Chapter Five
Trish
It was hard to go to sleep last night. I haven't been that sexually frustrated in a long time, but I loved everything about it. A man who wanted me, a kiss that completely exceeded expectations, a good evening. It was what I've wanted the last few years, and not been able to have.
So when I pull into Gunner and Amy's driveway the next afternoon, I'm still skating on a cloud.
"You look happy," Amy grins as meets me on the front porch. "Did you have a good night?"
I'm not sure what even to tell her. I haven't had a night like that in a long time. So I stick with the safest option. "I did."
She tilts her head to the side. "Was it clothed or not?"
"Son of bitch," Gunner groans. "I didn't want to hear that."
"Then go back inside, because me and your sister are having a conversation."
I laugh as I watch the two of them interact with one another. I'm so happy that my brother met this woman, that he's been lucky enough to love her, and we've been lucky enough to have her in our lives. "Yeah bro, go make sure my daughter is ready to leave, and give me a few minutes to be a girl."
He doesn't say anything, just shakes his head as he looks between the two of us.
Amy's eyes sparkles as she laughs. "He's going to be so annoyed, and I'm going to hear it later, but it's so worth it."
That it is. "We made out, but things stayed clothed."
Amy's eyes go wide, and she grabs my arm, pulling me toward the porch swing. "Girl! Sit and tell me everything. Don’t leave any of it out. Please tell me you had a great time."
"There's not that much to tell." I’m trying to be coy about it, but I'm smiling so hard my cheeks hurt, and we both know it.
"Trish." She gives me the look. The one that says she's not moving until she gets all the details out of me. I've only known Amy for as long as she’s been with my brother, but she’s one of my best friends. She’s also one of the people who I go to whenever I need a friend.
"Come on and spill. I’m dying to know what happened. "
I sink down onto the swing, tucking one leg underneath me.
I’m trying to determine how much I really want to tell her, because I’ve never been the type of person to kiss and tell.
Right now though, I want to. I want to be that girl who has gossip, who has the type of time they want to tell their friends about.
"It was just really nice," I finally say.
"To have a night that was just for me. No Cora's schedule, no work drama, no thinking about Derek or any of it.
Just me, and a man who…" I pause, searching for the right words. "Who actually wanted me there."
She reaches out, rubbing my knee. “I love that for you.”
"You know what I haven't felt in a long time?
" I continue. "Wanted. Like genuinely, can't-keep-his-eyes-off-you wanted.
" I shake my head a little. "I forgot what that felt like.
I think I convinced myself it was just something I'd imagined. That version of myself that people flirted with? She didn’t seem to exist anymore.
" I laugh softly. "Turns out I didn't imagine her. She's still in there somewhere."
"She never left," Amy says, and she means it. And I know that because she never says things she doesn’t mean. "You just had a lot of other things on your mind. Now it’s time for you to shine, girl. Let that man make you shine."
"Mark looked at me last night like—" I stop myself, feeling almost foolish saying it out loud. But Amy is watching me with an expression that says she understands what I’m about to say, so I finish the thought. "Like I was the only person he wanted to give attention to."
She squeals, rocking the swing. "Good. You deserve that."
I smile back, my stomach doing slight somersaults.
"I feel like I got a little of my shine back, I think.
" The words come out quieter than I mean them to, a little raw around the edges. Especially after what I’ve dealt with the last few years.
"I knew I needed it, but I didn't even realize how much I'd lost until last night when I felt it again. "
Amy opens her mouth to say something, but the front door swings open before she can, and Gunner fills the frame with his arms crossed and his expression somewhere between annoyed and resigned. He’s my brother and I love him, but he hates being left out, so this doesn’t surprise me at all.
"Cora is still asleep on the couch," he announces. "In case anyone was wondering."
I blink, it’s the afternoon. She normally doesn’t sleep this long. "Still?"
"Her and Rosa were up until almost midnight.
" He blows out a breath, rolling his eyes.
"It was a long night. I don't know what those two were fed before Amy dropped them off and then went back to help you get ready, but they were absolutely feral until about eleven-thirty, and then they passed out hard. "
Amy tips her head back and laughs. "I was asleep, I have no idea what happened."
"She was snoring while I was on couch duty, and got water for both of them, more than once. I hope my wife realizes she’s going to have to make that up to me.
" He points at her, but there's no annoyance to it. They’re good together, and he never holds a grudge with her.
"I want it on the record that I did not sign up for a slumber party. I signed up for watching my niece, for a nice quiet night.”
"You love it," I tell him.
He looks at me for a long moment. "Don't push your luck. I'm still annoyed that you went out with my friend, and neither of you have told me anything. Yet, you’re out here gossiping with my wife."
"I told her nothing." I tease, lifting my hand up to cross my heart.
"You told her something." But he steps back from the door and holds it open. “You told me nothing,” he corrects. “I’m about to head into the station.”
Which means he wants to make sure I’m okay to leave. He’s always taken that upon himself since I had Cora. He wants to make sure that we’re safe and sound. So I give him a grin, and follow him inside.
Cora is curled up on the far end of the sectional, one of Amy's throw blankets pulled up to her chin, her hair splayed across the pillow. She looks so small like that. Like she’s a little baby, not the seven year old she is.
It reminds me of how hard she used to sleep when she was younger, and how she doesn’t sleep that hard anymore.
My chest aches for the little baby she was.
I cross the room and crouch down in front of her. "Hey, bug." I brush her hair back from her face. "Time to go home."
She stirs slowly, the way she always does. She’s hard to wake up, but then she hits the ground running, and doesn’t stop until her head hits the pillow again. Her eyes flutter open, unfocused for a second before they find me. "'Mama."
"Heyi, baby. Did you have a good time?"
She nods against the pillow. Her eyes are already trying to close again.
"Rosa's still asleep," Gunner says from the doorway, keeping his voice low. "In her room. Those two didn't stop talking until they physically couldn't stay awake anymore. Which, as I’ve told you was around eleven-thirty."
I laugh as I look over at him. Gunner doesn’t mind doing anything for anyone else, but he’s going to make sure you know he’s doing it.
"Sounds about right." I stroke Cora's hair back again. "Come on, bug. Let's get you up. We've got things to do today."
She makes a sound that isn’t words but communicates her feelings on the matter very clearly.
"I know." I pull the blanket back gently. "You had a long night, but we gotta go home. Up you go."
She lets me help her sit up, and then she leans her whole body weight into me, still more asleep than awake. I get her shoes on her feet, and guide her toward the door with my hand between her shoulder blades.
"Thank you," I say to Gunner quietly as we pass him. “I really appreciate it.”
He shrugs, leaning over to drop a kiss on Cora’s forehead. "Anytime. You know we love having her over, and I always want you to have the option of your alone time."
I love my brother, he’s the absolute best, and I love that he’s so supportive.
I don’t say anything, because I’m afraid I might cry.
Instead, I look around for Amy. I catch her eyes over his shoulder and she gives me a small smile.
“Thank you,” I whisper, but I don’t have to wait for them to respond.
I know they’ll do it any time I need them to.
Our drive home is quiet, and while there have been times that silence has made me sad, it doesn’t this time.
I’m happy, thinking about the night I had with Mark.
Cora falls back asleep in her booster seat before we even clear the neighborhood, and I let her.
Gone is the chaos of our lives with Derek.
This is a settled, peaceful quiet, and I’m going to enjoy it.
It's Sunday, and we've got nowhere to be. It's just going to be me and my girl.
Once we get home, I carry her inside, deposit her on the couch with a blanket, and start a load of laundry before the day gets away from me.
Since I got divorced, my life has been about routines, and my typical routine is laundry on Saturday, but I had plans, so I’m proving to myself I can pivot.
I can pivot without it being a big deal.
With Derek, everything was a fucking big deal.
My phone buzzes on the counter while I'm sorting lights from darks. Leaning over, I see that it’s a message from Mark, and my heart rate kicks up. We’re in the new stages of our relationship, and I’m going to enjoy it while I can.
Mark: How’s your day going? Did you get Cora picked up?
I set down one of Cora's shirts and pick up my phone.
Me: Got home about an hour ago. Cora slept the whole way from Gunner and Amy’s.
Mark: They wore her out, huh? Wish I could’ve slept like that last night.
I laugh before I can stop myself. I’d had a very hard time going to sleep last night, too.
Me: Did you sleep at all?
Mark: Tossed and turned. Hit the shower after I kept thinking about that kiss.
I’m not used to a man being that honest with me. About the fact they want me that much. Staring at the words for a second, I shake my head and smile to myself. I shouldn’t answer so quickly and look so desperate. So I set the phone face-down on top of the dryer, before picking it back up.
Me: Yeah, I did too.
The dots appear immediately.
Mark: Kept thinking about it, or hit the shower?
I know what he’s implying, and I’ve never been open about masturbation with a partner. Didn’t seem to help with Derek, so maybe I should throw caution to the wind here.
Me: Wasn’t the shower, but the same outcome happened.
There I said it, without saying it.
Mark: Good. I’m glad it’s not just me.
I am too, but I don’t say anything. My feelings are too raw, and way too close to the surface. I tuck the phone in my back pocket and finish the laundry with the warmth of a new relationship coursing all through my body.
Cora and I spend the rest of the day together. I fold laundry while she watches her shows.
“Mom, can I have pancakes?” She asks around three o’clock, now fully awake.
“If that’s what you want, then that’s what you’ll have.”
Mark texts me a few more times the rest of the day.
He had to report to the station around noon to start his twenty-four on.
Once to send me a picture of an absolutely terrible cup of coffee he made at the station.
It’s black and looks tragic with the caption this is a cry for help.
I don’t know how in the world any of them drink that.
Mine needs flavored syrup and enough cream or milk to make it the color of toffee.
The next time he texts me, it’s to tell me that one of the guys on his crew burned the early dinner he was supposed to be making and they've been arguing about it for forty-five minutes.
Me: You are all children.
Mark: Accurate. No notes. They drive me crazy.
I think he’s lying, that he absolutely loves all those guys, but I don’t call him on it. By the time Cora’s tucked into bed, I’m on the couch with my Kindle on my lap. My phone is beside me, and I’m fighting to not reach over and text him again.
That’s when his last message comes in just after nine.
Mark: Have a good night, Trish. Get some sleep.
Me: I sleep fine.
Mark: You didn’t last night, you told me.
I smile at the ceiling, warmth rushing through my body at the memories of last night.
Me: Goodnight, Mark.
Mark: Have a good day at work Monday. I'll be thinking about you.
I set the phone down on the cushion beside me and look across the living room to where Cora's little lamp is still on in her room, the soft glow of it spilling out into the hallway. The house we live in isn’t big, but it’s enough for what we need it for.
And for the first time in longer than I can remember, I go to bed not dreading the week ahead.