Chapter Fourteen Georgia
Fourteen
Georgia
I adjust my visor and look out at the sparkling lake from high up on the lifeguard tower. It’s six p.m. on Sunday, so the
beach is finally calming down, families packing up their towels and chairs and sand toys, teens tossing their magazines and
earbuds into their bags. I sigh, finally able to relax. It’s not that I mind it being busy. We’re not allowed to read or scroll
our phones up here, for obvious reasons, which means a quiet beach can be peaceful but a little boring. A crowded day gives
me a lot to pay attention to, and the time goes faster.
Eden came by earlier and hung out reading on a blanket for a while.
I was glad to see her, even though we couldn’t really talk.
I still feel bad about how last night went.
I had no idea Leo would react like that.
It was a weird night all around. I was proud of how the yard came together and how many people showed up, but I felt my attention being pulled in a million directions, and responsible for making sure Benny was having a good time, conscious that he didn’t really know anyone else there.
Not that I minded; I’ve been having a blast hanging out with him, and it was refreshing to see him in real clothes instead of swim trunks.
But also, I can’t stop thinking about when he asked if I was keeping our practice sessions a secret.
I hadn’t thought I was, but seeing him mixed in with my family and our other friends felt like the intersection of multiple worlds.
In a way, I’m glad Rhys wasn’t there after all. The collision would have been too much.
I climb down from the tower, blow the whistle to signal to the remaining swimmers that we’re closed, then head over to the
dock to unroll the string of buoys we use to block off the swimming area during off-hours. Then I go to grab my stuff from
the shack, masking a yawn. My whole body is exhausted. Yesterday was my first full day of work, and I had a full shift today
as well. Not to mention the party last night. I’m looking forward to flopping face down into bed tonight.
I got a double load this first weekend because next weekend is the Fourth of July festival, and while some of the other lifeguards
don’t mind working on a holiday, I really want to be there. The fireworks and the whole day of festivities leading up to them
are iconic here in Laurel. It’s a magical time, one of my favorite events of the year, and I’ve missed it.
And, obviously, Rhys will be here. But that feels far away. I still have a whole long week to wait.
Speak of the devil—when I unsilence my phone, a string of texts from Rhys pops up:
Rhys:
Baby, how was your party? Did you miss me?
I met so many great contacts last night!
I feel like I’m finally on the right path.
Just tried you. Where are you? Why aren’t you answering the phone?
Baby, are you mad at me?
Just kidding.
You can try me later but I might be out with a few of the other interns.
I try to think of what to say, but my mind is drawing a blank. The truth is, I’m too tired to listen to a long recap of a
finance networking event full of people whose names I surely won’t remember anyway.
“Busy?” a voice interrupts.
Startled, I drop my phone back into my bag and turn around. It’s Benny, walking toward me across the sand. A sight I’ve become
very used to this past week—I just saw him this morning.
“Hey!” I say, surprised. “What are you doing here now?”
He smiles. “I was so focused on my backstroke this morning, I didn’t thank you for inviting me to the party last night. I
had a great time.”
“You came all the way back to the beach to say thanks? You know, this is where phones really come in handy.”
He shrugs. “It’s a short bike ride from Lita’s. And it’s still so nice out. Unless you don’t want me here?”
“No, it’s not that,” I say quickly. “I was just cleaning up and closing out. It’s swim-at-your-own-risk o’clock.”
“I enjoy swimming at my own risk.”
I smile and shake my head. “Why does that not surprise me.”
We walk back out across the sand to the edge of the lake, letting its gentle laps kiss our bare toes.
“Have you actually been in the water today?”
I shrug. “Only once, and it was a false alarm. Looked like a little kid was stuck underneath the dock, but it was just a life
jacket someone shoved under there.”
“Let’s swim, then,” Benny suggests. “We have the whole lake to ourselves.”
“We always have the whole lake to ourselves,” I remind him. It’s literally why we’ve been getting up so early to meet here.
He laughs. “True. But usually, you’re sitting on the dock barking orders at me, or you’re only in the water to demo something.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen you swim not for exercise or training purposes, but just, like, for fun.”
I shrug. “What can I say? I spend most of my leisure time doing things for other people. I like to stay busy.”
He shakes his head. “Do you even like swimming?”
“Of course I like it!”
“But do you love it?” he asks.
I shrug. “Benny, I enjoy swimming just as much as the next person. Why are you asking this?”
“I’m trying to get to know you, Georgia. Not the things you like as much as the next person, but the things you’re passionate about. Is swimming one of them?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Maybe?”
“I feel like you’re making this a big deal. I mean, are you passionate about swimming?”
He nods, squinting out at the water. “Yes.”
I stare at his profile. I hadn’t noticed how long his eyelashes are. “Why?”
He shrugs. “I like how it feels to be submerged. I like the sensation of water against my skin. I like testing the limits
of my endurance. And I like just . . . floating. When else do you get to defy gravity, you know? Come on.” He wraps his hand
around mine, and the sudden intimacy sends a jolt of confusion through me as he starts to pull me deeper into the water. He
drops my hand, as if realizing maybe it wasn’t appropriate, and turns back to face me. “Are you coming?”
“Hang on.” I walk up onto the shore and toss my bag on the dry sand. My keys and phone spill out, and I almost go back to
fix it but then figure, hell, I’ll deal with them later. When I turn around again Benny’s already plunging elegantly into
the water.
I pull out my ponytail and shake out my hair, then run in after him.
We’re both well out into the lake when Benny dives, coming up spitting water at me.
“Gross!” I splash at him, and he tries to tackle me, but I swim away.
I will admit, it feels almost alien swimming and splashing around with no real purpose or goal. I can’t remember the last time I played in the water. Probably not since I was kid, when Dad would take me and Daisy to the swimming hole in the woods.
“I love that,” Benny says, pointing up to the sky. “When you can see the moon even though it’s still light out.”
I float onto my back and look up. The moon is a white stamp etched onto the violet-blue-pink of the sky. I can hear the sound
of the lake whispering in my ears as I float, arms outstretched. Benny’s right. When do we get to feel this weightless, this held?
Time seems to slow; I look over, and Benny’s floating on his back too. We stay like that for I don’t know how long. Long enough
that something shifts in me. I feel myself doing that thing I always say I hate; I feel myself relax. And it’s the strangest, most freeing sensation, like a knot undoing itself from deep within me. I’m soft at the edges—not
physically, but in some other way. Soft at the edges of who I am. Some faint voice starts stirring within me, rising into
my mind.
What if you didn’t have to hold everything you’re holding?
What if you didn’t have to succeed, or try, or prove, or get ahead?
What if you didn’t have to be so strong, after everything that’s happened?
What if all you had to do was just be?
What would you let yourself love?
The sky suddenly seems so wide it could swallow me, and there’s a momentary flutter of panic in my chest—the panic of not knowing how to answer all these questions.
Except then the answer does come, and it’s so simple, I don’t really understand it, but I don’t have to.
The answer to what I would let myself love beats
back to me with the rhythm of my pulse:
This. This. This.
I swear I could have fallen asleep like that—just lying there right beneath the surface of the lake, my hair splaying out
around me like a mermaid’s, feeling the water tickle my rib cage and sway me like a floating leaf—if Benny hadn’t touched
my shoulder, breaking the trance.
I’ve floated into chest-deep water, and Benny’s standing there pushing his wet hair out of his face.
“You looked so peaceful, I was afraid you were going to nod off and drown,” he admits.
I smile and stand up in the water, facing him, my hair wet and stuck to my shoulders. “Luckily there’s someone here who could’ve
rescued me.”
He smiles. “Glad I didn’t have to, though.”
“Obviously.”
“Obviously.”
We laugh.
“Hey, Georgia?” he says. He’s squinting a little, though by now the sun has begun to dip below the horizon line. Water droplets
glimmer on his shoulders.
“Yeah?”
“This,” he says slowly. “This thing. Whatever it is. This was never really about setting me up with your sister, was it?”
I swallow a lump in my throat.
“You don’t have to answer that,” he says. “But I know.”
I look at him. “What do you know?”
Through the water, his hand finds my waist. He looks into my eyes searchingly, and I don’t pull away. I feel like I’m under
some sort of spell; maybe the lake water didn’t just go into my ears but all the way through my brain, rinsing it out until
all the things that used to fill it have been washed away . . . including all the reasons.
All the very good reasons why this is wrong. They’ve floated away.
That’s the only explanation for why I can’t take my eyes off his, except to notice him lick his lips quickly. His inhale has
a tremble to it, as if from the cold.
It’s the only possible way I can explain what happens next.
I’m not even thinking of kissing him. I’m not thinking at all. My body has taken over for me—or the lake has, floating our bodies together until we’re pressed up against each other, and
his lips find the corner of my mouth, kissing me there, and then more fully, his tongue lightly parting my lips. I shiver,
kissing him back, standing up on my toes, wrapping my arms around him. He lifts my legs and I wrap them around his waist,
losing myself completely in the kiss.
It feels like we could kiss forever—but eventually Benny falls backward into the water, and I come down with him, splashing. He laughs and we pull away, rising back up to the surface, and I’m snapped out of the moment with sharp awareness.
“Oh god,” I breathe.
“Georgia,” he says, but I shake my head.
“This was a mistake. I’m so sorry. I—” I feel like I’m going to choke, or start sobbing, or I don’t know what. I just know
I need to get out of this enchanted water before I let myself do anything crazier than what I’ve already done. “I have to
go,” I tell him, splashing out of the water so hard my thighs burn with the effort.
I bend down, dripping wet, and hurriedly gather my stupid sandy phone and keys and flip-flops, while my hair, sticky with
lake water, flops into my face and drips all over everything. Dammit, dammit, dammit. I shake the keys free from the sand and without turning to look behind me, I race straight to my car. I don’t even bother
to dry off. I fly into the driver’s seat, turn on the ignition, and pull out of the parking lot, only catching one fleeting
glimpse of Benny as I do.
He’s standing alone in the middle of the beach, one hand pushing his hair back, watching as I drive away.