Chapter 15
Maybe this hadn’t been her brightest idea. By the fifth floor, Willow’s thighs started to burn, and she was gasping for air.
God, she was out of shape! She definitely needed to take up running again.
Thirteen floors was a long way up. What had made her think she could do this without arriving at her desk looking like an extra in a disaster movie?
But, of course, she knew exactly why she had skipped the elevator. After Friday night, she couldn’t set foot in one without reliving every minute she’d spent in there with Scottie.
On the next landing, she paused to catch her breath.
Footsteps echoed somewhere below her, slowly coming closer. Apparently, someone else had the same ridiculous idea.
Willow glanced over her shoulder, expecting to see a Kudos employee in a suit, trying to get their ten thousand steps in.
Instead, the person rounding the turn of the stairwell was Scottie. Her face was flushed, and a strand of hair clung to her damp forehead.
Willow’s pulse, which had settled down a bit, picked up again.
As if sensing her presence, Scottie looked up from where her gaze had been fixed on the stairs before her. She froze, one foot hovering in midair.
For a few seconds, they just stared at each other.
Then both started laughing. The sound bounced off the concrete walls and echoed through the staircase.
The tension that had knotted Willow’s muscles all weekend loosened a little. “You too?” she gasped out breathlessly and gestured at the stairs.
Scottie nodded. “Yeah. For some reason, I wasn’t in the mood for elevators.” She sent her a lopsided grin that didn’t help settle Willow’s pulse at all.
“Same here.” Well, maybe not exactly the same. The fear of getting stuck again wasn’t what had made Willow decide to take the stairs. But she knew she couldn’t step into an elevator without remembering the feel of Scottie’s lips on her own.
They stared for a moment longer and then, as if by an unspoken agreement, glanced away and started climbing side by side.
Willow was very aware of Scottie’s elevated breathing and of her own hammering heartbeat.
They made it two floors higher before they stopped to catch their breath.
“Just two more floors,” Scottie rasped out.
It could have been a simple encouragement, but to Willow, it was also an ultimatum. Just two more floors until they reached IT. Two more floors until Scottie pushed through the metal door and was gone, along with Willow’s chance to talk to her.
And she owed her that.
Willow had played this conversation through at least two dozen times all weekend, but now the words refused to come. She clutched the railing more tightly. “I think—”
“Listen,” Scottie said at the same time.
They both paused.
Scottie made a go ahead gesture. Her gaze clung to Willow’s mouth the way it had Friday night in the elevator, right before they had kissed.
Not helping. Scottie wasn’t thinking about kissing her again; she was probably just waiting, spellbound, for what she had to say.
Willow swallowed. It sounded much too loud in the narrow staircase. “I owe you an apology,” she finally said. “For bolting the way I did. And for…for kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?” Scottie finally asked, her voice soft. “Why shouldn’t you kiss me, if that’s what we both wanted?” She searched Willow’s eyes. “You did want it too, didn’t you?”
The question made Willow squirm. So far, she hadn’t let herself say it out loud—or even just in her own head. Wanting Scottie and knowing she wanted her in return felt like standing on the edge of a cliff. And now Scottie was asking her to take a step forward.
But as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t lie. She took a breath. “Yeah. I did. In that moment, I wanted it.”
Scottie tilted her head and gave her a quizzical look. “Then why are you apologizing?”
“Because I wasn’t thinking. We were in a safe bubble, separate from the rest of my life. But outside of that bubble, this”—she waved back and forth between them—“wouldn’t work.”
“Why not?” Scottie asked again.
Willow gestured helplessly. For a second, as she looked at Scottie, no good reason came to mind.
But Scottie deserved an answer. Willow could see the vulnerability in her eyes.
Her running away on Friday had probably brought back that feeling of not being good enough for Scottie.
She couldn’t allow that. “It’s not you,” Willow blurted out. “It’s me.”
Scottie scrunched up her nose. “Right.” She set off again, climbing the stairs.
Willow rushed after her. “No, really. I know it’s a cliché, but in this case, it happens to be true. Like I told you in the elevator, I don’t date. That hasn’t changed. Kissing you sent the wrong message.”
They climbed an entire floor in silence, then rounded the bend to the tenth floor.
“So,” Scottie said, “what you’re saying is: What happened in the elevator will stay in the elevator?”
Something flickered across her face, just a subtle shift of her expression, but it was enough to make Willow’s stomach churn. Was it disappointment? Hurt? It definitely wasn’t just the effort of climbing ten flights of stairs.
“I think it should,” Willow answered quietly.
It has to. This was the real world, not the safe space of the elevator.
Out here, a relationship between them would never work.
“I don’t believe in forever, and you do.
Or at least you will again, once you had a chance to heal from your breakup. It wouldn’t be fair.”
For a second, Scottie looked as if she was about to protest. Then she directed her gaze straight ahead and marched up the last few steps in silence.
Willow followed, her footfalls heavy.
When they reached the tenth-floor landing, they paused in front of the metal door that led to the IT department and turned to face each other.
Willow’s heartbeat thudded louder than the echo of their footsteps had as she waited for Scottie to say something.
“All right,” Scottie finally said. She rested one hand on the door’s push bar as if she couldn’t wait to get away from Willow. But she didn’t. Instead, she brushed a damp strand of hair off her face and looked at her. “So…friends?”
Willow froze. Friends? With Scottie? Not a good idea either.
Her rational brain shouted at her to say no. She had avoided close friendships for years, and she’d definitely never considered being friends with someone from IT—someone who could easily figure out she wasn’t just having bad luck with tech.
She should stay away to protect herself.
But after their time trapped together in the elevator, she felt as if she needed to protect Scottie too.
The look in Scottie’s eyes when she’d told her it had been a mistake to kiss her had been bad enough once. She couldn’t bear to see it a second time.
After all, what reason would she give for not wanting to be friends? That “it’s not you; it’s me” explanation wouldn’t fly. Scottie would take it as a confirmation that she wasn’t enough—not even for a friendship. She couldn’t do that to her.
And, truth be told, maybe she couldn’t do it to herself either. The thought of saying “no” made her chest ache with something she couldn’t name.
“Yes,” she said slowly. “Friends.”
It would be just a work friendship. They would chat about the rainy weather or the Thorns’ latest game or whatever people in Portland talked about with their colleagues. Nothing too deep. Nothing that would endanger her secret…or her heart.
At her answer, a small but genuine smile lifted the corners of Scottie’s lips. “Okay.” She nodded. “Friends.” She held out her hand.
Willow’s brain needed a moment to grasp that Scottie wanted to shake on their friendship agreement. She reached out—at the last second remembering to clutch the railing and ground herself with her left—and placed her right hand in Scottie’s.
Scottie’s palm was warm, her grip strong. She clasped Willow’s fingers firmly but carefully.
They shook once…twice, then lingered for a moment before letting go.
Scottie cleared her throat. “All right…friend. I’d better get my ass to work before Gordon and Mateo eat all of the cinnamon rolls our boss brings in on Mondays.” After a quick nod, she turned and pushed the bar.
The door swung open, and she stepped into the IT department hallway.
The loud thud as it closed echoed through the stairwell.
Willow leaned against the railing and stared at the gray metal for quite some time. The staircase felt colder somehow now that she was alone, but it was probably just her sweat-dampened body starting to cool down.
With a sigh, she pushed off the railing and started to climb the last few flights to her floor.
Work friends, she repeated with every step. Just work friends. No reason to panic, right?