Chapter 13
My entire world was spinning. Any and every time I opened my eyes, they drifted right back closed. It was like I was in my body, but it didn’t belong to me. The feeling had me hunching over and vomiting all the contents in my stomach. I cried out from the pain and heat rushing through my veins.
“Shh, shh. You’re okay. Let it out.” A voice I couldn’t pinpoint coached me through convulsions.
When they finally subsided, I flopped back down. I had no clue where I was or what was happening as my eyes drifted close. But I did catch a whiff of amber that settled my nerves. I wasn’t sure how or why, but Romani was near. That was the only thing that calmed me as I drifted into another dark and cold slumber.
* * *
While everything still felt wrong, I was finally able to open my eyes. Slowly, the feeling started to return to my body. I looked down at my arm and saw an IV was hooked up and injecting me with fluids.
“The fuck…”
I rubbed my eyes to clear the remainder of the fogginess. I could easily see that I was in Romani’s bedroom, but how did I get here, and why was I hooked on a machine?
On cue, Drey walked through the door with a can of Cheerwine. It confirmed where I was even more. He was the only person I knew who drank that kind of soda.
“Oh, thank God you’re finally awake.” She rushed over to the bed and tackled me. I hissed from the discomfort it caused with the IV. “Sorry, sorry… but, bitch, you had me too stressed the other night.”
“Other night?” My brain was foggy as hell. The last thing I remembered was going out and having a lot of liquor. Everything was blurry after that. “What the hell happened?”
Drey scratched her eyebrow. “You want the good news or the bad news first?”
I could already tell I wouldn’t like where this was going.
“Just spit it out, Drey.”
My throat was dry as hell making my voice sound terribly deep and hoarse.
“Okay. Well, when we went out the other night, you got roofied, and Romani came to the rescue. He’s been nursing you back to health along with his sister since it happened. Mercy is here too.”
A large wave of emotion welled in my gut. So, Romani knew I lied to him about being sick but still came to my aid when I needed him. It made me feel like shit knowing the level of commitment he had for me. I didn’t deserve it or him. I was a fucking mess and always would be.
“Who the fuck drugged me?”
Drey shrugged. “I have no clue. I’ve been trying to figure it out, but it’s up in the air. I knew something was wrong when you wouldn’t stay awake, and then when you were throwing up, it looked weird as hell. Robyn said that’s what Rohypnol looks like when it comes back out.”
Silence fell because I was speechless. How’d I allow myself to get in that predicament in the first place? Trying to shut off my feelings almost cost me my life, and for what? The man who I was running from was the first to come running when I needed help.
“Where’s Romani? Is he mad at me?” I wondered aloud.
I couldn’t get him off my mind knowing what I’d done. It literally made me sick to my stomach.
“He was out back smoking the last time I saw him. I don’t know if he’s mad at you, but he should be. You are dead wrong for what you did. Men like him are hard to find these days.”
I knew she was right. The truth is what sent me running in the first place, but I knew I should’ve handled it better. Finding out I lied to him this way couldn’t have felt good.
The twins came walking through the open bedroom door, putting my mind at ease. Romani stood by the door. He couldn’t even look at me. His posture was very closed off and stiff. Nothing like I was used to. Even the way his jaw was set told me exactly how he felt about me right about now.
“Romani,” I called out for him.
He ran a hand down his face. “I’m happy you’re awake, but we don’t have anything to talk about.”
With those words, he turned and left the room. My heart literally broke into a million pieces knowing I’d fucked up what could possibly be the best thing to ever happen to me.
I tried to hold it together, but tears began to slide down my face. I couldn’t believe this was happening right now. In all honesty, I never expected him to find out about my lie. I just needed a little time to get on board. Now, that ship had sailed away completely.
“Being in this is triggering for him,” Robyn offered after taking note of my reaction to his cold demeanor. “Has he told you about our mother?”
I nodded, feeling even worse than before. I hadn’t considered how this could affect him. I only thought of myself, and it showed.
“She chose many things over loving us, and we’ve had to nurse her back to health countless times. I remember when we were twelve. It was so bad we were doing it at least once a week for six months straight.” She sighed with a shake of her head. “Romani can be cold, but it’s because he truly craves connection he feels he can never have.”
I wiped away my tears with a sniffle. “It’s okay. It’s all my fault. He has every right to be mad.”
She nodded. “He does, but I’m sure you have a reason why you lied to him. He cares deeply for you, so there’s still hope.”
“How can you root for me knowing how badly I treated him?”
“Because you’re the first woman to make him feel something. The way he talks about you with so much emotion and passion brought tears to my eyes. I’ve never seen his heart on his sleeve like that. You make him want to be better. You challenge him, and from what I’ve heard about you, I don’t think you’re a bad woman. I think you just had a bad day and made a bad choice. I have faith that you’ll be better to him going forward.”
Her words comforted me when I didn’t even deserve it. I laughed sadly.
“Well, it sucks that this is our first time meeting, but thank you for not hating me.”
She nodded. “Definitely not what I had in mind, but I’m happy to help.” She paused then told me, “Give him a little time.”
She rubbed my arm soothingly for comfort. I gave her a closed mouth smile. I wanted to believe that time was the answer, but the look in his eyes was so distant I wasn’t even sure he could see me anymore.
“Now, let me check you out.”
* * *
You’ve reached the voicemail of Romani Rogue. Please leave your name, number, and reason for calling. I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.
My heart hammered against my sternum as I bit back the tears that wanted to fall. I’d called and texted Romani countless times over the last week, and nothing worked. He really and truly was not fucking with me. For some reason, it didn’t sit well with my spirit. It took losing him for me to truly realize life without him wasn’t an option.
I missed everything about him—his voice… his check-ins… his confidence… his infatuation with me. I realized that being adored like that was a commodity. Now that he wasn’t even willing to give me the time of day, I was having withdrawals.
“Nope. Get your ass out of this bed!” Drey yelled as soon as she walked into my room.
She boldly snatched my covers off me. I lifted my pillow and slammed it over my head.
“Go away and leave me alone, Drey.”
“Absolutely not. You’re not going to get your man back lying around in bed all day.”
I groaned hating the way she was reminding me of the disconnect between us right now.
“Girl, he don’t want me no more. I can’t even get him on the phone.”
Drey laughed like I’d made a joke, making me sit up and frown at her.
“What’s so funny?”
She plopped down on my bed.
“You are. I know you can’t get him on the phone, but luckily for you, Robyn likes you and is a master planner.”
Hearing his twin’s name piqued my interest. She smirked, knowing she had me right where she wanted me.
“Mhm. Exactly. So, here’s the plan. Robyn has convinced him to agree to a night out on the town. We’re going to go, and that’s your chance to have a face-to-face conversation.”
I nibbled on my lip thinking it over. That would be a perfect opportunity. There was truly nothing I could do to make it all better. At the very least, I wanted a chance to explain why I lied and let him know it had nothing to do with him. He was everything I hoped to find in a romantic partner, and that was the root of my fear. I nodded, knowing if this was my only opportunity to get close to him, then I was taking it.
* * *
I spent hours in my closet, doing my makeup and hair to look my best. I wanted Romani to be unable to resist me when I walked in the room. I already knew he was very attracted to me, and I wasn’t ashamed to use it to my advantage.
“Your ass in that dress is insane.” Drey crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “Why the hell I couldn’t be blessed with it too? We got the same genes.”
I giggled, knowing she was serious. “Same genes but different coding I guess.”
She stuck out her tongue but wrapped her arm around mine. We could hear the music through the walls as we approached the entrance to Paradise. It was an upscale lounge in the burbs that I didn’t frequent. However, if it was where I’d find Romani, I was cool with getting out of my comfort zone.
The bouncer checked us quickly then let us inside. I liked the ambience of the place with low lighting and blue lights streaking the walls. It was not hard to figure out where they were because Robyn spotted us immediately and waved us over.
I browsed the group with her looking for her brother and hated what I found. He was sitting on one of the cushions with a woman draped over his shoulder. She was whispering something to him that made him smile. He glanced at her then nodded. She said something else, and this time, he burst into laughter.
The jealousy that coursed through my veins was hard to contain. Seeing another woman even breathing the same air as him pissed me off. On the walk over, I tried to steady my breathing, but it was difficult. I was a certified crash out even on my best days. My heart was beating so loud I couldn’t even hear the music anymore. No matter what I tried to say to calm myself down, nothing worked, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
When we made it to the group, he still hadn’t noticed me because he was so wrapped up in whatever they were talking about.
“Relax,” Drey whispered in my ear.
I heard her, but I didn’t acknowledge it. I wouldn’t be able to relax until that bitch was fifty feet away from him.
Robyn hugged us both once we were close enough. “I’m so happy you came.”
“Me too.” My voice was distant and low.
She picked up on my tone and where my focus was.
Glancing over her shoulder, she turned back to me and said, “She’s a distraction. Don’t let it get to you.”
Robyn’s advice went in one ear and out the other when I saw the woman pull at the hairs of his soul patch. I literally felt sick seeing that shit. My internal temperature continued to rise until I couldn’t stay away anymore. Drey tried to stop me, but it was useless. My mind was already made up. I was ready to take it there about Romani.
I strutted over until I was standing right in front of them. He slowly turned his head to face me. He stared at me wordlessly while I tried to read his expression. He gave nothing away, and it made me anxious about how this interaction was about to go.
“Romani…” There was a subtle jump of a vein in his neck when I said his name.
“Wassup, Lovie?” he spoke lowly. “What are you doing here?”
I pointed my thumb over my shoulder at his sister.
“Robyn invited me.”
“Of course, she did.”
The man’s poker face was out of this world. The longer I stood there the more antsy I became because that girl was still too close for my liking.
“Can I talk to you please?” I finally found the courage to ask.
He crossed his arms over his chest and scooted down lower. I licked my lips when his legs gapped open a little more. There was no way this bitch was feeling that curved dick tonight. It was mine. Thankfully, she decided she wanted to run her mouth, giving me a reason to get on her ass without looking like a bully.
“He’s already talking.” The smile on her face said she was confident, but she just didn’t know I wasn’t the one to back down from a challenge.
“Please, shut up. Nobody was talking to you, ho.”
She tossed her head back, laughing. My body stiffened in preparation for the bullshit. Her boldness made me wonder if they already had a history.
“And he’s not talking to you. You’re embarrassing yourself begging for his attention.”
“And what do you think you’re doing sitting there like you want to be in his skin?”
She smiled. “You’re just mad I’m going to be in his skin tonight and not you.”
She pointed at me with her last word. I chuckled humorlessly. This bitch was really trying me. I straightened my shoulders and faced her.
“I don’t know who you are, but let me make one thing clear, this is my nigga, and the last thing you’ll be doing tonight is drinking his cum. You can drink this though.” Before she had a chance to prepare herself, I picked up a cup of something from the table and tossed it in her face. “Thirsty bitch.”
She screamed as her makeup began to run down her face. Those nappy ass edges also started to reappear. I laughed, realizing this bitch wasn’t seeing me on my worse day. She hopped up like she was ready to get in the field, but Romani finally stopped sitting there like a fucking statue. He broke us up, sending the girl in the opposite direction. I smirked seeing her walk away.
“Chill,” he fussed, marching up to me. He gripped my neck and applied a little pressure. “You crazy as fuck, boe.”
I wanted to reply, but his lips crashing into mine erased every thought from my mind. Euphoria unraveled in every nerve ending I had. Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids as my body melted into his, and I closed my eyes. This was home… I don’t know how long that kiss lasted, but it had me weak in the knees when he finally pulled away.
I looked into his eyes at the same time he locked gazes with me. For a split second, I saw his desire flickering behind his irises.
“I’m sorry, Romani,” I said it so fast, I had no time to reconsider it.
His hand traveled to the back of my neck. He pushed my head forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. I exhaled slowly feeling like everything might be okay after all.
“I’m sorry too because you wasted your time coming here. I can’t trust you, and I’m still mad as fuck.”
His words were like knives piercing my heart. My bottom lip trembled, and I knew tears were coming.
“Enjoy your night, Lovie.”
Hearing him call me by my name and not that stupid nickname hurt most of all. He tried to walk away, but I reached for his hand to stop him.
“I just got scared. I love you,” I confessed with a shaky voice.
He sighed. “I know. That’s what makes this shit so fucking hard.”
A spark of hope fired off when he came back close. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my lips.
“I love you too, but it’s over.”
This time, when he walked away, I let him. My eyes never left him as he walked toward the entrance. I couldn’t entertain the idea of him going with that girl with the nappy edges. I couldn’t even entertain the idea of walking away from him. I knew he was the one who was scared now, and I just needed to prove that I was all in. He was expecting me not to fight for him, and he had another thing coming. I’d fight until I had no more air in my lungs.