Chapter 41 #2
But the words got stuck in her throat. It wasn’t that she didn’t want it. God, she wanted it so much…and that was the scariest part. She’d never allowed herself to want or even hope for a relationship that lasted a lifetime. Old instincts screamed at her to protect herself.
When Willow didn’t answer, the hopeful look on Scottie’s face dimmed, and her shoulders sagged. “You still don’t trust me. You don’t trust us.”
“What? Of course I trust you!” Willow said quickly. “I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.”
Scottie pressed her lips together. “Not fully. You’re still waiting for me to wake up one day and decide I’ve had enough of the tech glitches and tell you it’s all too much. That you are too much.”
Willow flinched. She had no defenses against those words because, deep down, she knew they were true.
Scottie’s expression softened, the ragged edges of frustration and hurt smoothed out by compassion. “I have a feeling you carried that fear with you in every relationship you had.”
“Of course I did!” Willow blurted out. “Because that’s what happened every single time.
My girlfriends only stick around until I become too inconvenient or weird.
Once they get tired of the glitches, they leave.
” Her eyes burning, she faced Scottie. “I don’t just destroy electronics. I’m a relationship jinx too.”
Scottie fiercely shook her head. “I don’t believe that. You’re not jinxing your relationships—at least not the way you think.”
Willow’s stomach was a knot of tension. “W-what do you mean?”
“I think you’re creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
You were involved with a few assholes who didn’t believe you about the tech thing or got fed up with it, and then you convinced yourself that it’ll always be like that, with everyone.
That relationships never last. So to protect yourself, you never become fully invested.
You always hold back a little, keeping things neatly separated into yours and mine.
And that’s not a way to build a happy ending, Willow.
Maybe it’s not only the glitches your partners get tired of—it’s you shutting them out. ”
Willow’s vision blurred. Overhead, the fluorescent lights flickered, but she couldn’t tell whether she was causing it or just imaging it.
The office chair seemed to spin around and around, making her dizzy, even though she knew it wasn’t moving.
She desperately gripped the armrests as her world tilted on its axis.
She wanted to fight, to protest, to tell Scottie she was wrong, but she knew there was some truth to it.
Okay, a lot of truth.
She had known since Christmas that she was in love with Scottie and wanted to build a life with her, but rather than telling her, she had kept it to herself and had gone back to fixing her own problems. Yes, she had really thought she’d done it to protect Scottie from getting fired.
But she could have talked to her—could have tried to find a better solution together.
Instead, she had retreated and gone straight back into “one-woman army” mode, as Scottie had called it, because she was scared to let herself need Scottie, not just for IT support but for emotional support too.
She had spent most of her life trying to keep things contained—her effect on electronics, her emotions, her relationships.
But Scottie didn’t fit in a safe little box.
She had slipped past all of Willow’s defenses, and that was scary as hell, so she’d retreated into the lifelong habit that had always protected her: shutting people out and hiding that part of herself.
“You’re right,” she got out through a tight throat.
“God, you’re right. I got scared, and I pushed you away.
But I don’t want to keep doing that with you.
I just have no idea how to stop. It’s so deeply ingrained…
” She gave Scottie a helpless look. “It’s what my parents drilled into me from the time I was very little: Handle your own problems, and never let anyone see. ”
Scottie stepped close enough that Willow could feel the heat emanating from her.
“I know. It’s not going to be easy at first, but you already let me see so much of you.
Just continue to do more of that. Make the choice to try your best to let me in, day by day.
The same way I choose you every day. Not just on the easy days, but on the days you create a dozen paper jams, swear at SAP, or are about two seconds away from throwing your laptop out the window. ”
She meant it with every cell of her very big heart. Willow could feel it. Scottie was all in, tech glitches be damned.
Now Willow had a choice to make: She could keep hiding behind her fears and make sure no one ever got too close. Or she could take a leap, trusting Scottie to catch her.
“I’m done,” she croaked out.
Scottie’s expression crumbled. She pressed her hands to her belly as if she’d been struck.
“Oh my God! No! No!” Willow shouted. “I didn’t mean I’m done with you. With us. I meant I’m done holding back. I’m all in too.”
The broadest, most beautiful smile Willow had ever seen spread across Scottie’s face. “You are?”
Willow gave her a tremulous smile in return.
“I am.” She held up her hand, stopping Scottie from pulling her up from the chair and into her arms. “But if we’re really in this together, partners for life, you can’t make decisions for me behind my back either, not even to protect me.
Like deciding not to write tickets for any of my glitches.
Because, dammit, I love you too, and I don’t want you to lose your job. ”
Scottie stared at her.
Willow stared back.
They moved at the same time—Willow jumping up from the chair and Scottie crossing the remaining distance between them. They crashed into an embrace so fierce it felt as if it tore down every remaining wall inside of Willow.
A bright spark jumped between them, and both gasped as a tiny jolt zapped through them.
But this time, instead of flinching back, they leaned into it, almost welcoming it. In a weird way, it felt like a confirmation that they wouldn’t let anything—not even Willow’s tech affliction or her tendency to build up static electricity—come between them.
“Deal,” Scottie whispered, her breath warm on Willow’s face. “No more solo missions for either of us. From now on, we’ll make all decisions together.”
Then their lips found each other without hesitation, and the kiss instantly deepened.
Willow held nothing back, letting herself feel it all.
Scottie’s soft lips moved against hers with the same urgency. A sigh that sounded like a mix of relief and hunger vibrated against Willow’s mouth.
With an answering moan, Willow slid her fingers up the back of Scottie’s neck and into her hair to pull her even closer.
Scottie trailed her hands down Willow’s sides before settling them at her waist. The heat of her palms seared through the thin fabric of Willow’s blouse, and her thumbs stroked small circles at the dip above her hips.
Willow’s knees weakened, and she pressed more closely into Scottie’s body for balance.
They tumbled against the desk, still kissing.
The corner dug into Willow’s hip, and Scottie shot out one arm to steady her, nearly knocking the takeout bag to the floor.
It teetered on the edge for a moment, then somehow managed to stay upright instead of crashing to the floor.
“See?” Scottie whispered breathlessly, her lips hovering against Willow’s and curving up into a smile. “No jinx.”
Willow laughed, pressed her face to Scottie’s neck, and deeply inhaled her scent. “Will you help me with SAP?” she whispered against Scottie’s skin. “If we can figure out a way for you to do that without risking your job.”
“Of course I will,” Scottie said without the slightest hesitation.
“Maybe from now on, if I’m dealing with a tech issue you can walk me through on the phone or via text, we can skip the ticket.
But if you have to show up in person, especially if Celeste or anyone else is around, you document it in the system.
” Willow finally pulled back a few inches to look at Scottie’s face.
Scottie sighed. “I’ll feel like I’m reporting you to the principal. But okay. We’ll handle it that way.”
“Thank you.” Willow pressed a soft kiss to Scottie’s lips.
They lingered for a moment longer before finally pulling apart.
“So,” Scottie said, her cheeks adorably flushed from their kisses. “What did SAP do to annoy you?”
“What didn’t it do?” Willow muttered. “Every time I try to enter data into a field, it makes my cursor vanish and jumps me back to the top of the screen.”
Scottie glanced at the monitor, then pulled out her phone and started to type.
“What are you doing?” Willow asked.
“Talking you through it via text,” Scottie said without lifting her gaze off the phone. A mischievous grin lingered at the corners of her mouth. “So I don’t have to file a ticket.”
Willow couldn’t help laughing. “You’re impossible. But I love you.”
The typing sounds stopped, and Scottie looked up and into Willow’s eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hear that without my heart doing that little flutter thing,” she said, the softest expression on her face.
Willow stared at her in wonder. “Have I told you how much I love that you just say what you feel?”
“See? It’s doing it again.” Scottie made a fluttery motion over the left side of her chest. She shook her head as if to clear it. “Now eat your noodles and don’t distract me from providing my first-class VIP girlfriend IT support.”
Willow’s stomach rumbled its approval. She sank onto her office chair and pulled out takeout containers.
The sound of text messages going out filled the bullpen.
Willow pierced a dumpling with her plastic fork. But instead of taking a bite, she looked at Scottie, who leaned against the desk, head bent over her phone, thumbs flying. The wavy strands framing her face were getting a little long again, falling into her eyes.
This time, it was Willow’s heart that did the fluttery thing.
She had to stop herself from getting up and kissing Scottie again.
Instead, she forced herself to talk about the topic she’d avoided for weeks.
“Scottie?” she asked quietly. “Will you help me figure out a game plan for the presentation? What do I do if the laptop doesn’t boot up on the big day or PowerPoint glitches? ”
Scottie lowered her phone and squeezed Willow’s shoulder. “We,” she said firmly. “What do we do. We’ll figure something out together, okay? After you eat.”
Willow believed her. For the first time in her life, she trusted that they would manage to beat her tech glitches—together. “Okay.” She put her hand on top of Scottie’s, grounding herself in her warmth, before finally sliding the fork into her mouth with a contented hum.