Chapter 27 #2
Willow scanned her part of the tree for a hidden spot, then slid her snowflake behind a branch, where it was almost completely hidden by someone’s wish for a lifetime supply of snickerdoodles. She reached around and gave hers one last nudge to make sure the paper side faced inward.
Scottie emerged from her side of the tree, her hands now empty. She shoved them into her pants pockets.
Tension tightened Willow’s chest. She tried to act all cool and casual. Be normal, she reminded herself. But she had no idea what to say. Small talk was beyond her capabilities right now.
“I was wondering,” Scottie said, each word slow and hesitant, “do we need to talk?”
Willow sucked in a breath. Leave it to Scottie to address the elephant in the room.
“I think we do,” Scottie added before Willow could assure her they were fine and there was no need to talk. “But maybe this isn’t the best place for it.” She gestured discreetly toward the reception desk and to the employees crossing the lobby.
Willow nodded. This wasn’t where she wanted to have that conversation. Not that she wanted to have it at all.
“Have you had lunch yet?” Scottie asked. “We could go to Bistro Elysium and grab something to eat while we talk.”
“Sorry, I don’t have time for lunch. With Barb gone, it’s chaos up there. I’ve been eating lunch at my desk while putting out fires all week.” It was the truth, but she was secretly also glad to have a reason to avoid the conversation and the complicated feelings Scottie stirred in her.
Scottie’s face fell, and her shoulders drooped. “Oh. Okay. I get it. December is one hell of a time to be thrown in at the deep end.”
Willow bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn’t handle the crushed expression on Scottie’s face. “We could grab a quick coffee, if you want.” She forced a small smile. “I still owe you one anyway.”
God help her, she was hopeless when it came to this woman. One sad look from Scottie and all her good intentions to stay away melted faster than snow in Portland.
Scottie’s eyes lit up. “Coffee sounds great.”
“Let me get my purse and coat,” Willow said. “I’ll meet you outside in five minutes.”
When Scottie nodded, Willow hurried toward the elevator, glad to have a few moments alone to steady her nerves and brace herself for the conversation ahead.
~ ~ ~
Willow guided Scottie toward a coffee shop two blocks away, not the one closest to the office, where she had accidentally outed herself to Scottie. It felt like ages ago now.
This one accepted cash. Her insides were a knot of tension. No way would she risk touching the payment system and making it glitch, especially not with Scottie watching.
The sidewalks were still wet from the morning drizzle, and the air felt cool on Willow’s overheated cheeks. A thick blanket of gray clouds seemed to press down on her, matching her mood.
Neither said much until they entered the coffee shop.
Thankfully, the line was short.
They ordered a latte and a chai latte, and Willow pulled a twenty-dollar bill from her wallet to pay for them both.
The barista frowned at the cash, but Willow pretended she didn’t notice.
When their beverages came, Scottie pointed to a small table by the window. “We could sit over there.”
“Mind if we walk?” Willow asked. “I need some air.”
“Sure.”
They left the coffee shop and walked in silence for a few steps.
Scottie kept some distance between them, carefully avoiding letting their shoulders brush. It was a stark contrast to their practice dates, when she had guided Willow with a hand on the small of her back.
Had those little gestures just been Scottie practicing her dating skills, so now that she’d knocked the rust off, she no longer wanted that contact? The thought stung, but Willow shoved it away and told herself it didn’t matter.
Willow lifted her cup and took a sip, mostly to cover up the silence.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong the other night…when you just took off. It was the kiss on the cheek, wasn’t it?” Scottie’s question cut through the heavy silence. “If it was, I’m really sorry. I never meant to cross a line or make you uncomfortable.”
Oh my God, was that what Scottie thought? Had she been carrying this worry around all week, chewing on it ever since Willow had bolted from her front door?
She stopped walking to stare at Scottie.
The expression on Scottie’s face nearly undid her. She looked so earnest, so torn up over something that wasn’t her fault, that it broke Willow’s heart.
The kiss hadn’t been the problem; the feelings it had evoked in Willow were. That innocent kiss had cracked something open deep inside of her, a door she’d kept carefully locked and bolted for years.
While she couldn’t tell Scottie that, she had to reassure her.
“No,” she croaked out through a tight throat. “You have no reason to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She wanted to take Scottie’s hand to drive her message home, but her fingers were shaking and would betray her emotions, so she kept them wrapped tightly around her paper cup.
Scottie searched her face, clearly wanting to believe yet not sure she should.
“I need you to know I wasn’t trying to push anything, and I hope you didn’t think I was using you to knock off some rust in the kissing department too.
I respect you too much for that. I just wanted you to know how much you’d helped me and how grateful I was, and words didn’t seem like enough. ”
A sharp pang flared through Willow’s chest as she watched Scottie twist herself into knots over a heartfelt gesture.
Scottie was open, sincere, and genuine—everything Willow wasn’t…
or couldn’t be. Willow hated that she was hurting this kind, wonderful woman.
“I know that, Scottie. You were just thanking me. I never thought it was anything else. Really, we’re fine.
At least I hope we are.” She searched Scottie’s eyes.
“Of course we are.” The set of Scottie’s shoulders loosened, but the tension didn’t fully leave her face. She fiddled with the lid of her paper cup. “If kissing you on the cheek was fine, why did you run away?”
Crap. She had hoped Scottie would leave it at that and not ask.
Willow started walking again. She looked at the pavement, unable to face Scottie, but she could still feel Scottie’s gaze on her. “Our practice dates brought up a lot of stuff for me. Stuff I wasn’t expecting.”
That was as honest as she could be without revealing too much. She didn’t want to lie; Scottie deserved better.
“I get it,” Scottie said softly.
Willow swallowed. “You do?”
“Of course. My relationship with Tanya left some scars, and I assume you’ve got some relationship baggage too. Of course some of that would get dredged up on the first dates you’ve been on since, even if you were just helping me practice.”
The emotions their practice dates and the kiss on the cheek had brought up had nothing to do with any of her exes, but Willow decided not to correct Scottie’s assumption. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
They walked on in silence that was less tense than before.
When they reached the little plaza in front of the Kudos Entertainment building, Scottie paused. “I’m really glad we talked and cleared that up. But if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me. Your friendship has come to mean a lot to me, and I don’t want to screw it up.”
Friendship… The word settled on Willow heavier than it should have. Was that what Scottie wanted—being friends?
“You’re not screwing up anything.” Willow was. She fought to keep her voice from cracking. “But okay, I promise…if you promise me something in return.”
“Anything,” Scottie said immediately, even though her gaze was a little wary.
“I appreciate how genuine and open you are. It’s something I really admire about you, and I don’t want you to change because of me or second-guess everything you do or say around me. Promise me you’ll always be yourself.”
A smile spread across Scottie’s face—the first real, unguarded Scottie grin Willow had seen that day. “I promise.” She held out her paper cup.
It took Willow a moment to understand she wanted to seal the promise by tapping their cups together. The gesture was so typically Scottie that she couldn’t help smiling. She touched her cup to Scottie’s.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t make the same promise and was relieved Scottie hadn’t asked her to. She couldn’t allow herself to be fully open…or could she?
No, of course not. Telling Scottie the whole story would be too much. No one would believe that, not even someone as understanding as Scottie.
But if she wanted to keep Scottie in her life, even as a friend, she might have to tell her something eventually. Maybe she could admit to having a string of bad luck with electronics.
It felt like a big risk—like opening the Pandora’s box that Scottie’s innocent kiss had cracked open even farther.
All her instincts shouted at her to slam that box shut forever.
She wasn’t sure if she could, though. Part of her didn’t want to. She wanted to throw the lid wide open and let herself feel everything.
Yet, at the same time, she was scared of what would happen if she did. Whenever she’d let someone get close, it had always ended the same way—and this time, she wouldn’t leave only a string of broken devices scattered in her wake.
For once, it might be her heart that broke.