Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mike
With Dylan now facing the cold weather alone, I turned on the couch to face J?rgen. “Have you been here long?” I asked, figuring that was the politest way of asking how long he’d been dead.
He slowly turned his head in my direction, a pained smile on his face. “I do not know. I feel like it’s been forever, but it could merely have been a few years.”
Looking at his pajamas gave me no indication on how long ago he’d died. Could be a hundred years for all I knew. It was an off-white color with blue stripes down the fabric, something that could still be worn to this day.
“Why haven’t you left yet?” I asked, noticing how his shoulders stiffened.
“That’s private,” he whispered, not meeting my gaze.
“I respect that,” I said, hating how dejected he looked. “But how often do you get to talk to others around here? It might help talking to me, especially since I will only be here for a week.”
That seemed to make a difference, his shoulders relaxed and his eyes widened.
“Perhaps, you’re right. Very well.” He sat up straighter and gestured for me to join him at the table.
I did so, walking casually so as to not spook the man.
I waited for him to begin, giving him the time he needed, even though I knew Dylan would likely only be gone for an hour at most, unless he tried to stay away for longer.
“My wife, Marianne, died in an avalanche here while we were on vacation.”
I swallowed my gasp. I hadn’t expected this sort of conversation, but maybe J?rgen needed to tell me this before he told me about his own death.
“We weren’t skiing, but hiking through the woods.
I’d read on a sign that we should stay on the path, but Marianne spotted a snow fox and wanted to follow it.
I couldn’t deny her. The way her eyes shone as she darted forward, intent on seeing more of the beautiful creature.
I was smiling behind her, absolutely besotted with her beauty as the white snow around us painted her cheeks in the most gorgeous red blush. ”
I could clearly see it in front of me, and I hated that such a wonderful memory would soon turn deadly.
He cleared his throat, working up for the next part.
“She’d just turned thirty and I’d spent our savings on the trip, moving into this very cabin that was newly built that year.
We’d only been here for three days when we ventured further out than ever before, following that damn fox.
” He sighed. “The fox got away from us, so she followed its footsteps. We soon lost track of where we were and tried to find our way back, following our own tracks. Sadly, it began to snow and soon we couldn’t see our marks in the snow. ”
I could only nod, even though he’d never looked at me, intent on staring outside at the snow as he recalled the moment he lost his wife.
“I felt a small tremor where we walked, thinking it was the cold that was getting to me, but then I turned and saw the snow falling down the hill, racing towards us. An avalanche. I had no training in what to do in that situation, so I grabbed my wife’s hand and ran for it, trying to break into the trees for some cover.
We were soon covered in snow, but I managed to climb free having way less snow over my body.
I tried finding her, but couldn’t. I kept looking for what felt like hours before a man came sledding down, searching for me and Marianne.
They’d known the avalanche had hit and went to check on all the cabins, finding ours empty.
He used a radio to call for help, but it was too late.
Marianne was found frozen to death two hours later. ”
A tear made its way down my cheek, but I powered through. “And then you returned here, years later?” I had to get more information out of him before he shut down completely and after hearing that, I knew I had to help this poor ghost find peace.
“I returned once a year,” he whispered. “I used all my savings so I could stay for one weekend a year, placing one single pink rose where they found her. Each year on the day of her death.”
I swallowed. “And then you eventually died here?”
He nodded. “I knew it was coming; I’d already spent too many years punishing myself for not taking that sign seriously. I felt it was time. So, I bought a month’s stay in the cabin, and then waited until I fell into my last sleep.”
Punished himself?
“Wait,” I began. “You punished yourself for what happened to Marianne?”
He nodded. “It was my fault. She trusted that I checked our surroundings while she gave all her attention to the fox. I’d been too blinded by her happiness to protect us. She was too young to die.”
“But it was an accident,” I argued. “You couldn’t have known that an avalanche would happen.”
He held up a hand to stop my protests. “I’ve accepted that I was to blame for it. And I’ll never forgive myself for losing the love of my life.”
“Is that why you’re still here?” I asked, slowly piecing everything together.
He nodded again. “And I’ll stay here. It is my punishment.”
My mouth opened to form yet another protest, when the door opened and a shivering Dylan stormed through.
I hurried over to him, resisting the urge to hug him and kiss him until we were both breathless.
Hearing J?rgen talk about the loss of his wife made me appreciate having Dylan so much more.
I’d never once taken him for granted, but now I had to show it more.
“It’s fucking cold out there!” he exclaimed, letting me help him with his backpack. “I hope you’re okay with some fajitas, my mind forgot all dishes I’ve ever cooked or eaten once I was in there. I found the spice mix for fajitas and that’s the only reason I remembered that recipe.”
I snickered. “I would love some. We can make a list before we go tomorrow.”
“We need to,” he said, eyes big. “Lists are essential in a store like that.”
Shaking my head fondly at him, I slowly opened his jacket and helped him out of his shoes.
They were hard on his stitches with all the unlacing that had to be done.
Then we walked into the kitchen and began cooking, him handing me stuff so he didn’t need to wash his hands and irritate his palms and me talking animatedly about what we would watch on the TV while we ate.
J?rgen disappeared from view and I was glad for the privacy as we cooked together. His story had left me with an aching heart and I was even more determined to help him out tomorrow. I planned on leaving this cabin with J?rgen at peace in the afterlife. With his Marianne.
After eating and watching a lovely—yet sappy—holiday movie, we got our hot cocoa and just basked in the silence. It wasn’t until I heard soft snores coming from Dylan, that I realized my poor man had fallen asleep.
I slowly untangled from him, leaving him on the couch with a blanket over him, then went to search for J?rgen. I found him in the bedroom, staring out the big window from the bed. It seemed he enjoyed watching the snow, or perhaps he was punishing himself by looking at it…
“Hi, J?rgen,” I greeted, closing the door softly behind me. I’d left the TV on so Dylan shouldn’t be interrupted by me talking.
“Oh, hello. Should I leave your bedroom?” he sounded so apologetic that it actually hurt. How could this kind ghost continue to punish himself when he so clearly loved his wife? I guess if you told yourself something for long enough, you’d start to believe it.
“No, I just wanted to talk to you some more, if that’s okay?”
He seemed to deflate at that. “I fear I don’t have more to say. I made the biggest mistake and nothing will ever change that.”
“You could go into the light,” I suggested. “And return to Marianne’s side.”
He winced. “I don’t deserve heaven, and I don’t deserve a kind and wonderful woman like Marianne. She’s better off in heaven without a weak man like me by her side.”
I studied his expression. “You truly believe that, don’t you?”
He nodded. “I can see the light to my right, always have. But I know I don’t deserve all the things it’s promising me. Peace, love, contentment; those are all things someone like me shouldn’t get.”
“What would Marianne say, if she heard what you were saying just now?”
He sighed, then gave me a pained smile. “She felt everyone deserved forgiveness. Which is why I’m glad she isn’t here to see me. My punishment isn’t something I did for her, I did it for me, because who else would make me suffer for what I’d done?”
“J?rgen,” I breathed, feeling my eyes tear up again.
He held up a hand, stalling me. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but there’s no need. Spend time with your love and never take him for granted.”
“There’s another way,” I began, stalling him as he went to move from the bed. “Banishment.” I felt sick just mentioning it, but maybe this was the only key for ending his torture.
“Banishment?” he asked, clearly intrigued.
I nodded, then explained, “You won’t be going into the light, but your soul will be… destroyed in a way. We have no idea what happens to banished souls, other than they’re erased from earth.”
His eyes blinked and slowly I saw how his expression turned hopeful. “And you can do that?”
“I can,” I replied, thinking of a way to tell him how much I despised doing it, hoping he would choose the light instead. “I see the last moments of the one I banish, their thoughts, feelings, all of that, before they’re gone completely.”
He frowned. “That doesn’t sound very pleasant, experiencing death over and over again.”
“It’s not,” I agreed. “Which is why I’ve only done it once.”
“I can’t ask you to do that for me—”
Dylan opened the bedroom door, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles as he searched for me, he seemed to breathe easier when he found me on the bed. He was clearly not quite awake, as he just slumped on the bed next to me, pulling me down with him to sleep.
When I looked away from my cute boyfriend, J?rgen was gone.