Chapter 13 #2
Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she’d caught Willow’s gaze lingering for a moment, but that was probably just wishful thinking. Willow was too busy making herself more comfortable. She rolled up the sleeves of her blouse, revealing more smooth skin, slim forearms, and elegant wrists.
The temperature seemed to climb another few degrees.
To distract herself, Scottie picked a new question to ask. “What’s something you used to enjoy but have stopped doing?”
Willow smoothed her fingers over the fabric at her elbow while she seemed to think about it. Her gaze drifted past Scottie as if seeing something in her past rather than the metal walls. “I used to play bass in a band as a teenager, but I haven’t played in ages.”
Scottie couldn’t help staring. The thought of Willow playing the bass, such a visceral instrument that made you feel those deep, low vibrations in your entire body… “Wow. You’re full of surprises.”
Willow laughed, sounding almost embarrassed. “You seem shocked. Guess I don’t look like your typical rock star.”
“It’s not about looks.” Scottie could easily imagine Willow’s nimble fingers sliding over the strings.
What she had a harder time picturing was reserved Willow losing herself in the rhythm, giving herself over to the music, hair falling wildly into her face as she played.
The thought of Willow coming alive like that made her breath catch.
“I just didn’t take you for a person who’d play in a band. I’d pay money to see that.”
Willow gave her head a decisive shake. “No, you wouldn’t. We weren’t very good. Honestly, we were probably awful. But it was fun.”
“That’s what counts, right?”
“I guess so.” Willow shifted her gaze from the metal wall to Scottie’s face. “Your turn. Same question. Something you used to enjoy but no longer do.”
Scottie thought about it for a full minute, but nothing came to mind. No hobbies she’d given up, no activities she hadn’t done in a while. Well, except for… She bit her lip. “Dating.”
“You don’t”—Willow nibbled her own lip as if mirroring Scottie—“date?”
“I used to date a lot in my early twenties.” Scottie caught the slight lift of Willow’s brows. She laughed and added, “That doesn’t mean I slept with every woman I went out with. I just enjoyed meeting people. Even if there wasn’t any chemistry romantically, it was fun.”
Willow turned so she was no longer leaning against the wall, her full attention on Scottie. “And now?”
“Not so much anymore,” Scottie said quietly. “I still like meeting people, but I’m taking a break from dating.”
Willow studied her with an expression that made it clear she could sense there was more behind it.
“Why did you stop?” Scottie asked before Willow could say anything else.
“Playing bass?”
Scottie nodded.
Willow shrugged. “Life, I guess. After high school, I got too busy to play.”
Now Scottie was the one who sensed there was more. “That’s not the whole story, though, is it?”
“No.” Willow hugged her knees to her chest. “I had a falling out with my high school friends. Some of them were in the band too. After that, I never tried to find another band to play in.” She peered over her knees at Scottie. “I’m not great with people.”
“I disagree,” Scottie said without having to think about it. “You did a great job calming me down, and I think you get along well with Barb too.”
Willow tilted her head in a hesitant nod. “Then maybe I’m just not great at letting people get close.” She rolled her sleeves back down, either because she needed something to do with her hands or because she felt exposed.
Yeah, that felt closer to the mark. Scottie wanted to say that Willow wasn’t bad at that either.
After all, she was opening up to her right now in a way that left Scottie stunned and deeply honored, as if she’d been handed an unexpected award.
But Willow’s openness felt fragile, and Scottie was afraid she would stop talking and retreat if she called any attention to it.
Before she could decide what to answer, Willow buttoned her sleeves and said: “My turn. Why don’t you date anymore?”
For the first time since the game had begun, Scottie considered taking a big gulp of water. Was she ready to touch that raw nerve and talk about the one topic she usually avoided?
~ ~ ~
The dim emergency lights cast shadows over Scottie’s face as she sat there without saying anything for a full minute.
“You know,” Willow said quietly, not wanting to see her struggle, “you can always drink if you aren’t comfortable answering the question.”
Or maybe they should end the game here. Willow had already said more than she’d meant to tonight.
But at the same time, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to know what had put that pain in Scottie’s usually twinkling eyes—if Scottie was okay sharing it with her.
Slowly, Scottie shook her head. “I don’t mind telling you. I mean, it’s tough to talk about it. But I want to tell you.” A bewildered look settled on her face, as if she was as surprised as Willow at that revelation.
Other than Fiona, people didn’t usually choose her to confide in, probably because she kept everyone at arm’s length and never let anyone get past polite small talk.
Scottie trusting her enough to share something raw felt special.
Warmth filled Willow’s chest as she waited for Scottie to find the right words.
“I was always a big believer in love and happily ever afters,” Scottie finally said. “I saw it between my parents growing up. And I still see it today. Last time I went home for the holidays, they were wearing matching pajamas on Christmas morning.”
They both chuckled.
Then Scottie sobered. “I thought I had that kind of forever relationship too. My girlfriend, Tanya, and I had been together for ten years.”
“Ten years?” The words came out in a gasp. Willow had never managed to come even close to that.
Scottie nodded, her lips compressed into a thin line. “I thought we were happy. I mean, it wasn’t perfect, but what is, right?”
Willow braced herself for whatever came next.
“One day this spring, totally out of the blue, Tanya sat me down and told me it was over. That I was great but not what she needed anymore. Ten years and she was just…done. It was like a kick to the gut.” Scottie rubbed her belly as if she could still feel it.
Willow’s own stomach churned too. Why would anyone do that? Walk away from someone as kind as Scottie? “Was there someone else?” she asked softly.
Scottie shook her head. “No cheating, no big fight. She just fell out of love and didn’t want to share her life with me anymore.
In a way, that was worse than cheating. If she’d cheated, it would have been about this other person.
About Tanya doing something to hurt me. But this way, it was about me.
There was no one else to blame. Just me not being enough. ”
Her voice was so quiet that Willow had to lean closer to hear her. She wished she could reach over and take Scottie’s hand or do something…anything to comfort her and assure her that she was enough. But all she could do was sit there and listen.
“I wanted to fight for us, go to couples therapy, change and become whatever she needed, but Tanya told me it wasn’t something I could fix.
” There was a pain in Scottie’s tone that hadn’t been there even when she’d talked about being bitten by a dog.
Her lips twitched into a semblance of a wry smile.
“Me, Scottie, fixer of things, not able to fix something. I didn’t know how to deal with that.
Still don’t.” She let her head sink back against the metal wall.
“If she could give up on us so easily after ten years, what does that say about forever? About me?”
“Nothing.” Willow blurted it out without thinking.
Scottie lifted her head off the wall. “What?”
“Maybe it says nothing about you. Maybe there is nothing to fix. We don’t really know each other well, but I can tell you’re an amazing person.
I bet you gave so much of yourself to Tanya in those ten years.
That’s not gone just because she stopped doing the same.
That person is still in there.” Willow reached out and let her hand linger inches from Scottie’s chest but didn’t touch her.
“You just need to find her again. You don’t need to change or ‘fix’ yourself to deserve love.
” She dropped her hand into her lap and snapped her mouth shut.
What on earth? Why was she of all people speaking up for love and happy endings when she’d never put faith in either? Didn’t that make her a fraud or a hypocrite? But she really believed what she had said—not for herself, but for Scottie.
Scottie took a shaky breath and looked at her. Her gaze was intense, searching, as if trying to find the truth in Willow’s eyes.
It was almost too much to hold, but Willow forced herself not to look away.
“Thank you,” Scottie said, her voice thick with emotion. “I think I needed to hear that.” In the dim light, her eyes seemed to gleam with unshed tears.
Willow’s heart clutched at the sight. “I meant it. It’s her loss.”
A smile tugged up Scottie’s lips, starting slow, then spreading over her face until it reached her eyes.
It softened the pain Willow could still see there.
“Thanks.” She held Willow’s gaze for another moment, then reached for the water bottle and took a long drink, as if to wash a bitter taste from her mouth.
When she capped the bottle and looked back up, the shimmer of tears was gone. “How about you? Are you dating?”
“Are we still playing?” Willow asked. Somehow, this didn’t feel like a game anymore.
But Scottie nodded. “Of course. Sorry it got intense there for a second.”
“Don’t apologize. I was the one who asked you that question.”
“So do I get to ask you the same in return?”
The question hung in the cramped space between them as Willow hesitated.