Chapter 35
We celebrate in the typical Williams family traditional style. We find a small, family-run restaurant and order entirely too much food to eat in one sitting.
Jacob and my dad sit across from me and Ava, the table laden with pho, banh mi, and appetizers. We tell them about the upgrades and the journey so far.
“Ava, stop giggling at your phone. It’s family time.”
She puts her phone in her pocket, mournfully patting it like she’s making a promise to come back. “Sorry, Dad.”
“Who are you texting anyway?” I tease.
“Probably that girlfriend she’s been trying to sneak in at night when she thinks I’m asleep,” Dad says, all knowing and unimpressed. Ava turns a brighter red than the bottle of sriracha on the table next to her.
A girlfriend? Since when? Why wouldn’t she tell me about her? Why didn’t I notice?
He ignores Ava and turns to me. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say through a mouth full of sandwich.
“Even if I only win the Trot, and if I’m careful about how much I spend fixing the bot in the championship, the left over prize money should be enough to pay for Ava's tuition for the first year at least. Maybe even cover a couple other bills if I don't make it very far.”
“I have no doubt that you will go all the way to the finale, honey,” he says, wiping his hands on a napkin.
He’s got his “serious dad” voice on, the one he used to tell us our mom was leaving.
It sends a frigid chill down my spine. “But I’ve got to tell you something, Mar.
” I look at Ava nervously, and she takes my hand in a comforting squeeze. “I sold the shop.”
My mouth falls open as my heart cracks. “You what?” My whole life has been in that shop.
It’s where I first learned to build robots.
I live in the apartment above it, and the family house is a block away.
I did my homework at the counter while Dad worked.
The mix of motor oil, grease, and the pine air fresheners sold at the front of the store smells like home.
“I got an offer from another shop in the area that wants to expand.” His smile is a soft sunset as he explains. “I got the accessibility grant and could transfer it to the new owners. I’ll still be working there, but I no longer have to worry about all the business parts of it.”
“Your apartment is still yours,” Ava adds quickly.
I hadn’t even thought about that. My tiny, one-bedroom apartment is above the shop.
Close enough to home to look after everyone but still far enough to give me a place of my own.
“The new owners bought the entire building and said they’re honoring your lease. ”
“I was so close to fixing it, Dad,” I say, defeated. Every reason I have been putting myself through this, the reason for every risk, is moot.
“Like I said the other night, Peanut, you’re not the keeper of the family anymore.
I’m getting old. I don’t want to do all the things it takes to run a business.
” He takes off his battered hat. The old and faded logo of my college robotics team is barely visible on the fabric in his hand as he runs his fingers through his thinning, salt-and-pepper hair.
When did the gray outgrow the brown? I notice the wrinkles appearing by his eyes and mouth, even when he’s not smiling.
When did those get there? Ava has a girlfriend, apparently.
A whole, important person in her life whom I have failed to be aware of.
Have I been so busy trying to save my family that I removed myself from them in the process?
“This is a chance to slow down, pay off our debts. Your winnings are yours, Mari.”
“He’s right,” Ava says, squeezing my hand. “It takes care of everything you were hoping to do. When you win, it’s for you.” her eyes meet mine, full of love and joy. “And maybe you can buy me some stuff for my dorm,” she laughs.
I laugh, too, and though it’s watery, it’s genuine. I run the numbers for my bills in my head. Instead of the insurmountable “ours,” they’re the slightly less horrifying “mine.” Mine. For me. For once, I don’t have to feel bad about doing something for myself.
“Of course,” I tell her. If I win the Trot, minus whatever I use for repairs during the championship, I can put that towards another car.
A shitty car, but a car. And if I win the championship, I can pay off my student loans, buy a car, and pay Ava's entire tuition. I could rebuild Zeta the way she deserves, too. I reach across the table to hold Dad’s hand, too. “Thank you for being here.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Mars Bar.”
“Jacob, thank you for joining our impromptu family meeting.” Dad laughs and claps him on the shoulder. “Welcome to the family.”
“I don’t know about that,” I laugh nervously, eyes darting to Jacob, who sits serenely behind his pho.
“Nonsense,” Dad says simply. “He got us an accessible hotel room for free.”
“Well, you’re technically on Mari’s team,” Jacob says.
“And last-minute seats. And I’d be willing to bet those were your motors in Zeta, hmm?” He levels Jacob with a knowing stare. Of course, Dad would pick that up. He’s never missed a single episode of Circuit Smack and watches all the behind-the-scenes videos.
“Yes, sir.”
“Knew it,” Ava said. “Don’t look at me like that, Mari. I know you watch his build videos, too.”
I groan as Jacob looks at me, one eyebrow cocked.
“See, practically family.” Dad squeezes Jacob’s shoulder again. “You can call me ‘Max’.”
I bury my head in my hands as Ava laughs and Jacob nods solemnly.
Ava and my dad leave for their motel; their new room will be ready in the morning. I ride with Jacob back to our hotel.
“They really love you,” Jacob says after several minutes of comfortable silence.
“I really love them. Are you close with your family?” I can’t remember ever seeing his parents at any of the events we’ve both been to or on TV at Circuit Smack.
He barely talked about them, except to say they didn’t really care much what he did.
I didn’t tell him a lot about my home life either, though.
“No. They didn’t intend to be parents.” His voice is carefully neutral.
“They did their best. They didn’t really know how to care about me if I wasn’t doing something they thought was impressive.
They loved me overall, they just didn’t understand loving the minutiae of someone,” he says.
“They didn’t understand how to care about my favorite color, or my favorite meal, or the things I was proud of that didn’t really matter to them. ”
My heart breaks for him. Even at my dad’s worst, he loved me fiercely. I always had Ava, who, even with our age difference, has been my best friend since she was old enough to talk.
He swallows thickly, trying to shove down some emotion.
“We all knew that when I left for school, we didn’t intend to see each other much.
It never really bothered me. I have a lot of friends.
” He shrugs. “But when I see your family, I hope I get to be a part of something like that someday.” The streetlights reflect off an imagined future memory in his eyes as he turns into the parking lot.
There are so many layers to him, each more confusing and fascinating than the last.
“I hope you do, too,” I tell him quietly. “Thank you for helping them. And for helping me.”
He parks but doesn’t move to get out. “Mari.” The word is low and smoldering. It’s the most electrifying thing I’ve ever heard. Better than all the other times he’s said my name. It raises goosebumps across my skin.
“Jacob?”
“I know you don’t believe it,” he says.
“Believe what?”
This is a terrible idea, alone in a dark car with him. A dangerous place to be. Someone I shouldn’t trust as much as I’m starting to. When did we get here? What was the tipping point? I don’t know, and I’m not sure I care.
“That I’d do anything for you,” he breathes in the near-dark.
His gravitational pull has a hold of me once again. Perhaps it never left. I notice the closeness of our bodies, our orbits in a near collision.
Who am I to fight gravity? I think as my lips crash-land into his.
His hand threads through my hair, holding me closer as our lips and tongues give in to weeks, years, over a decade of temptation. When we finally pull back for air, my hand floats to my kiss-swollen lips in surprise.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob says, leaning back in his seat and running a hand over his jaw, as if it could erase our kiss from his lips.
“Jacob.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he tuts.
“Jacob,” I say more forcefully. His mouth is set in a grim line. “Stop saying the wrong thing and kiss me again.”
He freezes, and I think maybe I got it wrong.
Maybe it was really a mistake. But he’s leaning back over the console.
His hand cups my cheek tenderly, thumb tracing over my bottom lip.
He’s wide-eyed, like he can’t believe I’m in front of him.
“I’ve wanted to do this every day since I met you.
” Before I can register my surprise, he captures my mouth in a sweet, gentle kiss.
“Every day, hm?” A shiver rattles me from the cold seeping through the car now that the heat isn’t running and the overwhelm of everything that’s happened—that is happening.
He pulls away. “We should go inside.”
My brain turns to static and heat pools between my thighs as I imagine him pushing through my hotel room door, my hands pulling off his clothes. Finally getting my hands on him. By his glassy-eyed expression, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t thinking the same thing.
“To our separate rooms,” he clarifies. Oh.
I sit back in my seat and stare straight ahead, trying to regain an ounce of composure and dignity.
I do not find it waiting for me in the parking lot, but I keep looking for it.
“Mari, you’re pumped up with adrenaline.
The cold isn’t the only reason you’re shaking. ”
I grind my teeth. “I know what I want.”
“Tomorrow. If you still want me tomorrow,” he says, grabbing his keys from where he had set them on the console, “I will show you how badly I’ve wanted you for half my life.”
He opens the door and slides out before coming around to open my door. He holds out his hand to help me out of the car, and I’m tempted not to take it, but all I can think about is his thumb on my lips and how I wish I had tasted it.
The moment I’m vertical, he pushes the door closed behind me with one arm as the other wraps around me. “Mari,” he breathes across my skin and kisses me again. His touch is a fleeting thing, gone and replaced by cold air before I can catch up. “Come on,” he says, taking my hand.
He doesn’t let go of me as he leads me to my room.
“Congratulations on your win,” he says, finally dropping my hand. Without it, I’m lost, untethered. I’m going to float away into space.
“T-thank you.”
“Get some sleep, sweetheart,” he says. I know an order when I hear one, but it doesn’t bother me like it should. It makes me feel kind of comforted and fuzzy. “Goodnight,” he says, giving me a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning to walk away.
I let myself into my room before he gets to the elevator, lest he see me standing here, shellshocked. I slip inside, lean against the door, and let my mind spin. I’m not thinking about the next fight. All I can think about is tomorrow.