Chapter 22
22
Shane
“Fucking hell.”
“Language,” Poppy calls from the kitchen.
“Mack just spit up again.” I hold the plump baby in front of me. He giggles as if this is part of his evil plan. “Even vomiting on one of my favorite T-shirts can’t make me dislike you, kid.” He got the Faris blue eyes, bright and jolly, and is the happiest baby. He likes to be held all the time and has taken to me since we met at the hospital last November. That’s fair. I am pretty fucking awesome. I kiss his head because he’s pretty awesome, too.
Laird comes with a package of wipes and swipes Mack out of my hands. Holding him up so they’re face-to-face, he wipes the remains from his chin. “You’re a messy little thing.” Sitting on the couch, he says, “See how neat your sister is? She doesn’t spit up on her favorite cousin.” He looks at me. “It’s weird that you’re cousins with my kids. Maybe we should go with uncle?”
“We don’t make the rules, but I’m cool with whatever.” Mack flaps his arms and blows raspberries when he looks at me. Reaching out for me, I can’t say no to these kids, so I take him into my arms again.
Laird sits on the floor with his daughter. “How’s my Posey Rosie? She’s so good at sitting.”
And there’s that look of pure joy when she sees him. Her eyes widen, her dad the sun in her world, making her shine, and that smile, the laugh. The reward of being a dad. Having someone love you so much that they don’t see your flaws. They only know that you hung the stars for them. That trust. The love.
Mack squeals, not appreciating my attention elsewhere. I squeeze one of my eyes closed until he’s done. “Look, kid. I need my eardrums to play in this band. Don’t go wrecking them.” But yeah, he gets me with that two-teeth grin of his. Every time. He may not look at me like I hung the moon, but I can tell he knows I’ll always have his back. I hug him to me and kiss his head again.
Poppy comes in and says, “It’s nap time.”
“For you or the kids?” Laird teases.
“Probably both. I’m exhausted.”
He stands with Posey in his arms and wraps his arm around his wife. “You go lie down. I’ll put the kids in their cribs and take it from here.” He kisses her forehead, then gives her ass a little smack when she turns around.
Poppy’s an amazing wife, mom, and friend to me. Hearing her giggle like she’s getting away with something is fun to see. But I notice how Laird watches her. They don’t get time alone anymore, so I say, “Hey, if you want to take a break, I’m here. I can hang out for a few hours.”
He seems surprised when he turns back, his forehead doing the heavy lifting. “Really?” he asks, unsure if I’m serious by his tone. Then he sets Posey on the floor where she had been happy to sit—a new skill she’s learned. Mack hasn’t, but we all do things in our own time.
Don’t I know it?
“Really,” I reply.
“Are you sure, Shane?”
“I’m sure. Is it okay if they fall asleep here in the living room?”
“Yeah, it’s fine, but if you want, you can put them in their cribs. They love it in there and usually fall asleep quickly.” He checks his watch. “They’ll both be zonked out in about twenty minutes anyway.”
“Got it,” I say. “Go. I can handle this.”
Rubbing his hand over his head, a familiar Faris tic of mine as well, he grins. “Okay. Great. Knock if you need anything.”
“I won’t need anything.” No fucking way am I disturbing them. I don’t know if they’ll be asleep or taking advantage of the time in other ways. I’m not going to be the one to interrupt either. “No worries.”
“I appreciate it.” He walks toward the hall and disappears down it. The sound of a door opening travels the short distance and closes right after.
I look at Mack, still grinning at me as he reaches for my nose, giggling when he runs his tiny fingers over my unshaven face. I rub my chin. “Yeah, I know. I need to shave.” Slipping down to the floor, I put Mack on his tummy beside his sister. “Maybe you two can help me out. I need some advice.” Posey looks at me, her dimples revealed when she smiles.
They have the cutest kids that ever existed. No surprise since the Faris genes held strong.
Poppy comes into the living room with a baby on each hip. “Hey,” she greets me with a smile as she passes.
I sit up from the couch and click the game off. “Hey. I didn’t hear them cry.”
“They weren’t. I was up, so I checked in on them.” She laughs. “They were in their cribs but playing with each other across the room. Making faces. Humming. Happy.”
Getting up, I go into the kitchen and take Posey while she sets Mack in his highchair and fastens him in. She reaches for Posey and latches her in next to him. “They’re hungry when they get up from a nap.”
“I am, too, so I get it.”
Her ponytail swings when she laughs. “There’s food in the fridge if you want something.”
I stretch, feeling bent after lounging on the couch for so long. “No, I’m going to take off. There are a few things I need to do.”
“Thanks for staying. That was sweet, Shane.”
Leaning against the marble island, I say, “You guys have been through a lot, but if you ever need anyone or need help, you can call me.”
“I appreciate that.” She pauses while she adjusts the kids. “I can’t imagine a better life. Truly. I feel like I’m living in a dream all because Laird gave me the opposite of what I grew up with. Love and being actively present in my and the babies’ lives. He wants to spend time with me . . .” She runs a finger under Mack’s chin, then tickles Posey. They are more than happy to hit the trays with their fists from excitement. “I love the twins more than anything. They keep me busy and tired, so my alone time with Laird is limited. It helps that the band isn’t on the road this summer. Not all summer, that is.”
Nikki and Tulsa went through something similar. I probably won’t be unique when I have a family one day. “I know it’s not easy to trust others when fame and money are involved, but I mean it. If you need a night out or a nap, let me know, and I’ll be here.”
She pulls their food out and lifts the lid. “You really mean that, don’t you?” Sitting on a stool between them, she glances at me before feeding them.
“Of course.”
“Can I ask you something personal?”
Poppy has a way of digging deep with me but making me feel . . . Safe? I can talk to her and know I won’t get shit for it. “Sure.”
“What happened to the girl we talked about when we were in Austin?” She’s let that conversation slide for almost a year, though I’m sure she’s been curious. Or maybe my becoming an utter asshole on the road once we got back gave her all the information she needed to know.
Do I tell her the story? Too much to share when I’m about to walk out the door. “My life blew up after that.”
She stops with a spoonful of mush in front of Mack’s mouth and looks at me. “It blew up, or you detonated the bomb?” When I don’t answer right away, she feeds the babies, and says, “Ah. I see.”
Pushing off the counter, I need to get going, but I don’t rush. Not yet. I have the strongest urge to confide in her. Taking a breath, I stop myself, but having someone to talk to about the situation with Cat would be nice. A woman’s perspective would be even better. I could speak to Nikki, but she has no patience for antics when it comes to relationships. How she ended up with Tulsa is still a mystery.
Guess they balance each other out.
Poppy says, “You’ve always supported our family. You were at the hospital when I thought things were going wrong with my pregnancy. You showed up without Laird even asking.” Holding her hand to her chest, she takes a staggered breath. “That will always mean so much to me, Shane.”
“I’m glad everything turned out okay.”
“Me too. As for you, please let us be there for you when you need someone to talk to, or to listen. Though with me, you know I tend to give my opinion without being asked.”
“I trust your opinion.” I tap the counter, the urge growing stronger. “If you wanted . . .” What do I want to say here? “Fictitiously speaking, would you—” Fuck. Just say it, Faris. “That girl, the woman we talked about in Vegas . . .I want her back.” I stare, waiting for her to react in any way. Good or bad.
She doesn’t. She feeds each kid another bite, seeming to think about my problem. “How bad was the ending?”
“Not my greatest moment.”
Her mouth dips down in the corner. “I see. Detonation.”
“Yeah.” I can’t explain it away, so I don’t try.
“Well,” she starts, swiveling on the stool to face me. “You’re not the same person you were last August. And she played a part in that, even if she’s not aware of it. Apologies from the heart matter. Making different decisions now is important. And don’t hold back. If you love her, tell her. If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, make sure she feels it in her bones. Make sure she knows you will do anything to win her heart back. It will start with forgiveness. If she’ll give you the opportunity to explain, she’s open to that apology.”
I knew all this but struggled to put it into words like she has. She sounds like she’s been there and came out the other side, so maybe there’s hope for me yet. Tapping the counter, I say, “Thank you.” Nodding, I know what I need to do. It’s not about stealing Cat’s time for me to beg her for forgiveness. I need to prove to her I deserve it. “You’ve given me lots to think about.”
“What are we talking about?” Laird comes in yawning as he crosses through the living room. He goes to Poppy first, cupping her face and kissing her. Then he turns to the babies, planting one on each of their heads. When neither of us speaks, he shrugs. “What?”
Maybe it’s the second chance that I’ve been given . . . or that I forced upon my marriage. Or perhaps it’s seeing my cousin and his wife have this life that I wouldn’t mind having if I could get my fucking life in order.
I never wanted this life. I never wanted anything until I had it and lost it. Now I can see a whole life ahead of me. Wife. Babies. Rich in love instead of only money.
I don’t want a divorce.
I want to save my marriage.