Chapter Five
Six stories up and tucked away in the rooftop lounge of Alex’s apartment building was about as far away from her problems as Lily could get on short notice.
The rooftop was a hodgepodge of the residents’ best efforts to make the space homey: mismatched patio furniture, a picnic table for kids, a grill which had seen better days, and a scattering of overflowing terracotta pots.
String lights haphazardly zigzagged from wooden beams in cement shoes, the lines casting pie wedges Lily and her friends carefully avoided to escape extra tan lines.
Lily shimmied down on her towel, searching for the perfect spot to rest her head as the sun warmed her skin. She cracked open one eye, squinting against the brightness at Natalia.
Her best friend might as well have been born tanning. She sprawled out on her beach towel, face tilted into the light like the sun child she was. Her already bronze skin shimmered and glowed.
For Lily, it wasn’t that easy. On her back, the sun penetrated her eyelids. On her belly, she craned her neck from side to side and ended up with a permanent ache. If tanning was a skill, it was one she lacked.
She sat up, shivering when the wind caressed her bare shoulders. “I’m tapping out.” Standing, she padded over to their pile of clothes and tugged on her tee. “First week of June is too early for tanning.”
“If you want nice tan lines by the Fourth of July, the first week of June is the perfect time for sunbathing.”
“What does it matter?” Lily grumbled and collapsed into a padded lounger. “No one is checking out my tan lines or lack thereof, anyway.”
Natalia shrugged and opened one eye. “Maybe that’s part of the reason you’re getting all hot and bothered about That Gym Guy. You need a good lay.”
Heat flooded Lily’s face. “I am not hot and bothered by Kieran.”
“Really?” Alex asked from his prone position atop his beach towel. “I saw the first video last Friday and the two you’ve posted since then. I’d let him blow my back out.”
You and the rest of the internet. Lily sighed and glanced at her friends.
Alex lay on his belly, one cheek resting on his towel and one hand stretched above his head, caressing the thigh of his boyfriend—Ilya—who reclined against their cooler with a book propped open in one hand and the other stroking Alex’s dark hair.
They were a handsome couple. Both of European descent with gray eyes and easy smiles. Where Alex’s hair was black, Ilya’s was almost platinum. Alex had freckles; Ilya was clear skinned. And where Alex was just a pinch taller than Lily, Ilya towered over them all at almost six and a half feet.
Frightening height ran in his family.
Lily lay back and closed her eyes, blocking out the radiant sun and her treacherous memories.
“What month are we on?”
Footsteps approached, followed by an added weight on her lounger. When she squinted open one eye, Ilya’s concerned gaze peered at her under furrowed brows.
“Nine?”
She wet her lips. “Ten.”
Alex let out a low whistle and propped himself up on his elbows. “Time flies, eh?”
Lily frowned. It did but also didn’t. At first, time stood still. Every hour was a fight not to break down and give in. Pack it up and go home. But bit by bit, as she picked up jobs and traded Natalia’s couch for her own apartment, the idea of home faded.
At ten months out from the day her life exploded, nothing felt like home. Not Chicago. Not her apartment. Not even her friends’ loving comfort.
She locked eyes with Ilya, observing him. In some ways, the sight of him made her heart sink. Her cousin who should have been. The last of the Flavians who would acknowledge her existence. But his presence also made her heart still. Yes, she’d lost a lot—but not everything. “How’s Vov?”
Ilya hesitated, and he and Alex shared a meaningful look.
“Lily,” Ilya chided, “you said you didn’t want to know about him.”
She swallowed and wrung her hands—her fingers twisting around her ring finger in a phantom touch. “I know. And I don’t. But just…remind me it was worth it.”
Ilya stared out across the city. “He’s MyBook official with that girl. You know I don’t talk to that side of my family anymore, but a mutual friend posted some photos from a baby shower and uh, it looks like they’re having a boy.”
“Oh.” Lily couldn’t help the way her voice bent and broke around the single syllable.
A son? He’d always wanted one. Maybe if she’d stayed…
A deep longing and regret sank in her belly, threatening to drown her in the memory of what could have been. She sucked in a breath and blew it out through her teeth. She couldn’t blink. Wouldn’t. She’d promised herself months ago she was finished crying tears for Vladimir Vladimirovich Flavian.
Vovik.
“Fuck him.” Alex kneeled before Lily and, draping his torso over hers, peppered every inch of skin he could reach with kisses. “He never deserved you. The day you left him was the best day of my life.”
“That’s pretty sad. You must not have had many good days.” Her chest hiccupped, and Alex squeezed her tighter, nuzzling her tears away before they could fall.
The soft footfall of Natalia padded nearby, and soon another mass of body heat kneeled beside Lily and surrounded her.
“I know you and your therapist agreed taking a year off would be good—that you need to get to know yourself—but, Lily, this all or nothing routine can’t be good for you.
” Nat squeezed her arm, seeping warmth and love into her veins.
“I said the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and I stand by it.”
Lily took in a deep breath and glanced at Natalia. Her best friend since they both lost their first tooth on the same day in kindergarten, Nat wouldn’t lie to her or steer her wrong.
“I just don’t want to need anyone. I never want to need someone again.”
“You don’t.” Nat grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles. “You’re doing you, and you’re doing it well. You’ve made a name for yourself on Hit It, and when you’re ready to share your story, it’s going to validate so many people who don’t even recognize what they’re going through right now.”
Yeah, right. Her story wasn’t empowering. It was just another reason for people to gawk and ask Why did you stay?
“I guess I could try casual dating.” She swiped at her tears—damn them for existing—and leaned into Natalia’s arms. “No boyfriends. Just dinner and…if it gets there, more.”
“It’s a good starting point.” Natalia brushed Lily’s hair back from her brow and planted a kiss on her forehead. “And in a few more months, you can always reevaluate what you want. You’re allowed to change your mind.”
“I’m allowed to change my mind.” It was still a foreign affirmation on her tongue, but it felt right. True, even.
“That’s my girl.” Nat coaxed her to her feet and swept her thumbs under Lily’s eyes, disposing of any evidence of running mascara. “Now come, let’s go downstairs and get dressed. I’m sure the boys have something delicious planned for lunch, right?”
At Ilya’s nod, Lily smiled and slipped her hand into Natalia’s. “Yes, please. And after, you can talk me through it. Dating, casual sex, the works.”
Natalia winked. “Now you’re speaking my language. A good hoe phase can fix anything.”
* * *
One blessed side effect of working at a gym was having dedicated time to work out. Sure, she spent her day in the gym, but she assumed all her time would be taken up with work. Turns out, when your job is socializing, work includes hanging out with the regulars and getting some reps in.
Before taking this job, she hadn’t been in a weight room since her senior year of undergrad, but the positioning of her hands on the weight bar was ingrained in her muscle memory.
Sebastián was the biggest help. In between clients, he chatted with Lily—cheered her on and corrected her posture when needed.
Despite her embarrassment at striking him, he’d laughed it off.
There didn’t seem to be a vengeful or malicious bone in Sebastián’s body.
It was almost unnerving. She’d never known a man not to have ulterior motives, but Sebastián? He felt like someone she could trust.
His presence also offered an aura of comfort when she was in the gym. Despite the popularity of their videos, the majority of their clientele remained male. It would be easy to feel overwhelmed, but Sebastián and Kieran were never far.
Since Kieran’s viral moment, many of the gym bros sought out chances to be in Lily’s videos. If Kieran could get thirst comments, why not them?
“I’m sorry, Carter,” Lily said as she packed up her equipment on a Friday evening. “I’m five minutes from clocking out. Maybe we can shoot something on Monday.”
The sandy-haired fighter frowned and rocked back on his heels.
His bright gaze jumped between Lily and the hallway holding the Octagon room.
“Come on, it’s not a big deal if I’m late to training.
Let’s spar.” He grinned and held up his wrapped hands.
“Or I could wrap you up.” He took her hand in his and stroked his fingertips along her wrist. “Do a zoom in on our hands, really show off that intimacy.”
Electricity shot up her arm, and Lily shuddered before retracting her hand and busying herself with her bag. “I’ll think about it. We can always talk ideas next time I see you.”
“What about tomorrow?” Carter stepped closer and took the ring light from Lily’s hands, slipping it into the carrying case. “I could pick you up. Take you to dinner. We could talk.”
Lily didn’t miss the way his voice dropped and dipped with innuendo on the final suggestion. Carter stepped closer, flooding her space, and blood rushed in Lily’s ears.
“What do you say?”