opportunity to loose that arrow.
“It cuts the schedule a little short, that’s all.” That wasn’t all, and it would be more than a little short. They could be losing over a month of hanging out, seeing if they would work well enough to try a long-distance relationship, watching their stupid little show together, getting to know each other on a deeper level.
“I don’t want to.”
“Bullshit.” Aras stared down at him, unblinking. “You just got done telling me that this is an opportunity to get where you actually want to be.” Which was apparently a writer? A director? They’d never discussed it, but it fit everything he knew about Dane’s personality.”
“But it’s not a sure thing.”
“Neither are we.” Aras hated the way that tasted in his mouth, like soot and battery acid. “Nothing is sure and everything is a gamble. Gamble on yourself.”
Dane looked up at the ceiling and blew out a long breath, cheeks puffing. “What if I’d rather gamble on us.”
“Not mutually exclusive. You can gamble on the job and on a long distance relationship.” Aras reached across, controlling the shaking in his hand, and grabbed Dane’s fingers. Tight. “I have a phone. And they have this incredible technology where you can see each other on video. Pictures can fly through the air to each other.” He rubbed his other hand over Dane’s knuckles. Then he pulled the two of them closer together so their foreheads pressed against each other. Aras lowered his voice. “If we were ever going to be anything serious, we’d have to get over the hurdle of being apart at some point. Even if we didn’t live in different states, you wouldn’t want to be one of those couples who are surgically attached to each other at all hours, right?”
“Maybe.” But there was a slight change in his tone. A bit more measured, softer. “We could just hide under the blankets here and never leave, see how it goes.”
“I thought hiding from problems was my domain.” But Aras leaned back, taking Dane with him, then grabbed the edge of the blanket. It was tucked in at the foot of the bed still, but a couple hard yanks and he managed to release it, then cover themselves fully. The air inside immediately heated, growing more humid as their breaths mingled and filled the space. Aras pressed his lips to Dane’s forehead. “Is this what you were looking for.”
“Exactly. Just never move and then we don’t have to do anything scary.”
Aras reached a hand up and brushed Dane’s hair back, relishing in the softness to his touch. “Nothing scary? That doesn’t sound very exciting.”
“It’s not.” Dane moved closer, wrapping his arms around Aras and pulling in closer. There was no space left between them, yet Aras felt no flush of lust through his body. Simply closeness. Dane kissed him softly. Once. Twice. The third time, a bit longer. When he pulled out of it, he stayed close enough that every movement of his mouth still brushed their lips together. “I feel like I should apologize. I know you didn’t want this, and I pushed so hard for us to start doing this couple thing. Now I’m trying to pull the rug out from under us.”
“Well you’re wrong. Or you weren’t paying attention to all my panic and freaking out.” Aras kissed him that time. “I absolutely wanted this. I just didn’t think it was wise. But now that we’re in it, I’m in it. As long as you’ll have me.”
Dane breathed out firmly, and Aras didn’t even mind that his breath smelled vaguely of licorice and citrus as it washed over his face. “So I should touch base with the higher ups, shouldn’t I?”
Aras wrapped his arms around Dane, firmly cocooning them together. “Tomorrow morning. No business in the blanket fort.” Plus, Aras didn’t want this moment to end. Everything was going to end soon enough.
Aras would try…but he knew this was the end of what they had.