Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Ana?s
Dragging my laptop from my bag, I lay on the sofa and go through my emails.
I have slacked over the last few days, but honestly, I haven’t really wanted to work.
I’m enjoying myself far too much and of course, I have good company, surrounded by amazing views, yummy food and delicious wine.
I had content, I just don’t know what to do with it.
I post a few days in the life, wanting my followers to see that I was doing okay.
That I was finding my feet after having my heart trampled on in England.
Back home I was the influencer, but here, in Monaco, I’m just Ana?s, and I had forgotten who that was until recently.
So caught up and in my head with everything, but now, I’ve evaluated what is important and what I actually want out of my life.
I am twenty-six, and I still have—hopefully—many years ahead of me.
I wanted the epic love, the happily ever after but I also wanted a career that I built brick by brick.
Sure, my influencer career was built from the ground up, but it was still tarnished with Royce.
He helped massively when it all took a bit of a lull.
It happens. Followers come and go, views are up and down, some posts go big, some don’t.
That’s showbiz. But I didn’t like the risk of what if it all goes away suddenly. Then what do I do?
Shutting down my thoughts, I reach for my headphones and turn my music up whilst I lose myself in work. The mood I was in, I should have closed my laptop and binged a tv show, but instead, I threw myself into the depths of my career and questioned everything as I did.
I need a night in, a night away from everyone, Creed included.
I’ve become too close to him, and I know it’s a dangerous game.
Like a moth to a flame, I’m doomed. So, I need to put a barrier between us, create separation because it’s too much.
I’ve found myself wanting to know what he was doing, how his day was going and what he may be thinking about.
He overtakes my every thought, and I hate it.
Hate how he has consumed me that much in such a short time.
Creed Lexington was no stranger to me. He’s a ruthless businessman who gets exactly what he wants.
The man was so powerful he could have anyone in the palm of his hand, but not with me.
I saw the softer side of him. I was so used to seeing him in the paddock and on the pit wall and the man who was there each race weekend is not the man I’m spending time with in Monaco.
Sighing, I slide back the glass door to the shower and step under the hot water, washing myself from head to toe. Wrapped in a white fluffy towel, I clip my hair up and spend time on my skin care before I dry my hair and hang up my damp towels.
Dressing in my pyjamas, I slip under my duvet and flick through the channels until I give up and sign into my streaming account. I go with an old favourite— Gilmore Girls.
I have no idea how long I have been lost in Stars Hollow, but I begrudgingly pull myself from my bed. I need a drink, and I feel a little hungry. The lunch wore off hours ago, but the hunger passed until now.
Quietly walking to the door, I open it and poke my head out.
The living room is in darkness. Tiptoeing, I pace to the kitchen and grab a glass and a mug.
I need water but I also fancy a milky tea.
As I go to fill the kettle, the lid popping open echoes around the spacious apartment.
I wince, freezing on the spot, worried it would wake Creed.
Placing it back on its stand, I flick the switch and instantly regret it as it begins to boil. Leaning over the worktop, my eyes lock on his door and I hold my breath. Obviously, he’s a deep sleeper.
It’s the only problem with these big, open plan penthouses.
Tiled floors and no walls, the noise travels and echoes.
Sliding back off the worktop, my feet are on the floor as I make my tea and fill my glass.
Spinning, I tug on the fridge door and rummage for something, but nothing is taking my fancy.
Closing it, I root through the cupboards and find some biscuits. Bingo.
Pulling a few out, I go to move back to my bedroom when I see him, standing there, eyes heavy as they hook on mine. His pyjama pants hang low, toned body on show.
My mouth pops open and my brain takes a little while to catch up as I try and close it. “Sorry,” I whisper but I don’t think my apology reaches him.
He steps closer, head clocked to the side, hair all messy.
“Sorry,” I say a little louder, my voice cracking.
He is there in front of me, head craned down, eyes burning into mine. His fingers grip my chin and tilt my head further back so I have no other choice but to look at him.
“Stop apologising.” The rasp in his voice has my stomach coiling, the warmth of his whiskey laced breath on my lips.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” My voice is a ghost of a whisper.
“I know.” He edges closer, his green eyes dropping to my lips.
I suck in a breath, it catches at the back of my throat, silently begging for him to kiss me.
“But don’t ever apologise.” He backs away and drops his fingers from my chin.
My skin aches with the loss of his touch. I stand, frozen whilst he walks past me and into the kitchen. My heart is thrashing in my chest, blood pumping in my ears.
That was close.
Worse, I would have let him kiss me, and I would have kissed him back, too. Would have dropped my mug on the floor, let it spill at my feet and the smash of the china echoing around the room. My body would have melted against his as I flung my arms around his neck. Just once.
Just to see what it was like.
But reality slaps me in the face, harshly. Dropping my head, I rush to my bedroom and slam the door.
Too close.
Far too close.
I spend the weekend avoiding him. Making excuses why I can’t go out with him, that I’m busy with work and Rue.
Nora apologised for not making it this weekend but said she should be able to get here next before the race schedule kicks back up.
I won’t hold my breath. I know how busy she is, and I also know that if she could get here, she would.
Walking down to the Princess Grace Gardens, I slip into a quiet corner and pull out the book that I brought from Rue’s book shop.
The afternoon sun is glorious on my skin as I tuck myself away.
Iced coffee beside me, head in a book and my phone silenced—bliss.
This trip really is teaching me things about myself, things I need to change for my own sake.
It makes me appreciate a lot more too, makes me realise how important the smaller things are.
Nestling down, I switch my brain off and lose myself for an hour or three.
Dusk was setting in, and I should be heading home, but I knew the longer I stayed out, the longer I was out of Creed’s way. He was leaving tomorrow so there was no point getting attached to a fantasy.
Whatever this is would never work outside of Monaco.
He jet sets around the world and is career driven, and me? Well, I just want to feel grounded, and I don’t think I would get that with Creed.
I scoff at my thoughts. Who am I? There has been no indication of anything going on between me and him and yet here I am, giving reasons why we wouldn’t work.
Face palming myself, I pause outside a quaint Italian restaurant. It’s not overly busy, but there are people at tables. Wandering in, I find a table and sit myself down. The menu is already laid out, a small candle flickers before me, and soft music fills the restaurant. It’s cosy and warm.
Doing what I do best, I snap a photo of the menu, posting it onto my story and tagging the restaurant. They have a small following and I feel like I have found a gem.
A waiter greets me and my order is taken.
I ask for what they recommend, and I settle on a bottle of white wine and a carbonara and arancini balls for starter.
One thing for certain, I have eaten extremely well on this holiday but that stops from tomorrow.
I have had my break, and now it’s time to focus on my future…
even though I don’t know what that looks like.
My fingers drum on the red and white checked tablecloth to the soft guitar that plays. The radio has been switched off and an older man, dressed in a shirt and trousers playing an acoustic guitar, has taken its place.
Videoing him, I sway in my chair before he begins to sing.
Reaching for my wine, I take a huge mouthful then, press live. People start flooding the stream and asking me questions but I ignore them, just letting it play so they can see and hear the magic I am witnessing.
This is what I mean, though. Sometimes you have to take it slow to appreciate what is right in front of you. Turning the camera around when I see the waiter approach, I wave and blow a kiss into the camera and cut the stream.
“Merci.” I smile softly as he places the arancini balls in front of me. My stomach grumbles when I look down at my deep friend risotto, stuffed with parmesan and herbs whilst sitting on a bed of thick tomato sauce and a rocket and parmesan side salad.
He comes to check if everything is okay and I give him a curt nod before ordering another bottle of the white. Probably a bad move but here we are. Yolo and all that.
This is the journey of me finding myself, to becoming a new woman…
“Is this seat taken?” I hear his voice before I see him, and I blink.
“Yes,” I say before taking a bite of my starter and looking away from him.
“No, it’s not.” I hear the confusion in his voice, but I refuse to look at him.
“Can you go please? I just want to enjoy my dinner in peace.”
“No.” He drags the chair out and sits down in it and I furrow my brow at him.
“What?” I hiss, leaning across the table, so as to not cause a commotion in my new favourite hang out.
“I said no.”
“You asked if the seat was taken. I said yes, you ignored me.”