Chapter Thirty-Three
Tuesday dawned clear and sunny. Another turn around the sun and here she was: twenty-four and clear-eyed.
Well, to be honest, her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, but nothing compared to where she’d been a year before.
That girl who’d curled up in a ball on Natalia’s couch and hidden from the world was gone.
Lily gathered her dark hair up into a high pony and released a slow breath.
Somewhere up past Halstead, Kieran was taking his morning run.
He’d head north then east, going around Hamilton Park before heading back down on Stewart Avenue.
Somehow over the summer, his routine had become her routine.
It had happened so gradually, tiptoeing quietly into her muscle memory, that it wasn’t until it was ripped away that she realized how central he’d become in her universe.
He slipped into her life so seamlessly, like water slipped over river stones. He knew how to read her broken edges. He heard the words she didn’t say. He knew her in the quiet and in the dark, recognizing her by the beat of her heart against his.
And it wasn’t enough.
Lily tightened her shoelaces and hit the sidewalk, heading west. No more running away, only branching out. Chicago was bigger than the South Side, and her heart was bigger than Kieran Sullivan.
* * *
Lily was finishing her shower when her apartment door clicked open.
“Happy birthday,” Natalia sang out. “We brought breakfast!”
Grinning, she shut off the water and quickly toweled off before throwing on her robe. “I thought we were hanging out this weekend?” She padded out into her apartment. Natalia and Jack stood in the kitchenette, spreading out crepes and takeout coffee on the counter.
“We are,” Jack answered.
“But it’s your birthday, girlie. We can’t do nothing.” Natalia drew her into a tight hug and dotted her cheeks with kisses. “Come on, I got your favorite mocha.”
“That’s because you’re the best.” Lily settled onto one of the barstools tucked beside the counter and wrapped her hands around the coffee Natalia handed her.
The first sip of sweet, chocolaty coffee breathed life into her lungs.
She took the second sip slower, savoring it, and glanced at her friends.
Jack had cut their hair, probably in preparation for the upcoming school year, and Natalia had her camera bag slung over her shoulder. “Got a shoot today?” Lily asked.
Natalia placed two strawberry-and-Nutella crepes on a plate and passed them to Lily. “Yeah. Engagement session by the lake at eleven.”
Good for the happy couple. At least someone was lucky with love.
Once Natalia was seated beside Lily and she’d triple-checked that Jack was comfortable standing on the other side of the counter, they dug in. Though the food had cooled some in transit, it was still delicious. It was hard to find a breakfast food Lily didn’t like.
“What are you gonna do about work?” Natalia asked between bites.
A fantastic question. While she’d been certain she was making the right choice when she strode into South Side MMA and turned in her resignation letter the morning before, her bank account wasn’t quite so sure.
“I met this guy at the charity dinner last week who was interested in my work. He runs the gym that’s hosting the Local Legends fight. ”
During the dinner, she hadn’t been sure if Roger actually cared about her social media prowess or if he’d simply hoped to unnerve Neal and Kieran, but now that she needed a job, it was time to find out how earnest he’d been.
Jack traded their fork for their coffee cup and offered a hum of approval. “A bigger gym would mean more money.”
“And more work,” Natalia added.
“I don’t mind.” Lily shrugged and speared a loose strawberry. “I’d like to stay busy right now.”
“How are you doing, anyway?” Natalia placed a comforting hand on Lily’s shoulder. “I know it’s only been a day but like…do you wanna talk about it?”
“I just don’t know what to say.” Lily stared at her plate.
She’d played the weekend over a million times in her head, trying to find the moment it all went wrong—or had it never been right?
Had she misread his signals? Was she that blind?
“We were never even dating. He said from the beginning he didn’t want strings so, I don’t know, maybe it’s my own fault for getting attached. ”
“Or maybe it’s his fault for being a little bitch,” Natalia grumbled under her breath.
Lily hid her smile behind another sip of coffee. Leave it to her best friend to always have her back. “It just is what it is. He said he can’t put me first, and I’m grateful for the honesty, because I wanna be first. I want someone to choose me.”
“I know.” Natalia squeezed her arm. “Someday someone will. I know it.”
“I know, too.” Lily swallowed the lump in her throat. The tip of her nose was beginning to itch—a telltale sign of tears to come. Dammit. She exhaled. No more tears. She could get through this. “I just wanted it to be Kieran.”