Chapter 16
16
Cate
As soon as I shut the door, I let the tears fall that I’d been holding back for the past hour. Telling patients their health hasn’t gotten better is awful. Some retirees come to me with acceptance of their fates. They don’t deny their age or the process of dying. Some even welcome the end so they can join their loved ones again.
They are braver than I am.
I barely know him. I opened an outdated chart as a baseline, scheduled his doctor’s appointments, then met him for the first time and broke the news. It’s not fair to be put in this position. It’s not fair to him to have been ignored for so long. He knew.
He already knew it was coming. For him to comfort me gave me the strength to be there for his family, who will live in the pain of their loss for years to come.
I start the car and buckle in after wiping away my tears with a discarded Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf napkin from this morning. When I check the visor mirror, my eyes are as red and swollen as they feel.
My head is swimming in a day of heavy emotions. I’m drained after the rough day stole my energy away. I feel guilty for even considering not going to yoga class. It will be good to clear my head and relieve some of the pent-up stress I’ve carried around from the intensity of adding this new retirement home to my rotation.
I shouldn’t have agreed to take it. I should have let Ryan take it. But he’s an ass and wouldn’t have delivered the news with any thought to their feelings once he walked out of the room.
I stayed. I stayed for hours after work to support them along with a nurse who works there full time. I don’t regret a minute, but it’s taken a toll.
It’s okay if I miss a yoga class. I need to stop carrying guilt for stupid shit. My ass will be fine if I only miss one class. It’s past eight o’clock, and I don’t think I’d make it on time anyway. A hot bath and white wine are in my future instead.
The traffic isn’t bad this evening, but I still can’t get home quick enough. The remaining tears have dried, and my makeup is nonexistent. I finally pull past the gate into my apartment complex, breathing a sigh of relief to be almost there, and weave through the parking lot to my building in the back.
When I turn into my spot, my headlights stream across a sight that has me doing a double take. Am I imagining things? My heart knows, leaping from the vision of Shane waiting for me. Sitting on the base of the stairs that leads to the apartments above mine, he stands when he sees me—one hand shoved in his pocket, the other giving in a shy wave that pulls at my heartstrings. This man . . . Gah ! Can he be any more perfect than he is? Not possible.
I cut the engine and hop out. I don’t collect my stuff. I don’t shut the door. I run right into that man’s arms and cling to him with my entire being—soul, arms, legs, all of me.
“Miss me?” he whispers, kissing my neck as he holds me like he never wants to let go.
Please never let go.
“So much,” I reply, my head snug against his neck as the tears return from joy this time. “You don’t even know.”
He chuckles, the sound just what I needed after this week. “I’m getting an idea and currently losing oxygen.”
Loosening my arms, I lean back to see his eyes. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’d happily go to heaven if this is how I died.” A tear slips down from his sweet words before I can stop it. His brows pinch together in the center as he reaches up to caress my face, the pad of his thumb wiping the tear away. “Why are you crying, babe?”
“I just . . .” Closing my eyes, I rest my head on his shoulder, wanting to disappear into his warmth for a while. “I’m just happy to see you.”
Kissing my cheek, he says, “It’s so good to see you.” When he sets me down, he kisses the side of my head. “That was a better welcome than I expected.”
I grin. “And what exactly were you expecting?”
“I don’t know.” His voice matches that shy wave he gave earlier. Despite the fame, the money, and adulation from around the world, I’m the one who makes him nervous. How is that possible? “I don’t know where things stand with us.”
I didn’t realize confessions from his heart would be the balm that soothed my aching heart until he shared his fears with me. Now, I look up at him in a whole new light. He’s in as deep as I am.
My heart squeezes, knowing he’s wearing his heart on his sleeve for me. “We should talk about it before you leave.” I hate that he must leave, already knowing it’s going to be sooner than I’d like. Not that I ever like him leaving, but it would be nice to have more than a night together.
His hand slides against mine, our fingers folding together. “It’s not a conversation I’ve ever had before.”
“New doesn’t mean bad. There’s no pressure from me, though.” I hug him again, resting my head on him and listening to his strong heartbeat in his chest. “I’m just happy to have you here.”
A kiss to the head leads to him rubbing my back like we have all the time in the world or even more than a night. I don’t get my hopes up. Stepping back, I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I could have prepared.”
“You don’t need to prepare for me. I only came here for you.” With two fingers under my chin, he lifts to stare into my eyes, which evokes a smile so genuine I could die a happy woman. “I seized an opportunity of a pocket of time and caught a flight. God, you’re fucking beautiful.”
Remembering the swollen lids, the red rim of my eyes, and the makeup that washed away with my tears, I lower my head and lean against him. “You’re just saying that.”
“I’m saying that because it’s true. I don’t need to lie to you.” His sweet words and his being here have my emotions overwhelming me. Tears fall again, my body rattling against him. The release feels good. His being here is even better. Whispering in my ear, he says, “I don’t want you to cry.”
“I’m so happy to see you.” I look up, not caring about the tears streaking my face.
“You definitely look happy to see me,” he teases, kissing my cheeks and wiping the apples with his thumbs.
“I’ve had a long day, but you’ve made it so much better.” I lift on my toes and kiss his mouth, missing those lips so much. Missing him. Missing his embrace so much, too.
Pushing his fingers into my hair, he holds the back of my head as our lips part for each other, and our tongues caress, deepening the kiss.
“Hey?” A stranger’s voice has us jumping apart like we were just caught making out by our parents. Carrying a pizza in one hand, he asks, “Aren’t you?—”
“Nope,” Shane replies, tightening his lips and shaking his head. Taking my hand, he moves closer, a slight posturing has his body protecting me.
He snaps his fingers and points. “You look so much like?—”
“I get that all the time. I think it’s the hair.” Shane ruffles his hair as if it will somehow make him look less like himself . . . or maybe more. I’m not sure what he’s trying to do, but it seems to be working.
The guy eyes his hair. “I can see that.” He takes the stairs by two and disappears. “Have a good one.”
“You, too,” Shane replies.
I say, “We should get inside.”
“Probably best. We’ve overstayed our welcome outside where the public has access.” Access to him. I’m not the draw here. He is, and he’s well aware.
After I retrieve my stuff and lock the car, Shane returns to the stairs to grab a huge bouquet that I hadn’t even noticed. “You brought me flowers?”
“You deserve more, but this is all I could get on short notice.”
My heart pitters faster as I take them in my arms. “Thank you.” I dip to smell the pretty scent. “They’re beautiful.” Once we’re settled in the apartment, I grab a vase from above my fridge and fill it with water. “I must say, for someone who doesn’t do relationships, you sure are a romantic, Shane Faris.”
“What can I say? I’m a multifaceted guy.” He comes into the kitchen, making my ceilings feel lower because of how tall he is. I knew my apartment was small in square footage, but it always fit me. With Shane spending time in this place, maybe I’ll eventually look for somewhere new and bigger. Just to rent. I’m not quite ready to jump into the real estate game again. And I can’t without that divorce financially separating me from him.
Is it the flowers? Him surprising me, again? The hard day? I’m not sure, but I feel tender and raw from the heavy emotions. Dreaming of a future with him is a welcome escape. I start arranging the flowers, glancing at him leaning against the counter. “You are. Tell me how you’re here. Pocket of time? I thought I wouldn’t see you until Tuesday after that schedule change. Did the concert get canceled?”
“No,” he says, coming around behind me to hold my hips and kiss my neck. I tilt to the side, giving him easier access. He hums, his tongue dipping out and tasting me. When his breath blows across my skin, the gentle foreplay is already making me want him. He replies, “We go on at nine. If I land by seven tomorrow night, I’m golden. They’ll kick my ass for missing sound check, but we have a crew who can test the equipment.”
I tuck the last flower, a pale pink ranunculus, into the vase, then turn in his arms. Wrapping mine around his neck. “Wait, you . . .” I can’t seem to get a read on the situation. “You flew back for one night just to see me?”
“Yes.” Kissing my temple, he says, “Trust me, it was self-serving.” I feel what he means against my leg.
Tonight is the night, and I’m not prepared.
No new lingerie to wear for him.
No dinner waiting for us or even ordered, and it’s almost nine o’clock.
I don’t remember if I even made my bed.
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t because he wants me as I am. I still plan to take that bath and wash the day away so we can enjoy tonight together.
My heart beats faster, but I’m pretty sure it never stopped racing from the moment we met back in high school. “You say the sweetest things,” I joke, needing the laugh after the earlier sadness.
Chuckling, he says, “I try.” His tone turns when his grin levels. “Cat?”
“Hmm?”
“You make me feel.”
I wait patiently, knowing he isn’t used to sharing his emotions. When he doesn’t say anything else, I ask, “I make you feel what, babe?”
“Everything. You just make me feel anything and alive for the first time in forever.” Stroking the side of my neck, he says, “Thank you.”
“I . . .” I close my eyes, absorbing every word his heart just spoke to mine. I catch a breath and hold him a little tighter. “Careful, or you’re going to make me fall in love.” I tilt my head back enough to watch his reaction. I might be mistaken, but that might be love already reflecting in his blues. I fold myself into his arms again, needing to keep my heart from floating away.
In his arms, drifting in his words, I realize this is what was always missing from my life.
The magic.
The feeling that anything is possible.
Love blooming in my chest.
“There are worse things that could happen to a married couple than falling in love with each other.”
Tightening my hold on him, I reply, “There sure are.”